View Full Version : I think I've fallen off the wagon. Feeling defeated.
My anxiety has been so well controlled the past year almost now. But over almost that same amount of time I've also had intermittent abdominal pain/tenderness that I first associated with my cycle and later with gastro issues (per my OBGYN). I haven't let this get me down because it comes on and off, etc... nothing constant, not other symptoms. But, for some reason (maybe added stress of my daughter being sick all last week and us stuck in the house, maybe the fact that she just finished pre-school which is a huge life milestone, etc..) this past time has made me more anxious. Two night ago my abdomen felt hard, a new symptom, and I started to worry a bit more.
I posted on the IBS forum, trying to moderate my anxiety and treat it as rationally as possible and fishmanpa offered great insight. I tried to stay on course. I avoided googling and I called my primary care doctor and made a check up appointment for Friday. But, then I sat down and couldn't stop thinking about it... so I went to urgent care (which is like an alcoholic going to the bar for me). They did blood work/urine sample - all normal and the doctor felt my abdomen. She could feel the hard section and said it could be poop (though less likely because I'd gone several times today), it could be a fibroid (which I do have, but my OBGYN didn't think they were causing the pain since my uterus tilts backward), or it could be another mass. She suggested seeing my primary and pushing for an ultrasound to see what's going on.
I am doing my absolute best not to let the fear overtake me. I was able to push my doctor's visit up to tomorrow morning. I called my OBGYN to see if I can get in for an ultrasound today and I'm waiting on a call back. I'm having so many emotions now - fear, but also disappointment in myself both for waiting so long to see someone about this and for falling back on my crutch of urgent care.
Recently I've described to others on this forum that I think of my anxiety like an addiction that I'm in constant recover for - not something that will magically be cured for good. So, I'm trying to tell myself that my anxiety is pushing my actions right now and that it's ok to be anxious because it's part of me, but that I don't have to let it take over. I haven't had a full on panic attack about this yet and I'm trying to remain as calm as possible. Of course, it's so hard to control the thoughts that spill into my mind.
I'm starting law school in August, which is a major, major life change and I think under the surface I've been very anxious about whether or not I can handle it or if it's a good idea. My daughter will start kindergarten and after being a stay at home mom for 5 years it will be the first time we're apart so much. There are just so many changes coming up that are major sparks for my anxiety and I am trying very hard to get through them as best I can.
I'm not sure the point of this post! But, I wanted to get everything out that I'm feeling.
Edit to add: My anxiety is actually not overwhelming me at this point, but it's almost like that's more confusing. Like my body and mind are thinking - when am I going to freak out? Where is the panic attack? Has anyone ever experienced that? I mean - I'm glad. But I want to try my best to go with that feeling and not let the panic take over.
Hi hun, sorry you didn't get any reply earlier.
In ways I can relate to you, I've lived in a bubble since I started to suffer with anxiety (or mental health in general). Life has been lived by certain rules and day to day things to live by. I'm taken a chance, I'm moving to a new country by myself. Freaking! But we're doing this. You can do this. You sound like a very articulate person to me in your repsones to people, the world of law does need someone who understanding like you.
My health anxiety has been very bad lately, every since I decide to make the move 100%. My headaches are horrible- can't stop checking my throat- but I've been here before. I've lived through it before.
Sorry if this is a ramble, Please update us how you get on x
Just to say also, my Mam went back to college when I was the same age as your daughter. I've always admired her hard work. Well done- on the first place for getting in x
Hi hun, sorry you didn't get any reply earlier.
In ways I can relate to you, I've lived in a bubble since I started to suffer with anxiety (or mental health in general). Life has been lived by certain rules and day to day things to live by. I'm taken a chance, I'm moving to a new country by myself. Freaking! But we're doing this. You can do this. You sound like a very articulate person to me in your repsones to people, the world of law does need someone who understanding like you.
My health anxiety has been very bad lately, every since I decide to make the move 100%. My headaches are horrible- can't stop checking my throat- but I've been here before. I've lived through it before.
Sorry if this is a ramble, Please update us how you get on x
Just to say also, my Mam went back to college when I was the same age as your daughter. I've always admired her hard work. Well done- on the first place for getting in x
Thanks so much for your response! I fell all the way down the rabbit hole and went to the ER. The biggest reason was when I called my doctor to get an appointment the nurse kept saying, "if you have concerning abdominal pain you should always go go to the ER" .. so I just did it. I felt stupid, but when I got there and went through triage the doctor immediately felt the lump in my abdomen that I had been feeling and sent me for an ultrasound, so I felt less silly.
They found what I was suspecting - fibroids. The one in the front that I was feeling is 7.5 cm (the size of a peach!) and the doctor said that absolutely this is what's causing my pain. I'm happy to have that answer but also so frustrated that my own doctor brushed me off so much. The biggest reason I was so worried is that not one, but two, doctors told me the fibroids wouldn't cause pelvic pain because they were "small" (based on a 9 month old ultrasound that still listed one as 6cm!) and my uterus was tiled backward. I'll see my obgyn tomorrow to go over everything, but I'm glad I went because I finally had someone acknowledge what I've been suspecting for months now! I had emergency surgery 8 years ago for a 14 cm fibroid that became necrotic so I really, really hate that my doctors don't take my concerns to heart!
My anxiety is doing a lot better after that. I've been dealing with fibroids for nearly 15 years, so I can handle this. I know that I need to be aggressive in keeping track of them because my doctors won't. But, I'm relieved that it's nothing scarier!
I'm sorry your anxiety is bad, too. Change can be so upending and really spark anxiety, but also open so many doors!
And, thank you so much for your kind words and it's lovely to know that you admired your mom going back to school when you were young! It will be hard to miss so many bed times, but I do hope it has an overall positive effect on all of us!
Thanks so much for your response! I fell all the way down the rabbit hole and went to the ER. The biggest reason was when I called my doctor to get an appointment the nurse kept saying, "if you have concerning abdominal pain you should always go go to the ER" .. so I just did it. I felt stupid, but when I got there and went through triage the doctor immediately felt the lump in my abdomen that I had been feeling and sent me for an ultrasound, so I felt less silly.
They found what I was suspecting - fibroids. The one in the front that I was feeling is 7.5 cm (the size of a peach!) and the doctor said that absolutely this is what's causing my pain. I'm happy to have that answer but also so frustrated that my own doctor brushed me off so much. The biggest reason I was so worried is that not one, but two, doctors told me the fibroids wouldn't cause pelvic pain because they were "small" (based on a 9 month old ultrasound that still listed one as 6cm!) and my uterus was tiled backward. I'll see my obgyn tomorrow to go over everything, but I'm glad I went because I finally had someone acknowledge what I've been suspecting for months now! I had emergency surgery 8 years ago for a 14 cm fibroid that became necrotic so I really, really hate that my doctors don't take my concerns to heart!
My anxiety is doing a lot better after that. I've been dealing with fibroids for nearly 15 years, so I can handle this. I know that I need to be aggressive in keeping track of them because my doctors won't. But, I'm relieved that it's nothing scarier!
I'm sorry your anxiety is bad, too. Change can be so upending and really spark anxiety, but also open so many doors!
And, thank you so much for your kind words and it's lovely to know that you admired your mom going back to school when you were young! It will be hard to miss so many bed times, but I do hope it has an overall positive effect on all of us!
I'm glad to hear you got some answers- It can be hard when they talk to you like that. Another user here (Who I know in real life and is a very good friend, so won't mind me saying this.) Had issues after a small opp, she rang the helpline number they gave her and the nurse was rather blunt with her. Telling her to go to the A&E instead of calling the number. Turns out there was a issue with the opp! It's all working out okay now (Even after doctors doubted her!)
I hope you feel better soon x Thank you for the update! :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
05-06-19, 04:31
It sounds like the doctor would have picked this up at the appointment with you exhibiting these symptoms and without the nurse saying that you would have held on. I think you would know if abdominal pain was enough to warrant an emergency visit so her planting that seed spiked your anxiety further.
Don't feel bad about it, limit any kicking of yourself. We all have blips. It's more important we learn from them and try to change things in the future.
In this case you had a justified concern. But you will also be able to look back and asses where anxiety took things to another level so you can have a strategy if it happens again.
It sounds like the doctor would have picked this up at the appointment with you exhibiting these symptoms and without the nurse saying that you would have held on. I think you would know if abdominal pain was enough to warrant an emergency visit so her planting that seed spiked your anxiety further.
Don't feel bad about it, limit any kicking of yourself. We all have blips. It's more important we learn from them and try to change things in the future.
In this case you had a justified concern. But you will also be able to look back and asses where anxiety took things to another level so you can have a strategy if it happens again.
Thanks, Terry. Very true. I had not even thought of going to the ER until she said that like 5 times. I know it was a cover your ass thing to say, but it definitely planted a seed.
I highly recommend finding a copy of and reading the book “Duct Tape and Bag Balm” by Beach Conger, MD. Its a book I picked up at random but one of the things that has helped me most. It’s very funny, the fictionalized tales of a country doctor. In particular he deals with one health anxious patient in a way that has helped me recover and see things in a new light. It’s not very long and well worth checking out. I might try to post an excerpt to this forum if I get the time.
I highly recommend finding a copy of and reading the book “Duct Tape and Bag Balm” by Beach Conger, MD. Its a book I picked up at random but one of the things that has helped me most. It’s very funny, the fictionalized tales of a country doctor. In particular he deals with one health anxious patient in a way that has helped me recover and see things in a new light. It’s not very long and well worth checking out. I might try to post an excerpt to this forum if I get the time.
Thanks, Irene! I am always looking for a good book. I will check my library!
Oh - they do have it! I'll take it out this week.
That’s wonderful! Please report back if you read it, I’d love to hear what you think. In particular he interacts with a health anxious patient named “Fusswood” who becomes health anxious after a surgery for a benign fatty tumor... but the unknown and the process kicks off Fusswoods health anxiety in a very relatable way.
That’s wonderful! Please report back if you read it, I’d love to hear what you think. In particular he interacts with a health anxious patient named “Fusswood” who becomes health anxious after a surgery for a benign fatty tumor... but the unknown and the process kicks off Fusswoods health anxiety in a very relatable way.
That sounds so relevant to me! My health anxiety started after I had my emergency surgery for the crazy 14 cm fibroid. It was sol, so traumatic and horrifying, 9 day hospital stay, very difficult recovery, etc... So I now always go to worst case scenario and have a tendency to mistrust doctors since none every told me that this complication could occur. So, I got kind of intense when I think my fibroids are acting up.
I feel a bit less mad with myself because I went to see my gynecologist today for a follow up and she did and exam and could clearly feel it even though she wasn't able to feel it as much last time, two months ago. She said it's possible it's beginning to degenerate, which can cause pain, and ordered an MRI since that's the best way to definitively see what's happening. I'm surprisingly less stressed out than I was expecting. It's a weird feeling - kind of like when you have the hiccups for a long time and then they go away and you keep anticipating another one. I keep anticipating my panic, but it's not coming. I think I'm just so glad to have taken the reigns on this one and that I'll be getting some definitive answers soon. I've been trying to get doctors to take my fibroids seriously for years and years, and now finally someone is!! I have mild anxiety about the MRI finding something else sinister or finding that I'm among the less than 1% of people whose fibroids turn cancerous, but even that isn't actually freaking me out because I know how absolutely rare it is.
I'm hoping to get the MRI ASAP and hopefully put this to rest! I think the chances of it being anything serious are slim, with the worst possible scenario being that I'll need to do a uterine artery embolization to try and shrink them. I'm not in love with that idea, but it's not major surgery so hopefully that's the most I'll potentially need.
Good luck! It sounds like you are doing very well!
Also I posted a small excerpt from that book I mentioned on another thread in this forum. I truly hope reading the book helps!
I just saw! I'm excited to read the book. That was a great and insightful excerpt!
I'm so glad to hear it! His writing has made me laugh out loud and I can completely relate.
MyNameIsTerry
06-06-19, 01:56
Erin, don't forget if your doctor thought it could be serious they would have fast tracked your MRI anyway.
I think with the trust issue you can also rationalise that it has grown/changed between appointments and unless the nurse spiked your anxiety you would have progressed to scans/tests from today rather than suffering the blip into ER.
So, perhaps it does add more weight to why you wait and observe? Although I realise there was also a genuine complication in play here too.
Erin, don't forget if your doctor thought it could be serious they would have fast tracked your MRI anyway.
I think with the trust issue you can also rationalise that it has grown/changed between appointments and unless the nurse spiked your anxiety you would have progressed to scans/tests from today rather than suffering the blip into ER.
So, perhaps it does add more weight to why you wait and observe? Although I realise there was also a genuine complication in play here too.
Yes, she did not seem super concerned. She actually repeated like 5 times, "Do not panic." It seems like for faster growing fibroids MRI is actually becoming the diagnostic test of choice, so it makes me feel good that she's up to date on that (I may have googled...). I'll be really happy to have a very clear picture of whats going on in my body because I've never felt like I have a true grasp on it even though it causes me many symptoms.
And yes - in the absence of the nurse saying that on the phone I would probably have just gone today, she would have felt it and noted it was bigger than my last exam, and either had me do an ultrasound first or sent to the MRI. I should be able to get the MRI appointment quickly. I'm hoping in the next week because I have a road trip planned and would love this to be behind me first! But, if I can't get it until after the trip it will be a good distraction.
I'm having a hard time this morning, feeling very anxious. I called to make my MRI appointment and was about to have one scheduled for Monday when the person on the phone noticed my doctor had ordered both pevlic and abdominal. She said for fibroids the abdominal wouldn't be necessary and she didn't want me to be stuck in the MRI machine for two hours and pay twice, so she would call my doctor to double check and get a new order and then get back to me. I am so anxious to just get this scheduled and over with and the more I wait on it the more my anxiety is climbing.
I'm trying so hard not to let myself get overwhelmed, but I'm having trouble controlling it. I'm supposed to start school in 2 months and I'm so worried that whatever is going on, even if it's just fibroids (which it most likely is), will require some kind of treatment that will either result in a long recovery or throw my anxiety totally out of whack right before I'm set to start school. I'm so incredibly frustrated because I have been trying to find a cause and solution for this pain since February and no one has done anything until I went to the ER for the ultrasound.
I'm just feeling really sad today.
And today is my daughter's last day of a two week camp we had her in following her pre-school ending. So, now it's summer break and we have nothing planned because we can't afford the pool or other camps. Last summer was so hard for me because I had no breaks and we spent so much time just sitting around that my anxiety got very bad. I used to love summer and now I dread it because it's so hard to be a stay at home mom - who also works 20 hours a week from home - and not have any respite.
I know I'm snowballing now... trying to reign it in!
I just got an MRI appointment for tomorrow morning at 7am! I'm so glad I don't have to wait long and my doctor will just be getting into the office when it's done so I can hear back from her quickly. Still very nervous, but eliminating the wait makes a big difference!
I think you're doing just fine, Erin. You've got an actual thing going on and while maybe you leaned a bit more than necessary on the urgent care and ER, and fretted some, you've shown that you're fully aware of what's going on. Compare this to your old self, I bet you'll see you're handling this much better!
And anxiety recovery is probably almost never linear. Most of us are gonna have setbacks from time to time. I do too.
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MyNameIsTerry
06-06-19, 16:53
Turn to your techniques, Erin. Ground yourself, distract yourself. You are piling scenarios on top of each other without any evidence.
I think you’re doing fine too! Sorry I didn’t see this earlier, it sounds like you’ve been through a trying time.
You had legitimate reasons to go to the ER, so please don’t beat yourself up.
Also I expect the feeling you have of waiting for panic is still the anxiety pushing at you, but because you are wise to it’s tricks it’s being a bit more subtle.
I had a terrible time when my daughter was about to start school - kept thinking it was my last proper summer to do things with her & I needed to make it really special. But they just want to be with you & to go the park as often as possible. You don’t have to spend fortunes at this age, I’m dreading the older years where they get bored and demanding
Hope your mri isn’t too bad x
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Turn to your techniques, Erin. Ground yourself, distract yourself. You are piling scenarios on top of each other without any evidence.
I know. My mom used to have a magnet on our fridge when I was growing up that said, "I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once." I think of that so often since it's such an accurate way to describe anxiety. That's just what I'm doing now! Letting myself be attacked by several days at once. So, I'm trying very hard to just take a break, get back to the work I'm so behind on this week, and wait to see what happens.
I'm going through all the things I know rationally:
(1) I've had fibroids for 13 years.
(2) I have a history of fast-growing fibroids, so it's not out of the ordinary for one to grew quickly
(3) I've been having this pain on and off for close to 9 months, so if it was something worse it would probably be evident by now.
(4) I've demanded ultrasounds annually to check on my fibroids for the last several years, so I have a long history of being checked with nothing sinister ever found beyond the fibroids.
The unknown is just so scary. And, my husband will have to stay with our daughter so I'll need to go alone. I know that no one can be in there with me, but it would probably feel better to have someone in the waiting room when I got out. Blarg.
I had a terrible time when my daughter was about to start school - kept thinking it was my last proper summer to do things with her & I needed to make it really special.
Yes! There are so many emotions swirling under all this medical anxiety. I'm right on the edge of so much change, which is always a major, major trigger for me. Not only will my daughter start school, but I'll start school at night, so Monday - Thursday I'll only see her in the morning to bring her to school and then from around 3:30-5:30, when I'll leave for class. I think that I'm also trying to repress how much anxiety I have about starting school, if I can really do it, if it's the right idea, etc... I'll be taking out a large loan to cover the cost and I keep thinking - what if I can't do it and we go into this debt for no reason? This anxiety is so multi-leveled!
But, you're so right that they only want to be with us at this time. Just coloring or going to the park or playing a game. I have so much anger at my anxiety for robbing me of a good deal of joy I should have had in her early years and so whenever it starts cropping up that also starts so surface. What a beast anxiety can be!
I really appreciate everyone's support so much and value the online relationships I've been able to forge on this site. It's such a nice added support system in times like this.
I think you're doing just fine, Erin. You've got an actual thing going on and while maybe you leaned a bit more than necessary on the urgent care and ER, and fretted some, you've shown that you're fully aware of what's going on. Compare this to your old self, I bet you'll see you're handling this much better!
And anxiety recovery is probably almost never linear. Most of us are gonna have setbacks from time to time. I do too.
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Thanks, jray! It's so true. And my therapist has worked with me on this fact, too. That anxiety is part of who I am. It doesn't have to control me, but I also don't have to get so upset when it does surface from time to time. Feeling anxious now and then doesn't mean I'm going to spiral out of control or let it ruin my life. I just need to walk through it and get to the other side. No matter what I should have a good answer tomorrow and then move to the next step of what needs to be done.
Thanks, jray! It's so true. And my therapist has worked with me on this fact, too. That anxiety is part of who I am. It doesn't have to control me, but I also don't have to get so upset when it does surface from time to time. Feeling anxious now and then doesn't mean I'm going to spiral out of control or let it ruin my life. I just need to walk through it and get to the other side. No matter what I should have a good answer tomorrow and then move to the next step of what needs to be done.
Yup, you've been through both the anxiety and the fibroid issues before, you'll get through them again just fine!
If I might make a suggestion though, I'd reframe that "anxiety is a part of who I am". Don't give it that power or attachment. It is NOT you, it's just something your brain does from time to time! That would be like me saying my spring allergies are part of who I am!
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If I might make a suggestion though, I'd reframe that "anxiety is a part of who I am". Don't give it that power or attachment. It is NOT you, it's just something your brain does from time to time! That would be like me saying my spring allergies are part of who I am!
Ha! So true, but I sometimes feel like my spring allergies are part of who I am!! :roflmao:
Going to bed now and waking up at 5:30 to get ready and get to my MRI appointment. Send all the good juju my way!! <3
Hope the mri was ok x
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Hope the mri was ok x
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Heading in now after an absolutely heinous morning that I'll recap later!
Heading in now after an absolutely heinous morning that I'll recap later!
I look forward to seeing you offload it all [emoji16]
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So, the MRI was fine! A friend recommended closing my eyes before they put me in and keeping them closed and I did that and had no trouble. I'm glad too because I opened them when the tech said we were done and I almost has a panic attack! The top of the machine was so close to my face it was disorienting!
I had been a little nervous about the contrast but I hardly noticed it at all.
But what a freaking morning. I was supposed to be there at 6:30am. The place is 15 minutes away. So, I got up at 5:45 and realized my husband had gone to the gym! He works out from 5:30-6:30 but I'd told him I had to leave!
So, I called him 100 times with no luck and finally at 6:05 I had to wake up my 5 year old, drag her screaming to the car, and drive to his gym (luckily on the way to the imaging place). I was so, so upset with him for not being home. Even if he'd gotten home in time he knew I was anxious and it would have been nice to not be alone when I woke up. My daughter has her annual checkup up today and now she's going to be a tired mess. I'm just so disappointed.
Then, I got to the place on time! And they said that they don't take American Express! I have a high deductible plan so I have to pay out of pocket until I reach my deductible so I owed $690. I thankfully just got paid, but. A freelancer so I don't make much! I had to spend $690 of the $725 in my account. I was crying like a nut case at the front desk because I was just so overwhelmed by the whole morning.
After the MRI was done they said it takes 24-48 for the report to get to my doctor she I'd probably not hear until Monday, which is disappointing, too. But at least the test is done.
MyNameIsTerry
07-06-19, 14:33
On the bright side there's now a viral video floating around of some big bloke getting a right telling off in front of all his gym buddies :biggrin:
Surely he must have realised he needed to change his routine for a day? I would suggest a typical "paying back" routine i.e. he gets to do lots of crappy jobs around the house, babysitting duties become heavily one-sided for a couple of weeks and he is expected to grovel with treats until allowed back out of the doghouse :yesyes:
Glad you got through it. Despite the additional stress, a bad foundation for the day, you coped with the test itself and that's the harder part of the day I would have thought. That and the waiting to go in.
I bet surgery staff in the US are well used to people upset over how to pay medical fees. Being the caring profession, and I bet many of them dislike the fee system too as they just want to help people, they are used to people being emotional so nothing to worry about. Just don't try your Amex over here, not many places take them. I have to ask whenever I go anywhere new.
On the bright side there's now a viral video floating around of some big bloke getting a right telling off in front of all his gym buddies :biggrin:
Surely he must have realised he needed to change his routine for a day? I would suggest a typical "paying back" routine i.e. he gets to do lots of crappy jobs around the house, babysitting duties become heavily one-sided for a couple of weeks and he is expected to grovel with treats until allowed back out of the doghouse :yesyes:
Glad you got through it. Despite the additional stress, a bad foundation for the day, you coped with the test itself and that's the harder part of the day I would have thought. That and the waiting to go in.
I bet surgery staff in the US are well used to people upset over how to pay medical fees. Being the caring profession, and I bet many of them dislike the fee system too as they just want to help people, they are used to people being emotional so nothing to worry about. Just don't try your Amex over here, not many places take them. I have to ask whenever I go anywhere new.
Thanks, Terry! And seriously - I'd love to see that video! He does CrossFit (don't know if they have that by you), so it's like a big open garage. I pulled up like a maniac, flew out of the car, and screamed at him. :roflmao:
Oh god that’s a nightmare! My 5yo would not have been happy & I would have been very cross!
Glad the MRI was ok, I think I kept my eyes shut during mine too.
Looking forward to hearing how OH makes up for his mistake!
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My anxiety is getting the better of me now even though I know it shouldn't be. I called my doctor to see if they'd gotta results. They said they had but my doctor was out of the office today. They sent a note to the nurse to see if she could give me any info. She called me back and said she couldn't really interpret the report and I'd have to wait for the doctor. She said she sent her the report, but she was on vacation so probably wouldn't get back to me until Monday. I asked if she could say anything about if they saw anything scary and she just said, "It wouldn't be fair for me to interpret, it just says some fibroids, a cyst... But we have to wait for the doctor."
So then I got even more anxious because she didn't specify anything about the cyst. I called back, like a huge nag, and asked if one of the other doctors could review the results because I'm very anxious and they sent another note to the nurse who got back to me and said typically the on call doctor doesn't get involved unless it's an emergency. Then she said, "I really never even read off the summary but all it says is multi fibroids, cyst on left ovary."
So, that did calm me down a bit because ovarian cysts are very common and it would fit some of my symptoms, but I still kind of hate it because of all the many pelvic ultrasounds I've had, I've never had an ovarian cyst, so suddenly having one now kind of sucks. But, again, I know the very most likely situation is that it's nothing at all to worry about.
I just wish my doctor has been in the office today!! I'm hoping maybe she takes pitty on me and checks her email and calls me back today, but it's already 4:30 pm here so I know it's not very likely.
The female reproductive system is the critical component of the proliferation of the human race, you'd think it would be less glitchy!!!
In our quests to seek reassurance we can find so much more than we need. When I had my ultrasound for an ovarian cyst I scared myself numb with information that was wrong and unnecessary. I can’t forget it or unsee it now. But when I saw my doctor she explained it in a way that didn’t set off my anxiety in a worse tangent. I think that now, nearly 7 months later I’m still getting over that setback.
So, I understand. Try to distract yourself as much as possible until Monday.
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In our quests to seek reassurance we can find so much more than we need. When I had my ultrasound for an ovarian cyst I scared myself numb with information that was wrong and unnecessary. I can’t forget it or unsee it now. But when I saw my doctor she explained it in a way that didn’t set off my anxiety in a worse tangent. I think that now, nearly 7 months later I’m still getting over that setback.
So, I understand. Try to distract yourself as much as possible until Monday.
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Thanks, Scass. I searched for some ovarian cyst posts on here and saw your thread. What ended up happening with yours? Did it just go away on its own? I'm sorry you had to go through that!!
I'm also annoyed because it seems like all the symptoms I've been having are very common with cysts but two gynecologists did not even mention the possibility. And the ER only did a pelvic ultrasound, not a transvaginal, so they couldn't see my ovaries.
I hate that women have to work so hard just to get good health care here. I can't believe as someone with a history of crazy fibroids and pain I was certain comes and goes at specific times in my cycle two doctors were like... Sounds like gas. Oyyy.
MyNameIsTerry
08-06-19, 13:52
The female reproductive system is the critical component of the proliferation of the human race, you'd think it would be less glitchy!!!
Something men have been saying for many generations as it has a direct relationship with "headaches" :whistles::sofa:
Erin, it seems your anxiety is pushing you to chase for the reassurance of a firm conclusion. What can you do right now to distract yourself from these feelings of tension? Can you be out & about with your daughter seeing her have some fun for instance?
MyNameIsTerry
08-06-19, 13:54
Thanks, Terry! And seriously - I'd love to see that video! He does CrossFit (don't know if they have that by you), so it's like a big open garage. I pulled up like a maniac, flew out of the car, and screamed at him. :roflmao:
Yeah, CrossFit is big over here.
It's a pity it wasn't Caveman Training because I just have this image of a very angry looking woman with a young child in one arm tossing a huge truck tire across the gym with ease with the other arm and everyone staring on in awe :yesyes::roflmao:
Were there any women in the group? I bet they shared a few knowing nods :biggrin:
Thanks, Scass. I searched for some ovarian cyst posts on here and saw your thread. What ended up happening with yours? Did it just go away on its own? I'm sorry you had to go through that!!
I'm also annoyed because it seems like all the symptoms I've been having are very common with cysts but two gynecologists did not even mention the possibility. And the ER only did a pelvic ultrasound, not a transvaginal, so they couldn't see my ovaries.
I hate that women have to work so hard just to get good health care here. I can't believe as someone with a history of crazy fibroids and pain I was certain comes and goes at specific times in my cycle two doctors were like... Sounds like gas. Oyyy.
It’s still there I think. If I really concentrate I think I can make it twinge, but it doesn’t bother me. I will probably need another scan next year.
But with all my knowledge of cysts - I fell very far down the google hole, I can tell you that we get them every cycle so yours may have just been there then but will go in a few days. Also if it doesn’t, it is very very very unheard of for them to be problematic before menopause. And lastly, stop googling [emoji23][emoji3590]
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Thanks! Yeah, I've been having issues on and off for months, but typically I don't have any pain or pressure after ovulation (the pain goes from the day my period ends until ovulate), but this time it stuck around after ovulation and that's when I could feel the fibroid when I pressed my abdomen. So, I'm definitely wondering if the cyst just developed this past ovulation and that's why the symptoms stuck around. And, maybe the added pressure made my fibroids act up too. I'm super crampy today, 6 days out from my period, and I feel the twinges in it when I laugh or cough. I'm hoping some of this resolves with my period. It's not unheard of for me to be slightly crampy at this point in my cycle, so perhaps the cyst is making it worse.
Of course, I'm not a doctor so I know I have to wait until Monday! I just wish the cramping would get a bit better.
I spent so many years with my giant fibroid never worrying about it at all until it went crazy one night out of the blue! So now I have such PTSD from that and have a hard time not thinking the worst. But, that was so rare and it would be even more rare for me to have something else like that happen. But, it's hard to not compare since it was so scary.
Something men have been saying for many generations as it has a direct relationship with "headaches" :whistles::sofa:
Erin, it seems your anxiety is pushing you to chase for the reassurance of a firm conclusion. What can you do right now to distract yourself from these feelings of tension? Can you be out & about with your daughter seeing her have some fun for instance?
I somehow missed this response before, Terry. I totally am seeking a firm conclusion. The wait is so hard! But, I will say that I am handling this SO much better than I would have last year. Last summer I was diagnosed with an umbilical hernia and I had a complete meltdown. I was in hysterics, panicking about needing surgery and how it would throw my anxiety into a tailspin, etc... I went off the deep end. I cried on the phone with my doctor, I was convinced that a slightly elevated platelet count on routine bloodworm meant I had ovarian cancer and maybe that's what had put pressure on my abdomen and caused the hernia. I made my gynecologist bring me in for an ultrasound the same day. It was absolute mania.
And, while I worried this situation had the trappings of that, I have been surprisingly measured (aside from the ER trip). The only time I cried I blame on my husband and his stupidity! :roflmao:Had I not been so overly stressed by him not being home yesterday I don't think I would have cried at all. While I'm anxiously awaiting the results, I've mostly settled on the fact that I have fibroids, which I've always known about, and now an ovarian cyst that's very likely to be causing my symptoms.
While as a health anxiety suffer, of course the scary options will cross my mind, I've felt very rational about the fact that the very most likely situation is nothing but any number of benign growths on my rather temperamental reproductive organs. Even the idea of surgery, which last year PARALYZED me with fear, hasn't broken me down. I don't want to have surgery, but somehow it's not destroying me because what I do want is to feel comfortable and pain free and maybe that's the only option.
I'm sure I'll go through any number of ups and downs before this whole situation is settled... but I feel good about how I've been managing! Monday still can't come soon enough, but I haven't totally shut down. I did go outside and play with my daughter in the hose (me sitting in the sun spraying her with the hose while she runs around the yard, haha). And now I'm going to do some work.
Thanks to you an all the others for you support!
Rough time tonight. I've had horrible cramps all weekend and they've been awful tonight. It's giving me flashback to my emergency surgery in 2011 when I just got sick suddenly and within 24 hours was having major emergency surgery for one of these goddamn fibroids.
I know I'll be talking to my doctor in the morning, but it's just been a tough weekend. If I wasn't still having pain I think it would have been easier to wait. But I hate not feeling well and having to wonder why all weekend.
Hang in there! You've done well so far and you'll know what's up in less than 12 hours. Try to get some sleep. Read a book or put on a documentary (they always put me out, especially British nature ones with a soothing voice narrative ;))
Positive thoughts
Hang in there! You've done well so far and you'll know what's up in less than 12 hours. Try to get some sleep. Read a book or put on a documentary (they always put me out, especially British nature ones with a soothing voice narrative ;))
Positive thoughts
Thanks! Anxiety exhausts me so I'm going to try to sleep now even though it's only 9:30!
Thanks! Anxiety exhausts me so I'm going to try to sleep now even though it's only 9:30!
You’ll be ok. Hope you got some sleep x
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My doctor has stiiiiiiiiill not gotten back to me!!! I called first thing and they said she has the message to call and finishes up with her patients at 1:30 today.... I find it so frustrating that it's so difficult to get information about my own body!
I FINALLY heard from the doctor! I have 6 fibroids, 4 of which are pretty large - my uterus is the size of a 12-week pregnancy. Womp, womp. But, she doesn't see any reason to be worried about them being anything but benign fibroids because malignant ones are so rare. She is going to send me for an ultrasound in 3 months to size them and be sure they haven't grown exponentially, which would be her only indication for surgery right now to be 100% sure it's not malignant. But, again, she does not at all think this.
Her theory (which was mine as well) is that my uterus was tilted backward before and it flipped forward recently, possibly because of the weight of the fibroid. That's why 2 months ago she could feel the fibroid low near my cervix and now she and I can feel it in my abdomen. She thinks this may actually be a good thing for my previous symptoms, because it was probably pressing on my bowel and bladder before and now it shouldn't be. So, I'm really curious to see what happens with this cycle.
She said the cramping I've been having is probably from the small cyst on the left ovary. That's the side I ovulated on last time, so there was nothing out of the ordinary about that to her.
She was very thorough and very kind about how nervous my fibroids make me because of my history. She said she totally understands why they make me worry and that she won't let that happen to me again. I'm so happy to finally have someone who takes them seriously and plans to really follow up frequently.
She did say that women who have large fibroids removed at a young age have about a 25% chance of needing a repeat myomectomy and I had my crazy giant one removed when I was 27. So it's definitely possible I'll eventually need another surgery eventually. I don't want a hysterectomy right at this moment, but perhaps if I make it into my 40s without too much trouble it would be worth it.
Thanks so much, guys, for helping walk me through this past week!!
Good news! Not fun, but still good news. Glad to hear it and under the circumstances, you've done incredibly well.
Positive thoughts
Good news! Not fun, but still good news. Glad to hear it and under the circumstances, you've done incredibly well.
Positive thoughts
Thanks! Definitely about the best news I could expect. So, I'm really relieved. I am proud of my ability to cope with this. While it wasn't as well as a totally un-anxious person would have, I did manage to navigate it without having a major meltdown or ever really panicking that it was anything more than it was. Most of my anxiety came from just not knowing if I'd have to do anything major right now to deal with it. So, I'm glad it know we can watch and wait at this point and feel comfortable with that because I trust this new doctor.
Brilliant news Erin. Your doctor sounds fab:
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MyNameIsTerry
16-06-19, 13:31
Glad to hear you got some answers, Erin.
I guess this is something you need to change your thinking about so that it doesn't spike you in the future? So more about learning to live with a chronic condition perhaps?
Something that may be challenging when it comes to things like lumps with HA but you have plenty of evidence that this condition, should it flare up, is something that can be treated and it's rare it will be something other than what your doctor believes. Basically one of those bad hands so many are dealt with when it comes to health. I hope it remains as dormant in your life as possible so you don't have further challenges with it.
Glad to hear you got some answers, Erin.
I guess this is something you need to change your thinking about so that it doesn't spike you in the future? So more about learning to live with a chronic condition perhaps?
Something that may be challenging when it comes to things like lumps with HA but you have plenty of evidence that this condition, should it flare up, is something that can be treated and it's rare it will be something other than what your doctor believes. Basically one of those bad hands so many are dealt with when it comes to health. I hope it remains as dormant in your life as possible so you don't have further challenges with it.
Thanks, Terry. Yeah I think my biggest issue was feeling like for so long my doctor didn't take them seriously since I'd had a bad experience. I had to schedule my own ultrasounds and if I hadn't, now that they're so big I'd have no way of seeing how fast they grew, etc... My new doctor is great and attentive and more compassionate, so I feel in good hands.
I was worried the pain I had all last week would persist, but it is passing. So, I feel comfortable just keeping and eye. Chances are good I'll need another surgery down the road with to remove them or my whole uterus but it seems like it can wait.
My biggest fear was/is losing control of the situation since last time it happened so suddenly and was such a scary emergency. This time, this started so close to when my law school starts and I was so upset at the thought that I may require surgery right now and thrown off all my plans. But, since it appears things can wait I can maintain control and plan how to deal with it in a way I'm comfortable with and works for me.
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