Please help, need some wise words

[Button1]

Hi,

I’ve been on and off the forum for a number of years with health anxiety and that’s usually been focused on my own health. I’ve had two rounds of CBT and sertraline.

Over the school holidays I’ve spent a lot of time alone with my children and this has radically refocused my anxiety on the health of my 4 year old who I am CONVINCED has cancer. He had tummy ache a couple of weeks ago and complained of tummy pain for a couple of days after that (a ‘hot tummy’ that was usually relieved by doing a poo...). Since then his appetite has been on and off and the past few days I’ve had to feed him (he’ll eat if I do) as he’s not very interested (he’ll drink plenty though especially milk and today devoured a flake bar). We’ve had a very busy summer and have been away for all but 4 days of the 4 weeks they’ve had from school. He’s also been a bit tired (but has been late to bed most nights and up first). Now I’m asking him every 30 mins if anything hurts. If he feels sick. If his tummy hurts. He always says he’s fine. I’m terrified I’m freaking him out. I’ve just googled cancer leaflets for when your child can’t be cured.

I’m on holiday and in the bathroom crying.

I’d just like some comforting words if possible.

Thanks.

[Button1]

I should say today he swam for over an hour and he’s not falling asleep all over the place (despite the fact that we had to get up at 3am to fly)

[Fishmanpa]

You might want to be careful of passing on your HA to him.

Positive thoughts

[Button1]

Yes I’m very conscious of that. I want to take him to the doctors but I can’t m/ won’t. He’s had a number of issues- recurrent chest infections for 18 months resulting in monthly hospital visits and was assessed for autism. Thankfully these things have passed. I really don’t want to feel like this and I’m dreading him waking up in the morning for this to all start again.

[nomorepanic]

It doesn't sound serious to me but I am not medically trained.

Watch and see I say.

[Button1]

Thank you. It’s hard isn’t it? You just want someone to say “he’s definitely fine!” 🤦🏼*♀️ And all I can think is how vague many of the symptoms of the worst kinds of illnesses are. No one else has noticed anything...

[ankietyjoe]

This happens to all children, often.

You must stop googling worst case scenario's and passing your fears onto him. He'll be fine. Children have stomach aches all the time. His immune system is still developing. My youngest was ill almost every month between the ages of 2-4, but then he eventually grew out of it. You're creating the problem, not him.

[lofwyr]

My son was sick--literally--for about a third of grade 5. He had something almost every week for a month straight. We practically had to home school him. Kids get sick, let it happen.

My son is a huge, 21 year old young man, strapping and healthy as can be now.

[Lana]

Button1, your boy is absolutely fine. We tend to sometimes move our anxiety over to our kids, it happened to me many times. Last year I asked my almost 21 years old son ( who is still a virgin and definitely not a drug addict), to go with me and have HIV test, because I thought that he may have been poked by a HIV infected needle in the street. He did it for me, but later told me that he is truly fed up with me projecting my HA onto him! Well, he does not have HA< but he has been on OCD medication and therapy for three years now. And I am pretty sure I did it to him, during all these years of pathetic and ridiculous worries. So stop it, your boy is fine.

[Button1]

Believe me I’m really hating myself right now. Another holiday going down the drain. He’s happy this morning- did say he didn’t want to eat but had a yoghurt, a small bowl of dry cereal and some pear. I think eating makes him want to poo, he said he needed one after breakfast (but hasn’t done one). All his poo is ‘normal’ in appearance if quite smelly. Maybe he’s had a bug...I’ve literally not sat down this morning, I can’t stop pacing. Possibly the nerves I have around him eating don’t help.

Thanks for your support- I hate having to ask but I’d really like to not ruin the next couple of weeks for my family and more importantly not pass this horrendous issue on to my little one (why don’t I worry like this about my eldest?!)

[ankietyjoe]

Kids don't eat when they feel a bit ill. My youngest didn't eat a single thing for 11 days about 18 months ago as he had a nasty bug, I even called 111 who weren't concerned at all. They said as long as he's drinking fluids, let it pass.

Remember, you're creating the issue here, not him. Focus on you, not him. Don't over analyse his toilet or eating habits, just walk away and do something else.

[Button1]

Thanks everyone- being able to get rid of my worst thoughts on here helped a lot. I’m trying to be a bit less emotional about his eating and look at everything a bit more dispassionately. His behaviour is totally normal, plenty of energy. We’re on holiday and all he wants to do is swim. I’m guessing if he was ill he wouldn’t do that? Yesterday he ate a lot better (really enthusiastically fed himself some cereal he’d never had before and actually asked for lunch.) Today he’s been more picky with everything but I’m wondering if he’s playing some sort of game with me as he’ll swear blind he doesn’t like something he ate very happily the day before. He’ll drink and drink until the cows come home though...So I wonder if it’s more a temperamental 4 year old than an ill 4 year old? Maybe he’s just a bit out of sorts as we’ve been away so much this summer...

[katniss]

Your son is absolutely fine! It doesn’t sound like he is ill. Kids complain about tummy aches a LOT. My son does the same. Sometimes it’s to get my attention, other times it’s because he is feeling bored or he actually feels something like acidity or even different sensations in the tummy. A lot of these pains are psychological too and most parents will attest that their children have done the same.

As for the eating - honestly, not all kids are good eaters. Mine are so difficult to feed and if it were upto them they would eat Oreo cookies and drink milk all day. Other than that they would take a few nibbles of whatever I give them. Was your child ever a good eater?

[Button1]

He’s never been an amazing eater- he’s just never been super bothered about food but there are some things you can rely on him wanting (dry cereal and yoghurt in the morning, peanut butter on toast at ANY time, his favourite crisps...) and over the last few days he’s not been bothered about anything but milk (though will take some food if I spoon it in so I think he’s getting enough.) He’s not complaining about anything, he’s just not wanting to eat much...