Can anyone relate?

[izzybizzy]

I was diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder 10 years ago when I was 20, I have had periods of “recovery” but I’ve also developed other disorders such as health anxiety, social anxiety etc and BDD (body Dysmorphia) although the BDD may be more linked to the eating disorder I had for years. Basically a hot mess of anxiety disorders, I am exhausted, two years ago my Dad was murdered and since then I have been worse, I’ve had therapy, I recovered from my eating disorder mostly, I meditate, don’t really drink alcohol, I try to sleep well etc but I’m not better or never seem to get as well as I used to.

And it’s all just so exhausting, I’ve lost the spark to live, I mostly exist/survive I have good friends and I’m working again albeit part time, I’m a single parent and I do feel lonely in that respect, I have a lovely dog etc so why aren’t I happy? Why am I so tired? I’m back on meds now but I just don’t feel like myself or not what myself is? I’m lost is what I think I’m saying. I feel like life has just battered me, I have suffered a lot of trauma and id love to be one of those people that turns it all around and has a great story to help others with but I highly doubt it, I feel like a mess of a human, can anyone relate to having more than one disorder and lots of trauma and trying to rebuild and better themselves??

Sorry if the post was a bit rambling

[WiredIncorrectly]

Heya Izzy. I can relate.

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. That brought a tear to my eye because I can relate to that too.

I lost my Dad 2 years ago too, and then my stepdad a year later. It really messed with my mental health and still does today. I can't get over their loss and that's something that is hard to deal with and attributes to my mental health. I too have developed a lot more anxiety issues.

Coincidentally I had an eating disorder (bulimia) for a couple of years, which spawned into body dysmorphia. More so after the loss of my Dad. He was a body builder. I'm convinced I'm skinny, even though nobody else thinks so. I can't see muscle, or body mass, even though it's there. This has caused a few exercise injuries in the past from pushing myself too far. It can also flip the opposite way where I'm convinced I'm obese (thinking I'm obese was the start of bulima).

When did you start your meds? I know they make me feel very sleepy when I first started mine. Could be related. But this level of anxiety will drain and exhaust you so make sure to rest up when you can.

I still haven't had bereavement counselling. The NHS waiting lists are so long, and atm I'm house bound due to damn agoraphobia. Have you had any counselling?

Has doctor diagnosed anxiety and depression? Depression can cause exhaustion, low moods, inability to feel happy etc.

Here any time if you need a chat :) Take it easy.

[Scass]

I’m so sad reading your post. I lost my Dad 3 years ago through a short illness. I find that I am often lonely without him (and my Mum who died 5 years previously).
I don’t think 2 years is much time really. You seem to be doing really well with your life, but that doesn’t mean you have to be happy. Life is hard sometimes and you have been through a lot - especially at such a young age.
Perhaps therapy may help again? Maybe more for your low mood than your anxiety?
Also, I find I get much lower in September. It starts to clear after a few weeks, but this month is quite a trigger for my mood.