CleverLittleViper
14-07-19, 00:39
It's been a long time since I've posted on here.
Honestly, I thought I was done with this. A lot has been happening in my life and I think the stress of it has sent me over the edge this past week. Last year, my mam was diagnosed with Leukaemia, and she's currently in remission right now and has been for almost a year. Everything is going really well with her treatment and all is good there. This past few weeks, we discovered that my grandad who had previously been diagnosed with dementia (he's 87) has actually got a brain tumour and has 1-3 months to live.
My mam has been experiencing rectal bleeding and is being sent for a colonoscopy. The doctor thinks it's piles, but because of her age, it's best to get everything screened. So, of course, my brain immediately jumps to bowel cancer even though it's not remotely likely. I've calmed down on that a bit now and convinced myself that it's fine.
My dad has had a swollen knee for the past few weeks (he's always had issues with his knee though) and is finding it tough to straighten out his leg. So, he seems to be scuffing the floor a little bit when he walks. Not often, from what I can tell, but a little bit. What did my mind jump to? ALS. I know it is absolutely bonkers. There's very little chance that it is that and far more likely causes. And it's likely that the knee injury (which he's getting checked out next week) is causing the walking issues. I've tried to walk without bending my leg properly and have the same issue.
No matter how I try to rationalise my fears, I still have them. I know in the UK only 1 in 100,000 will be diagnosed with ALS, and that he only bears 1 slight similarity in symptoms (and that is clearly caused by a knee injury) but I'm feeling really protective and scared over my family at the moment. I feel like so much crap has happened and is happening to us, that why won't more rain down on us?
I know I've improved a lot over the past few years. I'm a lot more able to think straight and clearly, I can rationalise it and even tell myself how silly I am being, but sometimes, it's just tough. There's just moments where the anxiety hits and I feel my body going cold and feeling sick. I feel like I've transferred my health anxiety towards myself and projected it onto the people I love. Oh, how silly I am.
Honestly, I thought I was done with this. A lot has been happening in my life and I think the stress of it has sent me over the edge this past week. Last year, my mam was diagnosed with Leukaemia, and she's currently in remission right now and has been for almost a year. Everything is going really well with her treatment and all is good there. This past few weeks, we discovered that my grandad who had previously been diagnosed with dementia (he's 87) has actually got a brain tumour and has 1-3 months to live.
My mam has been experiencing rectal bleeding and is being sent for a colonoscopy. The doctor thinks it's piles, but because of her age, it's best to get everything screened. So, of course, my brain immediately jumps to bowel cancer even though it's not remotely likely. I've calmed down on that a bit now and convinced myself that it's fine.
My dad has had a swollen knee for the past few weeks (he's always had issues with his knee though) and is finding it tough to straighten out his leg. So, he seems to be scuffing the floor a little bit when he walks. Not often, from what I can tell, but a little bit. What did my mind jump to? ALS. I know it is absolutely bonkers. There's very little chance that it is that and far more likely causes. And it's likely that the knee injury (which he's getting checked out next week) is causing the walking issues. I've tried to walk without bending my leg properly and have the same issue.
No matter how I try to rationalise my fears, I still have them. I know in the UK only 1 in 100,000 will be diagnosed with ALS, and that he only bears 1 slight similarity in symptoms (and that is clearly caused by a knee injury) but I'm feeling really protective and scared over my family at the moment. I feel like so much crap has happened and is happening to us, that why won't more rain down on us?
I know I've improved a lot over the past few years. I'm a lot more able to think straight and clearly, I can rationalise it and even tell myself how silly I am being, but sometimes, it's just tough. There's just moments where the anxiety hits and I feel my body going cold and feeling sick. I feel like I've transferred my health anxiety towards myself and projected it onto the people I love. Oh, how silly I am.