View Full Version : HIV Fear
Hi everyone.
I've been doing pretty well for ages. I function normally now and I have a good job and most people wouldn't guess I had issues.
Right now I do have an HIV fear though, and I've been doing a lot of research.
So, I had unprotected sex with a man a couple of months ago. He showed me his STI test results from July and he was clear for everything.
The last time he had sex (he says) was 6 weeks prior to getting tested. Would the HIV test result be accurate after 6 weeks?
In the acute phase of infection, HIV transmission risk is I believe about 5% or maybe less if you have vaginal sex once.
Also, we used the withdrawal method, and I know that there is less HIV virus in precum than ejaculate.
However, about 6 weeks after I slept with him I had some HIV symptoms. I had malaise, a bit of a sore throat, and slightly aching muscles. I did not have a fever or a rash. The symptoms lasted about 2 weeks.
I've been stalking him a bit on social media and he's been posting loads and seems normal which I don't imagine he would be if he'd just found out he had HIV. I know he gets tested fairly regularly.
I'm going to be tested soon, but I'm very anxious. What is my risk level? Do you think I have HIV? Please be honest.
utrocket09
02-10-19, 20:02
Hi everyone.
I've been doing pretty well for ages. I function normally now and I have a good job and most people wouldn't guess I had issues.
Right now I do have an HIV fear though, and I've been doing a lot of research.
So, I had unprotected sex with a man a couple of months ago. He showed me his STI test results from July and he was clear for everything.
The last time he had sex (he says) was 6 weeks prior to getting tested. Would the HIV test result be accurate after 6 weeks?
In the acute phase of infection, HIV transmission risk is I believe about 5% or maybe less if you have vaginal sex once.
Also, we used the withdrawal method, and I know that there is less HIV virus in precum than ejaculate.
However, about 6 weeks after I slept with him I had some HIV symptoms. I had malaise, a bit of a sore throat, and slightly aching muscles. I did not have a fever or a rash. The symptoms lasted about 2 weeks.
I've been stalking him a bit on social media and he's been posting loads and seems normal which I don't imagine he would be if he'd just found out he had HIV. I know he gets tested fairly regularly.
I'm going to be tested soon, but I'm very anxious. What is my risk level? Do you think I have HIV? Please be honest.
If you were worried about HIV why didn't you use protection? You had unprotected sex, which there is always a risk. You won't know you have HIV till you get tested.
If you were worried about HIV why didn't you use protection? You had unprotected sex, which there is always a risk. You won't know you have HIV till you get tested.
I already know I made a mistake and that there is always a risk. Very aware of that already! That wasn't what I was asking.
nomorepanic
02-10-19, 20:16
Not one person on here that fears HIV has got it so I think you are one of those too.
Not one person on here that fears HIV has got it so I think you are one of those too.
Thank you, I hope so. I think about 0.2% of people in the UK have HIV and most of them are homosexual and already know they have it. So the chances of him having it are small.
If he does have it, it must have been in the acute phase which means transmission is more likely. Even so, from one act of vaginal sex the transmission rate is less than 5% I believe. Hopefully even less than that, since he didn't ejaculate inside me.
So the chances are very low. The symptoms I had really worried me, though. I've never had symptoms like that before.
I'm getting tested next week but I'm so scared.
WiseMonkey
02-10-19, 21:24
Firstly The Duo Test =Combo Test = P24 AG/Ab test, simultaneously tests for the HIV P 24 Antigen and the HIV antibody. The HIV antigen can be detected 3-6 weeks post exposure. The HIV antibody is 95% accurate after 4 weeks and 99% accurate after 6 weeks, 100% at 3 months. Considering this test tests both antigen and antibody, it would be extremely accurate very early on between 3-6 weeks.
Secondly, most people don't have much of an early immune response to the HIV virus, so symptoms are an unreliable predictor of anything.
Thirdly, you seem to be make a habit of having unprotected sex as this is one time of many. I suggest carrying condoms in your bag or phone cover so you have quick access if you want to have sex.
ankietyjoe
02-10-19, 22:30
The real question here is does the dude carry around his STI results like some sort of driving licence?
I must be getting old.
Firstly The Duo Test =Combo Test = P24 AG/Ab test, simultaneously tests for the HIV P 24 Antigen and the HIV antibody. The HIV antigen can be detected 3-6 weeks post exposure. The HIV antibody is 95% accurate after 4 weeks and 99% accurate after 6 weeks, 100% at 3 months. Considering this test tests both antigen and antibody, it would be extremely accurate very early on between 3-6 weeks.
Secondly, most people don't have much of an early immune response to the HIV virus, so symptoms are an unreliable predictor of anything.
Thirdly, you seem to be make a habit of having unprotected sex as this is one time of many. I suggest carrying condoms in your bag or phone cover so you have quick access if you want to have sex.
Well, I've done it twice. Not including my ex - I did have unprotected sex with him because I wanted children. I've only had sex on 6 occasions in the last 2 years, so not exactly active! I never really want to, I just feel like I have to give some of the men I date a chance in case I could actually like them. I'm sure eventually I'll find one I like 🙂
That's good, sounds like 6 weeks would be accurate then. Unless he's lying, of course, but I hope he wouldn't do that.
I'll update once I have my results.
The real question here is does the dude carry around his STI results like some sort of driving licence?
I must be getting old.
Your results get texted to you 🙂
nomorepanic
02-10-19, 22:45
I never really want to, I just feel like I have to give some of the men I date a chance in case I could actually like them. I'm sure eventually I'll find one I like
This sounds like you are having sex with men to keep them happy - I may have that wrong
This sounds like you are having sex with men to keep them happy - I may have that wrong
It's not that - I don't care enough about them to want to make them happy. That's the problem! Sometimes I'll sleep with one of them to see if it makes me like him more, to see if there's anything there, to see if he's someone I'd want to be with - but he never is. Not yet.
nomorepanic
02-10-19, 23:09
Having sex won't make you like someone more if the chemistry is not there in the first place though.
WiseMonkey
02-10-19, 23:21
It's not that - I don't care enough about them to want to make them happy. That's the problem! Sometimes I'll sleep with one of them to see if it makes me like him more, to see if there's anything there, to see if he's someone I'd want to be with - but he never is. Not yet.
I know I've said this before in another post but here it is once again ... this is not a healthy way to seek out a potential life partner (if that's what you want). Getting to know someone over a sustained period of time (not a few dates) is when you get to know their good, positive qualities (as well as the negative ones). Looking with 'fairy tale eyes' at thirty is unrealistic and immature, you need to look inside yourself and see what values you really want in a partner. Do you want someone who's honest, loyal, faithful, reliable and mature in their thinking, someone who will be supportive, protective and adores/loves you and will be a good father? Attraction is great but it's not the be all and end all... most 'finger in the light socket' relationships burn out quickly as they're solely based on sexual attraction.
If you want the positive qualities of a functional partner, then you have to have these same qualities within yourself. It's my experience, that like attracts like.
glassgirlw
03-10-19, 00:56
I know I've said this before in another post but here it is once again ... this is not a healthy way to seek out a potential life partner (if that's what you want). Getting to know someone over a sustained period of time (not a few dates) is when you get to know their good, positive qualities (as well as the negative ones). Looking with 'fairy tale eyes' at thirty is unrealistic and immature, you need to look inside yourself and see what values you really want in a partner. Do you want someone who's honest, loyal, faithful, reliable and mature in their thinking, someone who will be supportive, protective and adores/loves you and will be a good father? Attraction is great but it's not the be all and end all... most 'finger in the light socket' relationships burn out quickly as they're solely based on sexual attraction.
If you want the positive qualities of a functional partner, then you have to have these same qualities within yourself. It's my experience, that like attracts like.
Couldn’t have phrased it better myself. Sex isn’t miraculously going to make you decide he’s the one. And please, please always use protection. Especially if you are just basically taking a guy for a “test drive”.
I take it the baby plans are on hold?
For me, being sexually compatible is very important in a relationship. I've been in long relationships with men who have been absolutely lovely, and I've tried very hard to make it work, but ultimately they felt like friends rather than lovers. Honestly, the only time I've had a satisfying sex life is with the only man I ever loved. I'm not sure whether the love or the sex came first, really. At any rate, I think sexual compatibility is often indicative of an underlying biological compatibility. Not always, but often.
Anyhoo, much as I appreciate the dating advice, my inability to find a man is less of a concern to me that the HIV fears right now 😬
I take it the baby plans are on hold?
I've done my IVF and I've got my frozen embryos ready for when I want to use them. Obviously, I'd rather do things properly with a man, but that might never be an option for me.
My ovarian reserve has got a bit worse over the last year but I do still have a chance at a natural pregnancy if I meet someone soonish.
If not, I can use one of my frozen embryos at the right time. With my immune medication I'm going for a successful pregnancy 🙂 I can't wait to be a mum one day.
Thank you, I hope so. I think about 0.2% of people in the UK have HIV and most of them are homosexual and already know they have it. So the chances of him having it are small.
If he does have it, it must have been in the acute phase which means transmission is more likely. Even so, from one act of vaginal sex the transmission rate is less than 5% I believe. Hopefully even less than that, since he didn't ejaculate inside me.
So the chances are very low. The symptoms I had really worried me, though. I've never had symptoms like that before.
I'm getting tested next week but I'm so scared.
I think you will find that 0.2% isn’t accurate,plus not most of them are just homosexual.
I live with HIV,didn’t get it from rooting around.
USE protection,or buy a vibrator:mad:
I think you will find that 0.2% isn’t accurate,plus not most of them are just homosexual.
I live with HIV,didn’t get it from rooting around.
USE protection,or buy a vibrator:mad:
Sorry, I deleted my message instead of editing! 🤦🏻*♀️
I'm sorry that you're living with HIV and I hope that you're doing ok.
In the UK I believe the rate of HIV is 0.2%, and most people who have it are gay men (though obviously not all!)
I definitely know that I should practice safe sex, and I normally do (on the rare occasions that I have sex), but I messed up this time. I can't change that, unfortunately, and I was really just looking for people's opinion on whether I have HIV based on the stats and my symptoms. I'm feeling pretty anxious while I wait for my test results, and I'm scared I've stupidly scuppered my chances of motherhood (which aren't great anyway!)
Hate vibrators, so I'll give that a miss 😅
WiseMonkey
03-10-19, 22:56
I definitely know that I should practice safe sex, and I normally do (on the rare occasions that I have sex), but I messed up this time. I can't change that, unfortunately, and I was really just looking for people's opinion on whether I have HIV based on the stats and my symptoms. I'm feeling pretty anxious while I wait for my test results, and I'm scared I've stupidly scuppered my chances of motherhood (which aren't great anyway!)
With the amount of energy/money you've put into (preserving your eggs and seeking sperm donation), your physical (and mental) health should be your prime objective, nothing self induced should put that at risk! Maturity issues yet again :lac:
With the amount of energy/money you've put into (preserving your eggs and seeking sperm donation), your physical (and mental) health should be your prime objective, nothing self induced should put that at risk! Maturity issues yet again :lac:
I don't think criticising my personality or judging my life choices will help.
Maybe I am immature. And, yes, I definitely made a mistake having unprotected sex. I know that better than anyone.
Ultimately, I'm actually proud of how well I've been doing. Two years ago I was in a terrible place. Now, I function normally and work very hard every day to maintain good habits such as making myself healthy food, seeing my friends, going on the occasional date, and keeping up with chores. I have a good job and I rarely take time off. I am good with money and manage to save while still paying all my bills. I'm there for my friends when they need me. I'm very independent (albeit by necessity rather than choice). I had a breakdown two years ago so I'll never be perfect mentally but I'm coping very well and rebuilding my life. My ultimate goal that I look forward to is having my own family and being a mother.
Recently, I had a blip, I made a mistake, and I had unprotected sex once. I came back into here because now I have some health anxiety regarding HIV. All I am looking for is support regarding my HIV fear. I am not looking to have my personality criticised, or to be reminded of the mistakes I have made, or to judged on my life choices or my goals.
All I am looking for is support regarding my HIV fear. I am not looking to have my personality criticised, or to be reminded of the mistakes I have made, or to judged on my life choices or my goals.
Sadly, it's these very things that are causing your distress and anxiety.
Positive thoughts
Sadly, it's these very things that are causing your distress and anxiety.
Positive thoughts
The reason I'm stressed at the moment is because I made the mistake of having unprotected sex. I know that.
The reason I'm more stressed about it than other people would be is that I have been affected by anxiety issues ever since my breakdown two years ago.
The reason I had a breakdown (I think) is that my second miscarriage was extremely complicated and the medical procedures to remove the pregnancy failed three times before I was finally ok. And my relationship ended not long after. And, yes, maybe it was just my personality a bit.
Unfortunately, all these things have happened now. I literally cannot change them. I just wanted support because I'm anxious waiting for my HIV results. I don't know what else to say.
Obviously from what you've shared on the forum, the events in your life have affected you profoundly. As you've gotten some very logical reassurance that's not really making a dent in your anxiety at the moment, perhaps as has been suggested many times before, real life professional help to help come to terms with the past, help you understand how it's affected you and influencing your current life decisions and give you the tools to deal with the present and moving forward is in order.
Positive thoughts
For what it's worth, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I also think it's great that you've managed to pull your life back from where it previously was.
Fish, thanks. Yes, some of the comments have definitely been very helpful. It was reassuring to be reminded that most people on here who've been scared of HIV don't have it. Also, WiseMonkey's advice about the HIV tests was very useful and that makes me realise that the man's HIV results were almost certainly accurate.
I'm still nervous about my results but rationally I know my risk is low.
I do see a therapist. She doesn't really offer any advice (that's how it works in the UK unfortunately) but at least I can talk about stuff.
BlueIris, thanks, things are much better on the whole. I wish I hadn't messed up and had unprotected sex obviously because that's stressing me out now but generally I'm doing well.
Also, I'm sorry, I didn't even ask how any of you were! I was so wrapped up in HIV fears. Fish, WiseMonkey, BlueIris, I hope you are all doing well. I haven't spoken to any of you in a long time.
Twice I slept with two strange men. Unprotected sex. I became convinced I had HIV. I went to a free clinic and had the rapid test done which was negative. Then I went to see my family doctor for a pap and full STI screen. I broke down crying, convinced I had some STI or another. I was fine, all clear. I honestly would not be worried about it. I know that's easier said than done, but no doubt so many of us have been there before.
Twice I slept with two strange men. Unprotected sex. I became convinced I had HIV. I went to a free clinic and had the rapid test done which was negative. Then I went to see my family doctor for a pap and full STI screen. I broke down crying, convinced I had some STI or another. I was fine, all clear. I honestly would not be worried about it. I know that's easier said than done, but no doubt so many of us have been there before.
Thank you! I got my results back and I'm fine, thank goodness. No HIV, Chlamydia, syphilis or gonorrhea. I know people are having unprotected sex constantly, and don't really worry about it, but I was losing my mind! Especially since I thought I could have put my fertility at even greater risk.
I definitely won't put myself in that position again. Not worth the stress. Sort of feel like I should give up on dating altogether 🤦🏻*♀️ If I meet someone organically that'll be great but I think I'm just going to focus on my ultimate goal of having a family and providing a wonderful environment for a baby 🙂
Glad you're in the clear too!
That is good too hear.
Now you know not to screw around without using protection.:winks:
WiseMonkey
16-10-19, 22:15
Thank you! I got my results back and I'm fine, thank goodness. No HIV, Chlamydia, syphilis or gonorrhea. I know people are having unprotected sex constantly, and don't really worry about it, but I was losing my mind! Especially since I thought I could have put my fertility at even greater risk.
I definitely won't put myself in that position again. Not worth the stress. Sort of feel like I should give up on dating altogether 臘*♀️ If I meet someone organically that'll be great but I think I'm just going to focus on my ultimate goal of having a family and providing a wonderful environment for a baby
Glad you're in the clear too!
Great news for you :) Giving up dating at your age is really defeatist, you don't have to sleep with everyone you date! If/when you do find a suitable partner use protection until you have been monogamous for 3-4 months then both go and get tested for HIV & STD's. This is what lots of people do, you know your safe and it saves a lot of stress all round. My partner and I even did this (6 years ago) and I was 56. Good luck for the future :)
After six weeks the virus would show up in the blood tests but in very very rare cases it can take up to 3 months to show. If he pulled out I don't think thered be a problem. HIV is a very fragile virus and it just cannot live outside the body I think it takes like 20 seconds outside the body before it dies. You should get tested but from the symptoms you've described it doesn't sound like HIV
Great news for you :) Giving up dating at your age is really defeatist, you don't have to sleep with everyone you date! If/when you do find a suitable partner use protection until you have been monogamous for 3-4 months then both go and get tested for HIV & STD's. This is what lots of people do, you know your safe and it saves a lot of stress all round. My partner and I even did this (6 years ago) and I was 56. Good luck for the future :)
Yes, you're right, I'm sure I won't give up dating really. Just feel like it sometimes! I go on quite a lot of dates, and obviously don't sleep with them all, but if I see someone a few times then... well, that's just kind of the natural progression of things. Unfortunately, I never want to see them again afterwards, but I'm working on that and hoping that one day I will be able to find love again.
After six weeks the virus would show up in the blood tests but in very very rare cases it can take up to 3 months to show. If he pulled out I don't think thered be a problem. HIV is a very fragile virus and it just cannot live outside the body I think it takes like 20 seconds outside the body before it dies. You should get tested but from the symptoms you've described it doesn't sound like HIV
Thank you, yes, thankfully I think it's fine!
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