View Full Version : Paranoia about passing cold sores...interfering with intimacy with new partner?
Hi all. I have been having anxiety this time not about myself but about my new boyfriend (only 1.5 months together). I have gotten cold sores in the past, and have this huge fear of passing it to a partner. Every time before I see him I inspect my lips and I try to avoid kissing because I'm scared of passing one. The other day I saw my bf and then woke up the next morning with what I think is a cold sore (or it could be a pimple I just irritating by poking), and I'm terrified I ahve given him cold sores now, because it was most liekly there during the night when we were kissig. I told him and he appreciated me telling him but I can't get it out of my head that I might've ruined his life and I'm dirty. I'm worried it's going to cause me to pull away.
nomorepanic
24-03-19, 17:36
Giving someone a cold sore is not going to ruin their life to be honest and I am sure he doesn't think that either.
yeah but no one would like to get them, and i'm worried if he gets them from me he will blame me for them for our whole relationship. or break up with me.
Would you want to be with somebody who broke up with you over such a trivial thing?
well i could also pass them to him down there. but yeah i'd hope that it's something that worst case, we can work to together and possibly make us stronger through communication. he says his parents get them so for all i know he's gotten one when he was younger!
Exactly, he probably already has the virus.
he said he's never gotten cold sores but if your mom gets them there's probably a chance of exposure, even if asymptomatic
nomorepanic
24-03-19, 19:51
I think you are worrying over nothing to be honest.
It is not a big deal and you don't even know that you have a cold sore.
I guess if I passed it to him "down there" tht would not be optimal. but yeah I think I think cold sores are terrible because of my health anxiety. but to most people they're just pesky annoyances.
This is HSV we're talking about - not HIV. I really would stop worrying :):)
I’ve been with my partner got 20+ years and never caught cold sores from him. My Mum had them too & none of the rest of my family caught them.
Just practice good hygiene when you do have one & you’ll be fine.
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WiseMonkey
25-03-19, 10:49
My partner gets cold sore and is paranoid about passing them on as well. He told me about it right at the start of our relationship so we had a discussion about it. I guess because we are older, we just take it in our stride. While he has a cold sore (about 2 or 3 times a year), he doesn't kiss me and I understand why. I think you need to have a similar discussion with your boyfriend and I'm sure he will understand. My partner had cold sores when he was a child so its nothing to do with being 'dirty'.
Thanks so much for everyone/ insightful replies. My issue is, what if I do pass them to him? I’m pretty sure I was intimate the other day when I had one (the ones I get are so small that sometimes I don’t notice until they progress). So because I kissed him with a cold sore I’m just worried for our relationship if it happens I’ve passed them to him. Would this be something to break up over? I keep worrying that my relationship is a ticking time bomb because the incubation period is about a week so he might get one and break up with me.
If he breaks up with you over something like this, Scaredpt, he ain't a keeper.
I agree with blue iris.
But I would also say that it’s unlikely I’d break up with my partner if he gave me a cold sore.
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I agree with blue iris.
But I would also say that it’s unlikely I’d break up with my partner if he gave me a cold sore.
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Yeah but said you've been with your partner for 20+ years. For me, this is a new partner. So the relationship is new, and these could be the things that could make or break it. But I think from his openness to communicate about this, that's a good sign. He's a hyper rational person and so I think he sees things more matter of fact-ly than I do. It's probably just the newness of the relationship that's making me worried. If I was with someone for years, no way would this be a big deal!
Ok PT.... I've been holding back on this. Here's the deal. As someone with HSV since my teens, it's something that you have to just deal with. Close to 75% of the worlds population has one or both and I suspect more as the symptoms, outbreaks etc. are sometimes non-existent. Type 1 is cold sores. Type 2 is genital. You can get type 1 both oral and/or genital but its rare to get type 2 orally. If you've had "the talk", then your partner knows of it and accepts the risks. It comes down to common sense sexual practices that have been mentioned in the thread. End of subject!
Positive thoughts
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