Miffy
14-09-07, 09:56
hi all, (again)
thank you all for your responses to my threads yesterday. Last night i had some horroble panic and anxiety attack - mostly everytime i talk to my mother - she brought as up with an iron fist, constantly telling me i wasnt good enough, always criticising or losing her temper, she cheated on Dad and then when everyone found out she blamed it on me - you see a couple of weeks before i came out i had accidently shit my sister with a BB gun (we treid to call my mother as was only 13 but her mobile was off as she was seeing this other guy) when she found out about what had happend she went nuts and went on about it for weeks and weeks, even though my sister was fine by this point, making me feel liek i was evil and some kind of threat to society - basicly to cover up the fact that her affiar had just gone public. Few weeks later we were in greece and i started getting horrble messed up thoughts about hurting family member and sexual thoughts, i told my dad and he tried to reassure me, but thety continued. i cried so much those few weeks, and after that the thoughts got worse, my counsillor (and the one be4) says my conditions are largely down to my mum. now i cant seem to let my ex go, i am obbsessional about being out clubbing or with friends every weekend night - i go crazy iof i cant go out and i hurt my arms with lighters or glass.
whenever i talk to my mum and she swithes off or only acts concerned when she needs to be seen to be concerned it makes me panic, i feel like burning my whole arms and im on a bit of a course to self destruction - its like Goose said is top gun "its like your flying against a ghost up there man, makes me nervous" my whole life is like that now. its a compettition agasint the unseen, the past maybe but it hurts and one day i'll take it too far, cuz i miss my ex so much and i avoid facebook or anything to do with her. I am thinking of getting electricshock convulsion therapy done to try and fix this for good as i have been perscribed olanzapine to control these thoughts and anxiety.
will these feelings about my ex at the weekends go away? im so so scared they wont, i worry all the time, feeling sick. i hope someone out there understands - maybe people meet up when they know each other well on here, i dont know, i just want some friends who understand and dont just say "get on with it" thanks people, love, Matthew xx
thank you all for your responses to my threads yesterday. Last night i had some horroble panic and anxiety attack - mostly everytime i talk to my mother - she brought as up with an iron fist, constantly telling me i wasnt good enough, always criticising or losing her temper, she cheated on Dad and then when everyone found out she blamed it on me - you see a couple of weeks before i came out i had accidently shit my sister with a BB gun (we treid to call my mother as was only 13 but her mobile was off as she was seeing this other guy) when she found out about what had happend she went nuts and went on about it for weeks and weeks, even though my sister was fine by this point, making me feel liek i was evil and some kind of threat to society - basicly to cover up the fact that her affiar had just gone public. Few weeks later we were in greece and i started getting horrble messed up thoughts about hurting family member and sexual thoughts, i told my dad and he tried to reassure me, but thety continued. i cried so much those few weeks, and after that the thoughts got worse, my counsillor (and the one be4) says my conditions are largely down to my mum. now i cant seem to let my ex go, i am obbsessional about being out clubbing or with friends every weekend night - i go crazy iof i cant go out and i hurt my arms with lighters or glass.
whenever i talk to my mum and she swithes off or only acts concerned when she needs to be seen to be concerned it makes me panic, i feel like burning my whole arms and im on a bit of a course to self destruction - its like Goose said is top gun "its like your flying against a ghost up there man, makes me nervous" my whole life is like that now. its a compettition agasint the unseen, the past maybe but it hurts and one day i'll take it too far, cuz i miss my ex so much and i avoid facebook or anything to do with her. I am thinking of getting electricshock convulsion therapy done to try and fix this for good as i have been perscribed olanzapine to control these thoughts and anxiety.
will these feelings about my ex at the weekends go away? im so so scared they wont, i worry all the time, feeling sick. i hope someone out there understands - maybe people meet up when they know each other well on here, i dont know, i just want some friends who understand and dont just say "get on with it" thanks people, love, Matthew xx