View Full Version : So. Very. Tired.
Basically, I work in Further Education, and mid-August to mid-September is the busiest time of year for us. I'm in the middle of enrolments, and before long I'll be doing six or seven presentations a day to groups of new intake teenagers.
None of this is particularly easy for somebody with anxiety and depression, unfortunately, and with funds constantly being cut the college can't afford as many temps as usual. Consequently, I haven't finished work before 6pm in well over a week, bank holiday notwithstanding. Yesterday, I was working from 8.45am to 8.30pm.
It's okay, I'm coping, but I can feel myself getting more and more fragile on an hourly basis. I was supposed to be going out for drinks with the team on Friday night but I'm so drained I don't think I can handle it - I'm a morning person, so I get home and I pretty much go straight to bed and barely see my husband.
I know it's only a few more weeks, but I'm worried about making an idiot of myself or letting people down; was going to try and get away at 5pm but some people had to go across to our other campus so now it's another 6.30 finish when I had a few things I wanted to get done.
No advice required, just the sort of moral support you lovely people do so well.
Midnight-mouse
28-08-19, 16:23
I’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough time of things blue!
You’re doing so well just getting through each day, you should be proud of what you’re achieving. You’re not letting anyone down by taking the time you need for yourself.
Positive vibes and supportive internet hugs.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thanks, Mouse, I really appreciate it.
Oh BI- I wish I could do something to make this better for you. It sounds like incredibly hard work, a kind which anyone would find tough to handle. And for someone with anxiety issues in the mix - it must be exhausting. Do you have an end point to look forward to? And in years gone by, have you developed any strategies which help you? I know you will get through this - but that doesn’t make the journey easier.
I just wanted to add my support too for what it's worth, BI. No job is worth jeopardising your mental health for. You may feel compelled to push yourself to the limit but you'll pay the penalty and you work very hard to keep yourself well. You need to step back if it's all too much-work will cope. Your priority is yourself xx
I lucked out tonight; at 5.45 we were told only one of us needed to stay an extra hour. I felt tremendously guilty leaving the 17-year-old apprentice to finish up, but he said he didn't mind, so I took him at his word.
...He turns 18 in a couple of weeks and he's crazy for F1. Since I couldn't face going to his party, I went online and found him a marshal's tabard from the British Grand Prix for his birth year. Such a brilliant kid.
I lucked out tonight; at 5.45 we were told only one of us needed to stay an extra hour. I felt tremendously guilty leaving the 17-year-old apprentice to finish up, but he said he didn't mind, so I took him at his word.
...He turns 18 in a couple of weeks and he's crazy for F1. Since I couldn't face going to his party, I went online and found him a marshal's tabard from the British Grand Prix for his birth year. Such a brilliant kid.
I am SO glad you got to come home early tonight. And I agree with Pulisa- no job is worth jeopardising your mental health for. Look after yourself first. Xxx
DustingMyselfOff
28-08-19, 21:14
I can relate, Blue, and I remember that reminding yourself that you are on the home stretch of this marathon is the key to getting through it, but you have to promise yourself that you will take your crash / downtime / recuperation or whatever you choose to call it as soon as you get the chance. Do nothing, sleep late, binge watch some trashy TV, or pig out on junk-food if that is your reward system because you deserve one. After a few days of recovery, then you can go back to your healthy routine and eating habits.
Hang in there - it will get better!
Sue
I hope you’ve got something great planned for when you get some downtime?
I’ve worked in places like that before - where there is a deadline & it gets crazy busy for 8 weeks before it. It’s hard work, but you’ve got this! You know your job inside out and you are in control. Those students are lucky to have you Blue. And how kind are you to your apprentice? Lovely of you to buy him a present.
Keep on keeping on. Breathe, focus and smile.
You got through the computer update, you’ll do even better this time x
MyNameIsTerry
29-08-19, 02:12
I agree with pulisa. Keep a check on things and if it getting to much head it off.
Like Scass, I have worked in these types of environments too (I was a BA working in projects and programmes as well as proving SME support due to my background working up through the ranks) and it's the whole reason I am here on NMP now. It was the reason I ended up with anxiety and two breakdowns. I pushed it too far.
My employers were poor and it was a culture of working to meet a lot of JIT type stuff. Constant firefighting across the business. But if you have a good boss you can talk to then it can help you here because we have a tendency to put too much on getting these things done.
Since having anxiety and learning some very hard lessons about all this I've found myself telling my GF exactly the same. She works in the same environments and it never seems to change. I always say to her "do you work in the NHS where someone may die? Or the police or the military? If not, perhaps those massively must have done yesterday deadlines some stakeholder says they can't live without just aren't as important in reality". This is where your boss might be useful in being a second eye to keep you objective. And pushing back any unreasonable stakeholder requests like you had recently.
Are you sleeping ok?
I hope things calm down soon.
Unfortunately it all hit last night, and I landed up out of bed at 1.30am panicking at my husband over some mild gum swelling and soreness (I'm morbidly afraid of the dentist).
He was very lovely and didn't get annoyed, because he knows that on this occasion I haven't been wilfully neglecting myself. I let him talk me back to bed and then used mindfulness techniques to nudge myself back to sleep. Have been coming ever-closer to falling down the Google hole properly this past week, though.
I think I'm going to try and set the guilt aside and go for a firm 5pm finish today and Friday; I have a hankering for Friday night in with a curry, so that'll be a little treat to look forward to.
BI- you have insight on your side, which is a powerful ally. You are in danger of losing your balance right now, and you recognise the signs. Please please PLEASE do what you say and be firm about a 5pm finish. No guilt is needed. You won’t be any good to anybody if you let this spiral.
You really rock, BI. You are one of the reasons I love NMP so much and I want you to look after yourself. Sending you lots of virtual hugs. We are rooting for you
xxxxx
Thank you, Jojo, I can't tell you how much it means to hear that from you.
I've been sneaky and decided to trick myself into getting away promptly by making sure my weekly beading project I do for a FB group I'm on isn't something I can do in five minutes; I won't be able to complete it unless I have a reasonable amount of evening. Then, if I decide I'm too tired, I can still do the five-minute last-minute thing if I want to.
Massive hugs rightbackatcha; you're an awesome person and one of the people I've really enjoyed getting to know on here.
Thank you, Jojo, I can't tell you how much it means to hear that from you.
I've been sneaky and decided to trick myself into getting away promptly by making sure my weekly beading project I do for a FB group I'm on isn't something I can do in five minutes; I won't be able to complete it unless I have a reasonable amount of evening. Then, if I decide I'm too tired, I can still do the five-minute last-minute thing if I want to.
Massive hugs rightbackatcha; you're an awesome person and one of the people I've really enjoyed getting to know on here.
Youve got this! I hope today goes ok and I look forward to checking in with you after 5 to make sure you are home and resting!
xxxx
A 5pm curfew is a great idea. A job is just a job at the end of the day. I know we can all be perfectionists and want to do our very best at all times but you are sensible in that you recognise when you are struggling and take measures to protect yourself. Your mental health needs preserving-no one else can do it for you. Roll on Friday and stick to that curfew today!! Your beading needs you!! xx
The backup I get on here helps so much. The truth is that nobody at work is pressuring me to stay late, I just feel bad for letting the side down even though most people are leaving at 5pm.
The backup I get on here helps so much. The truth is that nobody at work is pressuring me to stay late, I just feel bad for letting the side down even though most people are leaving at 5pm.
I'm glad you will be joining them today without feeling guilty. Hope you manage to catch up on the latest "Bake Off" too?
I had a tremendously stressful job in Intelligence many moons ago. It was the very last job I should have done because I put so much pressure on myself and made myself so ill. Take good care of yourself, BI xx
5pm finish sounds like a great rule to stick to. As does a curry in front of the tv.
Everyone is right, it is just s job and your health is more important. I’m on holiday this week but I’ve spent 30 minutes this morning reading through my work emails because I don’t want to be too bogged down when I go back next week. It’s tough when you’re part of a small team, and if you enjoy your job then you want to do well. It’s about striking a balance, and you sound like you are ready to do that.
On the dentist thing, I need a filling replaced tomorrow. I am really trying to stay calm.... I completely understand your fear though x
I always check work emails before I go back after a holiday, because I don't want to get any nasty surprises. I think it's good sense if you're naturally anxious.
DustingMyselfOff
29-08-19, 17:29
I know this is WAY out of your comfort zone, but would you consider taking a "Mental Health Day"? Call in sick or call it a vacation day, but you deserve and need one full day of staying home and nurturing yourself. When I was at my wit's end with the demands of my job, I always found a day off (in the middle of the week) helped me tremendously to recharge my batteries and re-ground myself.
You are exhausted, physically and mentally...... recharge and re-fuel!
Sue
I can and do, but I tend to save them for when I really need them. I know there may come a time over the next couple of weeks when it feels essential rather than desirable.
Home now, at least, with treats planned for tomorrow night and Saturday.
Yay you are home! What are you going to do with your evening?
Going to try and finish the first of a pair of earrings I'm working on, but if I get tired before I do, no biggy. Once it hits around 8, I'll put my feet up and relax on the sofa for a bit.
Such a mess right now, I feel almost as though I'm back to square 1.
I have a new line manager, specifically, somebody who made me redundant in the past before barely deigning to hire me for a different role two paygrades lower. She's been here four days and has been nitpicking like crazy over every change I made in her absence.
Today, meanwhile, in addition to dealing with her emails I spent the whole day alone with a younger colleague who complains incessantly about absolutely everything.
I dealt with this by picking at a sore spot on my gum until it swelled and went white, then spending hours googling the abscess I was convinced I had.
Not my most dignified day.
DustingMyselfOff
05-09-19, 18:30
I'm so sorry, and I have been where you are with the impossible, stressful working conditions. The job I had before my last one I was at for 9 years and loved it. Then, a new employee was hired and she was a total bully. She seemed to spend her days finding ways to loudly point out what she thought my faults were and downplayed and ridiculed any praise or kudos I would receive from the bosses. I put up with it the best I could but it started to affect me physically and mentally. Yes, I tried talking to HR about it and they had meetings with the two of us in which she appeared as a perfect angel. I then tried telling our boss that I really couldn't stand it anymore and it was her or me, but since she and I both knew he was having an extra-marital affair, he feared if he fired her she would cause him problems. Great situation, huh? I left a job I had previously loved and was very good at, and all the bosses adored me, but she made my life hell.
Anyway, if this is going to be the new normal at your job, you REALLY need to get out of there. No job is worth your health.
Sue
I’m so sorry BI- this all sounds very stressful. Have you got anything planned for the weekend, which you can look forward to? Hang in there. And remember: no job is more important than your mental health xxxx
Midnight-mouse
06-09-19, 11:02
Such a mess right now, I feel almost as though I'm back to square 1.
I have a new line manager, specifically, somebody who made me redundant in the past before barely deigning to hire me for a different role two paygrades lower. She's been here four days and has been nitpicking like crazy over every change I made in her absence.
Today, meanwhile, in addition to dealing with her emails I spent the whole day alone with a younger colleague who complains incessantly about absolutely everything.
I dealt with this by picking at a sore spot on my gum until it swelled and went white, then spending hours googling the abscess I was convinced I had.
Not my most dignified day.
Hey blue, sorry things have been super draining for you! I don’t have any advice but I just wanted you to know you’re not alone and I can understand.
Are you taking time for yourself outside of the negative environment? It really can make everything much harder when we’re dealing with things like this so don’t fret over a ‘less dignified day’ it’s only a blip! You are aware of the actions and can see the logical side in it, which is huge.
Positive vibes & supportive hugs.
Mouse
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
So sorry work is tough BI.
When you’ve got the mental strength you should start recording anything that your new manager says that is out of order. Can you speak to anyone about it? I thought your boss was very understanding, so maybe he can help?
Are there any other roles that you can look at applying for?
Immediately, start your processes to keep yourself relaxed. I know it feels like a faff, but it’s never been more important.
We are here, we are all very fond of you & want you to be happy and healthy, so we will help or just listen. Xx
Just a quick update.
Obviously the broader work situation isn't improving any time soon, but I had a really good day yesterday bonding and having fun with the team; it helped a lot. I'm not feeling quite so helpless because I know I'm not completely alone. I've been managing to stay off Google, too, and the anxiety is slowly subsiding along with the suicidal ideation.
Got a nice, peaceful weekend planned where I'll have lots of downtime plus a few fun things to do. Not under any illusions that the next few weeks will be easy, but I'm getting more confident in my ability to make it through them relatively unscathed.
I'm so glad you got some comfort from your work colleagues and don't feel so isolated and desperate. Don't let the b*ggers get you down...this woman isn't worth it and obviously has a giant chip on her shoulder.
I hope you enjoy your much needed time off and can really disconnect from all the work sh*te xx
WiredIncorrectly
07-09-19, 17:20
Hey Blue, good to hear you're doing well at the moment. You're a warrior for sure. Relax and take things nice and easy.
If it's any consolation I'm currently back to what feels like square one with constant sickly feelings, nausea, draining tiredness, loss of appetite and down right nasty panic attacks. The solution is valium. The problem though is ... valium. The wonder pill that works like magic, but when it wears off and you don't take another you're left in a worse situation than before.
I got up at 12am and did some exercise. Felt great for a bit but the anxiety consumed me and I fell asleep for an hour. Woke up and had to take a tablet.
Blue, we always seem to crash around the same time :roflmao:
No consolation, not when you fight so hard to keep yourself together, Wired, but I hope you feel better soon.
I forgot to clean my teeth last night and the so-called abscess I'd been panicking about for a week cleared up almost entirely. The things we do, eh?
Hiyer BLLUEEEEeeeeee,
Only just seen this, as not been around here too much recently. This woman sounds like a right up-her-a*se kind of unpopular line-manager. You can reassure yourself that you won't be alone in thinking of her, and feeling about her, as you do! I'm sure of that. Hold the moral high ground, let it wash over you as best you can.
WiredIncorrectly
07-09-19, 18:30
No consolation, not when you fight so hard to keep yourself together, Wired, but I hope you feel better soon.
I forgot to clean my teeth last night and the so-called abscess I'd been panicking about for a week cleared up almost entirely. The things we do, eh?
At times I think us mental health sufferers can be a tad bit insane :roflmao:
I've spent the day continually doing induction presentations to groups of teenagers who clearly don't want to be there. My throat hurts, my feet hurt and the deep-fried naan I had for lunch is proving to be a much worse idea than it originally seemed.
My new line manager is removing my rights to various software without telling me - I'm only finding out because the software people are copying me in on their courtesy emails.
None of this has much to do with anxiety and I'm certainly not breaking down over it, but YUK.
Yuk indeed!
Your manager sounds stupid.
Most importantly, what is a deep fried naan?! I’m so intrigued.
Ps. I’m glad you’re not too anxious by it all.
Do you mean like a paratha, or an actual naan? Sounds so yummy. Who cares about your silly line manager. Indian treats are much more interesting. Xxx
I'm not sure; it was canteen food, so who knows.
It was delicious, though, and now Pete's making me hot honey and whisky :)
You have a canteen? Now I see why you put up with all the crap.
Today we had scones, clotted cream & jam. It was a good day!
LouiseAndy
11-09-19, 19:48
I just saw this thread- and I'm sorry you're feeling this way! Your manger sounds like a right fool. People always think they know best when they come swanning in! I hope you feel better soon and things settle in work soon enough x
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