JB33
31-07-19, 12:26
I made a post on here some months ago stating that after more tests I was done with anxiety and that I am moving on, I am still on that road, but blimey, it's tougher than I thought and it got to me and cracked with a couple of consultant appointments, seeking reassurance).
I would like to update everyone on a situation and my story with reflux and how it's driven me insane over the years. Hopefully someone can take reassurance from this too for others suffering.
I've had reflux for about 9 years, now treated with daily esomprazole 20mg and they control everything to about 85-90% most days. I had two endoscopies the latest was 4 years ago. I have highs and lows, some days I dont really notice, others it feels like the tablets dont work and other days im convinced I have EC or something terribly wrong. Well, the latter got to me and ended up seeing a Gastroenterologist (Dr John Morris) in Glasgow via a private consultation .... twice (I know). Such a lovely man and really listened to me and made me feel like he genuinely cared.
I went initially worried about ongoing reflux-like sensations such as tight chest, pain in sternum and back that can radiate, feeling of lump behind breast bone almost like a pressure, breaking voice, pain in throat etc. Lots of bloating and burping, all of the time and feeling full,m loss off appetite, you get the picture, just horrible every day. I focus on it so much as well, and an extra dose of PPI didnt help and Gaviscone doesnt really help either so it was time for a referral (self-referral). He assured me that the root of problem was anxiety and that I really need to manage this. I felt good and left the appointment ... then the thoughts started again "what if i didnt explain my symptoms properly?" "what if I missed something, would it change his opinion"? Them eating lunch a week ago, a new symptom ... a red flag one that terrified me, I had this cramp/pain sensation when swallowing food behind my breastbone than radiated to my back .. it lasted for a good 10-15 minutes and thought "oh no, this is it ... that was definitely something". I then had another mild episode of this a day or so later and at that point seen my GP .... he said he didnt know what to do with me because of all my appointments and that he was beginning to doubt his own advice to me and that he wanted to refer me to GI. That was it, panic mode full on and convinced I was dying and need testing etc. Every mouthful of food I was hyper aware and "waiting" for it to happen again, its taken the joy right out of life and felt totally miserable thinking that at 31 that was it all over. It's a horrible place to be mentally.
I told my GP I wanted to speak with Dr John Morris again and I had that appointment today. I broke down explaining to him what I felt and then he looked at me and said "I'm 100% certain you dont need testing, John, what you are explaining is a chronic health anxiety with a focus around cancer of gullet, doing more tests will only feed into that and I will be doing you a dis-service. I'm not going to do an endoscopy (had 2 a number of years back) and that this is all linked to your anxiety and being tense". The fear dissipated and I felt better but he really stressed to me that I need to do CBT and really embrace it, failing that then start a dose of SSRI to try and help. Failing that then go back to see him.
The message is it's mind-boggling to think how the mind can make something so real and that these symptoms are real and felt, but dont always jump to the worst case scenario. He really is one of the best Dr's i've ever seen. He seemed to get it, and he could relate to what I was experiencing.
I shouldnt have had to go to this extent but I am still convinced that one day I will beat this anxiety.
I would like to update everyone on a situation and my story with reflux and how it's driven me insane over the years. Hopefully someone can take reassurance from this too for others suffering.
I've had reflux for about 9 years, now treated with daily esomprazole 20mg and they control everything to about 85-90% most days. I had two endoscopies the latest was 4 years ago. I have highs and lows, some days I dont really notice, others it feels like the tablets dont work and other days im convinced I have EC or something terribly wrong. Well, the latter got to me and ended up seeing a Gastroenterologist (Dr John Morris) in Glasgow via a private consultation .... twice (I know). Such a lovely man and really listened to me and made me feel like he genuinely cared.
I went initially worried about ongoing reflux-like sensations such as tight chest, pain in sternum and back that can radiate, feeling of lump behind breast bone almost like a pressure, breaking voice, pain in throat etc. Lots of bloating and burping, all of the time and feeling full,m loss off appetite, you get the picture, just horrible every day. I focus on it so much as well, and an extra dose of PPI didnt help and Gaviscone doesnt really help either so it was time for a referral (self-referral). He assured me that the root of problem was anxiety and that I really need to manage this. I felt good and left the appointment ... then the thoughts started again "what if i didnt explain my symptoms properly?" "what if I missed something, would it change his opinion"? Them eating lunch a week ago, a new symptom ... a red flag one that terrified me, I had this cramp/pain sensation when swallowing food behind my breastbone than radiated to my back .. it lasted for a good 10-15 minutes and thought "oh no, this is it ... that was definitely something". I then had another mild episode of this a day or so later and at that point seen my GP .... he said he didnt know what to do with me because of all my appointments and that he was beginning to doubt his own advice to me and that he wanted to refer me to GI. That was it, panic mode full on and convinced I was dying and need testing etc. Every mouthful of food I was hyper aware and "waiting" for it to happen again, its taken the joy right out of life and felt totally miserable thinking that at 31 that was it all over. It's a horrible place to be mentally.
I told my GP I wanted to speak with Dr John Morris again and I had that appointment today. I broke down explaining to him what I felt and then he looked at me and said "I'm 100% certain you dont need testing, John, what you are explaining is a chronic health anxiety with a focus around cancer of gullet, doing more tests will only feed into that and I will be doing you a dis-service. I'm not going to do an endoscopy (had 2 a number of years back) and that this is all linked to your anxiety and being tense". The fear dissipated and I felt better but he really stressed to me that I need to do CBT and really embrace it, failing that then start a dose of SSRI to try and help. Failing that then go back to see him.
The message is it's mind-boggling to think how the mind can make something so real and that these symptoms are real and felt, but dont always jump to the worst case scenario. He really is one of the best Dr's i've ever seen. He seemed to get it, and he could relate to what I was experiencing.
I shouldnt have had to go to this extent but I am still convinced that one day I will beat this anxiety.