Aging with Health Anxiety

[always scared]

I'm having a real hard time with my HA lately. I've had HA all my adult life. It started with the birth of my first child in my early 20s . I use to go to the doctors all the time getting texts getting reassured and moving on. Was put on Celexa and had therapy and did all right in my 30s and 40s. Tuning 50 was hard. The fear of cancer is now taken over my life . I now have so many physical symptoms and having a real hard time.
I wake up every morning feeling so many aches and pains. Something always hurts! This year has been awful. Since December I have had so many breakdowns. It started with weakness and numbness and of course I thought I had ALS (lost a friend to ALS and she was my age) than it just got out of control. Right now its cancer again. I think I have cancer all over my body. I have so many physical symptoms it's crazy. Im really worried about pancreatic, ovarian, colon, throat... :scared15:

How is everyone else dealing with getting older with HA? The odds have changed and getting cancer is VERY real now :scared15::wacko::weep::scared11: ​

[watercolors]

It is so hard, isn't it? I turned 52 this year and since I turned 50 my health anxiety has been just awful. I too wake up with a new ache or pain every morning. Currently dealing with bursitis. I also wake up with new fears every morning. I used to focus on one thing, now I think something is wrong all over my body. It isn't easy. I try to keep busy. Tomorrow I am starting a gentle yoga class. As difficult as it is, try to find something positive for yourself. Exercise, eat healthy, read, anything to create a positive distraction. It is exhausting. You are not alone.

[always scared]

I just need some people to talk to. I find if I can hear from others going through it helps a bit.

[Carnation]

I can relate to everything you've said as I suffer with HA too.
Reading your post, it seems that illness of others has affected you and you are over aware of mortality.
Cancer has no age limit, so getting older has nothing to do with it and I think you are associating getting older with more potential illnesses, which is not necessarily the case.
Pains are more apparent when you get older, but that is very common and doesn't necessarily mean it is anything serious.
It's easy to say these things and put them in perspective, than it is to not listen to our brain telling us there could be something seriously wrong, but we have to try somehow to think positive otherwise it churns away at you 24/7.

[lofwyr]

I am 48 almost 49. I feel it. Concerns over skin, minor chest pains etc. For the most part in have compartmentalized pretty well, and years of experience have taught me to recognize anxiety for anxiety. But things have gone wrong and things will go wrong. I have tried my hardest to live in the moment more as I have gotten older, but sometimes anxiety slips through the cracks.

[Fishmanpa]

From a non-HA perspective its just a PITA! ~lol~ I have tons of physical issues/side effects from my real illnesses. Add aging to that and sheesh! Like today, I actually slept well last night with only one pee break (at 60, that's an accomplishment!). I woke up, went to get out of bed and my left knee was killing me! WTF!? I didn't bang it, twist or anything! So I took some ibuprofen and while it still hurts, its much better. Its just one of those things :shrug:

From reading here, I can only imagine what goes on in the minds of an aging HA sufferer and from what I've read, its not pretty by any means. And what I mean by it being a PITA is that life goes on regardless. You either deal with it or let it take advantage of you. You're going to have aches and pains and as you age and they definitely increase I assure you! I remember telling a younger person, the day you awaken on your 30th birthday, you'll have an ache or pain you never had before ;) I've not had one person tell me otherwise :) So for me, it's just an inconvenience and I push through it. I still have to work and do everyday activities so I deal..... I think if you can adopt that attitude, it would be very helpful.

Positive thoughts

[lofwyr]

Forty was my big year, the year I went for my physical and suddenly it was like I ran out the warranty from the dealer. Things kept wearing down and breaking all through my 40s. I am used to it now, honestly. Just keep plugging away. I hurt half the time for no real reason. For whatever reason, age itself really isn't bothering my HA. It is the things that come along with it that are real, measurable problems to deal with. Horrendous cholesterol, an aortic aneurysm, moles that apparently have their idea of a new normal, and let's not forget reading glasses and tooth problems.

No one gets out alive!

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[always scared]

I can relate to everything you've said as I suffer with HA too.
Reading your post, it seems that illness of others has affected you and you are over aware of mortality.
Cancer has no age limit, so getting older has nothing to do with it and I think you are associating getting older with more potential illnesses, which is not necessarily the case.
Pains are more apparent when you get older, but that is very common and doesn't necessarily mean it is anything serious.
It's easy to say these things and put them in perspective, than it is to not listen to our brain telling us there could be something seriously wrong, but we have to try somehow to think positive otherwise it churns away at you 24/7.

It's so hard to watch and hear about other peoples illness and death. All these deaths are starting to take a toll. Having very bad HA all my life it's very hard dealing with illness and death of family and close friends. The only time I didn't struggle with HA was when my son got sick. I was so busy trying to help him and save him I had no time for myself. But after I lost him to cancer I completely fell apart. I was not in a good place for a very long time. With medication and help I started to climb out of the hole. But once I turned 50 I started to lose the battle again. A close friend got ALS and passed away. I started hearing about all these cancer diagnoses from friends and family. It's getting so hard to not worry about every little symptom. I don't even go looking for symptoms. Just this weekend someone told me about how their mother in law just died of cancer and continued to tell me about all her symptoms :scared15: It's just so hard. I just want to cry all the time. It's also getting so hard to hide it from my children.

[Phill2]

I know how you feel
I started to fall to bits at 50 as fish said.
I now have crippling back pain , a new hip and pains just about anywhere you can think of.
Unfortunately it's just part of ageing and we just have to get on with it.
I'm 66 now and would love to retire but the thought of having too much time on my hands frightens me so I just keep working.
The distraction of work is a big help for me.
PS Only one pee break is amazing - 2 is a good night for me.

[Augustinian]

I totally empathise with you. I turned 50 this year but my health anxiety exploded on a nuclear level last year. I was convinced that I had either ALS, Parkinson's or MS. In addition, I thought I had a myriad of issues too long to list here. Needless to say, at my worst, I was seeing three (3) Neurologists, a Cardiologists, 2 ENT specialists, two Orthopaedic consultants and an Ophthalmologist. Having cleared most of my neurological fears, I am totally fixated and scared of all kinds of cancers now, especially bowel cancer. This has put me through some of the worst moments in my life and I have no clue when this will end. Even my therapist is getting tired. Like you, I get triggered easily. The worst part is that I am anxious for myself and my wife. If I'm not fixating on some cancer that I think I have, its worrying over something that she may have or develop in the future.

[NervUs]

I am about to turn 48 in a couple months. I spent good chunks of my 40s sensing I had cancer. It was somewhat related to reality-- I was tested 4X for different cancers due to actual symptoms/ suspicious lumps. Problem is...a doctor says we need to rule it out and your ear hears CANCER--even though that is not what the doctor said at all. Going through those experiences, especially the first one, really kicked up the mortality question for me. It's like, I had never REALLY understood on a gut level that I am going to die, but cancer scares made it very real. I could imagine everything about it, and being in my 40s also involves minor children...and that exacerbates it all times a million imo. So many of my imaginings are as much about trauma to them as what I could go through.

I am at a really good place with everything right now, with HA under control, even though I have gotten some true diagnoses recently (I have glaumcoma now and pulmonary troubles probably stemming from mold we just discovered hidden inour house). Over the last 7 years, I have had really bad periods, as well as good ones like I am in now.

For me, what distinguishes the good periods from the bad is ACCEPTANCE. When I am in a good groove and have symptoms or actual diagnoses like the glaucoma, it is because I truly understand, accept, and do not fight the fact that the worst case could apply to me at any time. There is no way to stave it off. There is no guarantee. There is no elimination of risk. When I get to that place of acceptance, I also fully internalize that perseverating, googling, imagining, researching is pointless because all of the worry and research will not at all tell me what my fate will be; the better choice really is to take it as it comes and not a moment sooner. That is really hard for people with "our" brains, but true acceptance tames my brain. Other people's stories don't get to me. I don't get the compulsion to google. If I am referred for a symptom, I don't race to the worst case but can function normally until I get the result.

How you get to true acceptance is the million dollar question and is probably different for everyone. For me, there was a lot of mental work, but also maintaining preventative health care. After the first two cancer scares, I got into a good place and started sliding on the routine checks...then I discovered a lump that was suspicious for sarcoma, and that opened up the door to worry that I had let something go longer than it should have. I think, for me, there is an element of feeling like I have failed if I get a serious health condition. Going for the regular checkups removes those sorts of "self blame" compulsions I have. Psychology, mental health, personality traits and behaviors are wound up in this big time and need to be challenged and confronted.

[Augustinian]

For me, what distinguishes the good periods from the bad is ACCEPTANCE. When I am in a good groove and have symptoms or actual diagnoses like the glaucoma, it is because I truly understand, accept, and do not fight the fact that the worst case could apply to me at any time. There is no way to stave it off. There is no guarantee. There is no elimination of risk. When I get to that place of acceptance, I also fully internalize that perseverating, googling, imagining, researching is pointless because all of the worry and research will not at all tell me what my fate will be; the better choice really is to take it as it comes and not a moment sooner. That is really hard for people with "our" brains, but true acceptance tames my brain. Other people's stories don't get to me. I don't get the compulsion to google. If I am referred for a symptom, I don't race to the worst case but can function normally until I get the result.

How you get to true acceptance is the million dollar question and is probably different for everyone. For me, there was a lot of mental work, but also maintaining preventative health care. After the first two cancer scares, I got into a good place and started sliding on the routine checks...then I discovered a lump that was suspicious for sarcoma, and that opened up the door to worry that I had let something go longer than it should have. I think, for me, there is an element of feeling like I have failed if I get a serious health condition. Going for the regular checkups removes those sorts of "self blame" compulsions I have. Psychology, mental health, personality traits and behaviors are wound up in this big time and need to be challenged and confronted.

Thanks NervUs, that helps a lot. Exactly, how you get to true acceptance is the real issue. I actually cleaned my diet and lifestyle up. Oddly, by all metrics I am probably fitter now than I have been for a long time in my life but what depresses me sometimes is that you can do all the 'right' things and still crap happens. You eat right, exercise and some cancer can still nail you. I think the lack of a 100% guarantee in life is what distresses me at times.

[WiseMonkey]

Thanks NervUs, that helps a lot. Exactly, how you get to true acceptance is the real issue. I actually cleaned my diet and lifestyle up. Oddly, by all metrics I am probably fitter now than I have been for a long time in my life but what depresses me sometimes is that you can do all the 'right' things and still crap happens. You eat right, exercise and some cancer can still nail you. I think the lack of a 100% guarantee in life is what distresses me at times.

Acceptance is something that I've also been thinking about lately and it is difficult. Gratitude helps too as there truly are others my age (62) who are worse off than me, so being thankful for being alive today and well (relatively speaking), helps stave off the HA. Having something to look forward to every day also helps helps. I have tendency to look too far ahead so trying to stay in the 'now' helps. I have various autoimmune issues going on, which have to be checked out in case they're something more serious, 99% of the time they're not. Having M.E/CFS means I don't sleep well (which is scary) and I can't eat or drink certain foods! I do get the annual routine checks, which gives me reassurance, fast walk for 50 mins each day, maintain a healthy weight and try to eat a healthy diet. I'm know I'm doing the best I can for myself and if anything else crops up then it's beyond my control. Having a loving partner also helps me focus on something else other than my own issues.

[Nicole0134]

My own HA has only really started in the last couple of years since I lost loved ones to cancer. I feel desperately sorry for those affected by it that are much younger (I'm 57). I think as you get older you inevitably have to face losing friends and family to illness, and therefore you can't help but consider your own mortality. And worry about those you love. I feel an ache or pain or a weird sensation almost constantly. I try and consider the probability of it being something serious or not, some days I do better than others. It doesn't help that people of my age (me included!) seem to spend a lot of the time discussing illness, either their own, or others. That and pensions!!