View Full Version : Work and married life
Past few months I have not been happy. I want a new job and I have asked for a transfer and my manager has noticed ive not gave 100%. I explained all the staff I liked have left. I am not happy getting two buses to work since I moved house. Also since married life in the summer I’ve had arguments daily and im not very happy. It’s not been very romantic.
So yes my ocd has been pretty bad I am unsure if my personal life has had any bearings on it. I feel each day I just get by I am unsure what will make me happy right now. My manager said the grass isn’t always greener I mean this could be a phase or maybe I am in the wrong marriage of job? I don’t want a lecture about how hard it is for people to put up with my ocd. The question is am I really happy? Anybody else been in this situation?
The question is am I really happy?
Only you can answer that question and since you don't want to discuss your OCD or getting help, I'll just leave it at that :shrug:
Positive thoughts
I think the first year of marriage is always the hardest, especially if you never lived together before the wedding. (I don't know if you and your spouse did or not.) It's hard to adjust to each other's idiosyncrasies.
Any stress will make your mental health conditions worse...even if it's happy stress like getting married. So it's not surprising to me that you feel this way.
Also, people often expect marriage to be the "end goal" in my opinion, when really it's just the beginning of a very long journey. You might be feeling let down that you don't have a "happily ever after". Unfortunately, inaccurate expectations can lead to let downs like that.
Any of this ringing a bell?
My boss mentioned how he is mid 30’s and his clock is ticking do you believe this is true I’m 30 and worry the clock
is ticking yet in your 20’s you don’t think this way why is it? Is my boss wrong?
nomorepanic
27-09-19, 22:18
A lot of us questioned whether you should even get married at all and it looks like we were right. You should still be in the honeymoon period not arguing and doubting the marriage already.
This is not looking good Phil
venusbluejeans
27-09-19, 22:54
you are living your life to an exact plan which you feel life should be like.....you thought you should get married as it is how life goes.. so you did. now you think you should be having children as thats how life should go.
Life isn't ruled by a plan, it is what you make of it. it is what YOU want to do.... not what you think you should be doing at any given time..... if you are too busy always planning your next move in life then you will never live your life and never be happy.
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/A1RRDv2G7oL._SY355_.jpg
you are living your life to an exact plan which you feel life should be like.....you thought you should get married as it is how life goes.. so you did. now you think you should be having children as thats how life should go.
Life isn't ruled by a plan, it is what you make of it. it is what YOU want to do.... not what you think you should be doing at any given time..... if you are too busy always planning your next move in life then you will never live your life and never be happy.
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/A1RRDv2G7oL._SY355_.jpg
Thats true but I am trying to fight these ideas that I have to live by a plan. I try and enjoy doing what I do holidays my house ect but it feels hollow and I still feel I need these social pressures. Perhaps with age I will worry less what others think well I hope I do? I always compare to other people
MyNameIsTerry
28-09-19, 01:58
My boss mentioned how he is mid 30’s and his clock is ticking do you believe this is true I’m 30 and worry the clock
is ticking yet in your 20’s you don’t think this way why is it? Is my boss wrong?
This is a discussion that has to be had with the only person who has a say in it other than yourself - your wife.
Some people advance through the traditional get married, get mortgage, have kids, get bigger house, retire. Have a career.
Some don't and for some of us, many on here, life just doesn't work out like that and you have to learn to change your attitude to it.
Was his clock ticking in his 30s? Yes, if he defines his life by climbing a career ladder and having kids. These are things in life which can become harder to have as you age but many never get a career or kids and have to learn to accept it because the other option is depression and even less of a life.
Talk to you wife about what you both want in your futures.
Thats true but I am trying to fight these ideas that I have to live by a plan. I try and enjoy doing what I do holidays my house ect but it feels hollow and I still feel I need these social pressures. Perhaps with age I will worry less what others think well I hope I do? I always compare to other people
Be grateful for what you have,a lot of folk can’t afford a house or go on holidays.
Why don’t you spend money on therapy?before holidays.
This is a discussion that has to be had with the only person who has a say in it other than yourself - your wife.
Some people advance through the traditional get married, get mortgage, have kids, get bigger house, retire. Have a career.
Some don't and for some of us, many on here, life just doesn't work out like that and you have to learn to change your attitude to it.
Was his clock ticking in his 30s? Yes, if he defines his life by climbing a career ladder and having kids. These are things in life which can become harder to have as you age but many never get a career or kids and have to learn to accept it because the other option is depression and even less of a life.
Talk to you wife about what you both want in your futures.
You are right.
Some people don’t get a career and so on but how much should this worry me? Is it failure or lack of ambition? Did I make the wrong choices and should I have stuck in at college?
I want to believe I can fly, drive, have a family, get a career, move to a very large house, go to NYC but I have to be honest and say how possible is it? I look back on stuff and think I’ve not been to “x” in a while it makes me sad it’s like there is no time to revisit everywhere I have been aswell as go new places?
nomorepanic
28-09-19, 22:48
I am betting you will be separated or divorced within a year
I look back on stuff and think I’ve not been to “x” in a while it makes me sad it’s like there is no time to revisit everywhere I have been aswell as go new places?
The same applies to every other human being. There isn't enough time in a lifetime to read all the books you would like, follow all the recipes you would like, visit all the places you would like, learn all the new things you would like ....etc etc etc. You just have to accept that making lists, which are impossible to fulfill, simply produce stress. Choose what is most important for you to do/visit and accept that not everything will be achievable. You are no different from anyone else in that not everything can be achieved in life to your perfect set of expectations. Life isn't about lists.
I am bemused about why you don't seem to ever mention your wife's desires or needs in your thought process ?
The same applies to every other human being. There isn't enough time in a lifetime to read all the books you would like, follow all the recipes you would like, visit all the places you would like, learn all the new things you would like ....etc etc etc. You just have to accept that making lists, which are impossible to fulfill, simply produce stress. Choose what is most important for you to do/visit and accept that not everything will be achievable. You are no different from anyone else in that not everything can be achieved in life to your perfect set of expectations. Life isn't about lists.
I am bemused about why you don't seem to ever mention your wife's desires or needs in your thought process ?
Ditto to above.
Also, what I said to you earlier: marriage is about the journey through life you take together, not the checklist you make. Watch the movie UP.
I am betting you will be separated or divorced within a year
I am sure that won’t happen that’s a very negative view.
nomorepanic
02-10-19, 14:00
I thought it was realisitic to be honest.
I watched a British programme and it was about men with these real life looking dolls,you sure you wife is not one,Phill :D
MyNameIsTerry
03-10-19, 17:41
I watched a British programme and it was about men with these real life looking dolls,you sure you wife is not one,Phill :DAh, those dolls :winks: No need to pump them up anymore :yesyes: The Japanese are creating robotic sex dolls now too. Apparently they will do the job and ask you how your day was. I'm not sure how authentic they will be though, surely "I've got a headache" should be in the responses somewhere? :whistles:
I think it’s a bit mean to suggest that Phil shouldn’t have got married, or that his marriage won’t last the year.
Phil, every relationship and job has its blips. If you are unhappy in your job look around for another. If you’re unhappy in your marriage, talk to your wife about it. (Best not to get the two confused!)
nomorepanic
03-10-19, 21:38
Scass - my comments are based on what Phil has said before and after his marriage and nothing else and is just my opinion which I am allowed to have.
Scass - my comments are based on what Phil has said before and after his marriage and nothing else and is just my opinion which I am allowed to have.
Yes, of course you’re allowed to have your opinion. I just thought it was a bit mean, which is my opinion.
I’d rather not fall out about it though.
nomorepanic
04-10-19, 21:25
No falling out at all.
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