I need help . I can't do this anymore

[always scared]

I'm having such a hard time living my life right now. I've been down this rabbit hole many times before but I've always been able to climb back out. This time is different. I'm stuck at the bottom with no hope of ever getting out. I HATE ME :weep: I've had extreme health anxiety all my adult life. I am terrified of CANCER! When I was younger it was easier to cope but now that I'm older (53) the odds are against me of getting cancer. Every little symptoms sets me off. Just since December I thought I had ALS or MS a brain tumour because I had morning headache for 2 weeks. Cancer of my ovaries and now Pancreatic cancer . This is insane. The rollercoaster days that I am having is killing me.

The minute I wake up I scan my body for symptoms and if I'am still having the symptoms that have been worrying me I instantly go into a panic . At some point in my day I do think rationally and I can calm down and get on with my day but the minute i feel any pain or a symptom I go right back to falling apart.

How can I go from being terrified of dying one minute to wanting to give up the next. My head is F*%#@*.
I do this everyday while trying to be a mom and trying NOT to look and act crazy in front my kids.
:weep::scared11::scared10::angry::madness::sad::we ep:

Mary

[SnowyGreen]

'

[Fishmanpa]

Its apparent you're spiraling :( I saw in your post history you had an 11 year gap in posting from 2008 until recently. Obviously, you must have been doing something to manage your anxiety. What did you do? Are you currently getting real life help?

Positive thoughts

[always scared]

Its apparent you're spiraling :( I saw in your post history you had an 11 year gap in posting from 2008 until recently. Obviously, you must have been doing something to manage your anxiety. What did you do? Are you currently getting real life help?

Positive thoughts

I was on antidepressants (celexa) and ativan. I was able to control them pretty good and I didn't really have any bad symptoms. I have since stop taking my celexa about 5 years ago and was doing pretty good. I thought :sad:

[jalapeno1234]

I'm 26 and already in your position, just consistently worried about the worst of things over the littlest thing. Its so tough but dont worry you CAN make it go away.. around 2 weeks ago I developed a suspicious neck pain which didnt feel muscular but viral or bacterial and it got me down to the point where I couldnt even enjoy some of my birthday with my friends cos I kept overimagining it and telling myself it was gonna be a constant thing. But, to my amazement (and horror) I then developed a scab on my finger which got infected and boom - my mind was off the pain, absolutely zero worry as I had to fixate on a small but severe injury - sure, my anxiety flared so much over this too and I completely lost it due to my HA cos the infection wasnt clearing but you need to remind yourself that our bodies are STRONG. And that there is ALWAYS gonna be medication for mostly everything - you also self-scan which is something we tend to avoid cos were scared of finding things. 53 is super young - youre my parents age, my dads picked up a few skin things but my mum is a tad older and ANYTIME she feels the slighest bit concerned she will go to the doc for confirmation - can you get some reassurance from a doc, even if it will give you some piece of mind maybe?

Dont worry though - HA is a debilitating fear and I think people can see it..my friend saw me break down over it 4 days ago and she said to me "Ive never seen this side of you and I really wanna help and pray for you" so dont worry about your kids, they only want to see you happy.

I promise youre OK, even if by some chance you HAVE got something, medication is strong (Ive seen this this week due to my antibiotics!) and its out there to cure us, but I wouldnt embed extra worry into your life as if you start taking away the "thoughts" (man I hate the thoughts..the worries..the what ifs) you will blossom. Try doing more of what makes you happy - that was my starting point

[Fishmanpa]

I was on antidepressants (celexa) and ativan. I was able to control them pretty good and I didn't really have any bad symptoms. I have since stop taking my celexa about 5 years ago and was doing pretty good. I thought :sad:

Got ya... might be time to discuss this with your doctor. If meds were that successful in managing your anxiety in the past, its worth discussing again. For many, anxiety is a chronic condition and while you did well for a long time, this could be a little relapse that needs attention. Why not download the FREE CBT (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?211324-9-FREE-CBT-ebooks-for-Health-Anxiety) offered here in the meantime and give it a read?

Positive thoughts