Reaching my limit

[ScottC2105]

A week ago last Sunday i went from coping to out of control in one evening. I started having constant panic attacks and that lasted for 2 or 3 days. On Tuesday night I started my meds (Citalopram 20mg) and they was giving me a lot of suicidal thoughts, migraines, shivers the lot you name it I had it.

Anyway the following day I went to the hospital with my dad for a check-up on him and I didn't even get out the door and I started having a panic attack just like that and I was so embarrassed and ashamed as it lasted for quiet a while (while I was at the hospital) and since then I haven't been out as I'm scared to.

On Thursday I stopped the meds as directed by my CPN and she was supposed to call me on Monday but didn't bother to and while all this has been going on I have got very low and started self harming tonight (slashing my left arm with a knife) and I have spoken to a few friends who all say I need professional help and fast.

I have spoken to my family who cannot seem to suggest anything or just don't care, I have spoken to my CPN who didn't bother to call back on Monday and my GP won't talk to me unless I call him myself and go alone which with social anxiety I cannot do and I am going down hill AND FAST!

I don't know what to do and was wondering if anyone can help. Thanks.

[groovygranny]

Hello Scott,

I hope you don't mind but I've moved your thread from Misc to Panic Attacks in the hope you may get more responses.

Although I can't really comment on your self-harming as I am ill-equipped to do so - I'd like to offer at least my support for you at this time.

Maybe there was a good reason why your CPN didn't contact you on Monday. Workload, pressure, other pressing matters.......or maybe she just did forget. It happens. But it's natural you think as you do because of how you're feeling right now.

Would your GP chat to you on the phone, rather than you go to the surgery? Mine told me to ring him every day at the same time so he could ascertain where I was each day. I remember watching the clock as the minutes ticked slowly by - just willing time to go faster.

I have suffered, and still do to some extent, from social anxiety but the only way to overcome this is to face it head on. It's not easy by any means. Would you be able to go to your GP accompanied by someone who would then sit in the waiting room until you had finished?

I notice that you still managed to stay in the hospital with your dad even though you were suffering so much - that has to be a positive you know.

Yes, you probably do need professional help - but until you move to get responses from the necessary channels you are still going to be in the same circumstances.

I'm not sure if this has helped at all very much - and I know I can't help over the self harm, but I'm sure somebody will respond to this soon.

big hugs to you

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[ScottC2105]

groovygranny, thanks for the info and the thread move. I've spoken to my mom tonight and she is going to try and help me tomorrow bless her.

I'll see how things go and let you know.

[groovygranny]

Great news Scott!

I'm so glad.

Yep, be good to know how it goes.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[kazzie]

Well done Scotty:yesyes:

Good post and Im sorry I couldent help!!!

But got no knowledge of self harm just panic etc!!!

Just hang in there peeps will help I promise dad!!

Luvs Ya

Kaz x x x:hugs:

[ScottC2105]

Shame I've just done it again anit it :(. I feel so down lately. I'll keep in touch and Kazzie... get to bed :).

[ScottC2105]

I got hold of my CPN's secretary today and I asked for my CPN but she was busy and her secretary told me my CPN would call me back. She never did. I have been waiting/trying since Monday to get a hold of her and I am getting worse as days go by. She may of been busy I do not know but I really have to speak to her.

I have yet again done the self harm game tonight which I am ashamed about but I did say I would update you all and the truth is I don't think anyone gives a dam any more.

[Lindalou64]

Oh Scott I Care And I Dont Even Know You.im Sure Many Care........having This Panic Crap Is Depressing I Know But You Have To Hang In There And Stay Positive And When You Call Your Cpn You Tell Them That Its An Emergency....dont Take No For An Answer.......try And Stay Positive........just Know This Scott This Shall Pass It Always Does........i Wish Ya The Best........linda Xx

[AndrewG]

Hi Scott, you can count me in too, I care what happens to you also, it will pass, Please try to stay strong and not harm yourself I know it's dificult but please stop. You are an important part of life and you can overcome what you are going through.

Hang in there Bud

Andrew

[ScottC2105]

I have no purpose in life. Everyone I have tried to get to help me is now avoiding me so I honestly don't care any more. Why should I bother :weep:?

[Lindalou64]

Because I Said So........we All Get Real Down Scott But Please Know This You Do Have Purpose Here In Life....your Just In A Bad State Right Now Do You Have Any Friends At All That Will Talk Too You On The Phone ..fam Members .......there Are Some Links You Can Call Here For Someone To Talk Too Scott Hang In There Hun Things Will Get Better....................linda Xxx

[AndrewG]

You do have a purpose in life, everyone does...c'mon you don't know me and I don't know you but there are people who care, talk to someone, anyone but don't give up on yourself. You can be happy anyone can.

Take care of yourself and call someone

Speak soon

Andrew

[ScottC2105]

I've spoken to everyone I can and it seems like no one seems to care. I feel so miserable I'm breaking down right now :weep:.

[Lindalou64]

im sure you just feel as tho no one cares but they do hun..im sorry your so sad right now but please keep ya chin up........tomorrow will be better ya have to tell yaself this....most of us have been there when ya feel so alone with this but your not hun so hang tough....your gonna be ok............linda xx

[ScottC2105]

Without sound stupid, I wish I could agree Linda. I just do not know what to do I'm panicing over it and I'm very depressed. I don't know where/who else to turn to.

I wish I had just kept it all quiet now.

[Lindalou64]

SAMARITANShttp://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/H/helplines/images/spacer.gifhttp://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/H/helplines/images/spacer.gifhttp://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/H/helplines/images/spacer.gifSamaritans are there for you at any time of day or night on 08457 90 90 90, text 07725 90 90 90 or email jo@samaritans.org (jo@samaritans.org).http://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/H/helplines/images/spacer.gifhttp://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/H/helplines/images/spacer.gifSCOTT IF YOU ARE REALLY FEELING REAL BAD PLEASE CALL THESE NUMBERS IM JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU......IM VERY CONCERNED FOR YOU.......LINDAhttp://www.channel4.com/life/microsites/H/helplines/images/spacer.gif

[Dale]

Scott,

If you can get throught the next few days, everything will look better. Be good to yourself. Buy your favourite magazine or book, get a new shirt, anything to reward yourself for carrying on.

If all else fails, call an ambulance and go to the hospital. People you haven't met yet do care about you. Honest.

Dale

[ScottC2105]

I'm going to call NHS direct or my CPN again tomorrow I need to try get some help now. I've got 6 big "scratches" down my left arm which sting and look a mess and I need to do something about it.

I'll give it one last shot but if I don't get anywhere tomorrow I'm hanging up the towel.

[AndrewG]

Hi Scott,

Don't talk like that there's no hanging up the towel... You've got to get thorugh this ...... don't take no for an answer make people listen. I lost a good mate he was only twenty eight..... life is so precious and is not ours to decide what we do about it..... you've been in a situation where you can offer so much advice to other people similar to yourself on this site.

Please get the help you need, get better and then help others overcome the same situations as you are in now. You have an insight into something alot of us haven't. But please for all of us who don't know you yet, speak to someone today and get help.

Take care let us know how you are doing...


Andrew

[ScottC2105]

Got my bro to help me today turns out my CPN isn't a CPN just a counciler. He explained everything to them and NHS direct and they want me to go immediately to the CPN on duty at the hospital.

They can *cough* lost. I'm not being peed about with and throw in the looney bin.

[Lindalou64]

Well Im Glad To Hear Your Brother Is Helping You Out And That You Will Be Seeing Someone Today......i Wish Ya The Best.......just Please Know People Do Care.............linda Xx

[ScottC2105]

I don't know if I will the last time I went to the hospital I had a panic attack :(.

[BarbedSpirit]

scott,
they wont put you in hospital but they will assess you and get you some help there. this is what you wanted....someone to listen and help you so take the help and get well. they rarely put people in hospital unless they are threatening people, themselves, totally unable to cope,or request it. you have your families support now and that will go in your favour. You can make it to hospital you did with your father. you know this needs to stop because you are asking and wanting help. these are all positives. this needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later. the longer you leave it the harder it is to stop.
i swear if i was closer i would drag you there myself despite my own social anxiety!!

Keep me updated, PM me if you need to
BarbedSpirit

[ScottC2105]

I'll give it a good go. As soon as I said I want to end it all I bet they want to keep me in.

I don't see the point myself they will just check out the "scratches" and do that to me.

[BarbedSpirit]

Not always...they will talk with you and figure out if its the frustration thats causing this or something else. they will listen and help. that is what you want and need. if it means staying in for a few nights while they try a new med then stay in.....at least you will know you will be safe and have help to hand if you need it......no waiting for call backs....
the point is we want you back in chat and happy again. we all need each other and you are being missed.
BarbedSpirit

[ScottC2105]

Ok I am going. I have spoken to my CPN she's contacting the crisis team at the hospital for me to go get help and looked at. She's going to look at other medication for me to try so I am keeping my head high :).

[AndrewG]

That's great news Scott keep on going as soon as you get the help you need the sooner you'll feel better again.... It took me ages to get help. Good on you!!!

Speak soon

Andrew

[ScottC2105]

I have been to a and e and the crisis team today, very happy I went. Very nice people!

My arm isn't too bad. One cut was infected but that's been sorted now :). I spoke to the crisis team and answered their questions and they have gave me some positives to think about, a 24/7 local number to call if I need anyone and also some footsteps to follow for the coming month or two.

I am very glad I went it has taken a lot of stress off my shoulders to be able to talk to someone (well I saw 2 people). It's just what I needed!

I went in a room that was so quiet and "normal" it was like you wasn't even in a hospital!

[BarbedSpirit]

Well Done!!!
i'm glad it went well. keep those numbers handy so you feel safe.
this is a difficult tome for you and your family so haveing someone to talk to outside of it all it going to help. use everything they give you and if it doesnt work figure out why.
Take care
Barbedspirit

[Lindalou64]

Good To Hear Scott............i Wish Ya The Best.........linda

[Anna77]

That's really great you went to the hospital Scott - i'm pleased for you :)

Take care,

Lorelai

[zofluff]

Hi Scott

i really feel for you right now.
At some of my lowest points i have thought about overdose and hurting myself many times and it has been extremely difficult to resist but i managed to reason with myself. The thoughts came when i felt i had no one to understand or care about me, life felt so empty and lonely and i was mentally in pain every part of me inside hurt and nobody could see that, i felt like my pain would have purpose if it could be seen which brought on the thoughts of self harm.

It took hours of arguments with myself but i managed to convince myself that harming myself would not give anyone more reason to care about me and if anything people would understand me less and make me feel more of a freak than i already am, i told myself that self harming would prolong my illness as i would be scarred for life and would always be reminded of these terrible times. i convinced myself that if i ever was to have a future and the end of this long tunnel my future would be difficult as i would always be in fear of people seeing my scars and assuming things about me which could possibly cause me to hit rock bottom again - what kind of a future is that to look forward to?

I still at times have voices in my head telling me to do it but i find the strength from somewhere to resist as i know it will only bring more problems in to my life and i am just about coping right now with what i already have.

I do seriously think you need to talk to someone, the NHS helpline 0845 46 47 are always able to help and put you through to a psychiastrist 24 hours a day 7 days a week and i was told to call the samaritans if i needed someone to listen 08457 90 90 90 or 08457 90 91 92. Also i recommend that you research self harming on the internet at least as if you cant stop the harming then you need to understand and learn how to do it safely.

I hope this is some help to you
Zoe x

[kazzie]

Well done Scotty:yesyes:

Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:

[ScottC2105]

Hmm, I'm not so good today or last night. I was good when I first came out of the hospital but now I feel like crap :(.

[kazzie]

:hugs: Scotty

Here for you mate:hugs:

Luv Kaz x

[ScottC2105]

Im gonna keep at it and try these new meds. I will let you know how I get on next week.

[AndrewG]

Hi Scott,

How you doing, another sleepless night same as me. New meds have you taken some already? I can't take tablets as I'm afraid I'll choke on them.

I am a 36yr old afraid to take a tablet... but hey thats my problem.

Glad you're feeling a bit more positive, take care now..

Speak soon

Andrew

[ScottC2105]

Hey Andrew, yea I am in chat with a few others :). I get the meds next week.

[Dale]

hang in there buddy. remember, one day at a time.

some day you will look back and thank yourself for toughening it out.

your friend in Canada,

Dale

[kes]

Scott, I know its not ideal but if you feel so low with horrible thoughts and ideas and your CPN has not returned your calls please call the out of hours doctor at night time or as I have done before go to a and e and the can get hold of the on call mental health team they will help you.

please let me know how you are.

kerri.

[ScottC2105]

That's the crisis team kes :). Been a rough day again today but im keeping my head high. Gotta nip out again (eek) so I will be back later!

Thanks for the support everyone means a lot.

[kes]

I am new and i am so sorry as i picked up ur thread from the middle and not the end hence not realising about crisis team.

I have pm you hope you dont mind.

Kerri.

[ScottC2105]

Responded Kerri :).