When GAD and HA cross paths

[lofwyr]

One of those days, today.

I have some upcoming medical stuff in a couple of weeks (two skin biopsies and cardiologist follow up) and I think my cage has been rattled too many times in the past couple of years by legitimate medical issues, that I am having some issues with the health anxiety.

I just have this general feeling of impending doom, I cannot seem to shake. I can ditch it momentarily with CBT and exercise and staying busy, but man, sometimes the dragon is resilient.

But it goes beyond medical what-ifs, to anxiety about moving south for the winter, shoring up this house for my son to stay in over the winter, work issues, just general piling on of life. I really don't want to delay my wife and I's departure until the snow comes if I can help it. My parents are both 80, and I would love to spend the winter with them, being as we only get so much time. They could also use my help over the winter.

So my medical woes then become, not "what if I am dying?" to, "what if I have basal cell and need mohs/reconstructive surgery and it delays my departure?" Not exactly catastrophic what-ifs, but catastrophizing nonetheless.

Objectively I know the answers, of course. If there is an issue that large (and while aggressive subtype of basal cell across the entire center of my nose is a real possibility according to my derm, it isn't that until it is), I will deal with it when I have to. That's what you do because what other choice is there?

Now, that said, I just wish I could enjoy life more between now and these tests, and shed the anxiety in the interim. And then the non medical anxieties piling on as well.

CBT just seems stretched thin these days, though I have stayed well clear of google, meditation has helped some, and I love to stay busy, it just seems difficult to find peace.

Sorry for the vent, not really expecting a reply, just find it helps to put the thoughts out there. And it did, so thanks for hearing my wandering crazy-man rants.

[Scass]

You’ve got a lot going on.
I hate that thought of how much better we’d feel if a,b or c weren’t happening. I don’t really know how to combat it myself, so I’m not sure I can give tips.

I hope writing it down has helped to sort it in your head a bit. Wishing you luck in your tests & for your summer move.

[ErinKC]

I know exactly how you're feeling. This happens to me often. For me, I think it's more the build up of stress/GAD that then triggers the health stuff. If you've ever heard the spoon analogy, you're running out of spoons from the regular stressed of life, so you can't stave off the HA.

I felt exactly this way as I was preparing to start law school. My anxiety had been totally in check, but getting prepared for that and my daughter starting kindergarten was a lot! I didn't fall down the rabbit hole of dread, but I started to think - what if something happens with my fibroids and I need surgery or they find something at my annual GP check up or they find something when I go for my annual derm check in a few weeks and it screws up all my school plans?

Honestly, I think a lot of those feelings are totally normal anticipatory anxiety when any kind of change is coming up. But, since we suffer from anxiety we know to be on the watch for it. You have always seemed very rational and level headed with your anxiety. Since you have true health concerns it makes sense to be a little more on alert. But, like you said, if something did happen you would handle it.

That's what I kept (and keep) telling myself. If something DID happen I'd take care of it at the time - seek a leave of absence or otherwise figure out how to make it work. It would be shitty, but not the end of the world. Same for you!

[AntsyVee]

There are sometimes when I have so much stress going on (whether work, family, friends etc) that my meds and coping mechanisms just can't keep up. That's when I take a benzo and just do the best I can.

[lofwyr]

Thanks for the feedback, if nothing else, it is nice to know we have all been there. Misery loves company and all that. ;-)

In all seriousness, I have to say I am amazed at how people can tuck problems away and compartmentalize. The truth is, I think we are all capable of it. When I have a known problem to deal with, I target that problem, develop the solutions I can, and work hard to resolve it. I think in part, it is what can make anxious people solid over performers at work. When I have a task, I have an unhealthy obsession with getting it done, and done quickly, and done well. I am eager to please. All part and parcel of an anxiety disorder.

But the other side to that is when we don't have a problem, we "just know one is coming" and the fears of the unknown kick in. That is the puddle I am sitting in now. Just waiting around, envisioning what problems I might have and how severe they might be.

My dad has always called it "sniffing around the waterhole before getting a drink." I call it anxiety. He has it too, but comes from a generation where it really isn't acknowledged, so he just knows he worries about things, or checks out the waterhole.

In fairness, it has served him well so far, with 80 happyish years and a successful family and career. Can't ask for more really.

[pav1984]

I havent mastered health anxiety yet but i have found something that has helped me at work. I make modifications to software. I often feel dread just before the customer starts using it.. What if there is a bug in it. What if i have missed something critical etc... Will it cost them thousands and will i get the sack etc. Most of the time it is all fine and when it goes wrong it is something that is eadily fixed. This doesnt stop my worry.

To combat this i ask myself "is there anything more i can do at this time?". If the answer is no then it kind of clicks with me that nothing more can be done and that worrying wont help.

Sounds as if you have done all you can to prepare for all scenario and you no doubt have a plan in each case. Just sit back and roll with the punches.

[AntsyVee]

Yes, lowfyr, when under stress, it's amazing what I can compartmentalize. The problem is that it always comes out later. For me, especially in my sleep. I have terrible dreams about what I'm worried about if I ignore it too long.

[MyNameIsTerry]

If you've ever heard the spoon analogy, you're running out of spoons from the regular stressed of life, so you can't stave off the HA.

I thought this was going to be about spooning for a minute! :winks:

[MyNameIsTerry]

I havent mastered health anxiety yet but i have found something that has helped me at work. I make modifications to software. I often feel dread just before the customer starts using it.. What if there is a bug in it. What if i have missed something critical etc... Will it cost them thousands and will i get the sack etc. Most of the time it is all fine and when it goes wrong it is something that is eadily fixed. This doesnt stop my worry.

To combat this i ask myself "is there anything more i can do at this time?". If the answer is no then it kind of clicks with me that nothing more can be done and that worrying wont help.

Sounds as if you have done all you can to prepare for all scenario and you no doubt have a plan in each case. Just sit back and roll with the punches.

I worked in projects & programmes for years on the stakeholder side as a SME and then as a BA. I did the same as you and got drawn into worries of getting things wrong. I used to also work data cleansing analysis for migrations and would find my self working out rot causes to the tiniest detail. All about Perfectionism and worries about being in the wrong over something.

You are absolutely right in what you did to confront it. I was fine with all this before I became anxious and then it became obsessive. You have to be more objective and weigh it all up but take that step back from it so you don't lose sight of the bigger picture.

[MyNameIsTerry]

In all seriousness, I have to say I am amazed at how people can tuck problems away and compartmentalize. The truth is, I think we are all capable of it. When I have a known problem to deal with, I target that problem, develop the solutions I can, and work hard to resolve it. I think in part, it is what can make anxious people solid over performers at work. When I have a task, I have an unhealthy obsession with getting it done, and done quickly, and done well. I am eager to please. All part and parcel of an anxiety disorder.


Same here. I've always worked in customer service companies and even before that regarded helping people as a very important principle in my life. But when you forget about balance obsession sucks you into unhealthy levels of things.

Companies will naturally take advantage of that. It's always important to look at the impacts to determine whether it's so bad if something isn't done to perfection or whether it can wait a bit. Setting levels of importance and things like traffic light systems can be useful in managing what you need to do now and what can wait a bit because we tend to want to blast through it all. Like reassurance, that success tends to be fleeting as the company just lands another project on your desk the next day :doh:

[ErinKC]

I thought this was going to be about spooning for a minute! :winks:


:bighug1: Haha, well spooning can't hurt either!