View Full Version : My brain wants me to believe .......
whispershadow
10-02-19, 15:38
that people are out to get me :scared15:
they'll come and harm Willow and Tigger just to hurt me :frown:
this is what I deserve for being a scumbag :banned:
and I'll end up in forum jail for being a bad member and having thoughts like this :sofa:
whispershadow
10-02-19, 16:52
I mean having bad thoughts like this makes me a bad person and I'll end up in trouble with the mods for having these bad thoughts and get restricted :sofa:
I mean having bad thoughts like this makes me a bad person and I'll end up in trouble with the mods for having these bad thoughts and get restricted Whispershadow these 'bad thoughts' are not something that make you a 'bad person'. Its that simple. There is a theme with your posts, if you don't mind me saying - that you will get into trouble, get banned, you are bad and so on. You have a big fear about other people ousting you from here, and I suspect those feelings might also translate into real life. Why is that do you think? You see, what you've started this thread off with isn't the sort of post that means 'forum jail' or anything even remotely close, your feelings about what you are writing are very out of perspective with the reality and how other people view what you've written.
The mods can't read your thoughts, and your thoughts can't hurt anyone.
No one will harm, Willow, Tigger or you while I'm here :shades:
These thoughts are part of your anxiety disorder. Intrusive thoughts are just thoughts and you should always remember not to believe everything you 'think'.
I hope you're getting help with your anxiety and other mental health issues?
Agreed...'intrusive thoughts'....nothing more and nothing less. People have them all the time with anxiety disorders. Horrible that they are, they don't mean anything will happen.
whispershadow
10-02-19, 18:39
Whispershadow these 'bad thoughts' are not something that make you a 'bad person'. Its that simple. There is a theme with your posts, if you don't mind me saying - that you will get into trouble, get banned, you are bad and so on. You have a big fear about other people ousting you from here, and I suspect those feelings might also translate into real life. Why is that do you think? You see, what you've started this thread off with isn't the sort of post that means 'forum jail' or anything even remotely close, your feelings about what you are writing are very out of perspective with the reality and how other people view what you've written.
I been "ousted" heaps of times from forums/online and severely bullied, online and offline.
I mean, there's only one forum (apart from here) that I have felt safe on.
---------- Post added at 18:37 ---------- Previous post was at 18:31 ----------
No one will harm, Willow, Tigger or you while I'm here :shades:
These thoughts are part of your anxiety disorder. Intrusive thoughts are just thoughts and you should always remember not to believe everything you 'think'.
I hope you're getting help with your anxiety and other mental health issues?
I see a psych and am seeing him again on monday.
---------- Post added at 18:39 ---------- Previous post was at 18:37 ----------
And I'll likely end up in forum jail before tomorrow for saying forum jail. Happened on a different forum. They didn't like me calling it forum jail so threw me in there during a episode of my mental illness. They know I cannot handle the number 3 but they deliberate kept me in there for almost 13 days.
And I'll likely end up in forum jail before tomorrow for saying forum jail. Happened on a different forum. They didn't like me calling it forum jail so threw me in there during a episode of my mental illness. They know I cannot handle the number 3 but they deliberate kept me in there for almost 13 days. Hey what ? There is no forum jail :yesyes::D, and you can say it all you like - forum jail, forum jail, forum jail ....and it still won't make it happen. I have to say the 'inhabitants' from this other forum sound like a right bunch of - errrm - unpleasant people (to say the least). Infact the whole description sounds very odd, what sort of place was it ?- you don't need to name it - but interested in what type of group it was. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time in real life and online, there are some cruel people around......but not on here !
whispershadow
10-02-19, 19:24
Hey what ? There is no forum jail :yesyes::D, and you can say it all you like - forum jail, forum jail, forum jail ....and it still won't make it happen. I have to say the 'inhabitants' from this other forum sound like a right bunch of - errrm - unpleasant people (to say the least). Infact the whole description sounds very odd, what sort of place was it ?- you don't need to name it - but interested in what type of group it was. I'm sorry you've had such a hard time in real life and online, there are some cruel people around......but not on here !
It's a large mental health "support" forum, idk if I'd be allowed to name it without causing work for the mods here (the mods here I respect, the mods over there I don't trust or respect), some of the mods here I know I can trust.
I haven't got in trouble here for saying chat room jail, which I joked about a while ago in chat after a incident in chat, the admin on duty thought what I said was funny.
It's a large mental health "support" forum, idk if I'd be allowed to name it without causing work for the mods here
Oooo no, its fine, don't name it......its sufficient to know the type of group it was, and rather shocking to hear it was a mental health forum !!!!
whispershadow
10-02-19, 20:38
Oooo no, its fine, don't name it......its sufficient to know the type of group it was, and rather shocking to hear it was a mental health forum !!!!
Also they changed what they said, to start with it was fair enough cause one of them said "you're in moderation until you hopefully settle down" (I call it forum jail) then the main admin said when I asked nicely to get allowed out "we want weeks of good behaviour from you and we will decide when we let you out" and he was nasty about saying that.
And this was with me being fully cooperative with what they was asking me to do.
I mean I wouldn't of got so fretful and upset over it had they stuck with what they said originally, but they didn't. I don't have a problem with *that* being done to me (I do understand forums want to keep all their members safe) but keeping me in there that long was cruel and I told the main admin there that it was cruel. I have'nt logged back in there since a few days after they let me out.
I don't cope very well with change and they know that but they didn't tell me I was getting let out on the night of day 12 they just did it and it was almost day 13 when it happened and 13 ends with a 3 and I cannot deal with the number 3 and they knew that.
Mentally I had to add a extra "forum jail" into what you posted, Carys, just so I didn't set myself off, sorry.
---------- Post added at 19:46 ---------- Previous post was at 19:44 ----------
Oh and there was another member on there as well who they kept throwing back into forum jail just for the sheer hell of it. In out in out shake it all about. Just cause they could. She told them where to stick the forum and demanded they ban her cause she'd had enough of their cruelty.
---------- Post added at 20:38 ---------- Previous post was at 19:46 ----------
And the name of the other forum is two words, begins with psych and ends with central.
MyNameIsTerry
11-02-19, 01:52
Forum jail on a mental health site sounds dodgy. I know they do it on some large forums but then they get people acting quite badly on them and thankfully that is rare here. Bans are really rare here. Even people arguing despite requests from Admin don't get banned.
I don't get the impression you are an inflammatory poster. But it's obvious you have been upset by past experiences and struggle with your confidence. We are mostly a friendly bunch on here though.
I moderate another forum - one for an online game - and we issue temporary forum bans maybe once every couple of weeks? This is because we have a lot of users in their young teens, though, so we need to be a little more cautious. It's all about the user base, really, but I'm surprised a mental health forum would be so harsh.
I went to register on the site you mentioned, Whispershadow, to take a look around, but I didn't get a good vibe from the place and I really disliked the level of personal information they were demanding. I didn't sign up because I wasn't happy giving those details.
whispershadow
11-02-19, 06:34
Forum jail on a mental health site sounds dodgy. I know they do it on some large forums but then they get people acting quite badly on them and thankfully that is rare here. Bans are really rare here. Even people arguing despite requests from Admin don't get banned.
I don't get the impression you are an inflammatory poster. But it's obvious you have been upset by past experiences and struggle with your confidence. We are mostly a friendly bunch on here though.
I can understand them doing *that* to people who deliberately act out and refuse to cooperate with them, but in my case I was fully cooperating with everything they was asking of me by their own admission. The main admin there admitted in PM to me that there was nothing else I could do to get allowed out.
I come to the conclusion they're a bunch of powertrippers over there.
They sound like total jerks.
I know it's hard to remember when you're nervous, but people aren't all like that.
MyNameIsTerry
11-02-19, 06:54
I can understand them doing *that* to people who deliberately act out and refuse to cooperate with them, but in my case I was fully cooperating with everything they was asking of me by their own admission. The main admin there admitted in PM to me that there was nothing else I could do to get allowed out.
I come to the conclusion they're a bunch of powertrippers over there.
Sadly it could be the case. Not everyone that starts a forum or wants to moderate is a good person. We are lucky here. I've heard similar about other forums.
If you have found one that is good for you, that's all you need. Try to remember that experience is isolated to that place and is no reflection on any other.
It's like with members, some forums have utter idiots on them fighting all the time. It's easy going on here.
It's like with members, some forums have utter idiots on them fighting all the time. It's easy going on here.
Terry, it's funny you say this, one of the reasons I love this place is because we're actually allowed to argue.
I dearly love the site where I mod, but it's tiring having to think about how not to cause any offence whatsoever whenever I post there.
MyNameIsTerry
11-02-19, 07:17
Terry, it's funny you say this, one of the reasons I love this place is because we're actually allowed to argue.
I dearly love the site where I mod, but it's tiring having to think about how not to cause any offence whatsoever whenever I post there.
They are pretty laid back on here and given we can be struggling emotionally I guess they see many a crossed word just resolved. There have been some real arguments which cause debate on either side and whether it should be clamped down on but it's not too often. Many a time it's been about repetitive HA posting and people getting frustrated. Admin have a good handle on things. I think they understand from experience how hard it can be in these places for us and they have a policy of inclusion so they prefer to give people a chance. Some forums just boot people off for daft things.
I've heard gaming forums can be a bit "animated" with arguments and unpleasantness. Good luck to you with them!
First of all thank you all for the kind words about the admins.
I have been on that site once and must confess I was not made to feel welcome.
Whisper although I quite like the idea of "forum jail" as others have said that is not how we do things here, and even if we did you have said nothing to warrant any intervention from admin in any way.
This is part of your anxiety, and there is no problem about you expressing on the forum.
whispershadow
11-02-19, 17:32
First of all thank you all for the kind words about the admins.
I have been on that site once and must confess I was not made to feel welcome.
Whisper although I quite like the idea of "forum jail" as others have said that is not how we do things here, and even if we did you have said nothing to warrant any intervention from admin in any way.
This is part of your anxiety, and there is no problem about you expressing on the forum.
I admit what landed me in forum jail (moderation) on there was I completely flipped my lid and was really off on one posting all sorts of paranoid stuff due to my disorder (and if I get that paranoid here I will fully accept getting thrown in *there* just while it passes, just as a fyi Elen, like if I start getting really paranoid and everyone jumps up and down on the report button so hard report breaks itself, which is what happened there, everyone jumped on report apparently cause I was that freaked out and saying all sorts of stuff) but yeah if I do get massively paranoid and start posting like I did there, I will accept whatever the consequences here would be :blush:
I kinda remember some of what I said, I was really going off on one saying the professionals were coming to get us all and that the mods/admin there was selling our IP addresses to the professionals and I think I said something about the certain group of people who was in power in Germany in WW2 had Ebony and was hurting her and I think I said other stuff as well due to paranoia but I really don't remember what :blush: idk what would happen to me here if I was to really go off on one saying that sort of stuff :ohmy: three smilies so just putting another one in here to make that number go away :buttkick: :buttkick:
---------- Post added at 17:32 ---------- Previous post was at 16:03 ----------
What's going to happen to me on here?
Hopefully you're going to hang out, receive support and support others, just like most of the rest of us are trying to do.
whispershadow
11-02-19, 20:40
Hopefully you're going to hang out, receive support and support others, just like most of the rest of us are trying to do.
I hope I can do so without causing the mods here work like I apparently kept doing there, they was basically making rules up that didn't even exist in the end.
I think we've established that the people there weren't terribly nice, though.
whispershadow
11-02-19, 20:46
I think we've established that the people there weren't terribly nice, though.
What did I do to cause them to be like that towards me though? I just don't "get it" :shrug:
Stupid leaning difficulty :lac:
Not all people are a good fit for all forums. It's okay, though, you're clearly a good fit here.
whispershadow
11-02-19, 21:06
Not all people are a good fit for all forums. It's okay, though, you're clearly a good fit here.
I hope I don't disappoint anyone here by being a bad member :blush:
MyNameIsTerry
12-02-19, 02:38
I admit what landed me in forum jail (moderation) on there was I completely flipped my lid and was really off on one posting all sorts of paranoid stuff due to my disorder (and if I get that paranoid here I will fully accept getting thrown in *there* just while it passes, just as a fyi Elen, like if I start getting really paranoid and everyone jumps up and down on the report button so hard report breaks itself, which is what happened there, everyone jumped on report apparently cause I was that freaked out and saying all sorts of stuff) but yeah if I do get massively paranoid and start posting like I did there, I will accept whatever the consequences here would be :blush:
I kinda remember some of what I said, I was really going off on one saying the professionals were coming to get us all and that the mods/admin there was selling our IP addresses to the professionals and I think I said something about the certain group of people who was in power in Germany in WW2 had Ebony and was hurting her and I think I said other stuff as well due to paranoia but I really don't remember what :blush: idk what would happen to me here if I was to really go off on one saying that sort of stuff :ohmy: three smilies so just putting another one in here to make that number go away :buttkick: :buttkick:
---------- Post added at 17:32 ---------- Previous post was at 16:03 ----------
What's going to happen to me on here?
It sounds to me like you were going through some obvious mental trauma at the time. I strongly feel our Admins would handle this much better and we've certainly seen erratic posting from people with more complex needs on here.
I can understand that there is a point about protecting other members from distress too but cutting you off seems harsh to me.
There have been occasions where I have seen things like this on here and other than try to be neutral I have informed Admin because the concern is for the person. I found Admin talked to them and helped. Talked to them on their threads, reassured them. If other members were getting annoyed, they obviously dealt with that too and advised letting them handle the situation (my belief) so friction was avoided.
whispershadow
12-02-19, 15:07
It sounds to me like you were going through some obvious mental trauma at the time. I strongly feel our Admins would handle this much better and we've certainly seen erratic posting from people with more complex needs on here.
I can understand that there is a point about protecting other members from distress too but cutting you off seems harsh to me.
There have been occasions where I have seen things like this on here and other than try to be neutral I have informed Admin because the concern is for the person. I found Admin talked to them and helped. Talked to them on their threads, reassured them. If other members were getting annoyed, they obviously dealt with that too and advised letting them handle the situation (my belief) so friction was avoided.
Yeah I mean I trust that the mods/admins here won't do anything awful to me, and if I did kick off due to my mental health issues I could understand and accept getting put in forum jail just while it passed and I wouldn't complain about it if they did put me in there, all I ask though is to know when I'd be getting let out and on there they refused to tell me for definate, they just said I might be out at the end of the month (january). Emphasis on MIGHT.
What gets to me though is I asked nicely on there to get let out and the admin I asked talked to me like a 2 year old who is not capable of understanding English words. Like "it wouldn't make sense to have moderation if someone could just as nicely to get let out of it, right? So little baby member you got to stay in there until we decide otherwise" (not worded quite like that but not far off)
I mean, they have clear "favourites" there, like one time my friend who was in permemenent moderation (would never be allowed out, ever), got upset at what a new member posted, the new member was really nasty to her, so she reacted to that, she gets punished for it, but nothing happened to new member, they claimed to her she was "insulting other members" when she did nothing of the kind. She was sticking up for herself.
I've heard on the grapevine of other members who got punished for no reason as well, like one for permenent banned for talking about her low self esteem in vague terms, after another member publically tore into them, nothing was done to the member who really ripped into them yet they got kicked out forever simply for talking about their low self esteem, if the review on the review site is to be believed.
I know from my own experience as well that they punish for no reason. Like I got warned for saying "forum jail", I got told off in PM for kicking off about saying mods there can read PMs when another member was the one to say it first, yet nothing was said to the member who started that conversation , I got 3 day banned (it got shortened to 2 days after I made a complete pain of myself in email and wouldn't let it drop) for not understanding something they said to me so I started a thread to ask after they picked the most impossible mod name in the whole history of forums saying I was only allowed to message with her, they then changed it to "only message with the main admin" then when another admin contacted me I responded to ask if it had changed with who I was meant to contact saying nobody had said anything, then I got in trouble for PMing him back, by this point real life family stress was really affecting me so that tipped me into a episode of mental illness, then I posted the stuff I said previously in this thread, causing me to get thrown in moderation and the door slammed shut behind me and they wouldn't let me out for nearly 13 days when they know if a number ends with a 3 it's a bad number for me to deal with, the trigger is seeing a 3 on the end of it, it does not take a maths genuis to work out if a number ends with a 3 I can get triggered by it, then when I exploded on a review site they finally gave in and let me out (maybe hoping I'd take down the review? idk) but then cause I struggle with change and heard nothing from them I just was randomly free again, even a quick message of "we're letting you out now" would of helped but did that happen? nope. So yeah, I tried to get used to seeing my posts appearing straight away but found out I was finding it really hard, and didn't recieve so much as one word of kindness from any of the mods there, nothing. So in the end I just stopped logging in. :wtf1:
So yeah that's my story of what happened on psych central.
And for the record, I did not take down the review, but to be fair they did not ask me to take it down. If they had asked me I'd of likely told them "no cause that was my experience there".
To be fair to them, they did try to help make sure a certain person could not know it was me posting had he found me on there, but when giving punishments they did not take into consideration my desperation to be able to post freely nor did they take into consideration my desperation forced me to test the waters at another forum where stalker ex had been watching my posts on there before I vanished from there years ago.
---------- Post added at 15:07 ---------- Previous post was at 15:00 ----------
Oh and I got the news yesterday that my grandma had a stroke in the care home so it's only a matter of time before she's no longer around, she won't see the warmer weather :frown:
I'm so sorry about your grandmother, WhisperShadow.
whispershadow
12-02-19, 21:47
Thanks BlueIris, what's harder is it's approaching the anniversary of poor sweetpea Ebony's final trip as well as the situation with my grandma and other stressful stuff kicking off as well :frown:
Last thing I need is for a forum like that to be doing that sort of stuff ...... I told the main admin there the polite version of "shove your forum back up your backside where you pulled it out from, you powertripping piece of ....... (you fill in the gap)" I didn't word it quite like that but if people want to read my email to him I'm happy to post it. I was polite in it even though I felt like saying what I just said.
I would never say anything like that to the mods or admins here though, they don't deserve that type of stuff to be said to them.
If people want to read my email to the admin there I'll post it tomorrow after work. I think I was reasonably polite in that email to him.
In fact one sec I'll add it now then go sleep:
Hi docjohn, I've come to the decision that it's best that I leave psych central. Whether permanent or whether temporary, idk yet.
There's several reasons for this and it's something I've been thinking about since getting thrown in moderation, even though I'm out of moderation now.
I still feel that the 3 day ban was unfair, I feel that banning someone first time they have "official" action took against them isn't fair. I'm not counting spammers in this, spammers get permenent banned on any forum, quite right too.
The ban was for having a learning difficulty and being unable to spell one of the moderator's names, after I got ordered that I was only allowed to message with her. I don't understand, even now, how it was my fault that her name is impossible for me to spell. Also, it originally being a 3 day ban was cruel, due to my strong dislike of the number 3. To be honest, asking for the team to be aware that the number 3 is a really bad number for me and to please avoid using that number when dealing with me, I consider to be a reasonable request, but it does not feel like I was listened to at all until I went onto that review site.
I got allowed back on a day early, which I'm greateful for, but then when I had a episode of paranoia, I got thrown in moderation (yes fair enough while my paranoia was that bad) but by day 4 I was ready to come out but you and the rest of the mods/admin refused to give me that chance even when I was proving to you, by your own admission, that I was within rules and everything I was posting was being allowed through with no edits. It got to day 10 and I was getting desperate, and despair is a bad mindset for me to get back into, it sends my mental health back to how it was in 2012 and that is somewhere I never wish to go back to. I explained to you about online stalker ex as one of the reasons I needed to be allowed out, but I was not listened to. I didn't feel heard about that. I seriously hope none of you on the team went through what I went through with him. Seriously.
Day 11 came of me being in moderation and I was in a severe downward spiral, simply due to being in moderation at the time and constantly seeing the "you are not good enough to be a member here so a mod has to look at your post first" message, then day 12 arrived and I exploded on the review site on that evening and it was only due to that explosion that I was finally allowed out of moderation. That explosion is the only reason why, cause it was on that review site and everyone could publically see it so you couldn't hide what was happening. That comment got removed from the site but I edited the review itself to leave the bare bones of the explosion in there. All I learned is that if I want (or need) anything, to put it on the review site, not keep it private and use the forum PM system.
One thing that really hurts about having been in moderation is the fact you and Fooze said different things. To start with, Fooze said I was in moderation until I'd calmed down (which is fair enough) but then you said you wanted weeks of good behaviour before I would even get considered for being allowed out, which I feel was cruel and unneccesary.
When I finally did get allowed out, I struggled to get used to seeing my posts appear straight away. I have previously said that I struggle with change and need time to get used to anything changing. I was left to find out for myself that I was out of moderation, even just a quick message to say "you're out of moderation now" would of helped me be able to settle reasonably quickly when I was released from moderation, as it was there was no word to me, it just randomly happened and I can only assume that explosion was the reason why I was hurriedly (sp) released from moderation, rather than staying within forum rules earning me my freedom back because if me staying within forum rules was enough, I'd of been released from moderation earlier. It was almost 13 days before I was released, and I think you can see that 13 ends with a 3. It wasn't far off 13 days, it was the 12th night (if I can be forgiven a shakespeare reference) of being in moderaiton before I was allowed out.
I was on high alert with everything I was posting, after the ban and even after I got released from moderation I went back into hypervigilance mode which, as I hope you can understand, did my mental health no good, considering I'm also going through a lot of family stress as well as the stress of how I'm being treated on psych central by the team. I was even fretting over whether "happy birthday" messages and comments about Tigger (cat) coughing would be twisted round to being "against guidelines", that's how bad my hypervigilance levels got when I made this decision.
Also, I could not message anyone else on the team because you yourself said I'm only allowed to message with you and nobody else on the team. I don't even know if asking Turtleboy about how his family situation was, whether that was technically allowed as per your instructions to me.
I remember you said you understand that being in moderation is frustrating, but at the time I wasn't coming from a place of frustration, but of anxiety. It felt like I was never going to be allowed out no matter what I did or did not do.
Out of respect for Turtleboy, I felt I needed to explain in case he sees I'm not logging in any more and he's not worrying about whether a certain person has tried anything. If Turtleboy wants my email address, I'm happy for my email address to be passed onto him. Or he can use the member email function on my profile to keep in touch. If he contacts me wanting to keep in touch, I will respond to him. My understanding is friendships on psych central are allowed, unless that's another rule that is not writ down so I did not know about.
What you do with this email is up to you, whether you want to share it with the rest of the moderators or what you do with it, it's up to you.
One thing that I learned that does not sit right with me is the fact that moderators are allowed to be logged in with nothing happen to them during episodes of mental illness, but the second a member does the same thing they get thrown in moderation - or worse - so fast they bounce across the floor half a dozen times.
Having said all this though, I want my account left open so members can email me if they want to keep in touch with me outside of the forum. I don't know if PMing members is allowed to say goodbye so I've not told anyone on site that I'm definately leaving.
The last thing I will say in this email is the last thing I need is a forum adding to my stress levels, which is why I have decided to leave the forum. Take care.
I never got a response from him though.
(Turtleboy is the one and only moderator on there I can ever respect, he's the only one out of the lot of them who was reasonable when trying to deal with me)
whispershadow
14-02-19, 19:05
Will I definately be safe from having *that* done to me here, I mean long term done to me?
As I said short term just while it passes I can understand and deal with, over 10 days and it gets to the point of cruelty.
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