nick1994
06-06-19, 00:21
I'm upset, angry and downright frustrated with myself. It's the middle of the night and here I am, worrying about everything with my health at the absolute core of everything.
I'm a type one diabetic and my GP recently indicated it's probably why I'm so conscious of my health and everything surrounding it. To make matters worse, my dad passed away unexpectedly three years ago after battling atrial fibrillation and cardiomyopathy for years. I've had my heart checked out, all is okay, but it's still enough to hit home particularly when you're dealing with grief and generalised anxiety disorder on top of that.
It f*cking sucks. Life sucks sometimes. It feels like the enjoyment is sapped out of it and I just want to feel healthy but it's as if my body won't allow it.
I've "had" every disease under the sun. Brain tumours, MS, you know the drill with health anxiety... But now I'm terrified of having a heart attack. I have what doctors believe is white coat hypertension as I basically have a panic attack each time I have my blood pressure monitored. The couple of times I manage to keep it together, it's relatively normal.
I feel like I'm wasting my youth and that my mind and body are two separate entities. I take propranolol for anxiety as it prevents my heart racing and provides a hell of a lot of comfort to me. Since I've blocked that symptom, it's as if my body is desperate for another symptom (i.e. shortness of breath, bloating, prolonged periods of anxiety). I feel like I'm battling it constantly.
I need help. Where can I start? :weep::weep:
I'm a type one diabetic and my GP recently indicated it's probably why I'm so conscious of my health and everything surrounding it. To make matters worse, my dad passed away unexpectedly three years ago after battling atrial fibrillation and cardiomyopathy for years. I've had my heart checked out, all is okay, but it's still enough to hit home particularly when you're dealing with grief and generalised anxiety disorder on top of that.
It f*cking sucks. Life sucks sometimes. It feels like the enjoyment is sapped out of it and I just want to feel healthy but it's as if my body won't allow it.
I've "had" every disease under the sun. Brain tumours, MS, you know the drill with health anxiety... But now I'm terrified of having a heart attack. I have what doctors believe is white coat hypertension as I basically have a panic attack each time I have my blood pressure monitored. The couple of times I manage to keep it together, it's relatively normal.
I feel like I'm wasting my youth and that my mind and body are two separate entities. I take propranolol for anxiety as it prevents my heart racing and provides a hell of a lot of comfort to me. Since I've blocked that symptom, it's as if my body is desperate for another symptom (i.e. shortness of breath, bloating, prolonged periods of anxiety). I feel like I'm battling it constantly.
I need help. Where can I start? :weep::weep: