All my big talk, and fighting the dragon today...ugh

[lofwyr]

I made that grand post the other day about how well I was doing, how well I could compartmentalize. And for a while, I was. It was going really, really well.

Then the symptom on this stupid mole changed. It is definitely bleeding a bit, tiny bit, but it is happening. It is domed and shiny, and a slightly different color. I called my doctor, who said to call him if there was any change, and he would biopsy it. He is booked solid now, and then going on vacation. I hate it when doctors tell you "call me next week and we will sort it" because they are always booked, and they don't know it. They are going to try and find a time to squeeze me in, so we will see.

Just feeling a bit rattled, and venting, primarily because one way I defuse anxiety is to take action. Well, there is no action I can take but waiting by the phone now.

Just venting a bit, and trying to keep the dragon at bay.

It is a constant battle. I stand by saying it can be won, but it is never over. =(

[BlueIris]

You're doing okay, seriously. Remember, sometimes perfectly benign moles just behave oddly.

[lofwyr]

Thanks Blue, I know. I mean, even if it *was* something serious, either you have it or you don't. If you do, you deal with it. If you don't, you are solid. I mean, it is that simple. I just let fear creep back in occasionally.

[BlueIris]

I get you. The only time my HA actually subsided without me having to work on it was the time I had skin cancer.:huh:

[lofwyr]

Glad you presumably pulled through okay! Stay strong, I actually feel a bit better, so I will enjoy this moment. :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Go back and read that grand post by an obvious wise man :winks: If nothing else is shows you how this is a transient and unpleasant day but not a reflection of the point you are at or you never would have had that other day either. It's a blip and as unpleasant as they are you learn to manage them better and lesser the impact.

[Fishmanpa]

I've use "Positive thoughts" as an attitude booster every single day of my life for the last 25 years. There's one in my inbox every morning and I share many of them here. Everyone is entitled to a bad day. This apparently is one of them. Use that grand post as inspiration and strength. Your resolve and progress should serve to inspire not only yourself but others.

Positive thoughts

[lofwyr]

Thanks guys, getting it reigned in a bit now. Just had a moment I guess. This isn't something I made up this time, it is this symptom I can see with my eyes. Hard to reconcile. But I will get it sorted.

[pav1984]

I made that grand post the other day about how well I was doing, how well I could compartmentalize. And for a while, I was. It was going really, really well.

Then the symptom on this stupid mole changed. It is definitely bleeding a bit, tiny bit, but it is happening. It is domed and shiny, and a slightly different color. I called my doctor, who said to call him if there was any change, and he would biopsy it. He is booked solid now, and then going on vacation. I hate it when doctors tell you "call me next week and we will sort it" because they are always booked, and they don't know it. They are going to try and find a time to squeeze me in, so we will see.

Just feeling a bit rattled, and venting, primarily because one way I defuse anxiety is to take action. Well, there is no action I can take but waiting by the phone now.

Just venting a bit, and trying to keep the dragon at bay.

It is a constant battle. I stand by saying it can be won, but it is never over. =(

The fact you managed to feel that well when you posted that message means that you are doing much better than you were and you should be proud. Ok health anxiety has dealt a blow back. Just put it down as a slip and get back on the horse.

Funny how health anxiety seems to try and keep a hold.

My therapist said she reckons ha is just where general anxiety hangs its hat. If you didnt worry about your health you would worry about something else. She has advised coping with anxiety in general and the ha will get better. Might not be the case for all but i found that interesting.

[pav1984]

I get you. The only time my HA actually subsided without me having to work on it was the time I had skin cancer.:huh:

Strange isnt it? When i genuinely had a serious issue I didnt panic either. Makes you wonder whether all people in a similar boat react the same.

[BlueIris]

I think it's because people with anxiety are bad at dealing with their own imaginations, rather than with real life situations.

[lofwyr]

Yeah when I have a real issue to deal with it is easy for me to set aside the anxiety. I managed to get a cancelled appointment tomorrow morning, and it feels good to be proactive. Just doing the thing you can do sometimes helps alleviate anxiety as well.

[MyNameIsTerry]

My therapist said she reckons ha is just where general anxiety hangs its hat. If you didnt worry about your health you would worry about something else. She has advised coping with anxiety in general and the ha will get better. Might not be the case for all but i found that interesting.

Coping with stress triggers will definitely help, not only the GAD side but with the OCDers who have HA themes as OCD responds to stress levels.

I'm a GADer without HA issues, OCD came later but still no HA themes, and I would agree in what she says about it just looking for things to worry about but I guess it would split into those who do & don't because I've found GAD is more about constant daily higher adrenaline issues and triggers are more about daily life, pressure, etc. For those who lean towards health it's going to be different though.

[pulisa]

I'm glad you've got that appointment, lofwr. Taking action is the best thing like you say. You will get your definitive diagnosis and will get things sorted-it's the waiting and wondering which is so horrible.

[lofwyr]

For future reference in stone tablets of NMP that serve future generations, naturally the mole was completely benign. ;)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Good news but I think it was expected :winks: You've been through a lot with your health so triggers are bound to be more of an issue for you but you are doing well and this is just another learning experience.