Please Help

[haze]

Sorry if this is a long story but i don't know what else to do or who to turn to. Yesterday my husband collapsed and obviously the panic set in, i was running around like a headless chicken, screaming and crying, thanks to my son and a friend who were relatavely calm they sent for an ambulance and off he went to hospital with my son by his side.
It turns out he has had a TIA (mini stroke) and obviously they are keeping him in.
I'm at my wits end as owing to my panic and agoraphobia i cannot visit him so i feel so guilty but also feel extremely depressed that i know nothing of whats going on with him etc.
I'm not sure if it's possible to have a miricle happen and get better before he comes home so i can visit him. I just don't know what to do:weep:

[groovygranny]

Hello Haze,

Well, miracles do happen love. But maybe not quite in the way you invisage!

One happened when my dad was in hospital with a very serious kidney complaint about 25 yrs ago. My mum has been agrophobic and an anx/panic sufferer since I was 5 (I'm 52) and it wasn't until I challenged her to visit dad to give me a break that she actually tried it! I had a sick husband recovering from open heart surgery, two young children aged 4 1/2 and 2, and was working evenings......and visiting my dad every spare second.

I had to hold her hand all the way, but was firm as well as understanding, and she did it! Every time after that was a struggle and when they moved him right to the top of floor she didn't make it - but what I'm trying to say is this:

When someone you love is in dire need of your support it's surprising what you can achieve.

At least have a go at visiting - would your son go with you, or a friend or other family member? If it doesn't work out , then at least you've had a go and can get rid of those non-constructive guilt feelings.

I hope your husband improves very soon and that this will all work out satisfactorily for you.

Take care

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

:flowers:

[kazzie]

Awwww Haze:hugs:

Im sure he will be fine but maybe try and visit???

Or if you just cant explain prob to hospital and maybe they will give you more info etc on phone???

Kaz x x x

[AngieJ]

Hiya Haze,
I went through the same feelings when my hubby was in hospital. I did manage to visit him every day but needed someone to take me and pick me up although I made it a couple of times there on my own.
The way I looked at it was that if I was going to have a panic attack, the best place to have one would be at the hospital...lol.
Just to see the look on his face every day when I walked onto that ward made all the palpatations worth it. He's always been my rock and I wanted to be there for him for a change.
Give it a try if you can, you'll feel so much better for seeing him even if only for 5 minutes.
:hugs:

[haze]

Thanks for all your words of support. I know i should try to see him but i feel i can't maybe i'm been selfish but i am thinking of the worst case senario of if anything happens to me then who will be there for the kids.
I got to talk to him on the phone yesterday which helped a little
i hate been like this:mad:

[Nibbles]

Hi Haze,

I hope your husband gets better soon and your anxiety subsides too, it must have been a terrible shock. You shouldn't feel guilty because it is the anxiety which is making visiting him difficult not you. If you give visiting him a go then it will be a big success whatever happens because you've tried.

Rather than looking at a visit as being an unachievable goal try and break it down into manageable tasks. The first could be visualising a visit and writing down your fears with positive, rational statements countering them. For example, you say that you fear the worst will happen but the reality is this rarely happens and the chances of something catastrophic happening is very slim.

The next step could be getting ready for the visit and to cope with the anticipation you could plan some distraction techniques such as listening to music. Getting your son to chat to you would also help divert your mind from anxious thoughts.

The next step would be getting to the hospital and at this point you already know you've achieved something. Anticipation is often the worst part of anxiety so if you plan some coping strategies in advance it will help. So you could take any crutches you have and again listen to music or better still go with someone you trust.

Lastly would be the visit itself and even 5 minutes would be a huge achievement so you could take this bit by ear and see how you feel. I'm willing to be the pleasure of coming this far and seeing your husband would far outweigh any anxiety.

I hope some of this helps and wish you both well.

Take care,

Mike

[honeybee3939]

Hi Haze

I can totaly understand how you must be feeling, i went through the exact same thing a few years ago when my husband had a suspected heart attack, he was in hospital for 10 days and because of my agorophobia i didnt visit him either, The nurses and doctors where very good they let me speak to him a few times a day by phone after my mental health worker had explained my sittuation.
I realy wish i could say more to help but i just wanted you to know that my sittuation was just the same and can understand how hard it must be for you too. I hope things improve for you soon hun and your husband makes a speedy recovery.

Love and hugs
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[haze]

Thanks yet again for the kind words, the only way to visit him is by catching 2 buses which are my ultimate nightmare. I have no friends or family to take me and getting a taxi would cost loads as it it in the next town, on the upside though he has his mobile now which i can ring him on so that helps.
Today was bad as it is my birthday and i wish he was here with me. He is just waiting for some scan results then they will decide the next step.

[nomorepanic]

Haze

Sorry to hear all of this and Happy Birthday - though I bet you haven't felt like celebrating much!

At least you can talk to him now but what an achievement it would be to visit him eh?

Can you try it and if you can't do it then you at least tried or is it too much to even try.

Sometimes when we push ourselves we can do these things and we find an inner strength to do it.

I hope things go ok for you.

[honeybee3939]

Haze

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUN !!:flowers: :flowers: :flowers: :flowers:

I wish the circumstances could have been better for you.:hugs:

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[Nibbles]

:flowers: Happy Birthday Haze :flowers:



Whatever you decide to do please don't be hard on yourself because it is the anxiety not you, there is only beauty in you caring so much for your husband. If you feel a taxi would make visiting possible I shouldn't worry about the cost because the visit at the end is priceless. Just do your best and nobody can ask for anymore. :hugs:


Take care,


Mike :)

[belle]

Hi there...

** HAPPY BIRTHDAY **

Sorry your husband is sick. I've been in the same situation with my son, i had to watch him go off in an ambulance (with whooping cough) while i sat at home feeling possibly the most useless mother in the world, but on the flip side, IF i could be there - he knew i would!!

All i can suggest is that if you feel like you can go just try, but like my son, i am sure your husband knows if you could be there - you would.

Don't beat yourself up hun.

x