Beatthis
30-03-19, 17:57
Hey Everyone - Sorry about the Dramatic Post but wanted to get something off my chest and maybe some great people on these boards could give their thoughts!
So I think for the last year I've had some issues with Anxiety. It really came down hard as someone in my life decided to commit suicide despite (as far as we knew) having a perfectly solid family unit, kids, great job and so much more. When I heard the news about my colleague it really made me quite scared of the big unknown (death). Anyway during this time I noticed that I was being quite quick with all of my thoughts, answers and actions and I think I started leading my life as If I had this internal time clock counting down the minutes until I Die.
I had various Symptoms during this time such as :
Pains in where I thought my heart Was.
Severe Stabbing Headaches
Blurred Vision at Times.
Aches and Pains around some Joints.
Had general un-comfort in "The Boys" area and this was the tipping point.
Worried about this I went to my Dr. He checked me out for any kind of Cancers in those regions. He assured me I had nothing to worry about in which I told him I think i've become a bit of a hypochondriac and may have health anxiety. (My friends have mentioned a tonne that I have become anxious) This was a hard thing to admit as in my Job i'm a manager of a team of 20 strong and I often have to do welfare meetings to help them with all sorts be it, work issues, mental health physical health and more.
He suggested that I visit a mental health clinic. After my meeting the Nurse told me that I had a very reckless train of through and that I am going through a phase of (GAD) and high stress. I agreed with this outcome and she suggested I participate in "Mindfulness" and "ACT". I still visit these lectures however I find the written case studies more useful. I thought I was on the road to Recovery but there has been one symptom which has been grinding on me now (litterally) which has lead to some poor sleeping habits, bad diet choices and avoiding certain opportunities.
The Backstory.
The Aches and Pains around my joints? These Terrify me. Here's why. I've Just entered my 30's I weigh about 186lbs - I wouldn't consider my self healthy however all my life I've been quite active and do not lead non active lifestyle. My Mum was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis after giving birth to me in her 40's. I was a late child in their relationship. My dad then went on to develop Osteoarthritis due to not looking after himself and his body. Skip forward to my teens and I pretty much had to be a carer for both parents. Cooking for the family, shopping for the family, organising, cleaning, sometimes helping them to the toilet or getting up and down stairs. All the meanwhile I would have to listen to how much pain my mum's RA was causing her. There was many a night growing up in which i'd had to hear my mum cry while I would try and sleep. It made me feel truly useless unable to help.
This disease led to my parents deciding that now they want a divorce (late into their 70's) and I think that has caused a lot of stress in my life. So here I am now. My parents don't live together anymore and they are both a husk of what they once were and it always makes me sad seeing them.
So here's the issue :
About 2 years ago I noticed some grinding in my Left knee, About a year ago it has now started in my right Knee. I've been to the doctors and they told me that i'm getting older and these things happen. However Google says otherwise as this is just one of the symptoms of Arthritis. I don't get any major pain in my Knees or Joints. However recently i've been having almost like Stabbing pains in my fingers and my hands would fall asleep a lot when I woke up. So the problem I have now is every time I feel one of these pains, twinges or creaks my head straights to my future will be a painful, long and I will have no one to look after me (I have no kids). What's worse though is when I feel absolutely fine, or when I realise that i've not had any issues.. BHAM - I will have a random shooting pain in a random joint.
It's like a horrible Cycle which keeps bringing me back and I've fueling the stress within my life. The other Night I went to bed and on two of the steps upstairs my Knee Clicked twice - No pain. - I suddenly get a wave of heat, heart palpatations, breathing faster, sweating and a sense of dread... Over my Knee clicking! It's over dramatic I know. I know that this fear of Arthritis is starting to effect my quality of life so I've decided to make changes.
The Action I've Put in Place So far.
I recently started going to the gym and have focused on DDYP (A form of Low impact Yoga for joints).
I've also decided to see a private Therapist I think I have some things I need to talk about and Maybe they can re-wire my thought process.
Why it Sucks
I am worried about bothering my GP About my fear of Arthritis and Don't want to ask him to check for Rheumatoid Arthritis to waste anyone's time. Although deep down I kinda would love a health check on all my joints.
I often see my colleagues and friends clicking their fingers or cracking their bodies and it terrifies me how their so care free.
I have a warped sense of experience of what it feels like to feel "Normal"
I hyper focus on the slightest thing wrong with my body.
Insert many irrational thoughts.
Thanks for Reading :)
I appreciate it's a lot to take in. I'm not here looking for answers or wanting people to fix me. I guess I just wanted to talk about it, see if anyone has had any similar issues, words of reassurance or maybe some thoughts on how I can better educate my self on the issue.
So I think for the last year I've had some issues with Anxiety. It really came down hard as someone in my life decided to commit suicide despite (as far as we knew) having a perfectly solid family unit, kids, great job and so much more. When I heard the news about my colleague it really made me quite scared of the big unknown (death). Anyway during this time I noticed that I was being quite quick with all of my thoughts, answers and actions and I think I started leading my life as If I had this internal time clock counting down the minutes until I Die.
I had various Symptoms during this time such as :
Pains in where I thought my heart Was.
Severe Stabbing Headaches
Blurred Vision at Times.
Aches and Pains around some Joints.
Had general un-comfort in "The Boys" area and this was the tipping point.
Worried about this I went to my Dr. He checked me out for any kind of Cancers in those regions. He assured me I had nothing to worry about in which I told him I think i've become a bit of a hypochondriac and may have health anxiety. (My friends have mentioned a tonne that I have become anxious) This was a hard thing to admit as in my Job i'm a manager of a team of 20 strong and I often have to do welfare meetings to help them with all sorts be it, work issues, mental health physical health and more.
He suggested that I visit a mental health clinic. After my meeting the Nurse told me that I had a very reckless train of through and that I am going through a phase of (GAD) and high stress. I agreed with this outcome and she suggested I participate in "Mindfulness" and "ACT". I still visit these lectures however I find the written case studies more useful. I thought I was on the road to Recovery but there has been one symptom which has been grinding on me now (litterally) which has lead to some poor sleeping habits, bad diet choices and avoiding certain opportunities.
The Backstory.
The Aches and Pains around my joints? These Terrify me. Here's why. I've Just entered my 30's I weigh about 186lbs - I wouldn't consider my self healthy however all my life I've been quite active and do not lead non active lifestyle. My Mum was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis after giving birth to me in her 40's. I was a late child in their relationship. My dad then went on to develop Osteoarthritis due to not looking after himself and his body. Skip forward to my teens and I pretty much had to be a carer for both parents. Cooking for the family, shopping for the family, organising, cleaning, sometimes helping them to the toilet or getting up and down stairs. All the meanwhile I would have to listen to how much pain my mum's RA was causing her. There was many a night growing up in which i'd had to hear my mum cry while I would try and sleep. It made me feel truly useless unable to help.
This disease led to my parents deciding that now they want a divorce (late into their 70's) and I think that has caused a lot of stress in my life. So here I am now. My parents don't live together anymore and they are both a husk of what they once were and it always makes me sad seeing them.
So here's the issue :
About 2 years ago I noticed some grinding in my Left knee, About a year ago it has now started in my right Knee. I've been to the doctors and they told me that i'm getting older and these things happen. However Google says otherwise as this is just one of the symptoms of Arthritis. I don't get any major pain in my Knees or Joints. However recently i've been having almost like Stabbing pains in my fingers and my hands would fall asleep a lot when I woke up. So the problem I have now is every time I feel one of these pains, twinges or creaks my head straights to my future will be a painful, long and I will have no one to look after me (I have no kids). What's worse though is when I feel absolutely fine, or when I realise that i've not had any issues.. BHAM - I will have a random shooting pain in a random joint.
It's like a horrible Cycle which keeps bringing me back and I've fueling the stress within my life. The other Night I went to bed and on two of the steps upstairs my Knee Clicked twice - No pain. - I suddenly get a wave of heat, heart palpatations, breathing faster, sweating and a sense of dread... Over my Knee clicking! It's over dramatic I know. I know that this fear of Arthritis is starting to effect my quality of life so I've decided to make changes.
The Action I've Put in Place So far.
I recently started going to the gym and have focused on DDYP (A form of Low impact Yoga for joints).
I've also decided to see a private Therapist I think I have some things I need to talk about and Maybe they can re-wire my thought process.
Why it Sucks
I am worried about bothering my GP About my fear of Arthritis and Don't want to ask him to check for Rheumatoid Arthritis to waste anyone's time. Although deep down I kinda would love a health check on all my joints.
I often see my colleagues and friends clicking their fingers or cracking their bodies and it terrifies me how their so care free.
I have a warped sense of experience of what it feels like to feel "Normal"
I hyper focus on the slightest thing wrong with my body.
Insert many irrational thoughts.
Thanks for Reading :)
I appreciate it's a lot to take in. I'm not here looking for answers or wanting people to fix me. I guess I just wanted to talk about it, see if anyone has had any similar issues, words of reassurance or maybe some thoughts on how I can better educate my self on the issue.