Health anxiety ruining my life - don't know where to turn

[Steviewoodman]

Hello to everyone,

I don't really know what to say or what questions to ask. But I need some help.

I suffer from what I assume is health anxiety and on top of that, I'm worried its tipping over into depression.

On paper, I have everything I want. I have money in the bank. I have a partner I love and who loves and understands me. I have a daughter who idolises me. I have a job I love and is very rewarding. I don't actually think I want anything else in my life.

But I never feel happy. I know I'm not appreciating what I've got.

I'm always mentally preoccupied with how I'm feeling. I think I have IBS so I get stomach and side pains and cramps a lot, along with inconsistent toilet habits. That makes me feel tired and worried it could be something more serious, like bowel or stomach cancer.

I get out of breath quickly, I can feel my heart beating a lot, it feels like it thuds. In the recent hot weather, I felt like I was getting dizzy a lot. I'm worried I've got some heart condition.

Whenever I hear of healthy people, like footballers, having heart problems, it puts me in a withdrawn, thoughtful, worried mood all day.

I worry about dying almost constantly. I worry about the impact on my partner and daughter.

I'm too occupied with thinking about stuff like that to enjoy my life. I really struggle to divert my thinking, and even when I do, it's just sat there waiting for me.

I don't think I'm depressed just yet. I don't necessarily feel sad all the time, I'm just very aware I don't feel happy either.

I've tried CBT, Mindfulness and Meditation. I try Rescue Remedy sometimes. I've started exercising (which is difficult because it makes me more aware of my heart) and eating better. No noticeable difference so far.

I'm worried about revisiting my doctor because I don't want to start taking medication. I'm worried that might make things worse or I'll become dependent on them.

I don't know how to free my mind, stop worrying and enjoy my life. In my head, I can't get over the questions of "if a footballer had a heart attack, why won't you?"


Does anyone have any advice for me?

[Scaredtoo]

I honestly have been where you are for many years since Childhood. I’m 44 now, female, on medication and am still having this issue. I go to therapy weekly as well. I find it comes in stages. I have periods of remission and periods of bad episodes. I am happily married with 3 kids. I still have issues. Last year I was convinced I had esophageal cancer and had an upper endoscopy and stomach imaging done. I had H-pylori.

A few months ago I started with shoulder pain. As much as I know not to google, I did it anyway and of course what I have now is a dreaded disease. It’s controlling my life and I know I’m probably going to have to get reassurance for it because I’m not going to let it go.

My point is you’re not alone and I understand. We all do. It’s a vicious cycle and will come in waves. Depression and anxiety almost always go hand in hand with this disorder. For me, the Zoloft and Wellbutrin have saved my life. They have not cured me. I still have episodes, but it does help with the severity of my depression and makes it manageable. I was suicidal at one point and the medication helps me not fall so far into that black hole. I still fall into that hole but not as far down.

Stay the course and know you have people who understand

[Kyliebd]

I wish I had advice for you, I’m in the same boat. It is kind of comforting to know you’re not alone, but I think therapy and medication is the only option for us when it becomes all consuming.

[BlueIris]

If nothing else has worked, it might be worth considering medication. I was dead against it for decades, but when the fear and the pain finally got completely intolerable and I was feeling suicidal all the time, it was citalopram that helped me make use of all the coping strategies I'd learned, and the difference between me then and now has been like night and day.

[ankietyjoe]

Try not to connect the 'things' you have with happiness, one doesn't necessarily equal the other.

You have money and a job you love, but does that job that provides the money cause you a lot of stress? Doesn't matter if you feel the stress is doing you harm or not...but try and assess if it creates stress. Your footballer fear is a prime example, the stress they put themselves under is NOT healthy, hence the heart issues sometimes. There is a finite amount of 'healthy' your body can take.

When you say you've tried CBT, Meditation, Mindfulness....for how long? Did you embrace the techniques into your life and practice them habitually for months on end, or was it a couple of hours one weekend?

If you say you've tried exercising and eating better, does that mean you're significantly out of shape now?

My point here is that quite often people claim they've tried something without actually trying it, without embracing it fully. You're at a point in your life that possibly took you years or decades to get to. It's possible that bad stress, dietary or lifestyle choices caused the anxiety in you now, but that didn't happen overnight. Recovery is always going to be a lengthy process, and needs to be accepted as such. You have painted a common, but relatively complex relationship between your mind and your body, a negative feedback loop that becomes habitual. Your mind and body are both separate and connected, so even thinking in certain ways can create physical symptoms.

I recovered from almost exactly what you're describing without medication, but it took a complete lifestyle change to do it. I changed what I ate, what I did, how I thought and most importantly I meditated twice a day for several months before I really felt it working. I knew the meditation was working after a couple of weeks, but you have to really embrace it, and understand the point of it.

Recovery is a long process, there is no quick fix to it. Even anti-depressants will take weeks to kick in IF you find the one that works for you, often longer.