No one understands....anxiety going back up

[breesmum]

I didn't know where else to turn.
My anxiety seems to be getting worse!

For example, last night we had the end of a festival and fireworks were held. I was enjoying the fireworks with the children and then all of a sudden i got the idea in my head that the loud noises from the fireworks were going to make me have a heart attack. I could feel the booms vibrating through my body and it just freaked me out. I wanted to escape the outdoors but all i could do was turn away and hope for the best.

Today i freaked out again. Went to watch a friend of ours go bungy jumping. To get up to the seating area you had to walk up a steep pathway. My heart was thumping and i was so frightened that something was going to happen. My chest continously hurt but only on the sides like if you had just worked out at the gym on your chest. Know what i mean?

Then talking to my other half tonight....we were discussing me looking and getting a new job. I have to leave my current one. I'm not a tiny girl, i'm a big girl (not BIG BIG but big) and we were basically saying that my weight is going to hold me back for a lot of jobs. I have had several years experience in administration and i am finding it so hard to get a job or even an interview. I asked him what I could do about the situation when i am trying so hard and he said exercise! How the hell can i exercise when i am too frightened of having a heart attack?? What am i to do??

Because i have been off work i can't afford to go and see my psychologist so i am left to battle this on my own.

My sleep is starting to be disturbed again and i am panicking over the little things but all mostly to do with my heart!

I want this to stop now! I have had enough and I want it to go away! I want to enjoy my time with my family and children and not base all my decisions on something as silly as a fear that i know there is no need for. My tests have all come back fine.

Thanks for listening.

[decker6869]

I understand completely! I too am haunted by constant fears of heart worries. I got so scared and afraid i did not get off the couch for 3 months and lost 100lbs by not eating. I ended up in the hospital with a severe potassium deficiency and was monitored for about 13 hours and given 2 big ole potassium pills! After going through muscle lock ups and fear that day i decided i had to get up and move around and while i dont exercise YET, i do not lay on the couch all day anymore. I get up and move around and im working my way towards getting back into some kind of shape. I do understand you though because i am terrified of working out or going up stairs and stuff because my heart starts to beat a bit faster and a little louder too and my overreaction to this causes the rest to skyrocket. Hell as i right this i had a bad morning where i took a sensation in my sternum area that kept making me feel scared and stuff and associated it with my heart, i tend to associate everything back to my heart.. i am workin on that part ... the psch. gave me celexa and klonopin to take but i dont want to take em, i am trying to fight one day at a time and to be honost, i am having small victories all the time, you can too! Just take it 1 step at a time. Go walk around the yard or something for 3 minutes today and maybe 4 the next, eventually you'll be up to 30 or 40 or 60 and feeling great! I hope you get everything sorted out and sorry if i ramble! Just wanted you to know that your not alone on the heart thing!

[breesmum]

Thanks decker for your reply.

I too am trying to do this without meds. I know what its like to have days where you triumph as i went through a few weeks of this and life was wonderful.

I'm' starting to think though that maybe i should try a medication just to see how it is but then i am scared that the med is going to turn me into someone that isnt me.

I think i am putting myself under some pressure because i want to lose weight for my wedding.

tonight my partner and i had an argument about it all. I can understand where he is coming from. He said that he is sick and tired of hearing about me worried about my chest pains, thinking that i am dying or having a heart attack. But he just doesn't understand what it is like to live your life having these thoughts. Each time i wake up during the night and i have a pain in my chest area or down my arm i think yep this is it and then get upset because i wont be able to see him or my children again.

Tonight is the first time in a long time that i have sat here and cried about it. It used to be a normal occurence.

[decker6869]

I know where your coming from on some of that. My family got tired of hearing me whine and stuff so they made me go to the doctor who did blood work and all that jazz and said my heart sounded fine and yadda yadda and that i should start working out again, take it slow and increase as i feel i can. I really believe all this is, is just us focusing too much on the thoughts of what if when we feel a symptom, i truly think we dont even think the thought, its already there, it is set off all by itself from us thinking negatively so much about the experiences. I find that i do better when i keep myself busy, with a game, a hobby, tv, anything that keeps me focused and doesnt let my mind stray, it also helped to hear the doc tell me i was ok. I am only 27 and i know i can get back to some good shape, my fear now is that i will waiste away and develop a real problem if i do nothing. I think that helps me to get up and go when sometimes i just want to lay and be still.