Social pressure anxiety

[phil06]

I am getting married soon and there is a social pressure to start a family. My mum In particular said that’s what life is all about and she doesn’t understand people who don’t have a family.

Myself I was not sure about having a family my partner and wants one but doesn’t think I will be that good with the idea so we are not sure. Would I not be old and regret not having a family? Anybody been in that boat?

At the the same time having a family may risk us splitting up due to the changes. And if I go ahead and only have say 1 won’t this be easier than say having 5?

[Midnight-mouse]

My partner and I will not be having children, we get married later this year.

There are some people that hold that opinion - that we should have children, I’m afraid in our case they will be very disappointed.

In the end of the day it’s your choice to make as a couple, there’s nothing wrong with not starting a family. If it’s not something you want then there’s nothing to regret.

I do feel however you and your future wife should definitely be on the same page as to if you’re having kids or not before you marry. You can’t compromise on children and only have half a one like pizza!

Positive vibes,

Mouse


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[ankietyjoe]

This is a very tricky question to answer as the want/need to have children is very subjective.

All I can say is that when I met my current partner, it was the first time I knew children would happen. I didn't particularly want children, I had no pressing urge, but I knew it would happen.

The day my first child was born I was overwhelmed. I felt nothing, as it was so huge. I came home that night alone (my partner and baby stayed in for one night) and fell overwhelming terror. I thought I'd made a terrible mistake, I wasn't ready, I didn't know how I was supposed to do this etc etc.

Now, forward 10 years. I cannot possibly imagine my life without my two children (we had another one!). They are literally my reason for being, and make me feel love I did not possibly know could exist. I have literally no idea what I used to do with myself before they were here. It's the hardest job in the world, but also the most rewarding.

As for your Mum's comment about that being what life's about.....well I think she's right. But....that shouldn't pressure you into doing it RIGHT NOW. Or at all, in fact.

In some respects having children has really helped me focus the attention away from my historic anxiety. Yes it's hard, but when you really, really have a reason to recover...it's helpful.

[BlueIris]

In the end, you're the only one who can make that decision.

I was always fairly ambivalent about having kids - I've never been fond of babies, and I'm all too aware of all the extra anxiety children could bring to my life. If my husband had wanted them, I'd probably have been willing to be flexible, but he didn't, so I didn't need to be. I've never regretted this except for a horrible, confused period in my late 20s when my biological clock kept on telling me I needed to breed.

Is procreation what life's all about? I think that depends on you. I've always had a lot of other things I'm passionate about and truth to tell, I find it hard to understand why people would ever want children. That may not be the same for you and your wife to be, though. The thing is, you have plenty of time - maybe get used to married life and then have the chat again?