Bulimia and anxiety.

[Mav]

I'm relapsing back into my eating disorder behaviours (I was alright/stable for a while), but the urge is back I'm scared at how easy it's becoming to throw up my food again but I know making yourself throw up puts a strain on your heart, I cant believe I still do it even though I know I feel severe anxiety after I do it everytime, and I feel lightheaded and dizzy. I cant explain why I do it, it's an uncontrollable urge and then before I know it I'm already in the bathroom and it all happens quite quickly.

I am just sitting here trying to ride the wave of anxiety :( can anyone relate? I think I am so stupid. Just such a stupid person to be honest. Why do I put myself in situations that I know are going to give me so much anxiety??? :(

[AntsyVee]

Have you ever seen a professional about your eating disorder? Many say that bulimia is being like addicted to smoking...the behavior becomes so automated as it's put into our muscle memory.

[Mav]

Have you ever seen a professional about your eating disorder? Many say that bulimia is being like addicted to smoking...the behavior becomes so automated as it's put into our muscle memory.


No, I've never had any professional help. I agree its addictive, it's like an urge and a release. It's hard to explain it but I feel guilty about it everytime. I do get scared I'll put too much strain on my heart and end up dying and then I think about how selfish that is because my mum needs me. But obviously I'm just catastrophizing everything. I am mostly fine most of the time.

Can you relate? Because you seem like you know what you're talking about? :(

[MyNameIsTerry]

Mav,

Have you spoken to your GP yet? It's clear your anxiety is severe right now and you need to be getting into the system for support. At least they can get the ball rolling and do follow ups where you can talk to them about this. They may have other options for eating disorders but I suspect they will want to support you right now to keep an eye on your health in general.

There are others on here with/have been through eating disorders that will understand how you feel and hopefully they will spot your thread.

Are you getting out at home or are you trapped inside with your thoughts & symptoms all day long? Can your family & friends help to get you out more and doing some things to help rebuild your confidence and get your out of obsessive cycles?

[AntsyVee]

I’ve never had bulimia, but I’ve had a few students with that eating disorder over the years. The sooner you get help and get a support system established, the easier it is to tackle, from what I’ve seen. It’s a very hard condition to deal with on your own because it does become an addictive cycle.

But yes, like Terry said, the first step is you talking to your GP and getting the ball rolling.

[pulisa]

I've had an eating disorder and OCD for over 40 years, Mav. I didn't have the opportunity for any help when I was young-it wasn't recognised and was just seen as "funny eating". It doesn't go away on its own. Please get help-you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You won't regret it-you don't want to be dogged by this throughout your life x

[Mav]

Hi Terry, I need to go back to my drs soon. He took some blood tests and I am going back for the results (because I told him I believe I have some vitamin/mineral deficiencies and was previously asked if I wanted B12 shots and I stupidly refused, and I've read how a lack of B12 can negatively effect a persons mental health).

I have been trying to stay busy with my work, and I do leave home (I should try to get out more, maybe study at a library during the day) to avoid obsessional cycles but sometimes that will power to keep pushing forward does collapse.

I'm sorry if I sound annoying, I know you probably have a busy life of your own but did you get a chance to have a look at my last PM? I dont mean to bother you, I'd just love some of your wisdom. Though I understand you've told me all those things before and what I am probably doing is feeding the reassurance cycle and on top of that pestering you.

I've been reading everyday mindfulness by jon hershfield and I've been trying to push forward, and let the thoughts come and then I let them go. The scary thing is when a frightening thought comes my whole perspective on reality just shifts. I seem to have ups and downs, really low lows, and high highs. Somebody told me to ask the doctor if its possible I maybe suffering from a mood disorder (something like bipolar 2 perhaps). I seem to never know when I'm going to have a dip in mood and when it comes, it is severe, but then 2 or 3 days later I can be the happiest person on earth and I dont even recognise that person who wanted to die a couple of days ago. Its strange and rather worrying but I will go to the doctor and express my concerns to him.

[Mav]

I've had an eating disorder and OCD for over 40 years, Mav. I didn't have the opportunity for any help when I was young-it wasn't recognised and was just seen as "funny eating". It doesn't go away on its own. Please get help-you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You won't regret it-you don't want to be dogged by this throughout your life x


Oh that's strange, i think I accidentally deleted it :/

Sorry I was just saying thankyou, and that I'm doing better today, I've managed to have 3 meals and a snack and I am okay but I will speak to my doctor when I see him about all the things I'm struggling with.

[Mav]

Mav,

Have you spoken to your GP yet? It's clear your anxiety is severe right now and you need to be getting into the system for support. At least they can get the ball rolling and do follow ups where you can talk to them about this. They may have other options for eating disorders but I suspect they will want to support you right now to keep an eye on your health in general.

There are others on here with/have been through eating disorders that will understand how you feel and hopefully they will spot your thread.

Are you getting out at home or are you trapped inside with your thoughts & symptoms all day long? Can your family & friends help to get you out more and doing some things to help rebuild your confidence and get your out of obsessive cycles?

Sorry Terry, my phones being strange. I just posted a message to you above on this thread and for some reason it didnt quote your message. Thankyou for replying to this thread as I was having a tough night the other night.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Mav, all ongoing on PM now with what you had asked before but just wanted to comment on here again about this issue over B12. I think you need to consider this and not only due to anxiety but because you have an eating disorder in play. Others on here (pulisa, for instance) are going to understand more about how those issues are common with eating disorders regardless so it's important to be keeping yourself physically healthy.

As for the bipolar issue, been there done that myself. Whilst I'm not saying it shouldn't be considered you will find mood swings and depression are common in anxiety. I had endless cycles of this (down for says to a week with no trigger I could find and some periods I was full of energy and my mind racing...and so much gets done then!) so started looking into bipolar II as well. But then you start to discover the other mood disorders which cycle through the same periods and often very frequently and it all gets very confusing. It takes the professionals time monitoring patients to diagnose these disorders so it's very difficult for us too work through them.

In the end in my case I traced my mood swings back to starting a med. I found great help in Omega 3 and my swings are now gone. So, the B12 issue could be relevant here for you. But swinging from flat & energy less to hyper is something that seems to happen so it's one for a professional.

There are so many overlaps between all sorts of mental health disorders. It's all very confusing! You have clear OCD patterns going on in here from all your threads but then disorders like bipolar come with issues with obsession too. As do other disorders. Getting something a bit more clear would be a good start in getting some answers.

We do have people on here with bipolar and they had some threads going to support each other. They will have a better perspective on how deep the effects are for them.

[pulisa]

I think you could get 5 different diagnoses if you saw 5 different psychiatrists these days,depending on each psychiatrist's "speciality". Especially with Bipolar 2. There's no mistaking true Bipolar though-that's a truly devastating and cruel disease.