Melon1
19-02-19, 20:07
Hello Everyone
Not posted for a long while, which is a good thing, but am feeling sad that I am back to this sorry state.
Okay, this could be a long one. Please take time to read it and see if you can help to work out my feelings. I am not expecting a diagnosis, just some friendly words.
So, I have been feeling some left abdominal pains intermittently over the last few weeks and have had looser stools. Sometimes going just once per day, other times 2-3 times. I can't remember the last time I did a solid poo... sorry.
So, just over a week ago, I went to the docs. She examined me, (felt stomach, finger up bum) said she wasn't overly concerned, but wanted to do a blood test. I had this done the next day.
The next day, I started to come down with a bit of a cough and didn't feel quite right. I went to bed that night and woke up the next day feeling not too bad, so decided to go for a run (I'm running the London Marathon this year... I know crazy!) . I was planning on running 13 miles. So, I started out and pretty much from the start realised that I wasn't quite feeling it. I used up my fluids in the first few miles and after mile 11 felt so awful, I had to phone a friend to come and get me. I got home, shivering so badly, jumped in a hot bath and from then on felt dreadful.
Since then, I have had night sweats, no appetite, snotty nose, no energy at all. I had no temperature throughout this. (It has been 6 days)
So, the day after I come down with this, I get a phone call from the doctor asking me to repeat the blood test as my white blood cells are very low. lmmediate panic.... why is this?? So, luckily I get an appt for the following day and get them done. I then get a call on Monday saying that the doc wants to see me as the WBC is still low! I see the doctor yesterday. She examines me as I have a couple of lymph nodes that are raised... She felt my groin area, neck and breast area. she didn't seem overly concerned. She had a chat with a haemotologist who said my wbc may be down to the fact that I am fighting a virus. So, I've got to wait a week and then get the bloods done again. I have booked in for next tues. (Just to mention that all other aspects of bloods were fine)
So, I've gone from Bowel cancer to Lymphoma within a few days!! My head is all over the place.
I am lying here typing on my laptop, feeling my cramps and needing the toilet. I have had no energy today. Putting one foot in front of the other has been hard. Is this still the virus, or my anxiety or cancer... what the hell is it ???
I've just been reading my old threads from 2011! It all sounds so familiar to me, but I still can't shift the feeling that I have cancer. It is destroying my life.
I phoned a free counselling service today. It is called Positive step. They offer one to one counselling as well as CBT classes. I have tried this in the past, but nothing has completely worked for me. But, I really feel that I need to give this another bash for my poor families sake. My lovely daughters have no idea how I am feeling. I try so hard to remain upbeat and positive and am trying to do lots of fun things with them in half term. It is so hard. I have a telephone session booked with them for the 5 march, then can hopefully meet face to face.
Today, I have had no energy. I have the low abdo pain. Been to the toilet 3 times. Loose. I weighed myself earlier. I have lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks. Just not hungry. I keep crying. My poor husband came home to me in tears earlier. He is a saint to have put up with me for so long.
Is anyone able to make sense of the above, or is it just a crazy ramble? Just don't know anymore... I'm so afraid of my wbc not going back up and of all my bowel issues....
Thank you so much for reading this. I hope I am able to help one of you one day.
Love
Helen x
Not posted for a long while, which is a good thing, but am feeling sad that I am back to this sorry state.
Okay, this could be a long one. Please take time to read it and see if you can help to work out my feelings. I am not expecting a diagnosis, just some friendly words.
So, I have been feeling some left abdominal pains intermittently over the last few weeks and have had looser stools. Sometimes going just once per day, other times 2-3 times. I can't remember the last time I did a solid poo... sorry.
So, just over a week ago, I went to the docs. She examined me, (felt stomach, finger up bum) said she wasn't overly concerned, but wanted to do a blood test. I had this done the next day.
The next day, I started to come down with a bit of a cough and didn't feel quite right. I went to bed that night and woke up the next day feeling not too bad, so decided to go for a run (I'm running the London Marathon this year... I know crazy!) . I was planning on running 13 miles. So, I started out and pretty much from the start realised that I wasn't quite feeling it. I used up my fluids in the first few miles and after mile 11 felt so awful, I had to phone a friend to come and get me. I got home, shivering so badly, jumped in a hot bath and from then on felt dreadful.
Since then, I have had night sweats, no appetite, snotty nose, no energy at all. I had no temperature throughout this. (It has been 6 days)
So, the day after I come down with this, I get a phone call from the doctor asking me to repeat the blood test as my white blood cells are very low. lmmediate panic.... why is this?? So, luckily I get an appt for the following day and get them done. I then get a call on Monday saying that the doc wants to see me as the WBC is still low! I see the doctor yesterday. She examines me as I have a couple of lymph nodes that are raised... She felt my groin area, neck and breast area. she didn't seem overly concerned. She had a chat with a haemotologist who said my wbc may be down to the fact that I am fighting a virus. So, I've got to wait a week and then get the bloods done again. I have booked in for next tues. (Just to mention that all other aspects of bloods were fine)
So, I've gone from Bowel cancer to Lymphoma within a few days!! My head is all over the place.
I am lying here typing on my laptop, feeling my cramps and needing the toilet. I have had no energy today. Putting one foot in front of the other has been hard. Is this still the virus, or my anxiety or cancer... what the hell is it ???
I've just been reading my old threads from 2011! It all sounds so familiar to me, but I still can't shift the feeling that I have cancer. It is destroying my life.
I phoned a free counselling service today. It is called Positive step. They offer one to one counselling as well as CBT classes. I have tried this in the past, but nothing has completely worked for me. But, I really feel that I need to give this another bash for my poor families sake. My lovely daughters have no idea how I am feeling. I try so hard to remain upbeat and positive and am trying to do lots of fun things with them in half term. It is so hard. I have a telephone session booked with them for the 5 march, then can hopefully meet face to face.
Today, I have had no energy. I have the low abdo pain. Been to the toilet 3 times. Loose. I weighed myself earlier. I have lost 5 lbs in 2 weeks. Just not hungry. I keep crying. My poor husband came home to me in tears earlier. He is a saint to have put up with me for so long.
Is anyone able to make sense of the above, or is it just a crazy ramble? Just don't know anymore... I'm so afraid of my wbc not going back up and of all my bowel issues....
Thank you so much for reading this. I hope I am able to help one of you one day.
Love
Helen x