Skin worries again

[flappergirl]

I am not doing well against the HA at the moment. I have already seen my doctor this week about a mark on my leg and again about a rosacea (skin condition) flare and now I m fretting again.

I have a pinky/red mark on my back that I had checked about 2 years ago and then again last year and both times was told it was benign. It is not bleeding, growing or changing but I am worrying all of a sudden about it. My back is itchy all over and I am worried that it is linked. It is probably the heat that is making me itchy. I worry that it is something worse though logically in that time it would have changed somehow, or I would have other symptoms.

I realise I am going from one thing to another and working myself up into a state each time. It is not healthy and I know it, but I am struggling to get a handle on it. I am doing cbt (for months now) and I have recently started the meds again. I struggle with the cbt as my worry is so strong and it’s hard to control. I know I need to try harder.

I am being tasked with only focusing on worry for 10 mins a day and this is that time now. Also challenge thinking which I am also trying to do. I have got better but not much and it upsets me that I am so weak against the HA.

Help!!

[Dying_Swan]

You're not weak. It takes time and effort and that's what you're doing. Well done :) There is no quick fix but you're doing the right things and sticking with it. Ok so you're worrying, but it's your allocated 10 minutes to worry. Maybe write it down, then put it away. Show it to your therapist. You're trying to rationalise about the skin mark, which is great. It's been medically assessed twice and hasn't changed. Carry on with using the logic you obviously have. You'll get there.

[flappergirl]

Thank you for your support and encouragement. I am writing more things down which helps and I have just read through an NHS health anxiety leaflet online also helps me see that all that I am doing is being led by the HA. There is probably no reason to panic but the what ifs are the hardest thing to overcome. When I deal with one, another one takes its place 🤦🏻*♀️. The therapist said take 10 mins an hour (not day....sorry....I’m not there yet!) and then put worries aside. Worrying does not achieve anything. I have been a worrier for years and in the last few years since having kids the worries have got completely out of control!

I am also considering an audiobook that I can listen to when I am worrying so that I am not focused on the symptom but overcoming the anxiety instead.

[Dying_Swan]

The "what ifs" are very difficult, I know. I have GAD rather than HA but it's very similar. We aren't good at tolerating uncertainty, at least I'm not. It's not surprising that having children has altered your anxiety. They put a whole different perspective on your life. But you really are doing the right things and I think you need to be less hard on yourself. Your CBT therapist may have already talked to you about "self-talk"? Basically that the things we say to ourselves in our heads have exactly the same effect on the brain as things others say. So if you repeatedly tell yourself that you're weak etc, you'll believe it just as much as if someone else was telling you that. The audio book sounds like a really good idea.

[flappergirl]

This is my 3rd therapist (1st one non cbt, 2nd one nhs and course ended, and this one is mind) and it has been discussed that I may have GAD as well as HA as I worry ridiculously about other things as well as health. Therapist 2 said it’s about not being in control and intolerance of uncertainty. I can certainly relate. I hate flying etc and rather drive so I have control. I worry about the kids when they are not with me and stress myself silly when my hubby is late bringing them home or doesn’t answer the phone. I am a right pickle!!

I am too hard on myself and therapists have mentioned about not trying to be perfect, or to fix it all. That is hard. Well I don’t want to be perfect but I take everything on as if it is my responsibility and some people in my life take advantage of this which doesn’t help.

The self talk thing makes sense, and I do knock myself down. Maybe I need to put some positive comments up somewhere, around my mirror to encourage more positive self talk.

[flappergirl]

Argh I am really spiralling today. I wasn’t worried about the thing a couple of days ago and it’s been there at least 2 years. Suddenly I think about it being there and my back is itchy and I am stressing out. I don’t think it has grown, it is not doing anything as far as I can tell and other people who have seen it before (family) say it looks the same. The docs have checked it out last year and 2 years ago and said it was nothing. But I am still spiralling. In a total panic. Why do I latch onto something to worry about? I am so cross with myself that I have to struggle against my HA all the time.

Finding it hard to pull back from the worries and keeping it to 10 mins an hour is hard. Need to try harder!!

[BlueIris]

Please don't beat yourself up? None of this is your fault. I'm fighting my own HA right now (I'm 42, terrified of the doctor and just reaching the age for unpredictable periods) and sometimes the fear feels as though it's going to eat me up from within.

Don't be mad at yourself, just gently redirect your attention as often as necessary.

[flappergirl]

Thank you. I am trying to work out ways to redirect my attention in positive ways, I’m thinking that exercise is a start. I don’t run but maybe I should and swimming would definitely distract me as I’d be focussing on staying afloat lol. I am on summer holidays now so I need to find good things to fill my day with rather than letting the HA gobble up all my fun and rest time.

[BlueIris]

Do you work in education? I do. Not much of a one for exercise barring pottering around, but crafting really helps me with my nerves.

[flappergirl]

Yes I’m a teacher. I always have bad flares at the start of holidays. I think it comes from my mind suddenly having less to think about. During term time, my mind is a constant whirl of things I am doing, need to do etc. I do wonder if just writing lists might even help to reduce it 🙄

[flappergirl]

I mean writing lists when busy to get myself out of my head a bit, if you see what I mean...?

[BlueIris]

Could do, definitely. Anything that helps give you that feeling of control.

I'm not a teacher (I work on a college VLE) but the holidays are always a dangerous time for me, too.

[Fishmanpa]

Maybe I need to put some positive comments up somewhere, around my mirror to encourage more positive self talk.

That's something I've been doing for decades. I was going though a tough time and I found a positive quotes site and subscribed. Every day I have a Positive Quote delivered to my inbox. Many times its just what I needed to read and I've posted them on the fridge or bathroom mirror to remind me to think positive. That was the catalyst for my Positive Thoughts (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?173453-Positive-Thoughts) thread here. There's a link to the site there too.

We all struggle with the aspect of control over our lives. Its when it affects and consumes you as you described, is when it becomes a real issue. One of the most influential quotes I ever received was "Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it." - Charles Swindoll. That was a wake up call to me and it's stuck with me every day since.

The one thing you have 100% control over is your attitude. Swindoll's full quote on attitude is even more inspiring. “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” - ― Charles R. Swindoll

Take your own advice about positive self talk. I found intentionally pursuing that enabled me to overcome what life has thrown my way :)

Positive thoughts

[flappergirl]

Thank you for your help, I will take a look at your thread - I need reminding to get out of the negative thinking cycle. I am inspired by your sign off/signature...Solomon had a lot of wise words in his proverbs.

[flappergirl]

Subscribed! Thanks :)

[Fishmanpa]

Subscribed! Thanks :)

:yesyes: I agree, King Solomon was very wise. After my heart attacks and cancer, that quote is something I strive to achieve and keep in mind daily. It keeps me sane in an insane world ;)

Positive thoughts

[flappergirl]

Bless you, it sounds like you’ve been through such a lot and you have so much patience and wisdom for us HA and anxiety sufferers.

[Dying_Swan]

This is my 3rd therapist (1st one non cbt, 2nd one nhs and course ended, and this one is mind) and it has been discussed that I may have GAD as well as HA as I worry ridiculously about other things as well as health. Therapist 2 said it’s about not being in control and intolerance of uncertainty. I can certainly relate. I hate flying etc and rather drive so I have control. I worry about the kids when they are not with me and stress myself silly when my hubby is late bringing them home or doesn’t answer the phone. I am a right pickle!!

I am too hard on myself and therapists have mentioned about not trying to be perfect, or to fix it all. That is hard. Well I don’t want to be perfect but I take everything on as if it is my responsibility and some people in my life take advantage of this which doesn’t help.

The self talk thing makes sense, and I do knock myself down. Maybe I need to put some positive comments up somewhere, around my mirror to encourage more positive self talk.

Definitely put up some positive statements. Poems, quotes, anything that makes you feel good. Repeat them to yourself, like a mantra.

You could have GAD, maybe ask your therapist? I don't think there's much difference really, either in the conditions or the treatment. Mine occasionally latches on to a health issue, and when it does it's just the same as HA I think. It does sound like you're expecting a lot from yourself and beating yourself up too much. It's really hard not to take responsibility for everything when that's what you're used to, but I believe it can be done, with time and practice.

Control and uncertainty - totally agree!

Have you tried thought records in your CBT? Or worry trees? I've found them quite useful sometimes. Anyway, I hope you're feeling a bit better now and working on your positive self-talk!

[flappergirl]

Thank you, I am feeling calmer now. I did seek reassurance from the GP and he has given me good advice about my skin worries. I am not sure I have tried a worry Tree is that where you are writing down all that worries you? A tree seems familiar but I’m not totally sure. I think I have done some thought records also. I am currently getting into a habit of writing down my mood scale, and challenging thinking, recording when I am worrying (ie sticking to my times).

I do expect a lot of myself and have learned to let some things go but still it is a work in progress. I am learning more to ask for help and demand to be treated fairly. My colleague recently said something along the lines of it is not my responsibility to make you happy. The only happiness I am responsible for is my own (or words to that effect, not about me btw!) Things like that really put things into perspective for me because I feel responsible for people not being happy etc even if it’s nothing I’ve done to them. 🤦🏻*♀️

[flappergirl]

Argh! I’m at it again. I went to the doctor yesterday about the thing on my back and everything was fine. So my back stopped hurting etc. Now I am focused on a spot on the bridge of my nose. I have other spots and currently have a big flare up. But I don’t normally get them there. It did look like a spot and act like a spot, but regardless I am now convinced it is something worse. I got antibiotics for the flare up and the spots are calming down and his one has healed a little, although I squeezed it yesterday cos it looked like it was still pimply. So now my nose hurts and tingles and I am focused on that. (It didn’t hurt yesterday when I was focused on my back). Likely that it is a spot, leave it to heal and don’t stress. Yet I am lurching from one thing to another and making wild assumptions. I have downloaded WorryTree app so I am going to leave it for a couple of days but I am convincing myself of all sorts.

I do want to listen to help and I am doing the diary, but I have raging anxiety and it is so hard to control. I also have started Prozac so likely that my anxiety has heightened.

Why can’t I stop scanning for things and just calm down? 😢

[flappergirl]

I have spent some time going over the CBT sheets and need to give myself time and refocus. Breathing. 🙄

[Fishmanpa]

I have spent some time going over the CBT sheets and need to give myself time and refocus. Breathing. 

That's the right thing to do and yes, its quite common for your anxiety to ramp up a notch when starting meds. You know, having been in therapy, reassurance seeking is detrimental to recovery. The goal is to get to the point of reassuring yourself through the CBT techniques. Keep up the good work :yesyes:

Positive thoughts

[flappergirl]

Thank you again! I have calmed myself somewhat with the CBT and tried to distract myself more. The reassurance seeking is hard to break and I post on here probably partly for reassurance (hangs head in shame) and partly as an outlet for my thoughts. Reassurance works a little for a while but once I am reassured, I am on to worrying about the next thing. Like you say, it is detrimental as I am always looking for the reassurance and not sitting with the logical/what proof do I have route.

Sitting with the uncertainty is such a hard thing for me to do, but I will keep working on it! In the meantime, I am searching for more positive thoughts! I got the email and also found today “Your attitude determines your direction.” My attitude is backwards I think 🤣