This is how often your symptoms are NOT serious.

[Beachlady]

I’m a 62 year old survivor of Hodkins Lymphoma. I had HL when I was 27 and again when I was 32. Because of my treatments (chemo the first time and radiation the second), I’m at increased risk for secondary cancers. Not just one, but several. This risk does not diminish with age.

The reason I’m telling you this is because people like me need to be a little more vigilant than the average person (namely, you), in cancer detection. And, knock on wood, I’ve never had a secondary cancer.

Over the past 30+ years, I’ve had weird health problems crop up, and each time I wonder: “is this the secondary cancer I was warned about?” And each time, the answer was thankfully, no. The hematuria my doctor discovered five years ago wasn’t bladder cancer, but a benign condition of the bladder neck. The lesions on my back weren’t melanoma, but a benign condition called Seborrheic Keratosis. I could go on, but you get the picture.


The fact of the matter is that the odds are still in my favour. While some--or even many--HL survivors get secondary cancers, most of us DON'T. Do I still worry? Of course. But I can’t let it run my life because worrying changes nothing. And hell, I’d rather drink beer, go to the beach, and have fun.


My point here is that if my risk of cancer is much greater than yours, and I’m STILL healthy, what does that make you? It makes you REALLY healthy.

Health Anxiety is anticipatory fear. If you happen to get cancer or whatever illness you’re worried about this week, you’ll cope with it. Trust me, you will. All the worrying in the world won’t change anything anyway. Might as well have a beer and enjoy yourself.

And stay happy.

[Fishmanpa]

IMy point here is that if my risk of cancer is much greater than yours, and I’m STILL healthy, what does that make you? It makes you REALLY healthy.

Health Anxiety is anticipatory fear. If you happen to get cancer or whatever illness you’re worried about this week, you’ll cope with it. Trust me, you will. All the worrying in the world won’t change anything anyway. Might as well have a beer and enjoy yourself.

And stay happy.

Amen! Great post! Been saying that here for years. Survivor here too (H&N cancer). Add to that heart disease (2 heart attacks, bypass & stents). I rarely drink due to meds but I have a few really good beers in the fridge. I think I will have one with dinner tonight :)

Positive thoughts

[WiredIncorrectly]

Cancer survivor here too. I'm often one to wonder "is it back", especially since I recently lost 2 people close to me to Cancer and my partner just lost somebody to Cancer. My Dad was 6 years Cancer free then one day riddled with it.

But if your number is called and it's your time to go there's nothing you can do except make the rest of what time is left as happy and comfortable as you want it. Today I live on my terms, because I know that without medications I shouldn't alive. I'm Cancer free, but my genetics must be faulty for it to occur in the first place, so I'm aware it can come back whenever the environment is right. I'm enjoying my second chance exactly how I wish ... which is what anybody else would do if they'd been through the same tbh.

I don't drink. I exercise. I smoke some cannabis. That's all I do. I still have anxiety, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was and my depression has vanished.

Ultimately this reality is exactly how we make it.

Thank you for your post. It made me question a few things in my head. You're absolutely right.

[wingo22]

Great post!!
Can I ask how many sessions of chemo and radiation you had??

[lofwyr]

This is a great thread.

I am 48 years old, and been a life long sufferer with health anxiety since about the age of 19. I have had many imagined HA health crisies over the years based on symptoms, some real, some imagined. My late 20s to mid 30s were terrible. I had GAD on top of HA then. All this panic was for nothing. I had never had a real issue.

Then, two years ago at age 46 during a physical, they caught an aortic aneursym and bicuspid aortic valve by chance. There are generally no symptoms for either, though in late stages the valve can cause some. My aneurysm is 1mm from operable, and I have been watching it since. Annually, I have a 4% chance of dissection--which would cause very serious problems if it didn't kill me, or rupture, in which case I would die before I hit the floor, without exaggeration. The reason they don't do the surgery is a math game. Open heart surgery has about a 5% chance of serious side effects. In 1mm of growth, the aneurysm transcends to a 6% chance of killing me in a year, so they operate.

Now, every little twinge in my chest is this reminder that it could be the end. I was never bothered by chest pains before, even with HA, but now I live in this world where those chest pains could be the end.

All of this should have been the worst nightmare for someone with HA, it should have sent me over the top. But the truth is, I am more at peace than I have been my entire adult life. Anxiety took a back seat to reality. I didn't hear hooves and think zebra. The zebra ran me over and I didn't even hear it coming. The first month was admittedly panic, and googling and support groups, but after that, I found a way to get up in the morning and tell myself "well, if this is the day or year I die, I cannot do much about it. But I can enjoy a walk with my dogs and my wife, I can enjoy a nice meal on the patio while the sun sets." I learned to take the moments I had and really, truly live in them, and enjoy them.

No one gets out alive, of course, and this thing may kill me, my surgery may kill me, or I may live another 40 years. The truth is, to overcome my anxiety, I was finally able to let go of the fact that I don't know when that end will come, but determined I am so sick of wasting the time I do have with worry. I guess I bottomed out.

I should add, no one learning to deal with anxiety should ever expect to live with the absolute abolition of it. I feel like a lot of people have this expectation that they should never feel anxious or worried. They medicate themselves into a stupor. The truth is anxiety is healthy, and a measured response to things that justifiably are frightening. I still get scared, and of course I don't want to die, but recognizing when that anxiety is healthy and when it is abnormal, is a huge step in my recovery. I let myself be scared when I feel scared. There is no sin in that. But when I acknowledge it for what it is, it loses a lot of power over my daily thoughts.

So, I guess my rambling addition to this thread is to simply add that finding a cure for HA is less important than accepting anxiety as a potentially healthy part of your mental well being. Acknowledge it for what it is, learn to live with it, even use it. Anxiety is what helped motivate me to get the physical that caught the aneurysm, so in a round about way, anxiety helped nudge me down a path that led to a great deal of recovery, even if that recovery was accompanied by a serious medical issue.

I wouldn't trade what happened to me for anything. I would rather have a few years in this peace I am feeling, than another 50 years in the fear I used to have.

[Fishmanpa]

Great post!!
Can I ask how many sessions of chemo and radiation you had??

In my case it was 6 weeks of chemo/rads - 6 weekly chemos and 30 rad treatments (5 a week X 6 weeks)

Positive thoughts

[Beachlady]

Amen! Great post! Been saying that here for years. Survivor here too (H&N cancer). Add to that heart disease (2 heart attacks, bypass & stents). I rarely drink due to meds but I have a few really good beers in the fridge. I think I will have one with dinner tonight :)

Positive thoughts

Thanks Fishmanpa! I’ve read many of your responses on this site--you’re a gem.

Kudos to staying healthy and happy. (and doesn’t everyone deserve at least one beer now and again? :D )

[Beachlady]

Cancer survivor here too. I'm often one to wonder "is it back", especially since I recently lost 2 people close to me to Cancer and my partner just lost somebody to Cancer. My Dad was 6 years Cancer free then one day riddled with it.


I don't drink. I exercise. I smoke some cannabis. That's all I do. I still have anxiety, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was and my depression has vanished.

Ultimately this reality is exactly how we make it.

Thank you for your post. It made me question a few things in my head. You're absolutely right.

Thank you Wired Incorrectly. I think you’re wired just fine, by the way. Membership in our club is quite the wild ride, isn’t it? (And please have a toke for me. :winks:)

[Beachlady]

Thanks!

It was the MOPP regimen for chemo, which ran over 6 months.

Radiation was mantle field radiation for two months, with one month off in between.

MOPP and mantle field radiation are no longer used re the risks I mentioned.

[Beachlady]

Wow, lofwyr, what an incredibly thoughtful, intelligent post. Thank you so much for sharing.

Your experience illustrates so concisely the nature of HA, and how crippling anticipatory fear can be. As you’ve pointed out, normal concerns about our health are rooted in our biology; it promotes survival. But when those fears are unmoored and untethered to reality, they are crippling.

I’ve always suspected that many sufferers of HA who frequent this board would find their HA cured in a heartbeat if they had to face down a liegitimate health crisis. I really, really hope they read your post.

Cheers to our continued survival, for as long as it may be.

[pulisa]

What a wonderful thread and what a lot you have been through and survived, Beachlady!

I also believe that a legitimate health crisis would be surprisingly manageable for serial posters on here. Not that anyone wants a serious illness, of course, but the fear of one can be worse than actually facing up to and dealing with a diagnosed health issue.

Wishing you and everyone on here health and happiness!

[Beachlady]

What a wonderful thread and what a lot you have been through and survived, Beachlady!

I also believe that a legitimate health crisis would be surprisingly manageable for serial posters on here. Not that anyone wants a serious illness, of course, but the fear of one can be worse than actually facing up to and dealing with a diagnosed health issue.

Wishing you and everyone on here health and happiness!

Thank you Pulisa! Wishing you health and happiness too. I really hoped that we would hear from HA sufferers--maybe an epiphany or two, but alas, that’s not to be, I guess.