Worried about lymphoma. Node issues.

[Miles Silverfish]

I have an issue with a lymph node on the side of my head. Almost behind my ear. But, more like next to it. It has been up for around 6 months. I have been to three doctors. But, they all seemed to dismiss me quickly and one told me it's not even a lymph node. When, I know better after seeing a chart where the nodes are. I think the one I am having issues with is called the pre-auricular.

It's about the size of a BB or tiny stone, and it's fairly hard and barely moves and doesn't move at all if I stretch the skin tight there. It's painless unless I irritate it. But, then it just feels like the skin on top is irratated. It doesn't seem to have grown any. But, hasn't gotten smaller either. And, it's freaking me out badly. I don't want to die.

What could this be?

[Fishmanpa]

I have been to three doctors. But, they all seemed to dismiss me quickly and one told me it's not even a lymph node. When, I know better after seeing a chart where the nodes are.

So you know better than 3 medically trained professionals based on a chart? :huh:

Positive thoughts

[Miles Silverfish]

I know I know. But, this concerns me highly because I have a strange looking mole on my shoulder right below where this is. You can trace my from there to my neck where the pebble like lump is at. I had the mole looked at 2 years ago. But, it has changed. It has a ring around it that looks like an indentation into my skin.

I just noticed that about 2 weeks ago and I haven't went back to the doctor. I am so scared that it's melanoma and it has went to that node.

[Fishmanpa]

I am so scared that it's melanoma and it has went to that node.

The node that 3 doctors say isn't a node? Do you see you're creating a mountain out of flat earth?

Positive thoughts

[Miles Silverfish]

It was three GP's. Not ENT's. My insurance will not cover an ENT around here.

[Fishmanpa]

It was three GP's. Not ENT's. My insurance will not cover an ENT around here.

I'm a Stage IVa Head and Neck cancer survivor. It was my ONE GP that felt and saw the swollen visible node on my neck warranted investigation and an ENT referral. When I say swollen, I mean you could clearly see it. You're talking about something the size of a BB and no doctor thinks its a node? Sorry, but you can continue to worry and see more doctors and be told the same thing. The "Told Ya So Gang" will be on standby. I realize you're new here but this is an all too familiar pattern of HA many have seen here time and time again.

Positive thoughts

[Miles Silverfish]

I went to the GP again. One of my regular ones. She definitely believes it's not a node. But, a sebaceous cyst. I on the other hand. I'm still worried. All felt great until I started worrying that she didn't feel it correctly because of how swollen all my pressing and rubbing it made it. Like what if the cyst just came up and what was underneath that I was feeling before was something worse. Now I am stuck on sarcoma cause of a story I saw on YT once. Ugh.

It is probably just a cyst though. And, I have an appointment for a dermatologist to cut it out of me and look at the spot on my skin which my GP said looked benign.

What's so funny about the cyst diagnosis is the night before I went to the GP. I heard something like "why am I so worried about a damn cyst" in the back of my mind. But, of course now. I'm right back to having panic attacks that I am dying.

I am so so sick of this anxiety. Even my meds aren't working right anymore.

[Miles Silverfish]

Bumping to say that I went to urgent care today. They felt of it. Think it's a cyst as well. But, I don't think they felt it right. Like I do. It seems attached to the muscle below the skin. And, no doctor has been able to find that out. Also had a CBC. Came back normal.

I have an appointment with the dermatologist tomorrow and I am so scared.

[BlueIris]

Given that these people are experts and perform a lot of physical exams, are you open to the possibility that maybe you're the one feeling things wrong?

Health anxiety is a nasty, nasty illness.

[Miles Silverfish]

Yes. I am open to it. Thank you blue iris.

[Ben1989]

And keep in mind that these GPs most likely HAVE felt nodes that are cause for concern, not just that they’re ‘feeling it wrong’.

Classic HA is not believing your doctors

[Miles Silverfish]

It is like when I feel it though. I have to dig deep under the skin with my index finger. And, they don't do that. They kind of just poke or rub on it.

But, I am probably the one feeling it wrong. And, this is provably just my anxiety. But, I seriously cannot get over the what if's.

[BlueIris]

Have a chat with your GP about anxiety? If you're having to dig deep to feel it, chances are it's a perfectly normal structure.

[Miles Silverfish]

It does swell after prodding it and then it can be felt easily. :(

I know this is probably just my anxiety. But, I don't want to take a chance on it being nothing and then it being something and too late to treat.

[BlueIris]

Life isn't safe or predictable. Poking and prodding at the node will make it swell, and if you do it for long enough it'll stay that way.

In order to feel better, you need to learn to cope with life's inherent uncertainty.

[Miles Silverfish]

Thank you for those words.

I will try and believe what my dermatologist tells me about this spot and the mole tomorrow as well.

[Ben1989]

So, honestly, do you think they’re feeling it wrong? Do they not care and are just ‘poking’ it to humour you?

Has it ever crossed your mind that the technique they’re using is completely accurate when checking for node issues?

[Miles Silverfish]

It's like when I dig deep though. I feel these tiny hard rubbery feeling pebbles that only move with the skin. Yes. They may be feeling my Nodes the way they are supposed to be felt. But, to me they feel entirely different and the Nodes are scaring me. I say Nodes instead of node because sometime they feel like one big pea sized shape. Other times like these little pebbles/grains of sand.

[BlueIris]

In other words, you need to deal with the fear. You have it on expert professional advice that these structures are normal, however, you're now hearing from experienced laypeople (over 25 years of health anxiety, and that's just me) that the fear you're feeling isn't.

[Miles Silverfish]

I know I need to deal with it. It's ruining my life.

[Ben1989]

I’ve had lymph node ‘scares’ but it didn’t bother me from an anxiety perspective. Big ‘node’ on the right side of my neck compared to my left. Doctor checked and just said it’s fine and that lymphnode is just more pronounced.

[Miles Silverfish]

It worries me so much because I think something is really wrong this time. But, I have felt that way before too. So.

[Ben1989]

It worries me so much because I think something is really wrong this time. But, I have felt that way before too. So.

There is nothing wrong with you, except your anxiety

[Miles Silverfish]

Well. Whatever it is. It's stuck on a tendon. Or, on top of it. Cause, I have a tendon there on the other side. Maybe it is just a cyst. And, this is just my anxiety. But, I'll have the dermatologist look and feel it and if it is a cyst. I'll take their word for it. As they know cysts.

[Ben1989]

But, I'll have the dermatologist look and feel it and if it is a cyst. I'll take their word for it. As they know cysts.

As much as doctors know lymph nodes?

[Miles Silverfish]

True, true.

I am just so worried.

These lumps. They feel stuck to the tissue underneath. Very stuck. And, they click when I move them because the muscle or tendon moves too.

[BlueIris]

That's because you're digging at them.

[Miles Silverfish]

So it's normal for them to do that? When digging that is.

Cause, now I am worried about sarcoma.

[BlueIris]

If you're sticking your fingers hard into bodily structures, they're going to feel lumpy and painful. Cause and effect, Miles.

[Miles Silverfish]

Well. It's lumpy. But, not painful at all.

[BlueIris]

You don't have sarcoma or lymphoma, you just need to stop touching yourself and do something more fun instead.

[Ben1989]

You don't have sarcoma or lymphoma, you just need to stop touching yourself and do something more fun instead.

I think a few teenagers would say this contradicts itself :D

[BlueIris]

True, but they're probably not mining for cancerous lymph nodes ;)

[Miles Silverfish]

Wow.

I'm scared witless. But, that was still hilarious.

I'm gonna try and go to sleep. I have to wake up around 11:30 my time.

[Miles Silverfish]

Went to the derm. She does not believe it's a cyst. She did not know what it is. But, thinks it's benign. Checked out my moles too. They are fine. I go back in three weeks for her to see it again once the skin around it clears up. From me prodding it.

[Miles Silverfish]

Anyone around?

I am now convinced I have nerve shealth cancer and still kinda worried about sarcoma. Can someone snap me out of this please. I hate this.

[BlueIris]

Remind me: are you receiving treatment for your anxiety?

[Miles Silverfish]

Yes. But, it's not working this time. This lump on my head is really stressing me out.

[BlueIris]

Okay, you need to think about your normal coping strategies and keep on employing them. The further you've spiralled, the harder it is. You'll get there, though.

[Miles Silverfish]

Thank you.

[Miles Silverfish]

Ok. I think I figured out what it is. But, I haven't had it tested yet. It feels like ripped ligaments or muscle tissue.

And, I remembered the time I flipped around on my couch from sleeping this past winter and basically felt like I had whiplash after and found that place about a week or so later.

my anxiety hasn't been too bad today to think logically.

[BlueIris]

That's great! Try to hold on to that rationality.

[Miles Silverfish]

Had a great day yesterday. But, now. I am tingling all over my body all day since around 6am. And, went to sleep then and woke up and it was still happening. Now I am freaking out about brain or spinal cord cancer.

Help me out someone. Please. I'm so scared.

[BlueIris]

It's just stress, the only thing wrong with you is anxiety.

[Miles Silverfish]

Thanks blue. I just have no idea how it came on after a great day yesterday. I was even up dancing around 4am.

[Miles Silverfish]

It is a lymph node. I'm pretty sure it is just by where it is and what it feels like (buckshot) Personally. I'm not that worried about it anymore. Because it is probably just a shotty node caused by an infection I had back in the fall and winter (really bad sinus infection)

one out of six doctors i went to said they *thought* it was a node. And, I think they were right.

My tingling feeling has also went down a lot. And, I am pretty sure it was caused by high blood pressure. I checked it last night and it was high. Checked it again tonight. Still high. Pretty sure the anxiety caused that.

[Unicorn1985]

I had a node come up behind my ear last January. I freaked out. Non stop googling, convinced I had cancer. I was praying it was a cyst. I went to the dr and she said it’s a node, she then started feeling my neck and said she would feel one right at the front of my neck (I googled that one and cancer came up every time!) she said “if it’s not gone in two weeks come back we will run blood tests to check for nasty things like cancer”. Having terrible health anxiety I came home in tears and my husband thought I’d been told it was cancerous but just her mentioning the word threw me. I had not been ill and never had lymph nodes come up prior to this( that I know of anyway).

Anyway it went down but its still raised to this day. I can feel the node very easily behind my ear and the one at the front of my neck was still up in August last year. The neck one has completely gone down and the ear one goes up again when I get a cold now! It goes back down but I always can feel it, because I poked and poked and applied scolding hot flannels to it etc. It’s shotty now. It won’t ever shrink to the size it originally was.

I got over that and since before Xmas it’s beeb breast cancer to the point I poked in my armpits so much I can feel tiny nodes in my right armpit and every pain I’m conivinced I have breast cancer that has spread. It’s been non stop since December about the breast thing and armpit nodes.

Point being its the anxiety causing all this and when I’m having good days I know this. Living in fear is awful but you have to get help. I’m having counselling and I’m much better than when all this started two years ago. I regularly relapse but mine has been caused from losing my daughter so I know it’s a life long thing for me but I am trying to manage it. You will be ok but please find someone to talk too. Work out your triggers so you are aware.

[Miles Silverfish]

Where behind your ear is your's exactly?

Mine is on the mastoid process. That little bone beside the ear going down to my neck.

Glad your's didn't come back as anything bad.

[Fishmanpa]

one out of six doctors i went to said they *thought* it was a node. And, I think they were right.

So one doctor 'thought' it was a node. Remind me what the other 5 doctors thought?

Positive thoughts

[Miles Silverfish]

They thought it was a cyst.

[Fishmanpa]

They thought it was a cyst.

Case closed! ;)

https://media.giphy.com/media/3o6MbkGhZHjcHq6FfG/giphy.gif

Positive thoughts

[Miles Silverfish]

I know Fishman. But, the way it feels (like a tiny pinhead that blows up some when I push on it) feels more like a node. And, it is in the correct place to be one. If it is one like I think it is. It still doesn't mean it's anything sinister especially since it reacts. And, it's hard. But, that could just be because it's on a bone. It's not worrying me too much anymore. Especially since my bloodwork came back fine. I just want a definite answer about it.

[Fishmanpa]

I know Fishman. But.....I just want a definite answer about it.

Apparently its worrying you as you're still posting about it :whistles: A 'pinhead' is NOT a node, it's not in a location where a node is even located and you've gotten 5 definitive answers so far. How many more do you need? Perhaps some real life help is in order at this point?

Good luck and as always....

Positive thoughts