How did I end up here?

[nick1994]

I'm upset, angry and downright frustrated with myself. It's the middle of the night and here I am, worrying about everything with my health at the absolute core of everything.

I'm a type one diabetic and my GP recently indicated it's probably why I'm so conscious of my health and everything surrounding it. To make matters worse, my dad passed away unexpectedly three years ago after battling atrial fibrillation and cardiomyopathy for years. I've had my heart checked out, all is okay, but it's still enough to hit home particularly when you're dealing with grief and generalised anxiety disorder on top of that.

It f*cking sucks. Life sucks sometimes. It feels like the enjoyment is sapped out of it and I just want to feel healthy but it's as if my body won't allow it.

I've "had" every disease under the sun. Brain tumours, MS, you know the drill with health anxiety... But now I'm terrified of having a heart attack. I have what doctors believe is white coat hypertension as I basically have a panic attack each time I have my blood pressure monitored. The couple of times I manage to keep it together, it's relatively normal.

I feel like I'm wasting my youth and that my mind and body are two separate entities. I take propranolol for anxiety as it prevents my heart racing and provides a hell of a lot of comfort to me. Since I've blocked that symptom, it's as if my body is desperate for another symptom (i.e. shortness of breath, bloating, prolonged periods of anxiety). I feel like I'm battling it constantly.

I need help. Where can I start? :weep::weep:

[IreneRumi]

You can overcome this! I posted some things that helped me in the success stories section, and an excerpt from a wonderful book I read just now in the health anxiety forum.

For what its worth, one of my coworkers is a middle aged man with Type 1 Diabetes, and he has an incredible job traveling the world to visit with customers (sales) and seems to be doing really great.

[DonnaT]

Hi, everyone on this forum has probably felt the same as you at one point on their HA journey. I know for sure I have so don’t beat yourself up about it. Quite a lot of us would of had some experience with either illness in our families or ourselves which has sparked of our HA. I was with my grandfather when he passed away and then two weeks later I got loads of blood in my eyes and mouth from a patient of mine who was having a minor operation. That was that, that’s how I started on this road.
I won’t lie you will go through good periods and bad periods but you learn how to manage yourself as you go and I have even worked out a sign what happens when my anxiety is starting to rest it’s ugly head. STAY WELL AWAY FROM GOOGLE, this is the thing that will fuel the anxiety fire, FIGHT yourself as soon as you want to pick up the phone or laptop, just don’t do it. You can get a website blocker that stops you searching and that’s what I use. Go and talk to your GP they will maybe be able to offer some more support to help you through this rough period.
Your palpitations are normal especially when you get very anxious it’s one of the problems I suffer with it and I also take propranolol but I find once my anxiety comes down my palpitations go to. There are loads of posts on here about them.
Sorry for the long post I wish you all the best and hope you find some peace soon.