positive thinking

[julieb]

Hi everyone, just thought i'd let you know a little about the things i've been doing recently to get myself well again.

I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and agorophobia and have done for the past 21 years. This has been in varying degrees from being completely housebound to going on a plane to Kefalonia for 2 weeks and back to severe anxiety again and virtually housebound due to stress.

Earlier this year I was so ill that I was off work and thought I was going to die. I ended up on medication and having cbt. It was a long battle just to get myself through an odd day without total panic. what i'd of given for just a few hours respite from the fear.

A couple of weeks ago I hit rock bottom and had to have 2 days off work. the first I spent in bed feeling very sorry for myself and thinking things couldn't get worse. How wrong I was!!!! Yet another major disaster fell at my feet. I felt totally deflated. The following day i just cried and cried and cried. My partner suggested going for a small walk. I just felt numb and went along with it. We parked up and I just walked and walked instead of my usual panic and wanting to get back to the car. I'm convinced it was because I was so wrapped up in my other problems that I didnt even think about it. So I thought i'd put it to the test as i've read lots of things by people who have overcome this and they all say just face the fear and let it wash over you.

so ....... tonight i booked a table at a local restaurant which is about a mile and a half from our house and arranged to meet friends there. it is much further than i normally walk and i started to get really jittery before we went. i even cried but i was determined so off i set. I got to the restaurant ate my meal and actually enjoyed it, had loads of laughs the even agreed to walk back to my friends house for drinks before walking home.

Tonight i was a wreck before i went out but came back on top of the world and actually felt NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to carry on with my theory and see how far I can push myself!!!
Wish me luck.


Ju

[groovygranny]

Wow, Julie you really bit the bullet and won didn't you?!

http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w59/Carlea_2007/GRAPHICS/welldone.gif

What a testimony to how to rise above everything that's thrown at you and survive victorious!

:hugs::flowers:

[tamo]

Wel done Julie. I totally agree with positive thinking.This is whats pulling me through. I have a great book that i'm sure lots of people have read,FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY by Susan Jefers. Its my Bible Now.It makes so much sense and no wonder we feel as we do.Our thinking keeps us that way. Keep it up Julie. xx

[Lindalou64]

Good Job Ju,im So Happy For You, Thats The Key Just To Face It Head On And Stay Positive.....i Wish You All The Best..........linda

[Nibbles]

:yesyes: Good for you Ju! :yesyes:


That's great to hear you enjoyed yourself and plan to follow it up. You certainly showed a lot of courage and should feel very proud.

Take care,

Mike :)

[honeybee3939]

Hi Ju

How lovely to read of your success hun !:yesyes:

You sure told that anxiety whos the boss:mad: , you keep up the good work !

WELL DONE so pleased you had such a fab time at the resturaunt:)

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[Smile72]

thats great - keep going! it is all about positive thinking - and controlling your mood and once you have a good experience it gives you confidence to keep going.

[julieb]

Thanks everyone for all your kind words. I just need that last bit of confidence to take the final step and push myself on until I live with fear no more. Hae been out today to the Manifold Valley ( its in the Peak District) for a small walk. I got so far then felt compelled to turn back. I was only a little bit anxious but too afraid to push it as I've enjoyed feeling so chilled. I did walk further than I would of done before though and even walked up to and into a cave. So I am feeling pretty proud of myself. Big test on Tuesday when I have to go to Liverpool with my daughter whose starting the university there. I've never been to Liverpool before and because i'll be really emotional as i'm leaving her there i'm expecting the anxiety and panic to start.

Let you know how I cope and thanks again for being so supportive. It really does make a difference!!!

JU x

[nomorepanic]

Ju

Well done for JFDI'ing it - it makes a difference when we can do these things can't it.

Good luck for the Liverpool trip too :yesyes:

[honeybee3939]

Ju

Im sure you will be fine on Liverpool trip !:) just keep thinking positive thoughts hun, you have been achieveing so much and where all proud of you !:yesyes:

Good Luck !

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[pips]

Good On Ya Ju,:winks:

A BIG WELL DONE Keep up the POSITIVE THINKING.:yesyes:

Take Care,:flowers:

Love Pip's X X X X

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Ju,

Great job on the walking and dinner with friends. I do think the more you do the easier it will get. Good luck with the Liverpool trip, I know leaving your daughter at University would not be easy for any mother even those without anxiety but I know you can do it! Please come back and write another success story!

Hugs,

Laura

[julieb]

Hi everyone, just thought i'd let you know how today went. Got off to a bad start due to my son and other daughter being awkward and upsetting Nicola before we even set off for Uni! Anyway eventually set off. Felt really anxious at first and thought I wouldn't make it to Liverpool but started to ease off when I read the newspaper. ( distraction). kicked in again as we were approaching the uni as there were cars just abandoned everywhere, people trying to direct traffic and on top of that, building work and contractors in the entrance to the carpark.

We managed to find a space 2 streets away and I waited in the car with my partner while Nicola and her boyfriend walked back to the uni to book in and get a room key etc. when they returned we again tried to get on the carpark just as a huge lorry was blocking the road as it dropped off loads of sand etc. I felt overcome with panic but didn't want to upset Nicola so kept it inside. We had to drive around the block several times but eventually managed to get a space.

Once parked we had to walk to the residence and then up 4 flights of stairs and down narrow corridors which made me feel really panicky. All the time I kept it all inside and tried to be upbeat. It's amazing how strong you can be for your kids!
We then went for something to eat in the uni restaurant and then a walk around the grounds so that Nicola could see where everything was. I felt quite relaxed at this point.

When it as time to go home I felt awful. I hated the thought of leaving Nicola behind and also admit that I was upset that i'd miss her so much. She's such a good help to me, shes my best friend and my daughter. I didn't feel anxious at all on the way home I just cried and cried and cried some more. In fact I cried the whole time I was in the car and for about half an hour after I got home. I've felt emotional ever since and really tired. My partner keeps telling me to slow down as when I get anxious I talk really quickly and at the moment he says it's awful, i'm not finishing one sentence before I start the next, but in my mind I am?

I'm off to bed now, i'm shattered. Thanks for all your support everyone.

JU xx