View Full Version : Family putting too much pressure on me to get a job
I left college 3 months ago now and I have not found a job yet. My family let me have till the end of August “off” for summer till I had to start looking so I’ve only been looking for about a month.
I struggle with social anxiety but also general anxiety and OCD. As well as some sensory issues. I’ve applied for about five jobs I feel like I’d be comfortable doing. Well I say comfortable, they all sound scary but I’ve got to start somewhere. I’ve basically picked jobs I feel will help me ease into work and not make my mental health much worse while I work on myself.
Even applying has been a big step for me. Thing is no where has gotten back to me. My gran helps me apply (as she’s always helped me with stuff like this) and she keeps getting angry at me for being so “fussy”. I just had angry texts from her saying I’ve been off too long, I need to get a job now, any job. She had a go at me because when my mum got home at lunch today I was still in my pjs (I like wearing my pjs around the house because normal clothes annoy me due to sensory issues) apparently that’s unacceptable.
I get frequent comments like “if they can do it why can’t you” normally referring to a disabled person who’s working in a shop. I feel like I’m being belittled for having anxiety.
She’s now forcing me to go down the job centre with her which I guess is fine but I don’t see why she has to come. I’m really trying the best I can here, I’m dealing with so much and it’s hard just getting the through day as it is, without working on social anxiety in some job I’m extremely uncomfortable in.
I’m currently hiding in the covers, crying because it feels like too much and I want everyone to just leave me alone, I’m so tired. I feel pathetic. There is also a lot a bad stuff going on with our family as well, mainly the fact my mum is an alcoholic and has BPD, my gran has had to pay off many of her debts from spending sprees and payday loans. She continues to spend money and we sometimes don’t have enough for food so my gran has to pay out again.
What sort of job are you applying for?
Mostly part time retail work, so I can work on my photography during the other times, in the future I want to be a self employed photographer.
Retail work can be a bit full on. Have you thought of working with animals, maybe a rescue or boarding kennels?
Also voluntary work can put vital experience on your CV.
Yeah I actually did work experience with the local shelter (there is only one near by) but job vaccines for them don’t pop up much. There were a few recently but they want someone who could drive the ambulance and I can’t drive. They also had weekend work but it’s on the front desk.
Dying_Swan
01-10-19, 20:54
That sounds tough. There is a lot of misunderstanding about anxiety and how it can affect people. I guess your Gran is worried due to the difficulties with your Mum. Could you say to her that you're very grateful for her help, but you'd like to go to the job centre on your own, and be polite but assertive about it. Some places take on extra staff for the Christmas period (Royal Mail, Amazon etc) which might at least be a stop gap until you find something you feel is suitable. You could also see whether your local library has any careers support.
That sounds tough. There is a lot of misunderstanding about anxiety and how it can affect people. I guess your Gran is worried due to the difficulties with your Mum. Could you say to her that you're very grateful for her help, but you'd like to go to the job centre on your own, and be polite but assertive about it. Some places take on extra staff for the Christmas period (Royal Mail, Amazon etc) which might at least be a stop gap until you find something you feel is suitable. You could also see whether your local library has any careers support.
I just applied for a job at the post office over Christmas sorting post, only thing is they said there’s lifting involved so you have to be physically fit. Have a feeling they might me looking for a man. Also I’m not very physically fit but it’s something I guess.
I always taught my children to pursue a job/career they have a passion for and enjoy. I'm thrilled that lesson stuck. My son loves to travel and he's enjoying a great career with the airlines and travels the world for free as one of the perks. He spent last Christmas in Europe enjoying the Christmas festivals. My daughter loves young children and is thrilled to be teaching pre-schoolers and kindergarten.
Just from experience, taking personal initiative and looking for jobs in the field you enjoy carry a lot of weight. I know there are seasonal photography jobs due to the upcoming holidays so a dept. store that offers those services may be an option. My good friend from high school took his passion for photography and has worked in the newspaper industry for the last 20+ years and his work is amazing!
Do you have a website and portfolio for your work? Having these things is essential. Researching a company, learning who is who in HR etc. and writing them personally can open doors that otherwise would be closed.
Good luck and as always...
Positive thoughts
ankietyjoe
01-10-19, 21:39
I agree with Fishman here. Don't feel pressure from your family.
Do you drive? Can you take up something simply like Amazon delivery driver? As far as I know you can pick and choose when to work and you're alone most of the time too. It's the ideal sideline job that still leaves you plenty of free time to build up the photography career.
I do have a portfolio and website, it’s just finding places to work that Involve photography, as I live in what you call a more rural area, I guess. I also don’t really have a passion for portrait photography, my passion mostly lies in other types of photography such as landscape. Working for a news paper might be alright though.
I’ll have a look around and see what type of photography jobs are nearby. Most local photography’s are freelance however.
And no I don’t drive unfortunately.
glassgirlw
02-10-19, 02:17
I’m sorry you’re struggling. Family shouldn’t pressure in my opinion. My daughter did two years of college and decided it wasn’t for her. So now she’s working full time instead. I’m fine with that! Our lives are our own to lead.
That being said - I am unfamiliar with how things work in the UK so I apologize and don’t mean to offend - but will you need to be able to drive in order to pursue your photography dream? Would it be possible for you to work towards getting your drivers license? It might make your family relax off you a bit if they saw you taking steps in a direction - any direction really. Maybe that would help? Just a thought , I really hope you can pursue your passion!!
Can totally relate, I posted the same sort of issue not long ago. I finished uni in July and now pressure is on to work same as you, but I feel very overwhelmed by it all. My parents also gave me the same pressure when I was younger too, why can't you get a job all your friends are working etc etc. They kind of understand my issues better now although even at 32 I get the same speech from my dad in particular! My partner is now the pressure person as we just moved in together.
Well done for completing your course firstly, that's a big accomplishment. Take your time and try not to feel pressured, I am trying to ignore negative comments as I found my final year at uni very tough, full time working placements in hospitals etc plus my dissertation and presentations, and to be honest I needed a break. Take as long as you need and apply for things you feel comfy with. Maybe just a few hours a week at first, that's what I plan to do and build back my confidence x
Can totally relate, I posted the same sort of issue not long ago. I finished uni in July and now pressure is on to work same as you, but I feel very overwhelmed by it all. My parents also gave me the same pressure when I was younger too, why can't you get a job all your friends are working etc etc. They kind of understand my issues better now although even at 32 I get the same speech from my dad in particular! My partner is now the pressure person as we just moved in together.
Well done for completing your course firstly, that's a big accomplishment. Take your time and try not to feel pressured, I am trying to ignore negative comments as I found my final year at uni very tough, full time working placements in hospitals etc plus my dissertation and presentations, and to be honest I needed a break. Take as long as you need and apply for things you feel comfy with. Maybe just a few hours a week at first, that's what I plan to do and build back my confidence x
Thanks for your response. College was very difficult for me, I was on the uni level course but it was at my local college. The last year I only had a 60% attendance rate because I found it difficult even having the motivation to get there. It was really hard for me to complete all the work, and the teachers weren’t very accommodating, which made everything worse. One particular time at the end of the year I was getting feedback, and the teacher started telling me off as I handed work in late saying he shouldn’t be marking it, but spending time with his family. Then when I asked him what was wrong with it he just kept saying “it’s inadequate” and not telling me how to fix the work. It ended with him slamming his hand on the desk and telling me to leave for arguing when all I was doing was explaining to him where my work was as he said it wasn’t there but I clearly handed it in, and he wasn’t listening. I left in tears, but luckily managed to finish everything and it seems as though I’ve passed.
The time off I’ve had has really been helpful for me, and my mental health was improving but since all this pressure to find a job it’s been getting worse again. I am looking for jobs that are only a few hours a week as I feel this would be best for me but my family keep saying it’s not enough, and I should work full time which I don’t feel ready for. Then they say they wasted their money on a degree I’m not going to use which isn’t true.
I just applied for a job at the post office over Christmas sorting post, only thing is they said there’s lifting involved so you have to be physically fit. Have a feeling they might me looking for a man. Also I’m not very physically fit but it’s something I guess.
Not necessarily. I worked for our on-campus mail service and there was hardly ever any heavy lifting and what was "heavy" was certainly manageable and it was simply lifting an item onto a cart to roll to another location, or onto a van, etc. Very manageable.
I'm sorry your professors were so harsh on you. I currently work in a job where I am speaking with professors who are doing research all day, and as part of that research they have to complete training. It's shocking how many will complain about not having enough time, the training being too difficult, it being unnecessary, etc. all looking for accommodations or to be excused from the work - and I know they don't do the same for their students!
Hey Missy
You got a awesome gran! My gran had Alzheimer's by time I was your age.
It's obvious your family loves you. That's why they doesn't wanna see you waste a college education doing zilch. Imagine if they never gave a s... , or tldaid you ok honey it's ok if you spend the rest of your life in your room playing computer games.
There only trying to help so I reckon you should give them some slack. Play along and keep applying for them jobs, any jobs is ok even if it ain't one your interested in, you never know.
Hope things pan out for yous
Charlie
Wow that teacher sounds like an a*se! He should be taught to ask why students aren't managing, nearly always an underlying problem.
I was exactly the same with attendance. Had no issue first two years but my final year the wheels fell off and I had no motivation either. I had to get doctors notes and give them to the uni to allow me to get extensions for my last 4 pieces of work. Without those extensions I don't think I would have finished the year. So you're definitely not alone there either. You did great handing the work in and persevering, shows strength. And that will work in your favour when you do feel ready for a little job - we are sloggers and can do this! Just don't feel pressured, I have realised that my family nagging is just because they want the best for me, even if it comes across like they're being nasty. Do it in your own time x
So I have a phone interview with a department store tomorrow, absolutely hate talking on the phone. Hoping it goes ok and I can answer all the questions but I’m really nervous.
So they phoned...and I didn’t answer. I just couldn’t do it, I know I would be so awkward and not know how answer any of the questions. My gran went through a few possible ones with me but what if they asked something I wasn’t prepared for, I would of just been like “I don’t know” and not got the job anyway.
Don’t see how I’m suppose to manage in life if I can’t even answer the phone. I feel like a child :/
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.