Londongirl35
04-09-19, 21:18
Hi everyone
My journey to this website has been a sad and painful one. 3.5 years ago I spilt with my husband who was an alcoholic - he had no intention of trying to help himself/ our marriage and I was at the end of my rope coping with that and an 18 month old.
For the longest time I told everyone I was fine i was coping but what I didn’t realise is that I was actually spinning into a deep depression. I self diagnosed myself with anxiety and tried everything to stop feeling so bad (exercise, counselling, holidays, crying, throwing myself into work, confiding in friends and family) nothing worked. Each visit to the doc was a prescription for antidepressants but I never collected them - I was annoyed that it felt so blasé. I wasn’t depressed, I was just waiting for the grief to lift.
But I was suffering more and more. Drinking ironically to blot out my pain, I couldn’t sleep, function. I felt dead inside nothing gave me any pleasure. I was still convinced I just needed time. It reached the point where I realised that 3.5 years had gone by and I was still crying as if it’d just all happened, it felt as painful too. I was even getting a bit to comfortable with the idea of killing myself. My self chat was awful. I was pathetic, worthless and I would never find anyone to love me again and nobody and nothing could tell me otherwise.
I plastered a smile on my face and by all accounts nobody knew quite how badly I was struggling - I don’t think I did to be honest. Perpetual anxiety and poor sleep had become my norm.
I had my antidepressants sitting waiting to be used and for whatever reason I decided I had nothing to lose at this point (the side effect really scared me and put me off) so finally said I have to try this and I did- only
2 days ago. I was given sertraline.
My reason for posting is rather odd - I took the first one (50mgs) and had the most settled night sleep I’ve had in quite literally years. I woke feeling GREAT. Last night the same. I woke feeling almost high and it’s lasted all day. I hit the gym, I didn’t have any negative self talk in my head and my side effects have been minimal- slight nausea which I tend to have from my anxiety anyway- so I cope with that.
My question really is - can it be possible to react so well so soon? I want to believe it but I also realise it could be a placebo effect - but I find it hard to believe all this could be mental. Also if this starts well am I going to drop off the high and back to my darkness?
I have spent so long feeling borderline suicidal and basically dead inside that anything taking me away from that is an improvement- I’m willing and ready to ride out a bumpy start but I’m just interested to hear if anyone’s had a similar reaction being so positive so quickly and what happened next?
Thanks for reading if you got this far!
My journey to this website has been a sad and painful one. 3.5 years ago I spilt with my husband who was an alcoholic - he had no intention of trying to help himself/ our marriage and I was at the end of my rope coping with that and an 18 month old.
For the longest time I told everyone I was fine i was coping but what I didn’t realise is that I was actually spinning into a deep depression. I self diagnosed myself with anxiety and tried everything to stop feeling so bad (exercise, counselling, holidays, crying, throwing myself into work, confiding in friends and family) nothing worked. Each visit to the doc was a prescription for antidepressants but I never collected them - I was annoyed that it felt so blasé. I wasn’t depressed, I was just waiting for the grief to lift.
But I was suffering more and more. Drinking ironically to blot out my pain, I couldn’t sleep, function. I felt dead inside nothing gave me any pleasure. I was still convinced I just needed time. It reached the point where I realised that 3.5 years had gone by and I was still crying as if it’d just all happened, it felt as painful too. I was even getting a bit to comfortable with the idea of killing myself. My self chat was awful. I was pathetic, worthless and I would never find anyone to love me again and nobody and nothing could tell me otherwise.
I plastered a smile on my face and by all accounts nobody knew quite how badly I was struggling - I don’t think I did to be honest. Perpetual anxiety and poor sleep had become my norm.
I had my antidepressants sitting waiting to be used and for whatever reason I decided I had nothing to lose at this point (the side effect really scared me and put me off) so finally said I have to try this and I did- only
2 days ago. I was given sertraline.
My reason for posting is rather odd - I took the first one (50mgs) and had the most settled night sleep I’ve had in quite literally years. I woke feeling GREAT. Last night the same. I woke feeling almost high and it’s lasted all day. I hit the gym, I didn’t have any negative self talk in my head and my side effects have been minimal- slight nausea which I tend to have from my anxiety anyway- so I cope with that.
My question really is - can it be possible to react so well so soon? I want to believe it but I also realise it could be a placebo effect - but I find it hard to believe all this could be mental. Also if this starts well am I going to drop off the high and back to my darkness?
I have spent so long feeling borderline suicidal and basically dead inside that anything taking me away from that is an improvement- I’m willing and ready to ride out a bumpy start but I’m just interested to hear if anyone’s had a similar reaction being so positive so quickly and what happened next?
Thanks for reading if you got this far!