In tears..

[belle]

When my husband said he wanted a divorce a couple of weeks ago, i managed to get him to stay by saying i will take Cipralex. Its now got to 6 days before i have to start taking them, i REALLY don't want to take them though. This is the conversation we've just had.

HIM: You can't even get to the Chinese, you're F* useless. I am ONLY staying here because you said these pills are magic and they will work, if you don't take them, stop taking them or they don't work i am F*ing off, and want a divorce. Simple as that.

ME: (Sniff)

HIM: Do you understand?

ME: (Saying nothing - sitting here crying).

Whats worse is that my mother leaves for Italy in 3 weeks, so if he leaves because i am not taking the pills and shes away, then i am in trouble.

I am SO fricking tired of this shit. Sometimes another alternative to this life seems so much more appealing.

x

[SammiB]

sorry hun but he sounds like its every possibility he'll leave which ever way or not.

its not your fault hun and there is no way you are f-ing useless, if he can't see that your struggling then he has to deal with it himself.

I say try the meds, i think they might be some help and maybe even better in the future. at least its an option to try then no options at all

hope everything goes well for you blue.

[kazzie]

Hmmmmmm not sure what to suggest:shrug:

I guess you either take them or lie and tell him youve taken them:blush:

Not much use I know so heres a hug:hugs:

Luv Kaz x

[Karen]

Sounds like a horrible situation.

It seems he is using this to bully you to me but that's just my opinion.

Whether you take the medication is up to you really hun.

Don't know what else to say but have a hug anyway :hugs:

Karen xx

[darkangel]

:bighug1: :bighug1:

Ask yourself this one question - Do I deserve this?

Think honestly and truthfully, NOBODY deserves to be treated to this bullying and appalling abusive behaviour.

Pills or not, he is not supportive and this is not helping you.

I know its not easy to make a drastic decision hunni, but for your own sanity and peace of mind, it sounds like a change needs to be made.

It appalls me - why - cos Ive been through the same SH*T, similar conversations, etc, etc.

Luv and hugs and my thoughts are with you Blue

Darkangel x:flowers:

[belle]

Hi all..

My life just seems to be a constant pile of crap. If its not bad enough fighting against agroaphobia and panic attacks, i am up against my husband too.

Just for one second want him to say "Its okay Sarah, you know i love you." But no, instead i get demands and ultimatums. How the hell is that supposed to help? I KNOW its going to be frustrating living with someone like me, that i can understand, but what happened to "In sickness and in health"? I would NEVER give up on someone because they were sick.

I would love a big fat hug from someone who really undertands what its like to live this life, day after day.
I've got no one.

x

[SammiB]

A Big Fat Hug Coming Your Way

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


i''m so sorry your in this situation, and nothing is helping right now, not the hugs we give you and especially not the abuse he gives.

Its not about you, its him, its how he wants it all, the perfect life and the perfect wife.

a change does have to be made, maybe if he went you would see how much that he wasn't helping and maybe you could make a change in yourself as you'd have less stress to deal with.

I know you love him, but use your love for yourself hun

xx

[Karen]

Sarah - I wish I could give you a real hug :hugs: but all I can do is send you a virtual one.

All I can say is I do know what it is like to live with this every day - minus the husband - but with other difficuties.

Wish I could make things better for you :hugs:

Karen xx

[Karen]

One other thing Sarah - has your doctor suggested to help as well as medication?

What about some practical help?

Karen xx

[belle]

SammiB,

I could never love myself. I've caused this situation with my husband by..

A) Not being strong enough to get over this
B) Perhaps at times not trying hard enough
C) Not being a good enough wife
D) Not being able to do "normal" things
E) Not making him happy...
F) Not being good enough to love and stay with despite my illness....
G) Being usless
H) Being a burden
I) Not being able to contribute financially

In fact, i HATE myself. I hate myself for letting this sh*t consume almost a fricking 1/3 of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!

[belle]

Karen...

Thanks for you replies. (I HOPE YOU ARE WELL)

Still on a waiting list for CBT. As it stands its 14 months to wait.
When i asked for the help August 2006, i was feeling really positive with myself and at that stage where i REALLY wanted the help. Then a crap load of stuff happened causing me to relaspe.

Goodness knows what i will be like 14 months!

x

[honeybee3939]

Hi bluebell

Have a hug from me too hun :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I can imagine all the stress of your partner been like he is will be making your Agorophobia worse. I remember my husband neen a little selfish when i first started with my problem, i used to feel so guilty and the guilty feeling didnt help me one bit.You shouldnt feel guilty at all hun!:hugs: Are you seeing any counciller, mental health team at all? If so could you take him with you when you have appoinments, that way he may understand your sittuation more. I started taking my husband to every appointment i had that why he became more understanding and supportive, the councillers and GP even discussed with him how he could support me etc.

Hope things get a little easier for you hun:hugs: :hugs:

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

[Karen]

What about going back to your doctor and seeing whether the CBT referral could be expedited? I know the waiting lists are long. I have had the same problem.

As to your list above - well that is part of the reason you need some helo isn't is? None of it is true. You are telling yourself those things and need some help to recover :hugs:

I am having some problems too at the moment and getting help isn't easy.

Karen xx

[nomorepanic]

Blue

Sorry to hear all this.

What about doing the "No Panic" telephone recovery course for now?

[Anna77]

Hi Bluebell,

Your husband sounds like he's being completely unfair and unreasonable, so please don't be so hard on yourself. You have to try not to blame yourself, because all of this really isn't your fault. I know they won't really help, but have some hugs from me too :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Lorelai x

[belle]

HIM: You really have NO idea what its like living/being married with someone like you. You give up on EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(at this point i have faught back!)

ME: Excuse me, what have i given up on!??????

HIM: You don't drive to the shop, you don't go up the town with me anymore.

ME: I STILL work. I STILL take my son to school. I STILL go up the town, shopping. I STILL LEAVE THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If i'd given up completely i would be bloody housebound and its not even a fact of giving up, its being too tired to fight anymore. You have NO IDEA what its like LIVING like this. How can you possibly comment on ME giving up?

HIM: You work for 10 hours a week and your mum takes you. You can't even drive yourself to work.

ME: (walked off crying - again!)


He really doesn't see with what he's saying or doing by giving me the ultimatum as being wrong. He just see's it as *What needs to be done*. He can't be with an agoraphobic any more. He NEEDS me to be well to be a good wife. To me thats bullsh*t. He goes to work and while hes at work the house is cleaned, the washing is done, the gardens are tidy and his dinner is ready when he gets home. I do my best.

[mirry]

oh Bluebell , your husband does need some serious education in anxiety disorders, he has absolutely no understanding at all does he.
Now what can you do about it ?

1) get a mental health worker to visit and explain it to him ?
2) Go on strike and let him see how much you do .
3) tell him to be nice or get out.
4) Try some more pills , you can always open the capsules up and take half the dose and increase slowly.

I really do feel for you , its hard enough as it is without this added worry.
Just look after number one.

[PUGLETMUM]

:blush: guys im not sure your gonna agree with what i say here, but just think it over first? ive been in exact same situation and still am, except my other half is more the 'passive aggressive' type!!! not sure but i almost respect your other halfs honesty!! shocking i know, but you try living with someone where you have to CONSTANTlY GUESS what they are thinking.

now my book talks about why agoraphobia is distinct from other panic disorders. and the belief of the experts is that it is to do with past learning(or lack of it), beliefs held,(eg 'i cannot cope' i am 'worthless' 'i cannot survive a panic attack') past relationships, and current relationships!!!oh and past traumatic experiences!

you have to unpick all of this, to work out why you are feeling the way you are. and you have to gain strength in your current relationships to feel that you can conquer what you are going through.

i would need all day to explain this properly and also you will need to think it through for a very long time. you also have to take SOME responsibility!!!

for example i 'feel' that if i had an effective support network, i would leave my husband, but why? although he doesnt understand what im going through and he is completely unsympathetic(believe me he has actually laughed in my face when ive been panicking!), if i left id still be left with the anxiety/panic. id experienced it before i met him, but since ive known him its got 1000 times worse, so i blame him for it. but really the more i do and the more i face panic alone the better i feel and the less it matters to me what he thinks!!!

the other option is that you tell him you need to seperate! but do you need him too much for this? how realistic is it at the moment that you could cope alone? or do you beleive you would do better without him? i have asked myself all the same questions, and ive also been through it with my therapist and the conclusion we come back to time and again is ' stop thinking about him! stop focusing on him! and concentrate on getting to be the person you know you can be! do it by yourself , for yourself!! and this is when you will make great progress, because what he thinks about you will not matter! but the strangest thing thatr happens (its happened to me before) is you start to get on better and things improve.

your agoro is so in the way of you leading a normal life! ask yourself this 'if it was him how sympathetic would ytou be? if he wouldnt go out the door to work to pay the bills, or he refused to go and pick the chinese up, or to go into town with you , or to go supermarket shopping with you, etc etc. how understanding would you be? i wouldnt be very understanding at all!!!

i know its harsh, but try to look at it from his point of view! you do have people to understand, we are all here! you can never ever get someone to understand who doesnt feel it, you are wasting your time and energy and you are being unfair.

now im sure this will be controversial, but there is an element with agoro where you have to face up to YOURSElf and to your own resposibility to get yourself better!!! nobody else canm do it. if you dont have anyone in your life who will talk to you on an emotional level, then come on here and keep making connections and communicating with people who can relate to you.

please dont feel angry at what im saying, ive been there and worn the t-shirt for 20 years of my life, and in the end it all comes down to YOU!!! harsh but true!!!

i am here for you, but you wont always hear what you want to hear, but we can support each other to really become the people we want to be regardless of what anyone thinks of us! you can do it with or with out him!

best wishes emma

[knightbabe]

Bluebell
What does it matter if your mum takes you to work? At least you are going. Something which I can't even manage at the moment. Thankfully my husband is very understanding. I would love to be able to drive my car, but the thought just petrifies me. I can manage to go into a shop only if I know my hubby is outside waiting for me. You do so much more than me and your hubby should be supporting you. I think he may be using your anxiety as an excuse. He needs to learn about anxiety and then maybe he would realise how difficult it is to live with and be more supportive.
Leigh

[belle]

Not angry with what you are saying and i know its ONLY me that'll get ME better, but as i keep saying time and time again, i am bloody knackered. I am exhausted of fighting against panic. Its hard work, i feel drained.

My husband married me knowing i was agoraphobic, HE chose to marry me, no one forced him. So why now throw in the towel?? I KNOW WHY, he's being completely selfish, he is ONLY seeing how my illness is effecting HIM. No one else. Last night for example to ranted and ranted for hours about not having enough money to "do what he wants". I reminded him that last month he spent crap loads of money on himself and also he recently bought a brand new scooter!! He was just getting at me because i don't work full time.

He's throwing anything at me just to be a ar*ehole.
You have to know my husband to understand that he's not just being unsupportive, he's being plain nasty.

[Karen]

Not sure what else to say hun.

You are still working and that's more than I can do right now. It is true - what does it matter how you get there?

I think hubby could do with someone to talk to him to help explain it from your perspective?

Hugs mate :hugs:

Karen xx

[belle]

Bless you Karen. :flowers:

[Seuria]

i know how you feel about being tired, i have felt like that recently. i wish there was something i could do to help you but all i can say is we all love you.

you are worth fighting for, your everyday little victories are like a firework display. keep trying and remember you deserve to be happy and no one can tell you otherwise.