Living in fear

[NewYorkgirl]

I have finally been to see my doctor again and completely broken down. I have been given medication and the number for counselling. Unfortunately it's a long wait. But how do i go on. This fear of the unknown has completely taken over. I wake up scared and go to bed scared. I have 4 beautiful girls, a partner I adore and who adores me, yet I have this terrible and all consuming fear. I self check ALL THE TIME. And the HA literally switches from one to the other and can be three or four different illnesses a day!. The doctor asked me if I had thoughts of self harming or suicide to which I said no. But sometimes I wonder if it would be better than feeling like this all the time.
I'm just tired of it all. If anybody has ANY strategies that May help I would be incredibly grateful. Thank you.

[BlueIris]

We've all got your back here - feel free to come talk to us. Is your partner understanding, at least?

[whispershadow]

One thing that can maybe help just while your name gets to the top of the list for counselling is when you feel yourself getting too anxious, cup your hands over your face and breathe through your hands for a few breaths, kinda cup your hands over your face, calms me down sometimes :hugs:

[Fishmanpa]

If anybody has ANY strategies that May help I would be incredibly grateful. Thank you.

The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

Positive thoughts

[ankietyjoe]

I self check ALL THE TIME.

This is what you need to stop doing. Fundamentally, you are creating the problem. It's hard, but it's something you need to practice. Next time you feel the need to self check, tell yourself you don't want to, and then don't do it. Even if you just delay for 5 minutes, that's a start. Practice every single hour of every single day NOT self checking. No amount of medication and/or counselling will prevent the fear if you keep feeding it by self checking. This of course goes hand in hand with the inevitable google search after you check.

Counselling may well help you with further strategies to not self check, but ultimately it's down to you to choose not to do it. The good news is that you can start today, right now!

[NewYorkgirl]

Thank you everybody. My partner has no idea of the extent of my anxiety. I hide my body checks and the only way (I think) my anxiety shows is by my mood changing dramatically depending on what symptoms I find. I think my anxiety has transferred on to my youngest daughter who is 10. She is currently see a play therapist in school and the guilt in top of my own feelings is almost unbearable. I have the CBT downloads and right now I'm struggling with them. I am trying to help my self. I do remember how it feels to wake up and not be scared. I want to get back to that.

[JennaMehl5]

I wish I had help to offer. Just wanted to say I am the same way. Twin babies, great husband, we just moved into a wonderful home. And I am falling apart. I went to an urgent care and an ER over a bump in my butt cheek. Oh and I saw my gp about it. Verdict is its tissue damage from the betamethisone shot I got during labor. It's in the exact spot they injected me. I just cant stop obsessing about lumps and bumps now. I had mono in the winter and it took a long time to get diagnosed and it triggered some awful health anxiety and now I cant get out of it. My doc gave me zoloft but I am nervous to start

[Toffeeman92]

Yes, I too have experienced the same level of anxiety. Medication can work wonders and I can relay what worked for me. How long have you felt like this and what triggered it initially?

[NewYorkgirl]

I've been going through this current bout since March 2017. I can only think the trigger was moving house as it was a very stressful time with numerous things going wrong at the same time. I started to worry and self check about weeks later. When I think about how long I've been like this it makes me so sad. I've ruined holidays (for myself) because I've been checking or worrying about one thing or another. I don't want to have to simply get through a day. I want to enjoy my life.

[ankietyjoe]

I've been going through this current bout since March 2017. I can only think the trigger was moving house as it was a very stressful time with numerous things going wrong at the same time. I started to worry and self check about weeks later. When I think about how long I've been like this it makes me so sad. I've ruined holidays (for myself) because I've been checking or worrying about one thing or another. I don't want to have to simply get through a day. I want to enjoy my life.

Something to take from this is that you practised self checking a lot, and therefore have become pretty good at it.

You need to practise doing the opposite, and that will take a lot longer than you might expect. Don't beat yourself up, just practise not doing it until your mind gets used to not doing it again. The mind and body LOVE routine, so will want to keep doing it in the short term.

[NewYorkgirl]

You're right I do self check a lot. And I know when I'm busy and my mind is elsewhere I am not as anxious. That's my rational side. My irrational side gives me sweats, churning stomach, panic, pain, racing heart, the list is endless. It's setting that new routine that's the key. Thank you everyone for listening. It's helpful to hear other people's methods. And to know I'm not alone.