Knee problems - Anxiety Relapse - Currently going through CBT

[RyanM1994]

Hi All,

I'm a 24 year old male, currently going through CBT for the second time in 5 years. Around 10 years ago I had an accident on my push bike, I crashed into a recovery truck (Ironic I know), and took a chunk out of my right knee.
At the time, they took an xray and it all looked OK

The past week I have been struggling to cope and feel alone with it all, none of my family understand me or can help me anymore and I'm at a loss.
I have been worrying about different things, however there is one thing I can't get off my mind.

Monday evening, after a particularly bad day, I was driving home when a thought randomly appeared in my head about a popping/clicking sensation I have had for a very long time (over 6 years) in my right knee.
I didn't think much of it again until I got home, ran upstairs in a panic, laid on the bed with my leg up in the air and started bending my knee and opening my knee like a mad man, panicking more and more each time I heard the noises.
I have also, on and off, been pushing and prodding my knee to try and feel where all of the noises come from.

Since then I'm focusing on every little sensation from my knee, and noticed it feel tight and often start to hurt.
I'm convinced I have Arthritis.

Normally my anxiety stops there, I worry, go and see the doc when I can and it goes no further.
The thing that's really sticking with me and breaking my heart (Not ashamed to admit It's actually made me cry), I'm convinced that by the time I have a child I'm going to be wheelchair bound, or not going to be able to be active.

I've always dreamed of having a child and teaching him/her how to play football and ride a bike. And always dream about going on family walks together.
I have visions of my partner leaving me over it all.

I'm struggling to cope so as a last resort, I'm back here again. Sorry :(

[Fishmanpa]

What CBT techniques would you use to combat the irrational thoughts?

Positive thoughts

[RyanM1994]

Hi Fishmanpa,

Thanks for your response.

I have tried using the various techniques (i.e challenging thoughts, managing worry and catching unhelpful behaviours (not sure if those are the actual technique names, but those are the terms me and my therapist use)), this bout just feels very different to all of the others I have had.
The techniques work to calm me down for a while literally until the next time I go to get up, or I move my knee and it clicks, or I feel a random pain in it. Then it starts all of the panicking off, everything just snowballs from there.

All of the other times I have only been semi-convinced there's a true health issue, but the anxiety has fully taken over and ran with it.
Even when I used to post on here all of the time, it was never in my mind that it's 'set in stone' I have something, I just felt I needed reassurance.

I get everything I'm describing here can be described as irrational and catastrophising, and many of the behaviours (e.g. the poking and prodding) are part of the anxiety. But to me it feels like a rational fear.

It's very annoying, I've lived with my knee like this for a long time and the anxiety has never picked up on it. I've never paid attention to it and it's never really bothered me as such.
I'm 24, like this shouldn't even be a worry in my mind, but here we are.

Apologies, It's been a very, very rough 9 months or so, one genuine health problem after another (mainly teeth) and I feel like I can't get away from it!

Not sure if any of that makes sense, but hopefully it does.