A comment by a friend has me panicked

[Elizabeth Fry]

Hi Everyone

I am bereaved following the death of my husband 2.5 years ago. I have also recently had a severe viral chest infection which I am still not over. Cutting a long story short a good friend called me and said that I looked terrible and had lost weight over the last 2 weeks. When I said do you mean organically she said no through being emotionally overwrought and I need to slow down. I panicked as I have HA and although blood tests, chest X-ray are normal and my doctor says that I just need time to recover and eat properly and I’ll be fine - I am fine - (she has prescribed Citalopram not taken them yet).....I am worried sick and can’t get it out of my mind. Can any of you help please?
Thank you, I don’t know what to do?

regards
Elizabeth

[Carys]

Oh Elizabeth, there is nothing worse than someone with anxiety being told 'you look awful, are you alright?', infact even a 'you look a bit pale' can set off terrible worries. I recall being at work a few years ago and someone said 'are you alright, you look a bit pale...' and until that point I felt fine LOL (after that I dashed to the loo mirror and wondered what they could see that I couldn't and maybe I was ill ?) You friend is just worried about you, and clearly knows you well enough to see that you aren't your usual self - but you know the reason for that; you were ill, have been under the weather, have not eaten well, you are tired and have been miserable. Everything on the tests says 'fine' you know in your heart you are, as you said 'I am fine'. You need some rest, some nutrition and some old fashioned recuperation by the sound of it.

What to do ? Essentially in your mind you dismiss it, your friend isn't seeing something wrong with you that doesn't have explanation for it. So let your friend know that you have been unwell, but you are now recovering and thank her for her concern, but your doctor has done all required tests and checks and you are doing ok. Its kind of her to think of you and if she would like to she can cook you some nice cake !? ;) Don't let the seed of doubt be sown and over-ride the medical opinion and your own internal beliefs.

(BTW, not sure what the 'organically' means ?)

[Elizabeth Fry]

Thank you Cerys. In my mind I think organically means physically but she meant emotionally and that it was all manifesting in looking awful, upset and losing weight - she was worried. I have had lots of building work done too and that has put a strain on me also. She was caring for me and I am grateful but with HA every experience is an impending disaster! I called the GP in a panic and she was very reassuring and said I needed time and ‘I would be fine’. I hate the way I think, living on your own there’s nowhere to go with the thoughts!
Thank you for your brilliant advice Cerys, I will work on not letting my thoughts over-ride the medical opinion and appreciate my friend, too, much appreciated.x

[Carys]

but she meant emotionally

Oh I see, oh thats fine then, she just meant that you seemed under the weather and didn't seem yourself, she was seeing subtle signs of your grief and illness and so on......which is understandable given all you've been through mentally and physically. SHe's a good friend to have. I'd still ask for cake !

[Elizabeth Fry]

Ha ha - will do!!
I think I got a fright Cerys because she ‘phoned me to tell me especially, because she was concerned about me. I think with HA you can be selective in what you hear. I just couldn’t cope on top of everything else and went to pieces - I just heard ‘you are ill’. I suppose reflecting precisely what she was saying - I was/am very stressed. I just want it all to stop. Grief is just so hard to live within.
I am tentative about the Citalopram because I react badly to such drugs. I don’t know what to do.

[BlueIris]

Hi Elizabeth,

For what it's worth, I had a really bad reaction to the first SSRI I took - I got horrible side effects, and worse ones when I quit. It took me nearly twenty years to dare to risk another. Citalopram has been an absolute life saver for me, though; it took me from a place where I couldn't see a way past my health anxiety to one where it's (mostly) under control and I can live my life and do the things I enjoy.

[Carys]

Yeah, I hear what you are saying Elizabeth, to be perfectly honest I think it would have affected me exactly the same way. Sometimes you are just 'hanging on in there' and one small straw....but this was a fairly large straw lol I have two family members on Citalopram and neither have had any side effects at all (like Blue above), but I do also understand your medication fear as I share that with you. Another thought about your friend, clearly she was concerned about you - does she know your level of anxiety though? I think if I knew someone was anxious I might have just asked if they were ok, as they looked a bit peaky, rather than going all out in the way that she did. That would have given you the opportunity to explain the reason you looked a bit out of sorts, without actually having to deal with the worry of how bad she thought you looked. ANyway, none of us can do much about other people and the things they say.....except retreat to your own reassurance and the knowledge you have.