Will the pain ever go

[camilla]

I can't talk to any1 about how desperate i feel. My mum would get 2 depressed ang end up shouting at me. When i try to talk 2 my dad he mentions how much better i look than i did in hospital. i don't feel any better though i have stopped cutting and moved on to more dangerous methods. Such as self straggling and solvent abuse. i have some1 from the nhs come to see me but he isn't a psychiatrist or psycolagist and doesn't seem to know what he is talking about. he is little help. i haven't told him about the solvent abuse cos i am worried they will make me go back to hospital plus they will stop me harming myself which is the only thing that helps. i was diagnose with dysthymic mood disorder. which has really made me feel bad since thats a mild depression. they have got the diagnoses wrong in the past. but this makes me feel like i making a fuss over nothing. back in nov 04 the nhs (colwood haywards heath) were thinking about me coming back in hospital for a short time as i was unwell at the time but i took an overdose. then they said it wasn't apropiate for me to come. i didn't hear from them for 2 weeks. i feel like i am being messed around. my mum has an appointment with the consultant at colwood this friday about her complants about serveal things. i am going along. knowing me i won't say how much i am struggling and how suicidal i feel. i don't think it will change anything.
my feeling depressed hasn't been helped by me only sleeping about 4 hours each night. i have been on sleeping meds before but only the strong ones help and then i can't get up in the morning. i have been on 5 anti-depressant none have helped. i am currently on no meds.
i don't see what i can do to get out of this pain i am feeling.
if any1 got any ideas it be great to here them.
thanks camilla


c.harbott

[Ivor screwloose]

dear camilla
I don't know if anything I tell you will help immediately but we do have a couple of things in common.Most of us at one point or another have been in the pit of despair, and it's not a nice place to be. I to have had a past when I tried anything to distract me from my illness, but ultimately it does not work and indeed can make things a lot worse, don't fall in to the same trap I did. It can be extremely fustrating going to the doctors or hospital believe me I know, but you have to persist and keep going they are trying to help, It may take a bit of time to find what works for you. but you will find something. I promise.
If you look on this site under FINDING HELP, you will find other organisations that might be able to help try SANE give them a call, Helpline(0845 767 8000) call between 12 pm-2pm.or visit the web site www.sane.org.uk .
One the hardest things I found to do was help myself and I still find it hard sometimes on bad days I'm 37 now and I felt like you at your age and I'm still here and still fighting. but I will not let this beat be. you have found this site at an age where you can find out so much that can help you. I wish I had found it when I was your age that option wasn't available to us older members.
KEEP a journal write everything down no matter how small,because it's easier than having to remember stuff when you go to the hospital and it will give them a more detailed veiw into how you feel.
And at the end of the day you have all of us that will listen to you and help if we can.
I'll be keeping an eye out for you. BIG HUG

gary

[nomorepanic]

Camilla

I am wondering if hypnotherapy may help you with this.

It is very relaxing and you will feel totally chilled-out for an hour.

Write things down like Gary says and try to make sense of them.

Hope you feel better soon.

Nicola

[andrew]

hi camilla,
sorry to read your not doing so great.
talking about how you feel usually helps, you can always ask to see a different nhs person, i know it wouldn't be easy but you know your family care about you, it doesnt have to be a fancy speech, blurt it out ' i need help' and theres always what you are doing now - talking about your feelings online.
i thought you felt abit better when you came out of hospital last time ... so something must have helped at the time ... try not to let your depression overwhelm your hope of a future.
im not that sure how to advise you about the 'self harm', although i know there are several websites about self harm where you might find good advice and some support for yourself.
anyway try not to bottle up your feelings and let us know how you are doing, you take care ... andrew

[camilla]

thanks 4 all your support. will let you know how it goes with the consultant tomorrow
camilla

[sal]

Hi Camilla

I hope it went well with the consultant and you got some positive results.

I know you self harm and struggle if stopped and working where i work i have seen some terrible harm, but i would urge you to try and stop using solvents that can in itself lead on to long term problems.

Let us know how you got on.



Lots of Love Sal xxxxx

[razocaine_07]

how did things go with the consultant?