Anxiety and being punished for it?

[LF87]

Hi, I wasn't sure where to post this (I'm sure it'll get moved anyway). So I travelled so Spain last week, spent a fortune to be there for my friends wedding. I hate flying and I hate crowds. My health anxiety is strong at the minute and so is my sickness phobia, so it was all extremely intense. But I didn't want to let my friend down, I was a bridesmaid so forced myself to go despite my better judgement as I have been particularly unwell with social anxieties too, staying indoors a lot. But I got there, flew with some friends and my partner. Come the wedding day I was too bad to go. I felt sick, I was physically sick with anxiety and couldn't go. I text my friend, the bride, and my other friends and explained my anxiety was extreme and I was stuck in the hotel room and couldn't face it. She seemed to accept it on the day. Now though, she is blanking me. I made a comment on our WhatsApp group to all of my friends two days after hhe wedding about going for lunch for my birthday. I said this mainly to try to brush over how embarrassed I am that now everyone I know knows my anxiety problems, something I usually keep quiet. I was met with text's from friends saying why did you say that, such bad timing, she will be annoyed you're talking about your birthday after not going to the wedding, you didn't think that through. I also had a lengthy discussion with my closest friend via messages about how it's tricky because none of them understand, and people have anxiety but mine is 'extreme'. Basically, I feel I am under fire for my mental health problems. I gave it my all to go to Spain in a bid to not let my friend down, now I feel they've all turned on me for it. I am so upset about it all and feel really angry as well as it really was a big victory for me and now it was all for nothing. Is it selfish to have these problems and give in? Do I deserve to feel like I've done something bad? Sorry about this rant, I don't know where else to turn.

[BlueIris]

Unfortunately, sometimes people don't understand. It's not fair, it's not right and you have every right to be upset about it, especially after you pushed yourself so hard. Nobody can fault you for having tried your best,

Sadly, other people don't always see that. If you've apologised for your absence, there's not much more you can do and you certainly shouldn't withdraw further. The best advice I can offer is that the friends worth keeping will stick around.

[Fishmanpa]

From the other side of the coin... Birthday's come once a year, weddings are a (hopefully) once in a lifetime event. You posted about this (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?230793-Holiday-next-weekend-dreading) and despite your anxiety, you overcame the hardest part by getting there. The wedding itself could have been a release of sorts and in some ways the true victory and celebration of that fact. I agree with your friends that to post about going out for your birthday two days after backing out of the wedding was bad timing. Yes, anxiety and mental illnesses are misunderstood but I don't blame them for their reaction.

What's done is done and like BlueIris said, there's not much more you can do.

Positive thoughts

[nomorepanic]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your post was moved from its original place to a sub-forum that is more relevant to your issue.

This is nothing personal - it just enables us to keep posts about the same problems in the relevant forums so other members with any experience with the issues can find them more easily.

Please also read this post:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=213239

[MyNameIsTerry]

Perhaps re frame your birthday get together as a reconciliation. A treat for them. Take anxiety out of the equation and the same questions get asked about why you didn't make it and why they should. Obviously you have very good reasons, and not everyone will be willing to always try to understand the problems of others, but they need to learn this isn't the same as someone being selfish as you tried very hard to go. And let's face it, would any raise an eyebrow if you were physically ill and couldn't make it?

[LF87]

Thanks for these replies. Fortunately my friends seem fine now, maybe I was paranoid. But yes Terry I agree, no one would say anything if it was a physical illness. What I am concerned now is everyone saying they're worried about me etc and knowing my anxiety is bad. Sounds stupid but I am very private about it but sort of had to tell them the reasons I didn't go.