Coni
15-09-07, 11:27
Hi guys,
I dont know where to start with this except to say that this time next week I'm supposed to be in New York enjoying myself with friends. Trouble is Im absolutely terrified and its getting much worse now the nearer it gets. I feel like a rabbit frozen in car headlights. I am not in the least bit organised cos every time I think about it I feel sick, which just adds to the pressure.
It was bad enough when it was a distant abstract thought but now its almost here and I really dont know if I can go through with it.
I know Im so lucky to have this opportunity and I sound like a selfish ungrateful bitch but that really doesnt stop the fear in fact it makes it worse cos I know Ill be letting everyone down if I dont go.
I cant believe Im putting myself through this and I dont think I'll ever go abroad on holiday again after this as its just too flippin traumatic. I always like the idea of holidays but when it comes to the reality I always get so stressed and wound up that its far from pleasurable and I spend the whole time when Im away counting the days until I can come home again (how sad eh?).
But this time is much much worse....i dont know if its because Im going with friends so wont be with my hubby or the kids (Ive never been away from them for more than two nights before and even then my hubby was with me).
I cant even figure out which part of it all is scaring me the most. The flight, being away from home, the fact I'll be in a huge busy city, being away with people I dont know that well (there are a couple of people going I dont know that well). What if I make a fool of myself, what if we crash, what if something happens at home while Im away, what if I'm ill etc etc...
I keep trying to see myself leaving the house to go and I just cant see it...I could cry at the thought of it and none of my friends or family can understand why Im so scared.
Im scared I'll lose it and pull out at the last minute....I think if I get myself as far as the airport I might be ok, strangely its the leaving the house part thats worst and knowing I cant turn back.
I know that in the grand scheme of things this is a fairly pathetic post and I know Im being selfish, anyone else would love to be going, and Im sorry.
I dont even know what I expect you guys to do cos I know that Im the one that has to either go or not go, but I just had to get it all out and please please if I come on here this week saying Im not going, please dont let me pull out, no matter how much I want to (and believe me I really want to).
Any positive vibes much appreciated (or anyone want to go in my place?) and thanks for listening to me drone on. I just wish I could be normal like everyone else and enjoy things like this without getting in such a state.
sorry its a bit long
luv Coni XX
I dont know where to start with this except to say that this time next week I'm supposed to be in New York enjoying myself with friends. Trouble is Im absolutely terrified and its getting much worse now the nearer it gets. I feel like a rabbit frozen in car headlights. I am not in the least bit organised cos every time I think about it I feel sick, which just adds to the pressure.
It was bad enough when it was a distant abstract thought but now its almost here and I really dont know if I can go through with it.
I know Im so lucky to have this opportunity and I sound like a selfish ungrateful bitch but that really doesnt stop the fear in fact it makes it worse cos I know Ill be letting everyone down if I dont go.
I cant believe Im putting myself through this and I dont think I'll ever go abroad on holiday again after this as its just too flippin traumatic. I always like the idea of holidays but when it comes to the reality I always get so stressed and wound up that its far from pleasurable and I spend the whole time when Im away counting the days until I can come home again (how sad eh?).
But this time is much much worse....i dont know if its because Im going with friends so wont be with my hubby or the kids (Ive never been away from them for more than two nights before and even then my hubby was with me).
I cant even figure out which part of it all is scaring me the most. The flight, being away from home, the fact I'll be in a huge busy city, being away with people I dont know that well (there are a couple of people going I dont know that well). What if I make a fool of myself, what if we crash, what if something happens at home while Im away, what if I'm ill etc etc...
I keep trying to see myself leaving the house to go and I just cant see it...I could cry at the thought of it and none of my friends or family can understand why Im so scared.
Im scared I'll lose it and pull out at the last minute....I think if I get myself as far as the airport I might be ok, strangely its the leaving the house part thats worst and knowing I cant turn back.
I know that in the grand scheme of things this is a fairly pathetic post and I know Im being selfish, anyone else would love to be going, and Im sorry.
I dont even know what I expect you guys to do cos I know that Im the one that has to either go or not go, but I just had to get it all out and please please if I come on here this week saying Im not going, please dont let me pull out, no matter how much I want to (and believe me I really want to).
Any positive vibes much appreciated (or anyone want to go in my place?) and thanks for listening to me drone on. I just wish I could be normal like everyone else and enjoy things like this without getting in such a state.
sorry its a bit long
luv Coni XX