joffy
05-09-07, 18:09
Hi, I recently made the major life change of moving abroad to Spain from the UK. I've been out there about a month now living in a mountain village about 20 minutes from the coast. I decided to start off living with my sister so that I could get used to being in a foreigh country living with somebody else (I'm single.)
The road up to our village is a 20km twisty mountain road with a sheer drop on one side. There are metal barriers most of the way up to the village but there are quite a few patches of road without barriers and it's a pretty scary drop. My sister has decided she wants to spend three weeks in England and I am to cat-sit whilst she is away. I agreed to this a few weeks ago and she leaves next week.
The thing is, I'm really scared of being on my own. I've had problems in the past with intrusive thoughts about doing myself harm. The thoughts have occurred for about 15 years so I know that they should mean nothing but for some reason I'm feeling very vulnerable this time as I'm going through a time of change and the mountain village does not really have enough distractions for me to keep my mind quiet while she is away and I don't really have that many close friends here yet.
I really want to be able to drive up and down the mountain as I know there are some incredible things waiting for me including the beach, coastal resorts and major cities. I don't want to isolate myself but I'm really scared of driving down the mountain in case I have a panic attack and lose control.
I know I should just do it, but it's easier said than done...ah, now that's off my chest.
The road up to our village is a 20km twisty mountain road with a sheer drop on one side. There are metal barriers most of the way up to the village but there are quite a few patches of road without barriers and it's a pretty scary drop. My sister has decided she wants to spend three weeks in England and I am to cat-sit whilst she is away. I agreed to this a few weeks ago and she leaves next week.
The thing is, I'm really scared of being on my own. I've had problems in the past with intrusive thoughts about doing myself harm. The thoughts have occurred for about 15 years so I know that they should mean nothing but for some reason I'm feeling very vulnerable this time as I'm going through a time of change and the mountain village does not really have enough distractions for me to keep my mind quiet while she is away and I don't really have that many close friends here yet.
I really want to be able to drive up and down the mountain as I know there are some incredible things waiting for me including the beach, coastal resorts and major cities. I don't want to isolate myself but I'm really scared of driving down the mountain in case I have a panic attack and lose control.
I know I should just do it, but it's easier said than done...ah, now that's off my chest.