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View Full Version : Had the results of the post mortem



angiebaby
18-09-07, 12:37
Hi guys, just had the results this morning and he died of Renal Failure. So i now know that no matter how long i would have worked on him i would not have got him back. This does make me feel a little better but i still feel very guilty about moving him. I am pleased that he died at home with his family, he died in my arms, but i am angry at the three doctors and one matron, that my mum called out to him, that did nothing. If they had admitted him to hospital he may still be with us now, how i wish he was. I also know that they may have taken him in and stuck needles in him and scanned him and he may still have died and he may have been on his own. So i am glad that he died at home with his family, but i am still sure that if he would have had different treatment from our gp's that he would still be here with us now. He was taken away from us too soon, he had another twenty years left in him, he was only 64. I am totally devestated and i know that i will never get over this. I thought life before this was bad, and i didn't realize that it could get any worse, but it has. I feel like i have gone right back to how i was when my PTSD, anxiety and panic first started. Walking in a floaty dream most of the time, don't feel like i am actually here, very scared all the time and i am not coping.
Another thing is work. As some of you may know i work in a gp surgery but i have been off work with PTSD for the past three months. My sick note runs out on the 1st Oct and i was going to go back, still looking for another job though. But if i even think about work i start to feel unreal and panic, i know this is probably normal, but it scares me. Feel like i'm really losing my mind and i will just collapse and die at any time. I am shaking most of the time again too, i have jelly legs and my dizziness is so severe i am nearly falling over again. I know that my gp, the one that didn't admit my dad, would give me another sick note - no problem - but i don't feel like this is an option as my money, wages, each month will now stop. I have been there for 4 years and i only get two months wages while i am off, then it goes to two months at half pay, then nothing at all. I have to carry on paying my mortgage, my husband is classed as disabled so he gets benefit only, and i don't know how we are going to manage or what to do. I am still looking for another job, but i am finding everything so hard at the moment, even just to live, to get up in the morning, when i don't know who or where i am, so very difficult.
I am sorry this post is so long, really struggling at the moment here.

groovygranny
18-09-07, 13:44
Hi Angie,

Firstly have one of these :hugs:.

Secondly I will say all the ususal things: don't feel guilty, you did your best, there's nothing more you could have done etc etc.

Now I will say I really feel for you and the pain you are experiencing as I felt similarly when my own father died (of the same thing as he had refused his dialysis) - I wish it could have been in my arms and not when I'd just popped out to the toilet.

But, I have to believe that our fathers would have wanted things just as they were - yours in your arms and mine with no one there. If I don't - then I lose it. Please, PM me if you feel you want to.

I also had to go back to work before I felt I really should because of the same financial reasons. My husband is medically retired and just receives incapacity benefit.

Things look so incredibly bleak and dark and hopeless at the moment (understandably so) but there is a way through this. I don't know your family situation but you have great friends here, and with their support and
help I'm sure you'll make it.

Whether you get a new job or whether you stay where you are, I hope the situation can be resolved in a way that's best for you.

Take care x

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

:flowers:

yorkylover
18-09-07, 17:25
Hi Angie,It is hard when someone dies close to us.He wouldnt want you to blame yourself.My partners dad died suddenly in the bathroom,his brother in law tried everything to bring him back,but he had slipped away.It is difficult when it happens so suddenly.
Its very understandable about how you feel about returning to work,and why you are getting all these awful symptoms,you are probably anxious with the funeral coming up as well.Just take a day at a time.:hugs:
Big Hugs for You:hugs: :hugs:

honeybee3939
18-09-07, 19:22
Angie

Just wanted to send you some hugs hun:hugs: :hugs: i hope they help to comfort you.

Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx

kazzie
18-09-07, 19:38
:hugs: Angie

Luv Kaz x x x

margaret911
18-09-07, 21:30
My thoughts are with you Angie.

love Mags xxxx

trac67
19-09-07, 06:48
Just wanted to give you some :hugs: :hugs:

Take care

Trac xx

angiebaby
19-09-07, 13:11
Thankyou for your support at this sad time.
Found out this morning that the funeral will be next Friday and we will be going to see him in the chapel of rest before this. Don't know how i am going to cope with all this.

kazzie
19-09-07, 22:13
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Angie

Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:

Lindalou64
20-09-07, 00:28
sorry to hear of your loss angie baby, I know how hard this is on you, all the feelings you are having are normal after we lose someone we really loved, my thoughts and prayers are with you hun.............linda xxxxx

neptuno
20-09-07, 19:19
Hello Angie !
I can totally understand how you feel right now. Its not called grieving for nothing. Mum died at home in August only a matter of days after being diagnosed with liver cancer. She looked beautiful at the chapel of rest. I don't know how but I coped with the funeral and clearing her flat. Several weeks later she is constantly in my thoughts. This is what happens when you deeply love and care for someone. I've been off work for six months with ME but I am starting a new job next Tuesday - I need to for financial reasons. Despite all the worry and misgivings I know I need to join the real world again (even if I feel like I'm walking through fog).
Talk to your GP, can you gradually build up your hours / do less stressful duties / make the tea ! ?? As each day passes you WILL be stronger - you are already - you just don't realise it. Don't feel weighed down by a mantle of guilt and worry that is not yours to carry - allow yourself to cry. We will all be here to support you.
Be kind to yourself