View Full Version : Worst painc ever
LouiseAndy
19-09-19, 07:02
I just had one of the worst experience of my life, like it's truly shaken me. So I've been having very fast beats for a few months now as well as shortness of breath plus some pains every now and again but tonight I was laying in bed and shouldn't get settled. I just felt off. Out of no where my heart rate actually jumps up to racing, like my body was vibrating with it. It was truly horrifying. I tried to get it calm myself at first but couldn't. I went downstairs to my parents room (embrassing at 23) my legs and legs were weak the whole time. Like I really thought it was the end.
Yet I stayed as calm as possible, so my Mam was kinda calm in return. She told me to sit on the couch and take deep breaths. (A little bit tmi) she started to rub my back and I started to burp alot so she kept doing it since I had pain between my shoulders and let's say..alot came up. We sat there for like a hour and my heart rate kinda came down. She kept getting me to breath. I've gone back to bed now and she's getting ready for work. I feel awful for pulling her out of bed over this. I normally try to keep this stuff from my family but I really couldn't cope with how fast and hard my heart was going plus the rest of stuff.
My Mam kept reminding me I had good tests in 2018 and while my heart rate is always a bit fast my blood pressure good and the Doctor says my heart sounds fine. I really thought it was the end but seeing as that was well over a hour ago and I'm still here with a bit of burping and slower heart I think it's not a dropping like a fly any moment thing. I guess in one one it's shown how far I've come that I manged to go back to bed and not cry about needing to a&e. Sorry for ranting, it was very exhausting time.
For what it's worth, I think you did great. You had a really, really bad panic attack but you didn't surrender to it and go to A&E.
You're going to feel awful today, but that's also okay. Take all the rest you need, and take comfort in the fact that you'll feel better in a few days.
LouiseAndy
19-09-19, 07:07
Thank you so much, your reply and words mean alot @blueirs, I know that I'm very lucky that my mam was there and reacted with a calm reaction and not getting upset. Sometimes it's easy to come back to reality with a calm person around.
I think in moments like this in very guilty of forgetting how far I've come and feels like I'm back at square one and it's not going anywhere
I feel like that too. I had a bad day yesterday and last night I felt as though I was never going to feel okay again. I slept, though, and ate, and while I'm still feeling tired and not terribly keen on going to work today, I know that the weekend's coming soon.
If you start getting stressed today, feel free to message me.
Blue Iris is a real kind soul.
You could always pm me too but bear in mi d were in different time zones.
There's a lot of good stuff here on how to combat panic attacks and it works but takes time. Definitely worth taking a look at.
It sounds like you had trapped wind which can cause a tightness in the chest area and that would explain the pain and shortness of breath. I get it alot and because you don't feel right it makes you panic.
You did absolutely the right thing and my mum would have your mum knew what to do probably because she has experienced it herself. Alot of pain in the body can be caused by trapped wind, I've even had it in my hands.
So, if you feel these sensations again, you will know it is that and nothing scary. x
ankietyjoe
19-09-19, 10:00
It all sounds pretty normal for a panic attack. I would suggest not trying to over analyse it, and accept that you are doing the right thing by not reacting to it in a negative way. That's the key to long term recovery.
I used to experience attacks like that all the time (several times a day at it's worst), but a combination of mediation and acceptance allowed me to stop having them. It takes time though, be patient.
LouiseAndy
19-09-19, 20:39
Thank you all so, so much for the replies. Sorry I didn't come on sooner to reply, I manged to get some sleep and I had a short shift in work this evening so I'm only getting a chance to come on. I guess the fact today has been rough but the fact I'm still alive and kicking showed last night was just a bad few hours. It was very unsettling and today was hard- but I manged to go to work and all. I also had lots of acid (plus burping again). So maybe it was my old pal reflux all along! Like it's easy for me to know that the worst part for me was not the pain or anything it was the super fast/hard heart-rate thing. My whole body feels so weak- but the fact it did come down was a good thing!
@BlueIris, Thank you so much, I hope you had a better day today x It's not easy it is!
@Lebonvin Thank you so much for the reply, I'll defo read up more here
@Carnation Thank you so much, My mam said the same thing! She told me she's suffered horrible with it in the past. That one time she was driving and she said to pull over for two hours until she felt able to drive again. She also said it was easier to help me since I was calm as possible talking to her because I could explain what was happening instead of freaking out and crying (like I used to in the past).
@Ankietjoe, Thank you for the reply, I've done my best to let it go today. Even tho it's not been easy, I've said to myself, well I made it this far so I'll make it further. I'm in therapy and I know it does sound like I haven't come far but I have gotten things like this before and I ended up with people having to stay with me all day because I was in such a state. I'm sorry you had to experience things like that in the past but from my reading of what you said you're doing better now and I hope it counties that way!
I'm aware I said thank you alot there- but I truly mean it. Thank everyone for replying and I'll try my best to get on track again.
WiredIncorrectly
20-09-19, 04:55
It all sounds pretty normal for a panic attack. I would suggest not trying to over analyse it, and accept that you are doing the right thing by not reacting to it in a negative way. That's the key to long term recovery.
I used to experience attacks like that all the time (several times a day at it's worst), but a combination of mediation and acceptance allowed me to stop having them. It takes time though, be patient.
I agree with Joe. And yes, @BlueIris is a star :)
@OP I was in a shared house at Uni when I was around 23. I was cleaning my lizard tank (geckos) and suddenly I felt off. I had a horrid pain in my chest and my heart rate rocketed. I told my then girlfriend who tried to calm me but my heart rate was abnormal. I ran downstairs into one of the other girls rooms screaming "I'm dying I need an ambulance please help me". She was lay on the bed and completely freaked out and then worried for me. I ran outside hysterical pacing back and forth begging people to feel my pulse. "Please check my pulse this isn't right".
I waited about a minute after calling 999 and no ambulance. I didn't even give them time. I called 999 again. I told the lady "Please I'm dying how far is the ambulance I need to know the GPRS location". The lady was telling me to calm down. I sat on the fence crying. The fence broke and I fell on my butt. The ambulance arrived. I went inside and they hooked me up.
I begged the man to hold his hand. He laughed and said no. He said you're having a panic attack take some breaths. He said my heart was fast, but normal and that I wasn't having a heart attack. He insisted going to the hospital is a waste of time but he will take me if I liked. I declined.
I went back indoors full of guilt. My little brother seen it all too. He was in tears. I forgot about him. My chest was still hurting like really bad. I started feeling my chest and I could feel the rib cage was sore. Turns out the panic caused me to damage a muscle in my rib. That's how tense I was. It took 3 days for that pain to subside.
Worst panic attack ever. Hope you feel better :)
ankietyjoe
20-09-19, 08:26
from my reading of what you said you're doing better now and I hope it counties that way!
I don't experience panic any more. It's important to understand that no matter how bad you think you feel, it's just a sensation...nothing more. Every single person alive will experience anxiety, but it becomes a problem when we elevate anxiety to a problem in and of itself. This is when it becomes a disorder.
Anxiety happens for a reason, and these days it's almost always stress. Too much work, poor diet, not enough sleep, unresolved problems,not enough exercise, alcohol etc etc...or a combination of those things. In other words, modern life offers up multiple layers of discreet stress that can build up into an over fatigued central nervous system.
Attack it from two sides. Resolve the stress issues AND staying calm during a panic attack is what will ultimately work.
LouiseAndy
20-09-19, 22:46
I agree with Joe. And yes, @BlueIris is a star :)
@OP I was in a shared house at Uni when I was around 23. I was cleaning my lizard tank (geckos) and suddenly I felt off. I had a horrid pain in my chest and my heart rate rocketed. I told my then girlfriend who tried to calm me but my heart rate was abnormal. I ran downstairs into one of the other girls rooms screaming "I'm dying I need an ambulance please help me". She was lay on the bed and completely freaked out and then worried for me. I ran outside hysterical pacing back and forth begging people to feel my pulse. "Please check my pulse this isn't right".
I waited about a minute after calling 999 and no ambulance. I didn't even give them time. I called 999 again. I told the lady "Please I'm dying how far is the ambulance I need to know the GPRS location". The lady was telling me to calm down. I sat on the fence crying. The fence broke and I fell on my butt. The ambulance arrived. I went inside and they hooked me up.
I begged the man to hold his hand. He laughed and said no. He said you're having a panic attack take some breaths. He said my heart was fast, but normal and that I wasn't having a heart attack. He insisted going to the hospital is a waste of time but he will take me if I liked. I declined.
I went back indoors full of guilt. My little brother seen it all too. He was in tears. I forgot about him. My chest was still hurting like really bad. I started feeling my chest and I could feel the rib cage was sore. Turns out the panic caused me to damage a muscle in my rib. That's how tense I was. It took 3 days for that pain to subside.
Worst panic attack ever. Hope you feel better :)
Oh wow! I'm sorry that happened to you. It's all really a horrible thing isn't it. Thank you for taking the time to write me such a detail reply.
Not to over look all of that but gecko's? I have some now! Two Common Lizard (Lacerta vivipara) named Busty and Rusty! Kept them as pets ever since I was ten. Do you still keep them? They freak my boyfriend out lol
LouiseAndy
20-09-19, 22:50
I don't experience panic any more. It's important to understand that no matter how bad you think you feel, it's just a sensation...nothing more. Every single person alive will experience anxiety, but it becomes a problem when we elevate anxiety to a problem in and of itself. This is when it becomes a disorder.
Anxiety happens for a reason, and these days it's almost always stress. Too much work, poor diet, not enough sleep, unresolved problems,not enough exercise, alcohol etc etc...or a combination of those things. In other words, modern life offers up multiple layers of discreet stress that can build up into an over fatigued central nervous system.
Attack it from two sides. Resolve the stress issues AND staying calm during a panic attack is what will ultimately work.
Yeah, I agree about anxiety happening for a reason. The root of my comes from a traumatic event that caused general anxiety , I know from therapy that the HA became something to hide behind for along time but then it became a issue on it's own because I couldn't control it. I'm doing my best to bring everything together.
Thank you again, for taking the time to write to me and with such good words and advice. It was very interesting to read.
LouiseAndy
20-09-19, 22:52
I had another rough night- not as bad as last night. I tried breathing and using methods my therapist gave me and thankfully I was able to bring myself back. Waking up was the worst part of it but I got up. Went to work and did things I had planned without backing out just because things have been abit rough lately.
That’s amazing that you managed to control it! Well done.
When I had regular panic attacks we didn’t have the internet! I used to listen to my progressive muscle relaxation exercise every night before bed. I had a bath with lavender oil, and a book about anxiety and panic attacks. I read that book so many times!
Sometimes the simple methods can help the best!
Hope you have a good weekend
LouiseAndy
21-09-19, 03:28
That’s amazing that you managed to control it! Well done.
When I had regular panic attacks we didn’t have the internet! I used to listen to my progressive muscle relaxation exercise every night before bed. I had a bath with lavender oil, and a book about anxiety and panic attacks. I read that book so many times!
Sometimes the simple methods can help the best!
Hope you have a good weekend
Thank you Scass x!
Sometimes simple is best- when I'm able to bring myself down from a attack. I do what my therapist calls self-comfort. It's when you literally wrap your arms around yourself in a hug! There's another method called tapping which I don't really finds works for me but my friend swears by it!
I also try to listen to things to calm me into sleep, normally a soft podcast or something! Or those two hour you-tube music of like yoga music!
I hope you have a good weekend also x!
LouiseAndy
21-09-19, 06:13
Sadly no sleep again tonight :( still laying here and trying to do other things until it comes but it's not easy
You poor thing! Do you at least have a quiet weekend planned so you can catch up?
LouiseAndy
21-09-19, 21:37
You poor thing! Do you at least have a quiet weekend planned so you can catch up?
Thank you BlueIris- Thankfully I had today off but I'm working a double shift tomorrow so 9-2 and 5-7! So I'm hoping to get some rest tonight. It's been a very uneasy day...so not feeling very hopefully ! :(
LouiseAndy
21-09-19, 23:00
Ever since I got my coil removed, I had horrible pains in my pelvis,back,hip area. I kept expecting to see blood when I go to the bathroom like before. I keep getting warm flushes, just feel off- just feeling so off. I'm trying to keep strong but it's just hard.
LouiseAndy
22-09-19, 00:17
Well, trying to be reasonable:
Bowel and Stomach stuff- I ate something today that looking back probs caused this
The pelvis pain/all those pains- I did have the coil removed that was stuck in me- so it was gonna cause issues and some pains
Leg pains/weak- stress? Panic? All the above
Arm pain in left arm- Well I've had it for awhile now, if it was something it would have shown
Weak arm in the morning- I might be sleeping on my arms or something reasonable
Flushes- Anxiety and the heat is heating here but is still very humid
Found a strange lump in like park of my jaw that a lump or something but moves when I move my mouth- plus I think it's been there ages. Freaky but probs nothing
The one that freaks me out the most- heart racing and breathless (In the morning mainly) probs the anxiety is the best and most reasonable reply
And I've decide to add here, to give a fuller pitcher. The main suffer of my trauma (Which start my anxiety and HA also)- was(TW) sexually abuse. So having to deal with so many real health issues down there- has really set me back. The hospital experience....I keep wanting to write about it to get it all out but I can't. I feel like it may be to personal or I guess in a way I'm scared if people read it and tell me to get over it or I'm being dramatic. Sorry for that tag along, if it's to much info
LouiseAndy
22-09-19, 10:42
Got another a hour sleep is all �� so feeling really rough in work but I guess it's another night I survived lol x
ankietyjoe
22-09-19, 19:42
Sorry to hear about your experiences with trauma and abuse. That's definitely a real trigger for anxiety.
I would recommend going over to a forum called Pandys.org. It's a website set up specifically to help people deal with the aftermath of sexual abuse, and your experiences with anxiety may well be different than most other people's here. The advice and resources available there will probably be a very useful addition to the advice you obtain here.
I think you're doing amazingly well under the circumstances.
LouiseAndy
22-09-19, 20:37
Sorry to hear about your experiences with trauma and abuse. That's definitely a real trigger for anxiety.
I would recommend going over to a forum called Pandys.org. It's a website set up specifically to help people deal with the aftermath of sexual abuse, and your experiences with anxiety may well be different than most other people's here. The advice and resources available there will probably be a very useful addition to the advice you obtain here.
I think you're doing amazingly well under the circumstances.
Thank you for the recommendation! I actually use the website, it's a really lovely support place. Like at times sometimes I wish I was strong enough to share my experience here- but I know it's a bridge maybe to far at the moment.
I'm super lucky that I've had therapy with a sexual abuse specialist and my therapist I have no is helping me hugely with it. It's a long process and I went so long with out telling anyone or speaking about it. It's truly changed my mind set and trying to work my way out out it- funny how ha in a strange way became a coping thing. It was like if I worry about my health, I don't have to think about this? But that became it's own dangerous thinking.
Thank you so much- I know I'm in a bad patch here and I post alot especially when I'm in a bad place but I'm trying to find better coping methods and deal with every feeling x
ankietyjoe
22-09-19, 20:53
Thank you for the recommendation! I actually use the website, it's a really lovely support place. Like at times sometimes I wish I was strong enough to share my experience here- but I know it's a bridge maybe to far at the moment.
I'm super lucky that I've had therapy with a sexual abuse specialist and my therapist I have no is helping me hugely with it. It's a long process and I went so long with out telling anyone or speaking about it. It's truly changed my mind set and trying to work my way out out it- funny how ha in a strange way became a coping thing. It was like if I worry about my health, I don't have to think about this? But that became it's own dangerous thinking.
Thank you so much- I know I'm in a bad patch here and I post alot especially when I'm in a bad place but I'm trying to find better coping methods and deal with every feeling x
Ah it's great that you have a specialist helping you. Dealing with abuse and trauma is a far more complicated situation that plain old anxiety.
I'm not sure if the HA is occurring as a cover up for other mental challenges, but quite often a person can be so mentally 'charged' that the anxiety has to come out in some way.
You're absolutely correct that your trauma therapy is a long term process. My partner suffered multiple occasions of abuse when she was younger and is now in a five year course of therapy as she developed full blown DID after a traumatic birth of our second child in 2014, so I understand how hard it can be.
But again, you're doing all the right things, so have faith in the process. Some days you will feel like absolute crap, but it will work in the end.
LouiseAndy
22-09-19, 21:05
Ah it's great that you have a specialist helping you. Dealing with abuse and trauma is a far more complicated situation that plain old anxiety.
I'm not sure if the HA is occurring as a cover up for other mental challenges, but quite often a person can be so mentally 'charged' that the anxiety has to come out in some way.
You're absolutely correct that your trauma therapy is a long term process. My partner suffered multiple occasions of abuse when she was younger and is now in a five year course of therapy as she developed full blown DID after a traumatic birth of our second child in 2014, so I understand how hard it can be.
But again, you're doing all the right things, so have faith in the process. Some days you will feel like absolute crap, but it will work in the end.
Like for me personally- this is my own personal experience and don't want anyone who might read this to think I'm saying it's for everyone. After I finally broke down to my gp (Who I'm so lucky to have, she's truly wonderful) she sent me to a abuse specialist and let's say she didn't "phrase things" the right way and it made it worse. It made me feel like it was my fault. So that was it's own thing for awhile- but I have a therapist I've been seeing for two years now and she's wonderful. Like I can't imagine where I'd be without her help. I'm very lucky I can and do have therapy/ therapist who understands me. I also was on meds for while but for a number of reasons had to come off them, I still take xanna if things get very bad but haven't in some time.
I think also, not long after the abuse- I got actually ill. Nothing to bad- just a nasty stomach infection- lots of bad things but nothing what I feared. So it was alot and I couldn't handle it all.
I try to remind myself that sometimes it is shit- but also in all these times I'm still doing thing's I couldn't get myself to do before. I manged to work not one- but two shifts today even though I wasn't the best physical- and like you said before. Even thought I do feel shitty alot (around the heart alot lately) but it's just feels. If it was something serious wrong, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this. As easy as it if for me to say now when I feel okay! But I try to remind myself, no matter how bad and shitty it feels now. I've actually come such a far way.
Thank you, so much Joe. For engaging with me, I've read you speak about your parnter issues before and it's truly horrible isn't it.
LouiseAndy
23-09-19, 04:05
Even with the little sleep last night and the busy day today...I'm still wide awake. It's amazing how the body works sometimes! I'm not a big fan of trying to make myself sleep as that's when I tend to have lots of heart episodes. it's funny, read some of my own comments in this thread as well as my other threads. Its amazing how the same thing can crop up again and again! I've been worrying about my heart since 2018 (well probs before that, that's when I just got the account.)
So, reading over other worries. I can see the same things pop up again and again. I thought I had posted somewhere about the thing that freaks me most (The strange lump on my jaw hinge area. It's like a lump that moves when I open and close my mouth. I can feel like added pressure or like there's something reting on the aw when I do. Also if you touch the area you can feel it move when my mouth moves.- it's hard to explain! I'm trying to tell myself it's just bone or something lol x) If only passed me had freaked about that and helped me get over it now. Im wondering if it's something I notice so much now because I noticed it once lol
LouiseAndy
24-09-19, 18:37
Only manged to get about a hour and half sleep last night before work. No matter what I try, my body refuses to switch off before 6 am (that was the time I had the panic last week) and it's like my mind is telling it self....if I make it past six. I'll live. Stupid, I know.
So that made today hard, I also had lots of super fast beats and skipped beats, all the other things I've listed still bothering etc etc I think I'm whined enough here that my worries about my health are all layen out. - I'm currently flat out on the couch with a headache and from the way I'm typing lots of self pity also.
ankietyjoe
24-09-19, 21:40
Heart concerns are tricky to deal with because they're always there. Your heart is always beating. But if it helps I went through the same thing for a few years, I used to monitor and check it all the time. You can get past it though, just by practising NOT checking it. It'll do what it wants to do, and it's easy to get a skewed perception of what it should be doing. You'll have a number burned in your mind of what rate you think it should be, but in reality it doesn't work that way. Even now I can wake up some nights with my heart pounding at 140bpm, but I just get up, have a pee and go back to bed. It's the self sustaining worry about heart rates that causes the issue.
I would try approaching your bed time differently. Tell yourself before you go to bed that if your heart starts pounding at night, you know it's just the anxiety. And if and when it does, just allow it to be and let it pass. You might need to do that every night for weeks, but it does work.
LouiseAndy
24-09-19, 23:39
Heart concerns are tricky to deal with because they're always there. Your heart is always beating. But if it helps I went through the same thing for a few years, I used to monitor and check it all the time. You can get past it though, just by practising NOT checking it. It'll do what it wants to do, and it's easy to get a skewed perception of what it should be doing. You'll have a number burned in your mind of what rate you think it should be, but in reality it doesn't work that way. Even now I can wake up some nights with my heart pounding at 140bpm, but I just get up, have a pee and go back to bed. It's the self sustaining worry about heart rates that causes the issue.
I would try approaching your bed time differently. Tell yourself before you go to bed that if your heart starts pounding at night, you know it's just the anxiety. And if and when it does, just allow it to be and let it pass. You might need to do that every night for weeks, but it does work.
Honestly Joe, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I know it can be frustrating to hear people go in circles with the same complaints. It means alot that you have taken the time to reply time and time again. It's nice to know there's more support out there. I will take you advice to heart and try to work it into my own routine. I'm going to see my therapist again on the 7th, I feel embarrassed in way to admit that I have taken a few steps back- but I guess there's always steps you can take forward once again.
I'm also lucky I don't have anything to actually take my heart-rate all the time, I used to have a apple watch but it got waterlogged...and I took that as maybe I shouldn't have one! My Mam does have a blood pressure reader (she had high blood pressure) but I asked her before to put it somewhere I'll never find it.
ankietyjoe
25-09-19, 17:50
Recovery is never linear and there will always be steps back.
The best analogy I could come up with is looking at the waves on the beach. It doesn't matter if the tide is going in or out, waves will still come in and out and it's the same with anxiety. There will be good days and bad days and it is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.
LouiseAndy
26-09-19, 21:54
Recovery is never linear and there will always be steps back.
The best analogy I could come up with is looking at the waves on the beach. It doesn't matter if the tide is going in or out, waves will still come in and out and it's the same with anxiety. There will be good days and bad days and it is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.
Thank you so much Joe x I love that analogy! It's all about trying to go forward.
Like today was a mixed bag- some bad stuff like heart rate being super high, hard of breath, feeling kinda dizzy and upset stomach but! I found out today I scored in the top 3% of my college class last year :D. Out of a class of 340 I ain't doing to bad- for someone who doesn't think of themselves as very smart alot of the time. So, that means getting a award! Boo-Boo the fool isn't doing to badly !
LouiseAndy
27-09-19, 01:02
I just had a dizzy spell so bad I couldn't even get off the couch without my legs shaking, My heart rate was going so high- I ended up having to call my friend I was so freaked. She was walking home from work and like we talked about alot of things that weren't it.. It helped calm me but I'm so frustrated but also scared. Like I'm over all my fears of cancer or any other health thing. I worked so hard to get there, it's the heart that's left.
I know you know that this was an anxiety symptom. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t have been cured by the chat with your friend. You’re going through a really bad patch at the moment and your anxiety has to come out somehow sometimes. Even normal everyday anxiety needs an outlet. Yours just happens to focus around your heart.
I’m glad it passed and that you had a great coping strategy to deal with it. Keep thinking of the positives, you’re doing brilliantly x
It was awful, but it was a blip. Please don't blame yourself? We all have these setbacks from time to time.
ankietyjoe
27-09-19, 07:53
I think it's common for people who have experienced sexual abuse to self blame.
Hopefully this will be resolved over time with therapy.
You're doing great LouiseAndy, just remember to balance out effort with rest, you don't have to 'win' every day x
LouiseAndy
29-09-19, 20:04
Hi everyone, thank you all so much for replying x My friend had a gig on Friday night and someone knocked my phone into a glass of- god knows what but I'm finally able to get onto my laptop and reply.
Once again, thank you all for your kind words and even taking the time to read and reply to me. I know I ramble on alot. I did have a small win, I manged to go to my friends gig on Friday night which freaked me out. I kept thinking about dizzy spells, racing heart- all that. I manged to go and I felt unwell at some stages but I stayed and enjoyed myself like 90% of the time! Which is big for me.
I'm still having some crazy fast beats (Like I don't know how to take beats and I don't plan on it but you know I can just feel it pounding alot) and feeling off- but I'm trying to really bring myself around to it all being anxiety and I think I might be slowly believing it? Hoping this isn't speaking to soon lol
I feel like with sexual abuse- I grow up with alot of my extended family (who are alot more closed minded then my Mam) tended to say that girls always brought it on themselves- no matter what the case of the abuse. It's still hard to get those words out of my head alot.
I also have a therapy appointment next week, so there's alot to talk about I know. I'm still proud, my heart thing been going on awhile and I haven' gone running to the doctor nor anything like that. A part of me is like....but what if...but it's also like. I've been going on awhile and I'm still kicking
LouiseAndy
30-09-19, 22:33
I manged to spend the whole day in a shopping center :)! Without running or having to go into the bathroom just to breath out the strange feeling. I did feel strange at some stages but I manged it!
Today been mostly good, had a few wobbles legs moments in the shower and the heart been racing- but I got through today mostly good :)! Just entering the bad point the night lol x But manged to get through it hopefully
You’re doing so well! Celebrate all the wins!
ankietyjoe
01-10-19, 08:06
I feel like with sexual abuse- I grow up with alot of my extended family tended to say that girls always brought it on themselves- no matter what the case of the abuse. It's still hard to get those words out of my head alot.
Absolutely NO. Just, no. There is not single reason or situation where that is an excuse for abuse, ever. A person never, ever brings it on themselves.
Those words are wrong, and pitiful. They are the words of a coward.
LouiseAndy
02-10-19, 01:10
Absolutely NO. Just, no. There is not single reason or situation where that is an excuse for abuse, ever. A person never, ever brings it on themselves.
Those words are wrong, and pitiful. They are the words of a coward.
It's like I know that? But it feels like that doesn't apply to me- if you understand what I mean? Like if my friend or someone was to tell me they had sadly faced something like did and they told me they felt that way. I would be outraged because that's far from the truth but I work with my therapist how I can allow feelings of understanding and compassion for other people and not me.
My Mam knows something happened, I'm not ready or might not ever be ready to tell her the whole of everything but she loves and supports me. I'm very lucky to have her as she always does her best to understand even if she doesn't understand. It's very harsh to be so closed minded to the world like that I think.
Thank you again for your reply and your words Joe x
LouiseAndy
02-10-19, 01:12
You’re doing so well! Celebrate all the wins!
Thank you again Scass x! Sometimes are easier than others- and I'm still here so that's something after all those rough nights! And strange feeling of the body heart etc etc but like I said I'm still here! :) Doing my best to make everyday better and better
LouiseAndy
02-10-19, 06:41
After feeling strange all night with my heart again but trying to over past it - Just had another bad epsoide of panic :( I couldn't get to sleep all night (this issue is becoming worse and worse for me). I was finally going to sleep and suddenly I felt this strange rush in my body and everything felt numb and strange but my heart rate when up and it felt it would we missing beats or something. I end up sitting upright in my bed and gasping so loud- my brother who was getting ready for work heard me from downstairs and came up to ask if I was okay :( I say yeah to him because I was so freaked and didn't even calm yet. So now I'm alone in my room trying to calm my breathing. Idk why this keeps happening, I feel like something has to be wrong but I'm probs just overthinking
LouiseAndy
02-10-19, 06:44
I feel like should a fool posting here over and over again but I'm scared to talk to people in my life because I've been called horrible names before in moments like this and I'm scared of people reaction
LouiseAndy
02-10-19, 06:51
I now have some acid coming up my thoart- so maybe it's to do with that ?? Idk anymore I'm trying so hard and I feel like I get nothing to show for it. I'm near to tears thinking about how I'm to scared to sleep now because I'm scared of dying (I'm stuipd and dramaict I know(
You're really not going to die from a touch of reflux, but you're not a fool either. You're not well, but that doesn't make you stupid or anything other than frightened.
ankietyjoe
02-10-19, 08:10
Yeah you're not stupid, you're simply dealing with a lot of physical and mental pain.
Having unsupportive people around you actually makes it worse as it makes you feel like you have to either hide how you're feeling, or change.
However, what you're experiencing is still 'normal' for anxiety.
One of the best things you can do is have a little mental mantra before you go to bed. Remind yourself that you may wake up with your heart pounding (very, very common) but it doesn't mean anything sinister. Your heart is supposed to do that with stimulus, and the stimulus here is anxiety.
Night time panic used to be one of my worst symptoms, but I learned to just accept it. When it happened (and it still does sometimes) I simply sit up, go for a pee, drink some water, stretch (or a combination of those things) and slowly lay down again. Let the nonsense pass....which it will. Could be 30 seconds, could be 10-15 minutes. It doesn't matter, just sit it out.
Reflux is also common with anxiety because of the connection between mind and gut, one can affect the other.
You're doing fine. Just remember it's that fear of panic that keeps the cycle going. Panic itself is just a sensation, so riding it out and consciously not reacting to it is the best thing to do. Not easy...but effective.
I’ve had that rush before, sometimes I think it’s actually where I’m relaxing, but my body is so tense it’s fighting it. It’s not a heart thing, it’s a mind thing.
I used to get it while dropping off to sleep, and would wake with a gasp too. That’s when I started doing progressive muscle relaxation. If you do it enough you can do it anywhere in seconds. I just did it while writing this - a quick mental scan of my body, and I’m tense in a few places, so I concentrate & relax them. It’s so easy with a little bit of practice x
If you can try to "normalise" these anxiety symptoms it really does help. This happens to me a lot but I'm bored by it so I just stay with the feelings and carry on doing what I'm doing.
LouiseAndy
04-10-19, 00:11
Hi everyone, thank you all for the replies. I will come back and give a more update later but basically yesterday I had to go visit my therapist after my family became worried as I was using words they said I used alot when I tried to hard myself in the past and they were worried. I have another appointment with my therapist Monday and my GP wants to see me in the next few days also. Some old issues have cropped up being as I'm someone who struggles with dates and times, this time of year can be alot I'm dealing with it all and thank you for the words and I'll update soon again x
ankietyjoe
04-10-19, 07:58
Perhaps you have an anniversary this time of year.
LouiseAndy
04-10-19, 23:23
Thank you for the replies, so I took a xanna (given to me by my gp to take after a bad episode) yesterday and I ended up sleeping for 13 hours- which must have been needed. I have appointments to set up to try and help me handle this time. Feeling abit better, breathing is still abit hard- but there's alot of feelings and panic there so to expected. Thank you again, for all the times you've read and replied.
LouiseAndy
05-10-19, 07:11
I probs over slept yesterday as I'm still awake right now lol. Thank over little events I'm the last few hours, no big freaks out today so far. Jusg hoping to get a few hours sleep.
Oh I hope you can get some rest x
LouiseAndy
09-10-19, 06:45
I tried to edit on phone and deleted my own reply lol -
Hi everyone,
Just a little update.
Sadly at this time things aren't great, both Inna mental and physical way. Since I last posted here I've been to see my GP and my therapist again.
They decided to give me another check up appointment in the coming weeks. Since they want to keep a eye on me.
In a way I'm disappointed in myself, that things have gone like this. I'm taking a xanna nearly every two nights or I can't sleep otherwise so I might go 48 hours with sleep- I'm suffering with nightmares and other sleep issues at the moment. So that's quite hard.
I've also been unwell phycial, worried also happening but trying not to dwell to much and all that.
I know this all seems silly and stuipd, it's just really hard at the moment.
Please don't be disappointed in yourself? None of this is your fault - don't blame yourself for being sick.
LouiseAndy
10-10-19, 01:25
Please don't be disappointed in yourself? None of this is your fault - don't blame yourself for being sick.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply- I know I tend to rant on alot.
Today was the worst, I couldn't move all day because I felt so unwell. I had the worst headahce, that painkillers couldn't move, my limbs all just felt so heavy and I couldn't move without feeling like I was going to faint or get sick. I've been laying in bed in total fear for hours now. Everything just feels so awful, I don't know how to cope or anything. I'm trying my best, I know I've come far but right now it's scary and alot.
((Also TW: I caused myself same harm for the first time in nearly two years, it was very scary but it's like I'm not fully self aware as I do so. Thankfully, its not been as bad as in the past- but it was scary.))
I'm going to work tomorrow again....as I've used all my sick days. My manger is trying to be as understanding as possible- so it's a short shift but with everything I'm scared all the time.
Please be careful? From personal experience, self-harm is addictive - it took me absolute years to break the habit, and far longer to lose the urge at times of stress.
I know it's difficult, but maybe a few hours of work might help and act as a distraction?
I hope work helps today.
Be kind to yourself you’re going through a lot and you are getting some extra help which is admirable x
ankietyjoe
10-10-19, 08:06
Self harm is extremely common with sexual trauma, and it's tied to LA's feeling of stupidity and self disappointment.
Just be assured that you're doing your best, nobody can expect any more from you and that just taking each day as it comes is the best approach right now.
Remember how important self compassion is.
LouiseAndy
11-10-19, 01:27
Please be careful? From personal experience, self-harm is addictive - it took me absolute years to break the habit, and far longer to lose the urge at times of stress.
I know it's difficult, but maybe a few hours of work might help and act as a distraction?
I lucky was able to break the pattern before- I've been nearly two years with any harm. So, to be it felt like another step back. Which I know if my friend came to me with the issues I was having I wouldn't think that at all! The mind can be a funny thing. (Also, I'm sorry that from my reading of your post, you've dealt with self-harm before and I'm sorry you had it deal with it. It's horrible.) Yeah- work was nice actually! My co-worker who has a idea that I'm having a rough time brought me in homemade pizza he made himself! It was a lovely gesture.
LouiseAndy
11-10-19, 01:28
I hope work helps today.
Be kind to yourself you’re going through a lot and you are getting some extra help which is admirable x
Thank you Scass! It's been hard but I'm trying to really listen to my therapist and gp to get back on the right track again....it's not easy but I've manged it before! I hope you're doing well also xxx
LouiseAndy
11-10-19, 01:30
Self harm is extremely common with sexual trauma, and it's tied to LA's feeling of stupidity and self disappointment.
Just be assured that you're doing your best, nobody can expect any more from you and that just taking each day as it comes is the best approach right now.
Remember how important self compassion is.
Thank you so much Joe, once again. It's like I said before, if a friend talk to me about issues like mine they were experience- I wouldn't think any less of them but it's hard to think of myself in the same way. When times get really bad, I try to remind myself I got to a good place before and I can get there again- it's just a little hard.
LouiseAndy
11-10-19, 05:15
I'm really feeling exhausted and phycial run down. As scary as moments of tension head pains, dizziness etc are. I'm sure it's just from being emotional run down. While it's all very unpleasant and it was hard getting any sleep with my headache- like I said my days are bad now but I'm working towards good ones again.
But I'm putting that on the back burner as today my Mam has to go to hospital to get a mass removed from her chest area- they don't think it's anything. So she's calm enough...as cool as the wind most of the time she is! I'm going to keep her company as it's a long day on her and she needs someone to take her home after it's done. My Mam has always been a support for me, even if she sometimes it quick to anger- I've learned over the years that sometimes when she doesn't understand things she gets upset but she's more upset that she can't understand but overall she's been amazing. I hope I can be good to her in return.
You will be, LouiseA. It's awful when you watch ones you love going through the mill and you just want to make things better but can't. It's easy to get frustrated and that can come out as anger but it's not directed at you-more a sign of how helpless your mum feels.
All the very best for today-you are a kind and loving daughter and your mum is lucky to have you x
LouiseAndy
11-10-19, 15:39
You will be, LouiseA. It's awful when you watch ones you love going through the mill and you just want to make things better but can't. It's easy to get frustrated and that can come out as anger but it's not directed at you-more a sign of how helpless your mum feels.
All the very best for today-you are a kind and loving daughter and your mum is lucky to have you x
Thank you Pulisa, the appointment didn't go great. Her gp had been saying it was a cyst all along and was kinda eh about removing it but the doctor today outright said it wasn't a cyst and when my Mam tried to ask him questions he just told her she wait six weeks for results and left the room. I know he doesn't know- but like he just handle it really badly and now my Mam is upset.
I'm sorry, Louise, that sounds frightening. Is there any chance you could call the hospital and maybe see if somebody could explain it to you and your Mam?
LouiseAndy
11-10-19, 16:25
I'm sorry, Louise, that sounds frightening. Is there any chance you could call the hospital and maybe see if somebody could explain it to you and your Mam?
My mam isn't one to make a fuss, she said that she has to go to her gp on the 21st to get the stitches removed and she'll ask more after that. She says she okay now but I'm still annoyed by it all and wanted to do something about it but she said rather wait it out.
Thank you Pulisa, the appointment didn't go great. Her gp had been saying it was a cyst all along and was kinda eh about removing it but the doctor today outright said it wasn't a cyst and when my Mam tried to ask him questions he just told her she wait six weeks for results and left the room. I know he doesn't know- but like he just handle it really badly and now my Mam is upset.
That's a terrible attitude and bedside manner, Louise, and I also think you should ring the hospital and explain how anxious all this has made your mum feel. No one would want that sort of dismissive, disrespectful and rude treatment.
All the best re outcome.
LouiseAndy
11-10-19, 18:39
KK- thank you for the reply. We did end up getting contact with the hospital. So my sister ended up ringing the hospital- in her family she's called the "tough" one. They wouldn't give her alot of details but they basically said they think it's to big to be a cyst, that there was a present of infection under it all. That's all she really could get out of them as they only put her in contact with the nurse who was quite nice and tried to get my sister as much info as possible. My sister is telling my Mam to put a complaint but my Mam says she doesn't want to cause trouble- but at least we've heard something now of it.
But a 6 week wait for results with the strong possibility of an infection? That sounds far too long to get a diagnosis?
I’m sorry things didn’t go well today for your Mum. I know what a worry it is, so just make sure that you try and rest when you need to, and keep busy if you’re feeling a bit lost. Cx
LouiseAndy
12-10-19, 21:29
But a 6 week wait for results with the strong possibility of an infection? That sounds far too long to get a diagnosis?
I think he was just covering his ass at this stage tbh (what we're hoping also), like I think my Mam was so taken aback by his attitude things didn't process in her mind- well he didn't give her any info really. Seeing as my sister had to ring for any details. She's been down since, which is understandable given his handling of it. I think since everyone told her it wsa a cyst over and over again and he just said it wasn't that and didn't give her any details freaked her out abit.
LouiseAndy
12-10-19, 21:31
I’m sorry things didn’t go well today for your Mum. I know what a worry it is, so just make sure that you try and rest when you need to, and keep busy if you’re feeling a bit lost. Cx
Thank you Scass x We went into town today and got lunch together. My Mam has been very down about the whole thing but she brought some flowers today (to cheer herself up and the household). It's funny in away, I've been in my own bad place but I've barely had time to think about it. I did take time this afternoon to go over some exercises my therapist gave me tho!
We've talked about this already- but just wanted to post and say thinking of you all, Lou :hugs::flowers:
LouiseAndy
14-10-19, 03:55
@Sarahnah, thank you hun ��
I don't know how things are linked but I just had another strange episode whole trying to go to sleep. My body goes all fuzzy and it feels like I'm discounting from like- life. I manged to sit up and get some breathing done before it got to bad but I'm just feeling at a loss now. Things with myself are hard but also having to deal with my Mam stuff- which of course I will since she's my Mam. Has been hard.
Like I'm getting some chest pains, etc etc alot of tension but I think it's just my body defensiveness way of dealing with it as I sit here and tey to calm myself a little.
LouiseAndy
14-10-19, 04:14
My body is feels super strange like out of it but I'm gonna watch some videos and hope I am gonna settle abi and get some sleep,!
Like one of the hardest parts is getting them..... which is clearly the issue buts it's like in this moment all my growth means nothing
My body is feels super strange like out of it but I'm gonna watch some videos and hope I am gonna settle abi and get some sleep,!
Like one of the hardest parts is getting them..... which is clearly the issue buts it's like in this moment all my growth means nothing
Hi! I hope You were able to sleep and that today is better for you!
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LouiseAndy
16-10-19, 20:53
Things have been really up and down- but mostly down. I went on a big hike today, ever since my heart been pouding and racing. It's rather unsettling feeling sitting here and feeling it. I keep getting head rushes. I guess the fact I was grand hiking was good but it's just sitting by yourself like this lol. Sleep has been impossible again and I feel exhausted and run down. I think the thing with my Mam really set off another feeling deep inside of me. It's been a hard time but I'm trying to think of her and not make it all about me.
Going to try and read to settle my mind abit.
LouiseAndy
16-10-19, 20:53
Hi! I hope You were able to sleep and that today is better for you!
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Thank you so much x things weren't great but I'm trying my best! I hope you're doing okay x
LouiseAndy
22-10-19, 02:29
Just writing a update-
My Mam still hadn't gotten any results from the hospital. So we're hoping no news is good news! She's getting her stitches out tommorow. She's feeling much more herself again, she's even planning her next holiday (she's had the travel bug for years now!)
Meanwhile I'm not doing so good, I'm having alot of pain in my pelvis again. Like it's hard to walk, which is confusing as I haven't had a lot of issues since getting the coil removed. I was meant to have a appointment at the hospital months ago but they canceled it twice. It's quite hard to deal with, as I lift things in my work and can't bend over without pain.
I'm also suffering constant panic attack again, my heart is up and down alot. Sometimes my pulse is racing and other times it's so weak I can't feel it. My arms and legs keep going super tense, it makes it hard to walk and that makes me feel unbalanced. So, constantly feeling like having heart issues. Which is super common for people with anixety but it's hard to live with especially when I'm on my.feet alot for my job.
I'm thinking of going to my GP soon, if the pain in my pelvis doesn't ease up soon. Maybe even talk about going on meds full time as I really can't cope right now.
Just writing a update-
My Mam still hadn't gotten any results from the hospital. So we're hoping no news is good news! She's getting her stitches out tommorow. She's feeling much more herself again, she's even planning her next holiday (she's had the travel bug for years now!)
Meanwhile I'm not doing so good, I'm having alot of pain in my pelvis again. Like it's hard to walk, which is confusing as I haven't had a lot of issues since getting the coil removed. I was meant to have a appointment at the hospital months ago but they canceled it twice. It's quite hard to deal with, as I lift things in my work and can't bend over without pain.
I'm also suffering constant panic attack again, my heart is up and down alot. Sometimes my pulse is racing and other times it's so weak I can't feel it. My arms and legs keep going super tense, it makes it hard to walk and that makes me feel unbalanced. So, constantly feeling like having heart issues. Which is super common for people with anixety but it's hard to live with especially when I'm on my.feet alot for my job.
I'm thinking of going to my GP soon, if the pain in my pelvis doesn't ease up soon. Maybe even talk about going on meds full time as I really can't cope right now.
Please let us know what they tell your mom at her appointment tomor. Just a suggestion, have them do a swab for infections on you if you see your doctor if you haven’t had that done? I will be thinking of you until you update
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LouiseAndy
26-10-19, 00:28
Please let us know what they tell your mom at her appointment tomor. Just a suggestion, have them do a swab for infections on you if you see your doctor if you haven’t had that done? I will be thinking of you until you update
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Hi Hun, thank you so much for the reply and I hope you're doing well also xx!
My Mam got her stitches out- they told her to keep it covered but it's healing well! No results yet- two weeks today. So we're really hoping no news is good news (even tho they said the results could take up to six weeks.) She's happier in herself again, just hoping that everything comes back okay.
I think if I'm being honest, the pain might be a cyst? I've had them before- it's amazing how quickly he can forget things. I was okay for a few days and it's back again. So, if it went away it couldn't be to much! (here's hoping anyway lol x). While the pain is quite bad- can go around my pelvis and up my back and down my leg- I am proud of myself in a way. I do monthly cheeks in the shower and I just had my October check (I work crazy hours and not long home from my last shift). I felt like there was a hard large lump/mass on my hip/pelvis area on that side....but I think it may just be bone lol. As there's something like it on the nearly the exact same spot on the other side- just not as big and hard. I thin I may have posted about this in a panic before? Anyway I'm sure it's just bone and I'm gonna listen to myself on this one!
My heart and all that isn't really settled but I went to therapy today and talked alot of things out!
LouiseAndy
27-10-19, 14:24
Very upset today, went to go get lunch on my break but like the pain of everything my back/my lrg/pelvis starting hurting so badly. I also got super flushed and felt like I was going to faint. My heart rate won't settle now and I'm sitting in work by myself very upset. I used to be very independent now I can't do anything without having a episode like this :(
LouiseAndy
27-10-19, 20:02
I manged to get through the rest of the work day, I'm now at home with a hot water bottle to try and help with the pain. It's strange because it starting in one area and now it's spreading. I'm not saying anything to my friends or family as they say I've had so many tests done. Which is true- but I'm miserable in this pain. It feels like there a knot in my pelvis and it's spreading the pain everywhere! Here's hoping the heat helps
As to do with the issues with being in public- I have no idea. I can't live like that so I'm going to really have to get over it.
LouiseAndy
28-10-19, 03:53
I used a hot water bottle for most of the night and took some painkillers but it's still hurts over all. Giving my issues with having bad nightmare in the part, I'm a little snappy at the moment.
Could it be something like ovulation pain?
LouiseAndy
29-10-19, 04:28
Could it be something like ovulation pain?
Hi Scass, it might be? But it's been going on for a week on/off but worst at points. My period is in like a weekish so I'm going to wait and see what happens so I don't really wanna go to the doctor at the moment but it's worrying also
LouiseAndy
29-10-19, 14:25
I called my consult office today, since when I got the coil removed I was meant to have a six week updated and I was thinking I can ask him about this pain- but no. He cancelled the appointment twice (Both in September and early October) I called today and asked for a update and she said that it could be next year. He's one of the only consults for this in place and I can't move. My gp rang also and they told her the same thing.
I called my consult office today, since when I got the coil removed I was meant to have a six week updated and I was thinking I can ask him about this pain- but no. He cancelled the appointment twice (Both in September and early October) I called today and asked for a update and she said that it could be next year. He's one of the only consults for this in place and I can't move. My gp rang also and they told her the same thing.
I am so sorry this happened to you. How frustrating! I wish I knew how to weigh in on this one for you but I am not familiar with the healthcare process there. Are you still having back pain along with the pelvic pain? I was just curious if you have back issues as well.
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LouiseAndy
29-10-19, 23:18
I am so sorry this happened to you. How frustrating! I wish I knew how to weigh in on this one for you but I am not familiar with the healthcare process there. Are you still having back pain along with the pelvic pain? I was just curious if you have back issues as well.
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Hi whome x The Irish health care system can be something at times- and I have private! Alot of the time you might get lucky. I'm just not lucky with this! It's getting quite frustrating. I am having back plus leg pain- all on the same side but it all comes from a certain area in my pelvis. I do have back issues but it's a very different area! Thank you for the reply and I hope you're well x
LouiseAndy
30-10-19, 20:58
My Mam got to take the plaster off covering her stitches today- it all seems like it's healing well! Friday will be three weeks since she got it done. So doing the thought of no news is good news! Just trying to keep positive with all of it!
I had a little win today, I manged to take a shower while I was alone in the house- which doesn't feel like alot but I always got a strong and super fast heart beat during and after. My legs go weak- So I end up in a panic for hours. Yet I want to push myself, I had a shower and I didn't rush it (I have super long hair lol), I did have the racing heart and I sat down for ages afterwards and even now it's racing but I manged to do it :)! I'm still having pain in my pelvis and such but that's only news isn't lol
Just hoping I'll be able to cope with going out for halloween tomorrow night and not have a panic attack while out
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