Paranoir

[Kate21]

Please help, I can't stop my paranoid thoughts at all. They are consuming the majority of my days at the moment.
I think everyone doesn't like me. I feel like I've done terrible things and can't redeem myself and anything and everything is connected to it. I don't want to go back on meds because I go for extended travels in September.
I feel like I just need to get through these last few months before I can be alone and paranoir free.
I can hide all this very well around people but it's killing me inside :(

[spacreranger]

Hi
Sorry youre feeling like this, is there any particular reason as to why it has come on all of a sudden?

[Kate21]

Yes a couple of things. I went to a party a few of weeks ago where there was lots of people I didn't know and I've been riddled with anxiety since. Also have to see someone I don't want to this weekend at a club I'm in. I feel upset about that situation as the club was actually very good for my mental health but now I feel like I'm dreading it. This person has made me feel like I did something wrong, I know I have not but I feel like I'm being punished anyway. I'm worried I will get angry and lash out which is what I do when I feel threatened and I say nasty things, then more guilt and paranoid thoughts will come. Sorry for ranting
I'm working with therapist dealing with past traumas that have gone on a long time it's taking ages to sort them out. Maybe everything is just so close to the surface.

[spacreranger]

that sucks! Have you tried to talk to 'said' person just between you two rather than in a group?
That may make you feel more comfortable than in front of alot of people.

[Kate21]

We did talk a couple of months ago and I thought everything was ok but then he hasn't spoken to me since and ignored/fobbed off my efforts at contact. This is because I wasn't romantically interested in this person. So they have decided I'm not worth bothering about now. It will be difficult in a group scenario because we got along so well people will notice if we are not speaking. Hence my paranoid thoughts what if they think I've broken his heart and I'm a terrible person? I feel like I've been in this completely imaginary relationship and done something wrong and now I'm being punished. My ex partner was mentally abusive which I've been trying to get over for a long time.
Everytime I think I've got to a point in therapy where everything is nearly sorted, something switches and brings everything back up.

[spacreranger]

Im sorry to hear that :( but just remember everyone has an opinion and that doesnt necessarily mean they're right! If you know you havent done anything wrong then you should hold your head high and trust people will see the truth, dont beat yourself up about it!!
Maybe your ex partner being mentally abusive doesnt help the situation as you will always think youre the bad person when you arent. You need a change in mind set :) to believe you are a great person and you need to get your confidence back.

If you want, PM me :)

[Kate21]

Thanks I will try, I guess I'm worried because I have avoided some of the club stuff and meetings and cancelled last minute, then I feel guilty and that I've let people down. Then I get paranoid everyone is talking about me and saying how awful I am.
God it sounds so ridiculous reading it back! I'm torturing myself over probably nothing but can't stop.

[spacreranger]

It doesnt sound ridiculous at all, its the mindset you're currently in and to get out of that you need to have a positive outlook on something. Maybe think of something good to look forward to i.e a birthday.

[Kate21]

Thanks I have my travels to look forward to. I keep trying to think once I'm gone none of it will matter. Thanks for listening.

[spacreranger]

Keep focusing on that then :) and no worries, my inbox is always open for a chat whenever you need

[Kate21]

Thank you 😊