PUGLETMUM
05-09-07, 10:04
:D hello to all,
the reason im posting is to offer hope to anyone who is bogged down with anxiety to the point where they dont recognise themselves anymore and where they find the smallest things difficult to cope with, like you want your life to be perfect 100%of the time?because you cant take uncertainty?
in the last 2 and a half weeks i have dealt with my anticipatory anxiety of a certain situation(wont go into that as ill be here all day), and then i started to realise that i can COPE with change and with life, i dont have to have things all set up a certain way to cope! i can find my own coping skills and have faith in them, mine are proper breathing(diaphragmatic so you are getting air into your lower lungs and hence stopping hyperventilation completely!) and getting out in the fresh air walking my dogs, going to gym/swim, book reading, positive self-talk. so sticking with them and having faith in them instead of going back to saying 'oh no this wont work!' saying to myself' yes emma this is working and will continue to work!'
anyway then in the middle of this, one of those situations you dread, the one where you are not in control anymore happened!!!! it wasnt anything major, but i got what i thought was a wicklow on my left index finger. it was a bit uncomfortable but i thought it would come out on its own. it continued to grow, and on sat i rang nhs direst, who told me to use this drawing ointment, well it got worse and bigger and i was feeling rougher. i phoned them again on sunday morning about 3.30am and the guy mentioned tracking up my arm, well i nearly fainted with panic then!!! he wasnt taking it seriously tho but my arm was starting to hurt in places so i decided to ignore him and go to a&e. thing was our only support was on holiday so we had to take our girl with us, but she was so brilliant.
so me, mark and marcy went off to a&e, where they were all really impressed with the size of the 'abcess' on my finger!!! i had it ingected 3 times and then lanced, but i drew there attention to the tracking that was developing, so they put a thing in my arm to have anti bs injected in.
so came home but started to get worse red marks. to get to the point we went back(by now i had a babysitter) and they kept me in after much persuasion and the care of a nurse who has anxiety and knew how i was feeling. she gave me valium and i had 2 more lots of antibiotic into my vein.
it wasnt great, but mark and marcy came at 8am and were alowed on the a&e ward because of the circumstances and then the doc said i could go home. the thing is that anxiety actually helped me because although i was frightened i was more frightened of getting worse, which was correct because the infection was travelling up my arm and eventually it would have made me very very ill because it gets into the blood and causes sceptacemia, loss of limbs and death!!!
to all the health anxiety peeps, you will know when you are really ill, believe me i have imagined all sorts of illnessses, but being really ill feels different to imagined illness, and if you do get sick you will be so well looked after in hospital. as soon as i got in the hospital bed (bear in mind my agoraphobia is only just getting better and for 7 years i havent been independant) i knew i would be safe!!!
so this post is to give anyone hope out there who thinks they are at the end, you arent and you will always find the strength to cope when you really need to!!! if you are dealing day in day out with anxiety you are a lot tougher than you think!!!
all the best and thanks for reading emma:D
the reason im posting is to offer hope to anyone who is bogged down with anxiety to the point where they dont recognise themselves anymore and where they find the smallest things difficult to cope with, like you want your life to be perfect 100%of the time?because you cant take uncertainty?
in the last 2 and a half weeks i have dealt with my anticipatory anxiety of a certain situation(wont go into that as ill be here all day), and then i started to realise that i can COPE with change and with life, i dont have to have things all set up a certain way to cope! i can find my own coping skills and have faith in them, mine are proper breathing(diaphragmatic so you are getting air into your lower lungs and hence stopping hyperventilation completely!) and getting out in the fresh air walking my dogs, going to gym/swim, book reading, positive self-talk. so sticking with them and having faith in them instead of going back to saying 'oh no this wont work!' saying to myself' yes emma this is working and will continue to work!'
anyway then in the middle of this, one of those situations you dread, the one where you are not in control anymore happened!!!! it wasnt anything major, but i got what i thought was a wicklow on my left index finger. it was a bit uncomfortable but i thought it would come out on its own. it continued to grow, and on sat i rang nhs direst, who told me to use this drawing ointment, well it got worse and bigger and i was feeling rougher. i phoned them again on sunday morning about 3.30am and the guy mentioned tracking up my arm, well i nearly fainted with panic then!!! he wasnt taking it seriously tho but my arm was starting to hurt in places so i decided to ignore him and go to a&e. thing was our only support was on holiday so we had to take our girl with us, but she was so brilliant.
so me, mark and marcy went off to a&e, where they were all really impressed with the size of the 'abcess' on my finger!!! i had it ingected 3 times and then lanced, but i drew there attention to the tracking that was developing, so they put a thing in my arm to have anti bs injected in.
so came home but started to get worse red marks. to get to the point we went back(by now i had a babysitter) and they kept me in after much persuasion and the care of a nurse who has anxiety and knew how i was feeling. she gave me valium and i had 2 more lots of antibiotic into my vein.
it wasnt great, but mark and marcy came at 8am and were alowed on the a&e ward because of the circumstances and then the doc said i could go home. the thing is that anxiety actually helped me because although i was frightened i was more frightened of getting worse, which was correct because the infection was travelling up my arm and eventually it would have made me very very ill because it gets into the blood and causes sceptacemia, loss of limbs and death!!!
to all the health anxiety peeps, you will know when you are really ill, believe me i have imagined all sorts of illnessses, but being really ill feels different to imagined illness, and if you do get sick you will be so well looked after in hospital. as soon as i got in the hospital bed (bear in mind my agoraphobia is only just getting better and for 7 years i havent been independant) i knew i would be safe!!!
so this post is to give anyone hope out there who thinks they are at the end, you arent and you will always find the strength to cope when you really need to!!! if you are dealing day in day out with anxiety you are a lot tougher than you think!!!
all the best and thanks for reading emma:D