View Full Version : Concerned for 18 yr old son
BrokenGirl
13-05-19, 22:46
I don't know if I'm posting this in the right section but I hope I am.
Over the past few weeks I have noticed something about my son that is worrying me a little bit. He's nearly 18 yrs old.
I've been in the car driving him somewhere and when he gets out I noticed a damp patch on the seat. I shrugged it off the first time I saw it but I've seen it a few times now. I saw it again this evening when he got out of the car. I'm trying to think logically what it could be but of course there's all sorts going through my mind.
Has anyone any ideas what might be causing it?
nomorepanic
13-05-19, 23:03
Now this is a weird one cos when I bought a new car last year I noticed a wet patch on the seat when the dealer had sat in the driving seat and I thought it was me and I was thinking oh god did I wee myself being an older woman lol
But then when we got back to the garage after a test drive the seat was dry and he went to put it back in the showroom and again there was a wet patch so it was him not me but no idea what it was etc.
I never got to the bottom of it!
Maybe ask him if he is having urinary problems
I never got to the bottom of it!
Literally!
Positive thoughts
BrokenGirl
13-05-19, 23:20
Maybe ask him if he is having urinary problems
That's exactly what I'm almost afraid to do, for 2 reasons.
Firstly, I don't want him thinking (or knowing) that I'm worried about it and risk him finding out that I'm a bit of a HA nut case and
Secondly, I know that if I ask him about it, he will get really embarrassed. How do you ask an 18 yr old something like that without embarrassing the hell out of them?
If I thought there was a simple explanation for it I would just leave it.
nomorepanic
13-05-19, 23:27
Well there could be but if you want to know you have to ask I guess
Being concerned about your son's health does not make you a "HA nut", and I don't see why you shouldn't ask him directly, because he'll be even more embarrassed if a stranger or peer notices and asks him the same question. Better coming from his mother.
BrokenGirl
14-05-19, 07:13
I'm scared of how he'll react if I say it to him. He's a quiet person, keeps to himself a lot. It's situations like this that I don't know how to handle, being a HA sufferer. When do you say something and when do you keep your mouth shut and not even think about it again? Is it something a non HA person would worry about or would they forget it?
Could it be that he's sweating down there and leaving what looks like damp patch? Do you have leather seats in car and is it actually wet? Nevertheless, I would mention it casually because it could also be a problem with post micturition dribble, where the bladder isn't emptying fully. Either way, these types of problems can occur with teens and talking about it is important so you can build confidence and trust. I really doubt it is something serious.
Has he visited GP before? He's old enough to go on his own if he feels there is a problem but support and encouragement from you is important. That doesn't make you a HA nut!
BrokenGirl
14-05-19, 15:28
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that he will get really embarrassed. He won't even want to get into the car with me after it. I don't want to damage him mentally over this.
I reckon it has to be one of 3 things: sweat, urine or anal discharge.
I don't think it would be sweat. When I saw it last night he was getting into the car after a guitar lesson, hardly a reason to cause him to sweat.
Could it be urine? Possibly. But if he is having some problems there he doesn't want me to know, otherwise he would have told me by now.
And anal discharge, I have no idea if this is how it would present itself. Could it be so bad that it would soak through underwear and pants? I've no idea about this one but I'm worried about it.
I don't know what the best thing to do is.
What's best for me and for him?
Guys do sweat down there but to wet a car seat? Besides, logically, don't you think you would notice as his pants would be wet and he'd have to change right?
Positive thoughts and sweaty balls :shades:
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that he will get really embarrassed. He won't even want to get into the car with me after it. I don't want to damage him mentally over this.
I reckon it has to be one of 3 things: sweat, urine or anal discharge.
I don't think it would be sweat. When I saw it last night he was getting into the car after a guitar lesson, hardly a reason to cause him to sweat.
Could it be urine? Possibly. But if he is having some problems there he doesn't want me to know, otherwise he would have told me by now.
And anal discharge, I have no idea if this is how it would present itself. Could it be so bad that it would soak through underwear and pants? I've no idea about this one but I'm worried about it.
I don't know what the best thing to do is.
What's best for me and for him?
You didn't really answer my questions or acknowledge what I said. You appear to be talking to yourself, BrokenGirl. So not sure why you're asking for advice. Do what you feel is best then :lac:
BrokenGirl
14-05-19, 19:25
You didn't really answer my questions or acknowledge what I said. You appear to be talking to yourself, BrokenGirl. So not sure why you're asking for advice. Do what you feel is best then :lac:
KK - I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or want you to think that I wasn't listening to your advice. When I was on the forum earlier I was at work so I was going in and out of it quickly all the time. Sometimes I'll have to go into a post 5 or 6 times before I get it all read. So then when I reply I forget half of what was said.
I've seen you give advice on here and I have so much respect for the advice you give - it's honest, upfront and you tell it as it is. So please accept my apologies for not replying to you and answering your questions.
But I will answer them now. You asked if he could be sweating down there and leaving a dampish patch on the seat? The answer to that is I don't know. How easily can men sweat down there? And would you need to be doing some sort of exercise or activity to sweat a lot down there? I would love if the answer was as simple as that - maybe it is but because I'm not a man then I don't fully understand how things work down there.
The seats are not leather in the car, they are normal car seat material.
He has been to the GP on his own once or twice. I drove him there and waited in the waiting room while he went in to see the doctor.
I know you're advising me to say it to him, but I'm really struggling with that. I have a daughter who is nearly 12 and if this happened to her I'd have no problem saying it to her. She has a completely different personality. But it's not as easy say it to my son. Once I say it I can't unsay it. And I know he'll get awfully embarrassed, walk away from me and be afraid to face me again.
I suppose that's why I posted here as well. If some people had said that it's a common(ish) thing to happen to boys/men and it's usually harmless, then I might be able to relax and leave it for a while and see how things go. That's what I was hoping for but it doesn't seem to be that way!
Guys do sweat down there but to wet a car seat? Besides, logically, don't you think you would notice as his pants would be wet and he'd have to change right?
Positive thoughts
Was he wearing thinner shorts or jeans/trousers?
Has it been hot where you live recently? And was it hot inside the car? It's probably just sweat, anything like mucus would be noticed more in the underwear rather than on a car seat unless he's wearing thin shorts with no underwear
and I doubt he'd be wetting himself multiple times consecutively in your car. It sounds weird but you could maybe... see if there's a smell of urine coming from the patch next time if it happens again? To rule out if it's urine or not
If the patches are the same size as his, well, bottom, then it'll be sweat
BrokenGirl
14-05-19, 20:46
He was wearing a long tracksuit pants, not jeans. It wasn't cotton - it was that shiny material, think it might be polyester.
It's not too hot at the moment here and the car wasn't hot either. He had just come out from his guitar lesson, which lasted over an hour, so I don't know if it was hot in there.
If it was urine, would the smell still be there now (on the car seat)? Or does the smell of urine go away when it dries out?
The few times I've seen it, it's one patch, nearly exactly in the middle of the seat. Kind of long oval(ish) shape - roughly 3 or 4 inches long I'd say.
Fishman: You said that guys do sweat down there, but not enough to wet a car seat? So are you saying it's possible it's just sweat, or that it's unlikely to be sweat if I can see it on the seat?
Sorry if this is a really stupid question, but I just didn't fully understand your point
Fishman: You said that guys do sweat down there, but not enough to wet a car seat? So are you saying it's possible it's just sweat, or that it's unlikely to be sweat if I can see it on the seat? Sorry if this is a really stupid question, but I just didn't fully understand your point
I'm saying, even when I was into heavy workouts, the worst I got down there was some damp undies. You describing a situation where he wouldn't be sweating so... Again, he would have had to pee himself to get the seat actually wet and his clothes would be wet as well. He's not coming home running up and changing is he? And yes, urine would smell after the fact and you would definitely notice it in a car.
Positive thoughts
BrokenGirl
14-05-19, 22:38
I'm saying, even when I was into heavy workouts, the worst I got down there was some damp undies. You describing a situation where he wouldn't be sweating so... Again, he would have had to pee himself to get the seat actually wet and his clothes would be wet as well. He's not coming home running up and changing is he? And yes, urine would smell after the fact and you would definitely notice it in a car.
Positive thoughts
So you don't think it's sweat because that generally wouldn't come out through his underwear and pants, especially when he wasn't even exercising, and it doesn't look likely to be urine either because he's not coming home changing his clothes and the car doesn't smell of it. Now I'm running out of ideas as to what it could be. And I know I didn't imagine it. I definitely saw a patch on the seat and once he got out of the car it started to fade after a few minutes.
So you don't think it's sweat because that generally wouldn't come out through his underwear and pants, especially when he wasn't even exercising, and it doesn't look likely to be urine either because he's not coming home changing his clothes and the car doesn't smell of it. Now I'm running out of ideas as to what it could be. And I know I didn't imagine it. I definitely saw a patch on the seat and once he got out of the car it started to fade after a few minutes.
Sometimes car seat material can show when someone was sitting on it just from weight distribution and such and frankly, since its obvious he's not urinating nor has obscenely sweaty balls, I would chalk it up to nothing and not concern myself.
Positive thoughts
So you don't think it's sweat because that generally wouldn't come out through his underwear and pants, especially when he wasn't even exercising, and it doesn't look likely to be urine either because he's not coming home changing his clothes and the car doesn't smell of it. Now I'm running out of ideas as to what it could be. And I know I didn't imagine it. I definitely saw a patch on the seat and once he got out of the car it started to fade after a few minutes.
I would still go with perspiration/sweat because pee or discharge of that kind would smell strongly. It could also be that his bum was a bit wet from sitting or leaning against a wall, car, bench etc.
I would personally ask him but I accept and respect that we're all different in our approaches. I guess you just have to hope that he'd mention it to you if it concerned him - and that's obviously not the case right now.
He was wearing a long tracksuit pants, not jeans. It wasn't cotton - it was that shiny material, think it might be polyester.
It's not too hot at the moment here and the car wasn't hot either. He had just come out from his guitar lesson, which lasted over an hour, so I don't know if it was hot in there.
If it was urine, would the smell still be there now (on the car seat)? Or does the smell of urine go away when it dries out?
The few times I've seen it, it's one patch, nearly exactly in the middle of the seat. Kind of long oval(ish) shape - roughly 3 or 4 inches long I'd say.
Fishman: You said that guys do sweat down there, but not enough to wet a car seat? So are you saying it's possible it's just sweat, or that it's unlikely to be sweat if I can see it on the seat?
Sorry if this is a really stupid question, but I just didn't fully understand your point
If it’s an oval shape then that’s gonna be from... you know, his... butt crack sort of area. :blush:
Also I think I know what sort of tracksuit you’re talking about, are they black and either Adidas or Nike? They’re pretty thin I think, so yeah it could’ve just been sweat.
Please, just ask him about it, you’re his mother and you’re concerned (though really what’s the worst it can be?). He’s the only one who knows for sure what it is, rather than us speculating
SnowyGreen
15-05-19, 05:20
'
I would go with sweat too. He had been sitting for an hour in polyester bottoms. Sounds like bum crack sweat to me. Again nothing to worry about.
I think sweat sounds like the most likely cause. I've had a few embarrassing moments while at my children's school plays where i've stood up after sitting on a plastic chair and noticed a small oval sweat mark on the chair 😳 it usually coincides with me wearing my polyester work trousers. I honestly don't think it's anything to worry about. I completely understand why you don't want to broach the subject with your son, especially if he is quite a private person.
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