How do you cope?

[Mav]

I have had by far the worst week, I am sure I deal with OCD though I'm yet undiagnosed with anything, the time spent ruminating and the disturbing/upsetting intrusive thoughts have been immense. I cant even rationally reason or logic with my brain. I cant believe I made it through this week as it was so severely hard, at one point I sincerely considered dying would be better than an existence like this.

But I'm going to learn to cope, how do you cope? I've been speaking with someone with OCD in another country and she tells me that full time work has helped her, along with self help books for OCD and a therapist. I'm starting to think finding a job (at the moment I'm studying from home) will help me cope and force me out of rumination cycles when the thoughts get bad because I dont have a choice but to go to work and pretend to be happy.

My life is a joke, I spent two years of my teenage years believing I was going to die of cancer, and now my days are spent obsessed with my morality and obsessing over past mistakes and constantly seeking reassurance. This is no life really, just an existence.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Mav,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. :hugs::flowers:

Geting a diagnosis is useful in accessing treatment and understanding something is what you thought so you have some medical validation but you certainly have anxiety disorder(s) of some variety and so you can look to the resources to understand the enemy and how to respond to it. This is essential, in my opinion, with something like OCD because many of the themes are something we wouldn't realise until we either experience them in some way (whether ourselves or others) or educate ourselves about how wide ranging a disorder it is. Diagnosis can also mean a different treatment path but to be honest most GP's are going to down down a standard path at the beginning.

Remember there are two minds in play here, subconscious and conscious. You can't try to control the subconscious as it doesn't work that way. You can only influence it by how you react to it's outputs to the conscious mind. It will learn through watching but it takes time to change as fears were always supposed to be rational and unlikely to need removal. Building a fear is easier than unpicking it.

Logic only takes you so far. You can consciously use the logic but also have to accept the subconscious has logic defined for it. Irrational fears follow the same logic as rational ones to it since it's not making decisions in the way the conscious mind or executive brain can.

So, it's not always about direct work. Working to reduce overall levels of anxiety and other triggers is useful in showing your body that it doesn't need to be on high alert all the time. The body will respond by staying in alert longer or less depending on what we train it with (The wolf that we feed story).

Keeping busy can help, Having routines can help. We tend to isolate ourselves, give up, shut out. These are negatives and unhealthy behaviours that doctors look out for. Just get building routine back in. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, small changes build up and are how they treat anxiety & depression anyway (Behavioural Activation, originally part of CBT but evolved into a form of therapy in it's own right).

There is a double edge to the sword though. Going mad making your life so busy you don't have time to think eventually becomes an unhealthy behaviour that you have to work on because balance is important. Filling your time initially can be helpful though as can avoidance when things are too hard to face until we are in a better place and more able to work through any obsessive crutches we have built early on. I threw myself into work and I mean night & day. It helped me greatly, for a while, and in the end I crashed & burned because it had become obsessive and unhealthy. I don't think you need to worry about that now but it's something to keep in mind in the future if you find yourself needing to work or do xyz because you fear sitting with the anxiety it leaves if you aren't busy.

There is nothing wrong with finding a job but you may want to consider whether a higher stress job is worse for you at this point in your life until you get further through therapy? You could also volunteer to see how it helps you. Volunteering is something mental health charities champion as a helper for us.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Your life isn't a joke, you are ill right now. You will get better and you can get the life you want. Like so many you have been dealt one of life's rougher hands and have to navigate your way through it.

I do think you need to get some professional support in this because these are tough themes. You also mentioned about eating issues too and that is complex stuff that has the potential to find it's way into this as both have foundations in self esteem issues.

I will also say that I've seen people go through these moral themes, cancer, back into these and any combination. Some find some easier than others, some say each iteration of any theme is worse than the last. Those in the latter camp are more likely finding their anxiety is reaching more severe stages and naturally affecting them worse. These people need to make the start on the recovery path as it's likely all triggers and themes are going to make them spiral so badly once they have reached those levels. I don't' say this to worry you but to try to encourage you to seek help now because you can change this before it can become the norm of spirals.