Is your HA limited or channeled?

[lofwyr]

I have been thinking a lot about my anxiety (GAD and HA) and its patterns throughout my life and have noticed a few things.

My anxiety seems triggered by very specific conditions and circumstances.

With regards to HA, ALS and MS are frequent concerns, but in 30 years of dealing with it HA in one form or another, it has never been a concern for me, and this morning I started to consider why that might be and I realized something.

Sometimes, weirdly, it is the absolute lack of control that makes me NOT fear something. In all my decades of on again off again HA, ALS has never been a worry, precisely because there is so little I can do about it. The fact that it ends up being a one way ride with very few achievable ways to slow or stop it changes my psychology to the point where I am able to tell myself "well, no sense in worrying about that, since there is nothing I can do about."

On the other hand, cancer was always a massive concern to me. My fears always stemmed from things I can do something about, but only when caught early. All those cancers you hear about "when caught early is no big deal, but when missed are deadly" are what tripped my anxiety, simply because it is something I can deal with proactively, but worry I will miss. The thought of being able to do something, and missing my chance, that is a source of anxiety for me both with health issues and life in general.

And then second guessing decisions, of course, is classic anxiety. In HA terms, I would lump not trusting professional medical opinions as part of that psychology.

I don't know why I am posting this, I guess lump it into "HA shower thoughts" but it felt like a revelation to me, that I seem to have very specific triggers, and I think this will be useful for me going forward.

Do any of you have very specific triggers that you have identified, and as such, were you able to do anything therapeutic for your anxiety in recognizing those triggers?

I should add, some of this did come from therapy, but for some reason this morning, it just really clicked.

[pav1984]

My ha tends to be worse when im stressed. Mainly work but before a holiday also seems to trigger it. It is almost like my mind looks for illnesses. Eg. I will have a bit of a sore throat and unlike normal people i am at the mirror with a flash light. Recently i spotted some spider veins and then i am scouting my whole body and finding alsorts of blemishes to worry about. I then will escalate this further by googling said worry. I then come across a serious illness and then out of nowhere i have some of those symptoms as well.

My symptoms (pains etc) do tend to go once I find reassurance or find something different to worry about.

Saying this now when relaxed it seems daft but in the moment it is quite distressing.

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's an interesting question, why some killer diseases and not others? You can understand how those who have seen it happen to their loved ones build a fear around it due to psychological trauma but not so for others.

Equally why cancer when you aren't scared of being killed in a car crash?

[bin tenn]

I believe just about all of my HA worries have been about things that I CAN control, but I'm at some risk for due to lifestyle choices I make. Lung cancer and others - I'm a smoker. Heart disease - smoker and don't exercise regularly. I can look up some set of symptoms and see ALS, and I never think twice about it. But if heart disease pops up, all hell breaks loose. Haha.

[ErinKC]

Lofwyr, I am exactly the same as you. ALS and MS have never been worries of mine for the same reason. For ALS, no matter when you catch it, there's nothing to be done. For MS, it's similar, but also for some reason MS just doesn't upset me. I know it's not ideal, but it's not going to kill me, it's manageable, I know people who have it, etc...

But, yes I think the control thing is enormous for my anxiety. I get much more anxious about things I could catch early and fix than things I could do nothing about. A lot of this I think is a common anxiety manifestation, but also particular to me because a lot of my health anxiety flows from an actual health issue where I could have done something to prevent it and didn't. I had a massive uterine fibroid I could have electively had removed, but didn't because I didn't want to have surgery/doctors weren't worried about. Then, in a super rare occurrence, it started necrotizing and I needed really traumatic emergency surgery to remove it. This is my ear worm with anxiety: What if you ignore something and it turns into an emergency again? ... What if I really should get that mole checked out? What if that pain is something to be concerned about, and on and on.

But, if there's nothing I could be actively doing something about now, it doesn't bother me at all. My anxiety is all about missing a looming but treatable danger.

[ErinKC]

Equally why cancer when you aren't scared of being killed in a car crash?

I actually think this is why I hate being a passenger in a car. I don't go around actively fearing car accidents, but I absolutely hate being driven by other people. Part of it is that my husband didn't get his drivers license until a few years ago so for the majority of my adult life I was the only driver (and I've only let him drive me like 4 times since he started). But, it's totally a control thing. I hate the idea of putting my life in someone else's hands in a car. Even though the chance of getting in an accident is essentially the same whether I'm driving or not (though I give myself slightly better odds because I'm a really good driver), being the one in the driver's seat makes me feel so much safer.

I think this is the same as the health stuff. I lost a bit of trust in doctors when no one explained the risks of not having my big fibroid removed, so I started to feel like I need to stay in the driver's seat of my health and took on too much responsibility for diagnosis every ailment I had or thought I had.

[lofwyr]

I actually think this is why I hate being a passenger in a car. I don't go around actively fearing car accidents, but I absolutely hate being driven by other people. Part of it is that my husband didn't get his drivers license until a few years ago so for the majority of my adult life I was the only driver (and I've only let him drive me like 4 times since he started). But, it's totally a control thing. I hate the idea of putting my life in someone else's hands in a car. Even though the chance of getting in an accident is essentially the same whether I'm driving or not (though I give myself slightly better odds because I'm a really good driver), being the one in the driver's seat makes me feel so much safer.

I think this is the same as the health stuff. I lost a bit of trust in doctors when no one explained the risks of not having my big fibroid removed, so I started to feel like I need to stay in the driver's seat of my health and took on too much responsibility for diagnosis every ailment I had or thought I had.

Yeah, admittedly I am okay being a passenger, but would always rather be the driver. That said, I am decent at giving up control when I have no choice or say in the matter, or when someone is obviously more competent at the task than I am. Surgery doesn't bother me, for instance, neither does flying or riding in a bus etc.

I think control, or lack thereof, plays a huge part in anxiety in general, and learning to relinquish that control has been instrumental to me in what recovery I have managed to achieve.

[ErinKC]

I think control, or lack thereof, plays a huge part in anxiety in general, and learning to relinquish that control has been instrumental to me in what recovery I have managed to achieve.

Yes, this is so true. My health anxiety has a food safety/contamination component to it. I've found the single best way to get past this is to intentionally become less vigilant. When I'm at the deli counter for example, I order the food and then I look the other way. I don't watch them take the meat out, cut it, etc... Same if I order food in a place where you can see them prepare it. If I'm opening a jar or other container, I just open it and pour it in one motion - no time to stop and consider if it popped or try to remember if the safety seal was intact. It has helped SO much. Initially I tried to get past this by just forcing myself not to care. If I saw someone do something questionable I'd just say over and over again that it was fine, no one else would care, etc... And that worked in some instances, but it still promoted some level of avoidance. But, I found, intentionally relinquishing control over this issue was so much more effective. Instead of saying, it doesn't matter if she touches her phone and then slices my cheese, I say - It's not my responsibility to control and monitor the safety of this food. And I don't even watch. Game changer!