hannahc128
07-08-19, 19:20
I’ve been a lurker here for many years but have never posted because once I type it all out I feel like I know the answer. A little background- I’m 28. 5 years ago, my mother was diagnosed at 48 with breast cancer. I didn’t have HA at the time but it was a very stressful period. She was in remission 6 months later, a few months later, in June of that year, my grandfather died. Everything was going along fine until November. For months I had been getting extreme pains where my gallbladder is but I didn’t have HA so it never bothered me. Then my doctor sent me for a CT scan where I had an allergic reaction to the dye. I was still mostly okay. Then my doctor sent me to an endocrinologist for diabetes (type 2, not nearly as scary as people think) and they had the wrong chart, so the nurse kept saying I’m there for my thyroid, I didn’t even know what a thyroid was. Then the doctor came in and she only talked about my thyroid, despite that not being my issue at all and tests being fine. So she sent me for extensive testing and it was all fine. That’s when my problem started. She sent me for all this testing every 3 months which sent me into a complete panic every time. The endo then put me on thyroid meds despite normal testing and finally my fiancé said “I think she’s embarrassed that she got it so wrong so she’s covering her ass.” So I found a new doctor and she agreed. But the mental damage was done and I was in full HA mode. For the next two years I chased every tiny pain and feeling I had. My doctor was great and so understanding, she always explained why things were anxiety. Finally I hit a point where I decided enough was enough. I started exercising, eating better, losing weight, and felt 100%. I was pretty much fine. I didn’t see the doctor for 2 years other than my routine diabetes stuff.
A few weeks ago I found a tick in my hair. It hadn’t attached yet and was just walking around, but I lost my mind about it. Then I remembered a few weeks before how I had been in the woods for a while and didn’t check myself for ticks. Two weeks after that I was extremely tired, lightheaded, and weak so of course I thought maybe I had been bitten and didn’t know. So I read about Lyme disease and decided if I had joint paint or flu like symptoms I would see my doctor. Well of course a few days later I started getting knee, elbow, hand, and hip joint pain. I have never had joint pain so I’m freaking out. And I’m getting muscle pain all over in my calves, back of thighs, neck, arms, etc. I know some of this is tension. I’ve talked this out with my fiancé who thinks this is crazy, I'm very light skinned and check my body for stuff all the time so I’d notice a tick bite and he thinks for me to both not notice a tick AND not get a rash and have symptoms is not super likely. Of course you hear all the time of people not seeing the tick or getting a rash so I’m paranoid now. I’m very scared of going to the doctor so I tend to put it off as long as possible, but I live in an area with an extremely high Lyme rate so time is important.
My regular doctor was out of the office, so I made an appointment for today at a new place with very good reviews. After waiting for an hour, the doctor was much more interested in why I haven’t been going to therapy. I told him my insurance makes it too expensive and he told me how amazing this place was down the road and why it was great and wrote all the info down like that’s all I was there for. He knew why I was there and didn’t mention it, so as he was walking out I asked about Lyme disease. I said “I’m very anxious and I read the symptoms of Lyme so chances are I’m just doing this to myself.” He said “let’s do the blood test and if it’s negative then we’ll need to find out why you’re having these symptoms.” I said “I 100% believe that if you don’t think I have Lyme, it’s all in my head.” And he basically said he doesn’t believe in that kind of thing and the sooner we find out my “real” problem, the faster it’s resolved. Nope. I can’t live like that. I’m completely fine being told it’s just anxiety, but testing instead of listening to me and hearing that this isn’t my first rodeo with this stuff is not okay for me. My fiancé and I decided that if it’s negative I’m going to just block that Doctor’s number and move on, if it’s positive I’ll go to my regular doctor for treatment because this guy said that antibiotics aren’t the first line anymore and I obviously know that’s not true.
So I went home and sobbed to my fiancé about how I can’t have it be negative and then they’re now going to want to perform a bunch of tests that will prolong how I feel when I’m just having a blip with anxiety. I know I shouldn’t have gone, I let anxiety win, but it’s done now and I need to know that I’m not alone in a situation like this. I have been doing very well and this is a big setback for me. I’m going to start therapy again, just not from his recommendation. I want to know how you’ve moved on after a day like this. Or what would you do in my situation? I can’t see myself going back to him, all he cared about was categorizing my anxiety and pushing me to see a therapist he knew.
A few weeks ago I found a tick in my hair. It hadn’t attached yet and was just walking around, but I lost my mind about it. Then I remembered a few weeks before how I had been in the woods for a while and didn’t check myself for ticks. Two weeks after that I was extremely tired, lightheaded, and weak so of course I thought maybe I had been bitten and didn’t know. So I read about Lyme disease and decided if I had joint paint or flu like symptoms I would see my doctor. Well of course a few days later I started getting knee, elbow, hand, and hip joint pain. I have never had joint pain so I’m freaking out. And I’m getting muscle pain all over in my calves, back of thighs, neck, arms, etc. I know some of this is tension. I’ve talked this out with my fiancé who thinks this is crazy, I'm very light skinned and check my body for stuff all the time so I’d notice a tick bite and he thinks for me to both not notice a tick AND not get a rash and have symptoms is not super likely. Of course you hear all the time of people not seeing the tick or getting a rash so I’m paranoid now. I’m very scared of going to the doctor so I tend to put it off as long as possible, but I live in an area with an extremely high Lyme rate so time is important.
My regular doctor was out of the office, so I made an appointment for today at a new place with very good reviews. After waiting for an hour, the doctor was much more interested in why I haven’t been going to therapy. I told him my insurance makes it too expensive and he told me how amazing this place was down the road and why it was great and wrote all the info down like that’s all I was there for. He knew why I was there and didn’t mention it, so as he was walking out I asked about Lyme disease. I said “I’m very anxious and I read the symptoms of Lyme so chances are I’m just doing this to myself.” He said “let’s do the blood test and if it’s negative then we’ll need to find out why you’re having these symptoms.” I said “I 100% believe that if you don’t think I have Lyme, it’s all in my head.” And he basically said he doesn’t believe in that kind of thing and the sooner we find out my “real” problem, the faster it’s resolved. Nope. I can’t live like that. I’m completely fine being told it’s just anxiety, but testing instead of listening to me and hearing that this isn’t my first rodeo with this stuff is not okay for me. My fiancé and I decided that if it’s negative I’m going to just block that Doctor’s number and move on, if it’s positive I’ll go to my regular doctor for treatment because this guy said that antibiotics aren’t the first line anymore and I obviously know that’s not true.
So I went home and sobbed to my fiancé about how I can’t have it be negative and then they’re now going to want to perform a bunch of tests that will prolong how I feel when I’m just having a blip with anxiety. I know I shouldn’t have gone, I let anxiety win, but it’s done now and I need to know that I’m not alone in a situation like this. I have been doing very well and this is a big setback for me. I’m going to start therapy again, just not from his recommendation. I want to know how you’ve moved on after a day like this. Or what would you do in my situation? I can’t see myself going back to him, all he cared about was categorizing my anxiety and pushing me to see a therapist he knew.