Lana
02-07-19, 19:38
So, this is my third post about crippling HIV fear in less than a year.
Today a colleague at work brought me a cup of Starbucks coffee, and after I started drinking it , I noticed that a small hair (very small), dark, was sticking to some coffee that spilled on the lid probably while she was walking. I turned white, and died inside. It looked like a pubic hair to me. I talked to few of my colleagues at work, that are my friends, and they all, literally, drank from the cup, each, for me, to calm me down and assure me. Then one of them took the little hair in her hand, said that it definitely did not look or feel like a pubic hair, and one of them said that it looked like a thread from some kind of fabric.
I am on Lexapro, and on Clonozepam. I am working really hard to help myself, and for years I have been in therapy. I do not want to be like this any longer, I am so tired, exhausted by this irrational, horrible fears. I am not person who refuses to do something about this - but I am not winning.
Even if this WAS pubic hair ( how would it end up on the Starbucks lid is beyond me) - could anything happen to me? Did somebody on purpose did it, or God forbid, put something horrible in the coffee?
Could a person get infected if, let's say, somebody put some bodily fluid in his/her hot coffee?
I feel ashamed to talk about this, I feel ashamed to ask this... I feel absolutely horrible, mad at myself and my mind. But, this is the place that I can at least vent, and maybe someone will help me.
Today a colleague at work brought me a cup of Starbucks coffee, and after I started drinking it , I noticed that a small hair (very small), dark, was sticking to some coffee that spilled on the lid probably while she was walking. I turned white, and died inside. It looked like a pubic hair to me. I talked to few of my colleagues at work, that are my friends, and they all, literally, drank from the cup, each, for me, to calm me down and assure me. Then one of them took the little hair in her hand, said that it definitely did not look or feel like a pubic hair, and one of them said that it looked like a thread from some kind of fabric.
I am on Lexapro, and on Clonozepam. I am working really hard to help myself, and for years I have been in therapy. I do not want to be like this any longer, I am so tired, exhausted by this irrational, horrible fears. I am not person who refuses to do something about this - but I am not winning.
Even if this WAS pubic hair ( how would it end up on the Starbucks lid is beyond me) - could anything happen to me? Did somebody on purpose did it, or God forbid, put something horrible in the coffee?
Could a person get infected if, let's say, somebody put some bodily fluid in his/her hot coffee?
I feel ashamed to talk about this, I feel ashamed to ask this... I feel absolutely horrible, mad at myself and my mind. But, this is the place that I can at least vent, and maybe someone will help me.