View Full Version : Is this really ‘just,’ anxiety??
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 06:40
My mornings are awful. I awake around 4/5 just feeling so worried as if I am about to go for an interview. I am tossing and turning. My stomach feels awful. I’m sweaty, can’t sleep, my heart is hurting- as if I have just had a bad break up (which I haven’t). I feel like I just want to curl up and die.
I then manage to go for a shower and take my little boy to school- but I feel awful for the whole day- not as bad as the morning but I can’t focus on anything but how I feel- I don’t really feel part of the same world as anyone else. Constantly uncomfortable and hot and cold.
Then when I need to sleep in the evening - I struggle to get to sleep and the whole cycle starts again. My life is constant torture and I feel awful the whole time.
I have been in fluoxetine for nearly 2 weeks at the therapeutic dose (3 weeks altogether) but I just feel dreadful and I felt as bad before I was on it.
I am told I have to get used to how bad I am feeling as that is how I will reduce the adrenaline going around my body and so will feel better- but I feel awful and so sleep deprived- I can’t do it.
Should I just hospitalise myself??
It's actually pretty hard to get hospitalised for mental health conditions.
I'm sorry you're suffering - I've been there, and I still am, sometimes. However, the problem here isn't your physical sensations, it's how you're reacting to them. I know it's tough, but it's also NOT FAIR. You need to remember this, and harness it. Yes, you feel awful, and yes, it's making it hard for you to get on with things.
You have every right to be angry about this, so why not try it? A song I particularly love contains the line "anger is an energy", and I think that's a nice way of thinking about it. Take a breath and try to think of these feelings as less of a tragedy and more of a damned nuisance.
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 07:02
Thanks Blueiris,
Sorry to see that you have been here too. I just sometimes wonder if it is just anxiety and not something else??
But as hard as it is - I will try to see them as a nuisance rather than a tragedy.
Thank you,
Sally x
ankietyjoe
18-10-19, 08:17
The answer is yes, this is what anxiety is like.
I would urge you not to start wondering if it's something else as that's a whole other rabbit warren of futile worrying you don't need.
What you are describing is anxiety, textbook.
I would also urge you not to use self talk like 'I can't do this', 'I can't take this'. Unfortunately it's here, and the reality is there is nothing you can do but sit it out. A hospital wouldn't admit you for this as it's medically trivial, as horrendous as it feels.
The good news is that these phases pass, sometimes days, sometimes weeks. You really just have to accept that it's here and get as much rest as you can. If you wake up feeling like crap, just pay as little attention to it as possible. It sounds counter-intuitive but it's the single most powerful action you can take, acceptance and irreverence.
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 08:23
You say it passes but I have had it for 8 weeks.
Thank you for your reply about reassuring me that is it not something else and that I need to give it less attention and accept it.
Sally
8 weeks might seem like an age to you but it really isn't, Sally.I appreciate that you are struggling to accept that this is "just" anxiety but this is part of the problem. There are so many strong and uncomfortable feelings which last all day, every day. Obviously you have just started fluoxetine again which won't help with the anxiety. I would again suggest that you ask your GP for a short course of diazepam if you feel you really can't cope?
ankietyjoe
18-10-19, 08:57
Yes Pulisa is correct, 8 weeks is a relatively short time to experience anxiety, and it's also true to say that the cycle of negative talk and added imaginary concern at what else it might be just prolongs the feelings.
Antidepressants can (apparently) make symptoms worse before they make them better too.
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 09:00
I have had it before on numerous occasions since I was 21- but this bout is lasting a long time- but I agree it’s because I am prolonging it by worrying and not accepting it.
Thank you both for your advice.
Best wishes,
Sally
ankietyjoe
18-10-19, 09:08
It sounds counter intuitive, but it would be a good idea to go out for a walk after the school run. This is something I used to do a lot.
If you're over tired and already 'hyped up' on adrenaline, proper exercise can be very counter productive, but a 20-30 minute walk can do wonders. It helps keep your vitamin D levels up even though we're not getting much sun right now, it stimulates your lymphatic system and gets rid of the toxins your body can accumulate when you're stressed, and just breaks that cycle of self monitoring and irrelevant worry.
Get some headphones on and listen to your favourite music whilst you're doing it too! :)
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 09:10
Thank you Ankiety Joe - that is a really nice suggestion :)
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 09:13
If anyone has any tips on how to accept these sensations too - that would be great.
I think part of the problem is I don’t really have much in my life to take my mind off of them. I have a fairly easy job in retail and my son has just started school x
Any hobbies? Mine are an absolute lifeline for me, not to mention a ton of fun.
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 09:15
I have become stuck in an anxiety only rut. I was working in a store and it became my life and soul to make it a success- but then a lady came in that was quite unpleasant to me- and so I had to leave and now I work in a store that is quite quiet and not very challenging x
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 09:15
reading mainly- what hobbies do you have- I need some inspiration x
I've been making beaded items for about fifteen years now, and I'm finally starting to get okay at it ;) I've taught classes before (once I was even paid!), so if that interests you let me know and I'd be glad to be a mentor.
Maybe you could think about getting a pet, too? I don't have kids but I do have cats, and they're a source of endless entertainment.
ankietyjoe
18-10-19, 09:25
In terms of acceptance, self mantras can be incredibly powerful. Without going into it too deeply it's your subconscious that causes most of the issues with anxiety, the automatic systems in the body. What we can do is control our reaction to the sensation and the language we use to cope.
Saying things like 'I know this is just anxiety, I know it will pass' can be incredibly effective over time. I used to do this multiple times a day, especially mid panic attack. You are using your conscious mind to re-train your subconscious mind not to panic. Say it out loud if necessary.
Perhaps look for some local charities that need volunteers. Helping other people is a proven way to help yourself, the idea that compassion for others also heals yourself is very true.
So for example a hard lesson for me was not reacting to stimulus from other people. The lady that was mean to you in the store, perhaps she was experiencing anxiety too, in some people it can manifest in anger. Perhaps she had some bad news, perhaps she's looking after a sick relative. Or maybe she's just a dick. The point is, HER reaction to you and the situation that occurred isn't really a reflection on you, your personality or your competence. She chose to be that way based on what she was experiencing that day. Like anxiety, shrug it off and carry on with your life. It doesn't really matter in the end.
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 09:28
Thank you both of you - those messages are very helpful.
Do either of you get very bad anxiety in the mornings- and do you find telling yourself it is just anxiety helps over time?
Yes Blue iris- I would be interested in making beaded items.
Best wishes and thank you again,
Sally
Do you like gardening? I find it helps me,just being out in the fresh air and taking in the sunshine is therapeutic :D
Drop me a line, Sally, and maybe we can get talking :) I'm at a conference today so I may not reply immediately, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
And yes, it takes time, but reminding yourself that it's just anxiety and getting on with your day will work eventually. You've got this!
ankietyjoe
18-10-19, 09:32
My morning anxiety used to be bad, peaking around 5-6am.
I don't really suffer with anxiety any more, but it can poke it's head around the corner still if I get stressed, and it ALWAYS comes back in the morning first. One of the main reasons for this is that your body produces cortisol at around that time to help you wake up, so it's partially a natural process!
But, all I do now is get up and get on with it. A quick mental 'it's fine' and just get on with the day. If you don't pay attention to it, you'll find that it'll pass fairly quickly anyway. A morning walk would help especially well here as it burns off any adrenaline caused by the cortisol and replaces it with serotonin instead!
That's a really good point, Joe. I don't necessarily walk first thing, but if the anxiety's kicking in hard in the mornings I sometimes dance off the energy.
ankietyjoe
18-10-19, 09:37
That's a really good point, Joe. I don't necessarily walk first thing, but if the anxiety's kicking in hard in the mornings I sometimes dance off the energy.
If you ever saw me dance, you'd understand why I don't.
I often walk in the mornings,been laid up so hoping too start walking over the weekend. I wish I could dance.
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 09:56
Thank you all of you - that is very helpful.
It’s good to know that is does get better with time.
Quinn1- sorry to hear you are laid up- what’s happened? X
Hi Mrsm:D
Had my appendix removed,had the staples out today and feeling ok.X
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 10:35
Aw good to hear that it is nothing serious and you are making a quick recovery xxxx
Hi Mrs M :flowers:
I too am going through a 8 week bout of high anxiety and depression. I have actually been working more on the depression than the anxiety, because it's sort of related to anxiety. So I'm trying to kind to be myself. Plenty of rest, trying to do only things I enjoy or feel like doing, treating yourself, putting on music that makes you feel alive, watching my favourite films, having a cream cake, that sort of thing.
I think one of the hardest issues when like this is the feeling of despair and feeling alone in your thoughts.
But you are not Mrs M, far from it.
Yeah, 8 weeks is a long time, I get impatient myself, but there's a good 8 years +, even 20, 30, 40 years that could be absolutely wonderful.
This is about my 4th or 5th relapse and I should be getting use to them by now, but I don't and it's not pleasant, but I've done stuff in between in my better times and you will too Mrs M. I personally find its much easier not to fight it, adjust your routine slightly so you can chill more and maybe take up some hobby or distraction.
When I initially had my breakdown I was good for nothing, couldn't make a meal, go out, see anyone. And I remember my first step outside sitting in the garden wrapped in a blanket thinking "Oh God, is this my life now"? Then one day I noticed this pretty little wild flower poking through the concrete and I thought, "that's me", I am like that flower, I am strong and want to live and feel the sun on my face ". And slowly instead of sitting in my comfort blanket I started to tend to the flowers in the garden and as time went on, I was growing them and veggies, always down the garden centre.
What I am saying Mrs M, no matter how bad you feel or think you are, you will always notice a glimmer of life and hope. :) x
That is a lovely response Carnation :hugs:
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 11:20
It is a lovely response- thank you Carnation.
I am sorry to hear you are going through it too and you are right - it doesn’t get easier the 4/5 th time -even though you would expect it too. I am pleased to hear that despite this bout you are still doing things you enjoy and finding pleasure from it.
This is probably my worst bout - I have always been able to function despite how I am feeling before - but this time I am struggling with even personal care and cooking etc.
But as you say- time heals
Xxxx
Me too Mrs M :hugs:
It's because you have become oversensitised.
Find easy meals like jacket potatoes and things you can pop in the oven while in this period.
I prep my veggies sitting down on the sofa when so highly sensitised. And try taking a radio into the bathroom so you can focus on that rather than your symptoms.
Or listen to positive affirmations on your phone while you are going about your daily chores.
Louise L Hay and Jason Stephenson are quite good ones.
No downloading, just press play on YouTube. There are thousands to choose from.
When sitting on the sofa, give yourself a foot rub, it will release the tension.
Mrs M, I know how bad it is. I cried solidly for two whole weeks and then it just stopped. And I've said several times to Mr C I'll just book myself into some home and have done with it.
It's incredibly hard living this way and incredibly debilitating. But the few days of relief has shown me that it will NOT be permanent. :hugs:
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 13:53
Wow Carnation- I can’t tell you how good it feels to speak to someone who understands.
Thank you so much for the tips- I am definitely going to give them a try.
You give me so much hope xxxx
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 15:16
Do you take any medication for anxiety Carnation? X
No, I don't Mrs M, so you can imagine, I feel everything! x
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 15:28
I’m sure-have you ever tried it? I wonder if I am making it worse with medication x
ankietyjoe
18-10-19, 15:57
Medication can make it worse before it gets better, can be completely ineffective or just be a wonder drug for some people.
I've never taken medication and don't suffer with anxiety any more so it's definitely possible to recover without it.
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 16:33
That is true- it’s a gamble with it - but without it is possible. X
I believe meds help you to cope and take the edge off Mrs M, once it starts to work. x
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 17:43
Thanks Carnation- thank you for all your messages today. Project making anxiety my friend starts today (it’s only adrenaline I keep whispering to myself) xxxx
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 18:22
Does anyone have any links to some good breathing exercises?
I am looking at Louise Hay positivity affirmations to heal- thank you Carnation x
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 18:32
Hugs xxxx
ankietyjoe
18-10-19, 19:36
I would suggest looking at some vipassana meditations on youtube, there are plenty.
Personally I like the simple ones without music and reverb etc, but YMMV. Basically choose the one YOU like best.
Mrsmitchell1984
18-10-19, 19:48
Thanks Ankiety Joe- that’s great x
Mrsmitchell1984
19-10-19, 08:18
How are you all today?
Much love 💕
Morning Mrs M,
I am sensing more positivity :)
:bighug1:
Mrsmitchell1984
19-10-19, 09:43
Yes thanks to you all. It’s up and down probably for a bit - but it’s just so nice to speak to people who understand. How are you today? X
I'm plodding on Mrs M, thanks for asking. x
I think if you know someone else is feeling and going through the exact same thing, it takes some of that worry away. Even fear. Because we don't understand what is happening to us, we get frustrated and scared and can lead to depression. Then we have the two issues to deal with.
In the meantime, life goes on around us while we sit licking our wounds and feel in a dark place, so alone and afraid.
And we all know too well how a GP can't help us with our issues, so they hand out prescriptions. And that is good support for a lot of people.
But anxiety is so complexed and strong that we have to find other ways to deal with it and cope so we can basically live!
Generally people don't realise, it does affect our hygiene, our eating, our sleep, our social life, family.
Everything is magnified for us. We become over sensitised and we have to undo that and it takes time to do that. You can't rush the process, but if you feel even just a little bit better each day or even every two or three days, then we are going in the right direction. And it's common to feel amazingly better one or two days and then feel rotten on the third day and that may be because we pushed ourselves too much too soon. It is the process of recovery and recovery will happen, we know that because we've been here before. x
Hello some excellent advice well said,I have had GAD for 30 years,and for the last 10 weeks my day starts from the moment I wake up,I am have an unbalanced feeling all and every day,have tinnitus all the time,and have adrenaline surges on and off all day,I have had all the tablets and treatment there is over the years,you name it I've had it,now for the last year I take no medication,do I feel that I am going mad"yes at times"do i think that no one else feels like I do yes,do I still go out yes at least once a day,its Anxiety,do I go to bed feeling sorry for my self yes,do I get the odd decent day yes from time to time,right now I've just taken my dog out for a little walk ,am I finding typing this post difficult,this isn't meant to be a negative post quite the opposite in fact,why do I gone one "no idea"(Lol) one fact that I have found is when anxiety goes it just disappears on its own out of the blue.
Hi Aquilega:D
I read your post, and never read it as negative.xx
Nothing like going for a walk in the great outdoor,I used to be house bound,but now just love being outside in the gardening find it very therapeutic :D
I’m getting tired just re-read my post lol.it is 10.15pm here.Can’t string two words together x
Mrsmitchell1984
19-10-19, 13:23
Hey Quinn and Aquilega- nothing wrong with your posts.
It’s good to know I am not alone and that is does go.
Carnation, I am really pleased to see you are plodding on. Have you had any good days this week? I hope you have.
I have been around the shops today with my son and husband which would usually be quite a challenge- but I managed it. I am not really feeling much anxiety today which is nice - but I do get a bit jittery on a Saturday as I don’t know how to fill the hours. I am trying to keep myself busy with positive, creative things.
We have a garden but it’s low maintenance - is just lawn and a bit of concrete. We have bought a green house and it has some truggs in but the vegetables we tried to grow didn’t do too well. We will try again next year and I want to get some pretty flowers for the concrete area. Being outside is great though isn’t it? I feel much better outside than indoors and the weather has brightened up a bit today.
Hope you are all having a lovely day xxxx
Mrsmitchell1984
19-10-19, 13:27
Aquilera- I have tinnitus too- so you feel that this brought on the anxiety for you?
I have had it since I was 21. I never listened to loud music etc - even though my GP assumed that I did- and told me to turn the music down on my portable stereo- which I have never owned x
Hello my friend yes the more anxious I get the louder the tinnitus gets its a vicious circle so to speak although not sure what comes first,but I don't notice it so much when I am outside,but with the weather and the dark mornings/evenings not much going out at this time of the year.
Thank you Quinn, hugs back to you :hugs:
Pleased you managed to get out today Mrs M. That in itself is an achievement. :yesyes:
Yes I've had a reasonably couple of days this week, although we'd always like our days to be good all the time.
Hey, nothing is impossible. :winks:
Aquilega, remember anxiety can heighten our hearing too.
I'm currently hearing my heartbeat echoing in my ear, which is very distracting.
Mrsmitchell1984
19-10-19, 13:49
Oh Carnation- I’m sure we would be hearing that too if it were not for the tinnitus.
It makes sense- our bodies are preparing us as if we were in a jungle and it’s looking for danger - so everything is hyperaroused. Soon it will learn that there world is a safe place and calm down again.
Aquilera- it’s hard isn’t it having tinnitus- it’s like an alarm going off in our body so it makes us nervous in itself. All good fun. Yes there isn’t much outside but there will soon be Hallowe’en costumes and fireworks.
This is usually my favourite time of year as I like the busy-ness and Christmas spirit- but this year I want it all to disappear. I usually love the beautiful colours of the leaves 🍁.
Carnation, you are right - getting out is an achievement in itself.
I am glad to hear you had a good couple of days- I hope that continues - yes nothing is impossible. 🤗
Xxx
Mrsmitchell1984 (https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/member.php?66318-Mrsmitchell1984) Yesterday I had to have my ear wax syringed out,what a woos I was before ,and after,and then the nurse said we can't get it all out you will have to come back in two weeks time,just carry on putting the olive oil in twice a day.(Smile) got to go just have a adrenaline tummy surge(Lol)
Mrsmitchell1984
19-10-19, 14:51
Aw so has that brought on the tinnitus? Have you only had it for a bit x
Hello my friend no always had it but just got worse over the last few weeks.
Mrsmitchell1984
19-10-19, 21:41
Aw sorry to hear that.
Could it be as Carnation says, that the anxiety makes us more sensitive to our bodies- including our hearing?
Xxx
Good morning Mrs M :flowers:
May the sun shine down on your day x
Good Evening Carnation :flowers:
I sat in the garden today and caught some rays,it was lovely.:D
Mrsmitchell1984
20-10-19, 09:25
Carnation or Quinn1- would you be able to help me grow veggies in my garden? I tried and failed miserably. I have a green house with truggs inside - plus lots of nutritious, organic soil. X
Mrsmitchell1984
20-10-19, 09:26
Good morning Mrs M :flowers:
May the sun shine down on your day x
Aw may the sun shine down on you too!
How are things for you?
Xx
Good evening to you Quinn :flowers:
I hope you are recovering well and the garden is a good place to do that. x
Mrs M, of course I would love to help you with your veggie growing. It's a bit early, but you start by making a list of what you want to grow and decide what types.
You can make preparations with getting the right tools, containers etc. Mark out areas in the greenhouse of where you want stuff. Watch Monty Don for tips and inspiration.
I even grew runner beans in my conservatory last year with only sun, earth and water. :D
Tomatoes are normally popular, but you might like to look at some things that will be a challenge.
Herbs would be beneficial too.
And maybe some flowers for decorating your paved area with pots. Cosmos are very easy to grow and keep going up until Christmas if mild. Sunflowers are delight to have around and will smile at you when feeling down.
This will be something you can focus on and get much enjoyment from. x
This is such a lovely, positive thread. Some brilliant advice, kindness and compassion.
I hope it helps.
Mrsmitchell1984
20-10-19, 10:28
Thank you Carnation- I am going to look into that. It is a bit early- but it would be great to get tips to prepare.
I am going to look for some hardy plants to grow over the winter period- it will give me much joy. Thank you Carnation that’s lovely.
Aw Scass- that is a lovely comment. I am really hoping it can be motivation- and I want to thank everyone for their tips, encouragement and hope xxxx
Scass is a lovely person too Mrs M. :)
Mrsmitchell1984
20-10-19, 11:49
Nice to be speaking with such lovely people. X
Mrsmitchell1984
21-10-19, 08:22
How is everyone today? X
Ate all the stuff that triggers my IBS yesterday, so I'm feeling mildly wretched. It's half term, so I'm hoping nobody shows up at the office and I can spend the day listening to sleazy true crime podcasts while I work ;)
How are you?
Mrsmitchell1984
21-10-19, 09:39
Oh - I hope the mildly wretched feeling goes soon- ouch! We’re you hoping it would be ok?
Oh do you like crime stories- that would scare me! 😳 my husband likes listening and reading about them though x
I wasn't under any illusions, but it was my husband's birthday so he got to pick his dinner - besides, it was delicious!
The software's all fallen over today, so I'm alternating between reassuring teaching staff and spending a little bit of time working on my own personal development. Honestly, I enjoy most stories, but true crime podcasts tend to come in convenient hour-sized chunks.
Morning Mrs M :flowers:
I'm not keen on crime stuff either, I'm scared enough as it us. :scared15:
It's raining all day today, so probably catch up on house stuff, very exciting, not!
What are you doing today? x
How is everyone tonight/day?
I am enjoying the cool breeze,just had a lovely dinner with mum and dad,Thai green mango salad and mango mousse.
:D:flowers:
Hi Quinn :)
That sounds a lovely meal and very healthy!
Mrsmitchell1984
21-10-19, 10:44
Hi all,
Ah Blue Iris, I see - i am glad you enjoyed the meal though - what did you have? Do you work in a school? How is it going? Are you anxiety free at the moment?
Hi Carnation- yes I’m so scared too. Yes it’s a bit miserable here too. It was nice to see the sun for the last couple of days but now back to white and grey clouds- but I keep telling myself it’s good for the garden. I hope you get a chance to pamper yourself today.
Hey Quinn, that sounds so nice- I love Thai green stuff - do you have the recipe? X
I work in an FE college; it's hugely stressful because our budget's cut to the bone, but most of my colleagues are fantastic even if I did get hit by pepper spray last week ;) I'd say my anxiety is something like a 2/3 out of ten right now - I can feel it, I don't like it but it's not really impacting my life much for the moment.
We had spiced carrot and peanut soup with cheese, garlic and chipotle bread twists - the twists were a bit improvisational but came out really nicely.
Yes I do,will post it.X:yesyes:
I love spices,but unfortunately they don’t like me.Carrot and Orange soup is also nice.:D
I swear, Quinn, they will pry my chillies from my cold dead hands after I've bled to death from my backside ;)
True crime scares me too, but I do like thrillers and crime procedure books.
I quite enjoy the High-Low podcast, although the presenters do grate on my sometimes.
Today is the first day of half term & im off work for a few days this week. Lovely to spend time with 5yo, also nothing much to do as it’s raining.
I went for lunch with friends yesterday, amazing what that can do for your mental state.
I would send over a few boxes of Mangoes if could,but would have too mortgage my home to pay for it.:D
Mrsmitchell1984
21-10-19, 12:38
All the food sounds amazing - the peanut and carrot soup sounds lovely. Love mangoes too but yes don’t be remortgaging your house 😅.
Scass, I have a 4 (nearly 5) yo too- how do you cope with them and the anxiety?? I am finding it hard as I have little interest in a lot so trying to be all positive and play with my son is hard. But we make ourselves do it eh?
Xxx
Mrsmitchell1984
21-10-19, 12:38
Quinn, wow there is a drought over there? We would definitely be happy to send some rain over there and I will look more gratefully at the rain we get here x
Mrsmitchell1984
21-10-19, 13:31
What’s an FE school Blue iris? X
Further education, Mrs. M - it's for vocational and post-16 education. I spend half my time wrangling the virtual classroom and half working in the library.
Mrsmitchell1984
21-10-19, 14:06
Ah that sounds like a good job- do you enjoy it?
Do they not have half term this week?
Xx
I'd enjoy it if we had the funding and staffing for me to be able to do a job and receive adequate wages. It's half term, but the IT part of my job is year-round so I'm working until Wednesday lunchtime.
Glad of the long weekend, though!
Mrsmitchell1984
21-10-19, 14:27
It so frustrating isn’t it? You just want to do to it job properly that’s all, with a decent wage- not too much to ask eh? What a weird world we live in now- without going into politics- you know what I want to say about people lining their pockets at the expense of the disadvantaged/front line services that need it.
I used to be a lawyer - but I helped those who could not afford their fees- legal aid. I practised family law - so helping parents see their kids, trying to stop kids getting taken off of their parents by social services, I dealt with divorce- all sorts- but then the funding went and I was left wondering if I’ll have a job. I now work in retail- but it is less stressful. It was not fun being surrounded by bad situations.
Ooh you are off from Wednesday - have you got anything nice planned?
Xx
You were a legal aid lawyer? People like you are my heroes.
I think my husband and I will be seeing a film on Wednesday afternoon, then I'm hoping I'll be caught up on a couple of beading projects by then because I want to start work on a fairly fancy piece I'm planning for Hallowe'en and I'm running out of time ;)
Mrsmitchell1984
21-10-19, 15:25
In my past life yes-and worked myself to the ground-part of the reason I am in this mess now.
Awww that sounds nice! What film will you see?
Feel like something is stuck in my throat today-so annoying-is that anxiety again? X
That's absolutely anxiety, yes - in the past I've had it for months at a time.
I think we'll be going to see Hustlers, the film about the exotic dancers who pulled off a Wall Street scam. One of our local cinemas has nothing but big comfy recliners for seats so it's always a treat.
Mrs M,
Nice to see you have a following on your thread now. :)
A lawyer! I could have done with you a while back during a messy divorce. Still, that's past and past should stay just there!
Yes, the throat thing is anxiety. x
In my past life yes-and worked myself to the ground-part of the reason I am in this mess now.
Awww that sounds nice! What film will you see?
Feel like something is stuck in my throat today-so annoying-is that anxiety again? X
I can relate to a career forcing you to go into something less stressful. I have burned out so many times In healthcare and one of my worst health anxiety issues came at one of the most stressful, overworked times in my career, looking back. I am finally able to take a break at the moment thanks to the love of my life. I think it was much needed mentally. I feel like when one is in a compassionate role and throws themselves into giving for everyone else we sometimes forget to stop and take care of ourselves as well.( I am sure blueiris can relate as well giving her profession). I am glad you have taken your break and I hope it helps you heal.
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All the food sounds amazing - the peanut and carrot soup sounds lovely. Love mangoes too but yes don’t be remortgaging your house [emoji28].
Scass, I have a 4 (nearly 5) yo too- how do you cope with them and the anxiety?? I am finding it hard as I have little interest in a lot so trying to be all positive and play with my son is hard. But we make ourselves do it eh?
Xxx
I have little interest in playing too, but I’m not sure that’s the anxiety- I just really don’t like playing [emoji23]. I do try & get out the flat as much as possible, a change of scenery is so good. Also, she’s nearly 6 and a lot changes in that year. Has yours just started reception? I found that really tough x
Mrsmitchell1984
22-10-19, 08:50
I have little interest in playing too, but I’m not sure that’s the anxiety- I just really don’t like playing [emoji23]. I do try & get out the flat as much as possible, a change of scenery is so good. Also, she’s nearly 6 and a lot changes in that year. Has yours just started reception? I found that really tough x
yes I find the play so boring and then I feel guilty because he is playing on his own. Going outside is a good idea- I may do that more - otherwise my son tries to turn the tv on it play games on the mobile and I feel like that is letting him down- almost neglecting him. I can tell by writing this that I am so hard on myself.
i heard that going into year 1 is a shock for them- they go from playing and quite relaxed in reception to suddenly having lessons. How is she coping?
I am finding reception really tough. It’s strange as he was in pre-school last year 9-3 and so I thought the transition to school would be quite straightforward. How wrong was I? It doesn’t help that the teachers treat all adults as if they are possible paedophiles. It was raining one day and so I had to take my son into the main building - rather than them lining up- but I made the mistake of stepping into the building and I was told “can I come out please,” as if I was some kind of imposter. My son has found it hard going from quite a few teachers to only one teacher and a TA. He also has started school dinners and finds that tough as the staff make him eat it all. He comes home famished too. Also, they are already getting home work. He also has a teacher for PE- a male teacher (that shocked him) and he was quite strict-and now every morning he cries and says he does want to see Mr X at school. So yes it has been tough- sorry for the rant :wacko:.
How is everyone today?
i has a bad sleep last night? Just kept waking up- the slightest noise wakes me or if I am too hot. I kept feeling the need to move too- and that scares me a bit as I worry I have that restless legs thing. I feel quite calm waking up though - here’s hoping xxx
Mrsmitchell1984
22-10-19, 08:51
That's absolutely anxiety, yes - in the past I've had it for months at a time.
I think we'll be going to see Hustlers, the film about the exotic dancers who pulled off a Wall Street scam. One of our local cinemas has nothing but big comfy recliners for seats so it's always a treat.
ooh that sounds good Blue Iris- let us know how you get on with it! Roll on Wednesday eh?
Mrsmitchell1984
22-10-19, 08:53
Mrs M,
Nice to see you have a following on your thread now. :)
A lawyer! I could have done with you a while back during a messy divorce. Still, that's past and past should stay just there!
Yes, the throat thing is anxiety. x
Aw Carnation - I would have loved to have helped you- I’m so sorry I wasn’t able too. I am sorry to hear you had a messy divorce. You have had some horrible things thrown at you. Why does it always happen to the nice people?
How are you today? :hugs:
Too right.
How are the fireworks in your part of the world? I live on a very rough council estate and the local idiots were letting them off all night.
Oh bless him! Reception is such a change!
We stopped school dinners after a few weeks because of similar reasons, and my daughter didn’t like all the food. So she has packed lunch, and her friend group is from those packed lunch buddies still. They don’t make them eat all of their packed lunch, just half of it I think. E is always starving after school too! Homework and phonics blew my mind, but you’ll be amazed how much they pick up - they are such little sponges. I was amazed at how fast she could start to put letters together to read and write.
Speak to the teacher or TA about anything that worries you, don’t be shy about it either. He won’t be the only upset one I promise.
Year 1 is so much different. It takes a lot of getting used to and she is finding it tough, but first terms are tough I think. But she is also thriving and inspired. I have to get google to help me with the homework sometimes though [emoji23]
Off to work today! E is spending the day with her cousins, she’s so excited.
Mrsmitchell1984
22-10-19, 08:57
I can relate to a career forcing you to go into something less stressful. I have burned out so many times In healthcare and one of my worst health anxiety issues came at one of the most stressful, overworked times in my career, looking back. I am finally able to take a break at the moment thanks to the love of my life. I think it was much needed mentally. I feel like when one is in a compassionate role and throws themselves into giving for everyone else we sometimes forget to stop and take care of ourselves as well.( I am sure blueiris can relate as well giving her profession). I am glad you have taken your break and I hope it helps you heal.
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I can totally relate to what you are saying too and feel really sad to see it. It tends to be these roles where you are not only dealing with the most vulnerable, but also where you have to see the worst things-
but they are much needed and grossly underpaid and undervalued- the workers overworked and burnt out so making themselves vulnerable too. It also distorts your world- you suddenly feel that the world is full of bad because that is all you see. You go home not able to switch off from the bad stuff you see and it exhausts you emotionally. I am really sorry to hear you have had all this- but glad to see you have had a break. Are you going into the new career?
xx
Hi Mrs M :)
Thank you for asking, I was not too bad yesterday, too early to tell today.
I often get hot in bed and become fidgety.
My partner actually does suffer with restless leg syndrome in a big way. There's a difference between trying to get your legs comfortable and cool, to the actual condition of RLS. I've had many a bruise from his condition, but poor bloke can't help it. :(
I burned out too with work, such a common factor.
It's not raining today, so might get out for a while.
Hi to everyone else, wishing them a good day :)
Hi everyone:D
You speak of work!I can sit and look at it all day :D
BI,our government banned Cracker night years ago, I remember my brother used too put double bangers in the neighbours letterboxes.
I can totally relate to what you are saying too and feel really sad to see it. It tends to be these roles where you are not only dealing with the most vulnerable, but also where you have to see the worst things-
but they are much needed and grossly underpaid and undervalued- the workers overworked and burnt out so making themselves vulnerable too. It also distorts your world- you suddenly feel that the world is full of bad because that is all you see. You go home not able to switch off from the bad stuff you see and it exhausts you emotionally. I am really sorry to hear you have had all this- but glad to see you have had a break. Are you going into the new career?
xx
Distorts your world...that is a very true statement! Thank you, I am enjoying my break. I am not going into a new career and am actually going to go back to school to advance myself in this career [emoji848] it doesn’t make sense does it? Lol Especially after my complaining but this is the only thing I have done since I was 19 years old (that’s been quite a few years ago!) and It’s all I know. Plus I think with an advanced education in it I can be pickier with the positions I take because there will be more options. I wouldn’t mind being a nurse consultant or something like that at this stage. I have been a hospital nurse for the majority of my career.
Carnation is right, it does seem to be more common than one knows after you start talking to people about it.
I hope everyone here has a blessed day!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Mrsmitchell1984
23-10-19, 08:03
Sorry that I didn’t reply yesterday. Feeling quite down again. I have a constant lump in throat (it feels like a small peanut is stuck in there) and it was really getting my down yesterday. I wish I could just feel sensations and not let them ruin my day. Easier said than done I guess. If anyone has tips on doing this - they would be really welcome. I guess I just need some strength at the moment.
i hope everyone else is doing well. Xxxx
ankietyjoe
23-10-19, 08:13
Meditation deals with just this. By practising meditation you are practising allowing thoughts and sensations to happen, but not react to them. Plus many other benefits.
Mrsmitchell1984
23-10-19, 08:21
Thank you for your reply Ankiety Joe. Trouble is my son is off school at the moment so I do my have a chance to practise - but once he is back at school it is definitely something that I will try and it is clear I need to do it. Thank you for
your kind reply. :-)
ankietyjoe
23-10-19, 09:38
You could use mindfulness as well, even when the kids are about (although I do get it, the struggle is real lol).
I found that even a 30-60 second meditative state whenever you can has real benefits over time.
Mrsmitchell1984
23-10-19, 09:48
Thanks Ankiety Joe- I will give that a go- yes the struggle is real - :-) x
For what it's worth, I have the globus sensation today. It's deeply unpleasant, but ignoring it is usually a fairly effective tactic.
The thing about meditation is that the more you do it, the easier (and more soothing) it gets. I thought I was never going to get the hang of it, but now even a few breaths can leave me feeling much better.
ankietyjoe
23-10-19, 10:02
The thing about meditation is that the more you do it, the easier (and more soothing) it gets. I thought I was never going to get the hang of it, but now even a few breaths can leave me feeling much better.
I couldn't agree more. It's the whole practise/brain re-wire thing.
It gets to the point where your subconscious just says 'oh yeah, we're cool with this....carry on'.
And the best thing is that once you've got it, it's a source of support that nobody can take away from you.
I clearly remember the first time everything clicked into place - I was in a counselling appointment and (coincidentally) having a very, very severe panic attack at the time about my husband's health. I couldn't even sit down. I'll always be thankful to the counsellor who gently insisted I continued with the breathing that day even though I *knew* it was a waste of time and that it would take me days to weeks to feel like a normal human being again. I was wrong, she was right, and by the time the appointment was over fifteen minutes later I felt completely fine, or as near as.
Mrsmitchell1984
23-10-19, 10:34
And the best thing is that once you've got it, it's a source of support that nobody can take away from you.
I clearly remember the first time everything clicked into place - I was in a counselling appointment and (coincidentally) having a very, very severe panic attack at the time about my husband's health. I couldn't even sit down. I'll always be thankful to the counsellor who gently insisted I continued with the breathing that day even though I *knew* it was a waste of time and that it would take me days to weeks to feel like a normal human being again. I was wrong, she was right, and by the time the appointment was over fifteen minutes later I felt completely fine, or as near as.
Thank you - this definitely gives me hope that things can change. Thank you.
Blue Iris- does it feel as it you have something stuck in your throat- like a piece of
food. I am sorry, probably talking about it has reminded you of it and brought back the sensation.
xx
It does, yes - like there's something lodged there. It's not pleasant.
Mrsmitchell1984
23-10-19, 10:45
Thanks Blue Iris-
lets not talk about it again so that we can forget about it.
xx
Good plan! It's harmless, anyway :)
I've had to cancel my cinema trip because my heel's hurting and I'm not up for a three-mile walk. Will grab goodies from the supermarket this afternoon and then watch a film at home, though.
Do you have any plans for the day?
Mrsmitchell1984
23-10-19, 11:16
Aw sorry to hear that. Would you have been able to drive there?
ooh nice what are you having? What film will you watch?
my husband is taking my son swimming today. I was too much of a chicken to get in myself so I am watching them- I don’t even know why I didn’t get in.
xxx
Neither of us drive, unfortunately, and the buses don't go anywhere near - there's a cinema in town but it often doesn't show anything we're interested in. Not sure what we'll watch this afternoon, but something fun from our collection.
I used to swim over a mile at a time in my teens, but I haven't been in years.
Mrsmitchell1984
23-10-19, 11:39
Oh wow- swim over a mile- that is quite something!
I hope you enjoy the film whatever you decide xxx
Thanks, and I hope you have a great time at the pool!
Mrsmitchell1984
23-10-19, 16:46
How has your day off been Blue IrIs?
Scass - how are you coping in this weather with your nearly 6 year old?
Whome- I totally understand you pursuing it- just do what you can -and don’t push yourself too much.
Equilera-how are you?
Mrsmitchell1984
23-10-19, 16:47
How are things down under Quinn1?? Xxxx
How has your day off been Blue IrIs?
Scass - how are you coping in this weather with your nearly 6 year old?
Whome- I totally understand you pursuing it- just do what you can -and don’t push yourself too much.
Equilera-how are you?
Thank you MrsM I’m going to do my best. Hope you are getting along good today [emoji4]
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Other than a grocery run, I've spent the whole day curled up on the sofa with a cat and an e-book. It's been fantastic.
ankietyjoe
23-10-19, 20:42
Other than a grocery run, I've spent the whole day curled up on the sofa with a cat and an e-book. It's been fantastic.
You do know you can have groceries delivered, right? :shades:
Of course! But Mr. Iris forgot something last time and it was nice to take a trip out.
ankietyjoe
23-10-19, 21:57
I know. Going to Tesco was a Godsend to me at my worst. It was the one thing I tried to do every day even if it was to just buy crisps to cry in to.
I do get out and about at weekends - I was in danger of becoming agoraphobic for a while, I think, but now I go stir crazy if I don't go *somewhere* non-work over the course of the week.
That said, it's been a mad half-term and it was nice to go to a slightly more distant supermarket and just chill on the bus for 45 minutes each way.
ankietyjoe
24-10-19, 08:20
I do remember backing myself into the trap of agoraphobia, hard. To the point where I found it difficult some days to take the bins out, which now sounds ridiculous.
I'm off to Legoland tomorrow with the youngest for his 5th Birthday and we're staying in the Lego Ninjago room all night and then going to Legoland AGAIN the day after, so I would say that little dragon has been tamed lol.
He better appreciate it though, because it's still bloody expensive even in October and we only live 5 minutes away :mad::doh::D
It'll be wonderful for your little boy, Joe-all in the line of duty as a dad!!
Hope you all have a great celebration!
Aw, hope you have an amazing day!
Feel free to share photos in case there are any healthy, well-adjusted adults on the board for whom Lego is still a well-loved pastime, okay? *cough* ;)
Have you ever been to Legoland, BI? I went there when it first opened when my daughter was young. I'm sure it's developed since then.
ankietyjoe
24-10-19, 09:03
Thanks guys.
My eldest is a (literal) lego fanatic and has all the big technic kits now. I'm not saying I'm keen on his hobby...but...you know :yesyes:
The youngest is still more into the Ninjago side of things than the lego side of things so we've booked into the Ninjago room. I can't imagine me or the misses will get much sleep that night lol.
I'll take pics of my setup over the weekend and post them somewhere, Joe ;)
ankietyjoe
24-10-19, 09:07
I'll take pics of my setup over the weekend and post them somewhere, Joe ;)
I'll do the same with mine.
With his. It's HIS stuff.......
Mrsmitchell1984
24-10-19, 09:12
Haha -have a great time x
Did you see the Lego model of Liberty?
Have a great time Joe!
Mrsmitchell1984
25-10-19, 11:08
I hope everyone is good today.
i have been managing ok. The mornings are not so bad but I still wake at 4.30/5 and can’t get back to sleep-
not if I do - my body twitches and I wake again. I think this is probably a side effect of the medication as I don’t think this is anxiety and I have never had it before. Either way it’s annoying and I hope it goes away- but that is not accepting it and making it prolonged I think. Also, I have a really
dry throat (I usually get dry mouth with this anti depressant - so dry throat is a new one and not as annoying).
i often wonder if I had just not bothered with medication- then maybe I will have fully recovered now and not have all
these lingering side effects from the medication. It was a relapse after all and not my initial anxiety/depression break down.
xxxx
Mrs M,
You obviously thought it was necessary to go on to the meds at the time and would not have taken the decision lightly.
And its a well known fact that the first initial period of taking them may up the anxiety briefly. The reward is after that. Everyone is different, so what might suit one person, may not suit the other.
If you don't follow these meds through, you may never know the beneficiaries and you always have the option of quitting a little later. x
I quote your words, "I have been managing ok"
That's a huge improvement even on last week. :yesyes: x
Mrsmitchell1984
25-10-19, 11:52
Mrs M,
You obviously thought it was necessary to go on to the meds at the time and would not have taken the decision lightly.
And its a well known fact that the first initial period of taking them may up the anxiety briefly. The reward is after that. Everyone is different, so what might suit one person, may not suit the other.
If you don't follow these meds through, you may never know the beneficiaries and you always have the option of quitting a little later. x
I quote your words, "I have been managing ok"
That's a huge improvement even on last week. :yesyes: x
That is such a good point Carnation- I would never have said that last week. Thank you for all
your support.
x
Mrsmitchell1984
25-10-19, 21:22
Could anyone recommend any mindfulness and/or meditation books. I really want to get into all of that as I believe it can be extremely helpful to disengage and distance yourself from the bodily sensations.
many thanks,
sally
Mrs M,
I can recommend 'Frazzled' by Ruby Wax, that has easy to follow Mindfulness to follow in the centre pages of the book. You can get on Amazon and most book shops. It's the one I used when I had a relapse 2 years ago.
Mrsmitchell1984
26-10-19, 11:12
Ooh I’ll take a look- thanks Carnation xxxx
ankietyjoe
26-10-19, 11:46
'Minfulness' by Mark Williams is also excellent.
Mrsmitchell1984
26-10-19, 16:09
'Minfulness' by Mark Williams is also excellent.
thanks Ankiety Joe- I will take a look at that too :)
Hope you had a positive day today Mrs M x
Mrsmitchell1984
28-10-19, 08:22
Hope you had a positive day today Mrs M x
I did thank you Mrs C, I hope you did too and have a good day today xxxx
How was your day Mrs M? :flowers:
Mrsmitchell1984
29-10-19, 06:43
How was your day Mrs M? :flowers:
Hey Carnation, it was good thank you. I went to work (I have had a week off from holiday) and I was surprised at how different I was. Usually, I go to work feeling full of anxiety as it used to last the whole day and avoid conversation- and fake smile. But yesterday I was able to talk - I work in retail so going to talk to the customers and sell is a bit part of the job. I was able to make jokes. I felt at times that I needed to hold back as I may overdo it- but I was able to work for the full day. I am hoping this lasts. Thank you for asking. How was your day?
xxx
Sorry to butt in, but that's fantastic to hear!
That's brilliant Mrs M :yesyes:
Yes, I have a habit of over chatting too to cover my nerves :blush:
I'm not do bad thanks Mrs M x
Mrsmitchell1984
29-10-19, 14:57
Sorry to butt in, but that's fantastic to hear!
You are not butting in at all! It’s thanks to you that I have found a creative side.
I am really grateful for the advice, kindness and support from everyone in this thread- thank you very much xxxx
Mrsmitchell1984
29-10-19, 14:58
That's brilliant Mrs M :yesyes:
Yes, I have a habit of over chatting too to cover my nerves :blush:
I'm not do bad thanks Mrs M x
yes it helps to keep talking doesn’t it. I am pleased to see you are not too bad. Thank you for being so supportive, full of great ideas and kind xxxx
Hi Mrs M - really glad to hear that you are finally seeing some improvement and are on the mend - fantastic news!
Thinking of you Mrs M, have a good day :) x
Mrsmitchell1984
30-10-19, 19:00
Have a good day too lovely Carnation xxxx
Mrsmitchell1984
31-10-19, 07:46
Hi Mrs M - really glad to hear that you are finally seeing some improvement and are on the mend - fantastic news!
Thank you Windywel- how are you doing? Xxxx
Sending you positive thoughts Mrs M :hugs:
Mrsmitchell1984
01-11-19, 11:12
Aw thanks Carnation. Sending you positive thoughts too. I hope we can keep in touch when we recover. It’s made the journey much more bearable with someone like you around.
I started mindfulness yesterday. There is a really good app that I want to recommend if anyone wants to try mindfulness. It is called Mindfulness Association. If you try to do even just 5 mins a day for 8 weeks - the research shows that you can prevent a relapse. Anxiety/depression may come back again but you can employ this tool to prevent your adverse reaction to it. If you let it be there- it will stop the automatic negative trains of thought and enable you to step back and not be hooked on to the depression and anxiety as before. My therapist says it is physio for the mind xxxx
That's really helpful Mrs M :)
Relapses are happening far too often for a lot of us and if there's something to help to prevent that, then it's a good thing. :yesyes:
Mrs M, I know how lonely you can get when going through this and sometimes the solitude of our pain and suffering is just as hard to deal with.
It's that old saying, "nobody understands me" or what we are going through, but I do! :hugs: x
Mrs M, could I ask, is the app free? Only I could really do with a good mindfulness app that doesn't come with an expensive subscription.
Mrsmitchell1984
01-11-19, 12:35
Mrs M, could I ask, is the app free? Only I could really do with a good mindfulness app that doesn't come with an expensive subscription.
It is free - I know all the bargains xxxx
Mrsmitchell1984
01-11-19, 12:36
That's really helpful Mrs M :)
Relapses are happening far too often for a lot of us and if there's something to help to prevent that, then it's a good thing. :yesyes:
Mrs M, I know how lonely you can get when going through this and sometimes the solitude of our pain and suffering is just as hard to deal with.
It's that old saying, "nobody understands me" or what we are going through, but I do! :hugs: x
I think you have hit the nail on the head- it’s because you understood and I didn’t feel alone anymore - you made such a big difference - I will be forever grateful xxxx
Awww, Mrs M :hugs:
Sorry a bit late answering. x
Mrsmitchell1984
04-11-19, 14:21
Awww, Mrs M :hugs:
Sorry a bit late answering. x
not at all- have a great day xxx
Wishing you a good day Mrs M :flowers:
Mrsmitchell1984
05-11-19, 18:30
Wishing you a good day Mrs M :flowers:
And the same to you lovely Carnation.
Its funny how we blame everything on anxiety - it turns out I had a slight chest infection at the weekend and that is why I felt breathless- I just assumed it was another delight of anxiety x
I wanted to respond to you because I get this a lot especially recently. I have been woken in the middle of the having the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had. My anxiety knocks me for six nearly every day. I wake up and my first thought everyday is something that is not positive. Anti depressants can make you feel unsettled for a long while in and off stay with them though. It will be hard but it’s worth it. Don’t put to much pressure on your self it’s hard feeling like this. Anxiety knocks all of your hormones out of whack to which won’t help at all. Take care
Hi, yes - I have had all those feelings and currently have them, and it is anxiety. I get bouts of it, and everytime get myself so worked up, even though I know what it is and that it will pass. Each time is like the first time all over again. I have found coming on here helps so much. Even just giving support to others can help you too. I also find listening to Dr Claire Weekes on youtube video calms me down. Also a guy called Trey Jones Anxiety coach on youtube videos is great. It makes you realise how common anxiety is and that you are not alone and not dying. Best wishes to you and I hope today is a good one for you.
Mrsmitchell1984
06-11-19, 10:01
Hi, yes - I have had all those feelings and currently have them, and it is anxiety. I get bouts of it, and everytime get myself so worked up, even though I know what it is and that it will pass. Each time is like the first time all over again. I have found coming on here helps so much. Even just giving support to others can help you too. I also find listening to Dr Claire Weekes on youtube video calms me down. Also a guy called Trey Jones Anxiety coach on youtube videos is great. It makes you realise how common anxiety is and that you are not alone and not dying. Best wishes to you and I hope today is a good one for you.
Thank you Nikita - that is really kind and helpful. It is hard to think of it being just anxiety sometimes as it feel so uncomfortable and all consuming. My therapist said to me - that if you are in the quick sand- the best way to sink more is to move a lot. If you stay still - you are more likely to get out. Wishing you all the best and keep us posted with how you get on.
xxx
You are welcome. One of the worst things, for me at least, with anxiety - is that we do not look sick. It is usually something that we try very hard to hide from others. If somebody asks how you are and you say, I've got really bad anxiety at the moment, - they would feel uncomfortable, not know what to say to you. We are expected to work as normal, look as normal, act normal ... and the effort of that is exhausting. Today I have very bad anxiety and at one stage during the day I really, really thought I was about to die. I got a panic attack, couldn't feel my left arm, shaking like mad, terrified, couldn't breath properly. Yet, I wouldn't ring anybody or go to a doctor etc as I didn't want to look foolish at being told it is just a panic attack. It was about 10 minutes of sheer terror and being convinced I was about to just die. But I didn't. And trying to explain that to somebody who has never experienced that, .... well, I just wouldn't, or can't.
Hi Mrs M :flowers:
I've had that feeling of breathlessness Mrs M and just recently because I had a virus a few weeks which affected my chest and breathing. It felt like I was carrying a rucksack fall of bricks on my back. And it's only natural to feel scared when like that. :hugs:
Mrsmitchell1984
08-11-19, 10:16
Hi Mrs M :flowers:
I've had that feeling of breathlessness Mrs M and just recently because I had a virus a few weeks which affected my chest and breathing. It felt like I was carrying a rucksack fall of bricks on my back. And it's only natural to feel scared when like that. :hugs:
Hey Carnation, it is scary isn’t it. I wonder how people coped with it in the old days? I think he used we have TV now we see breathlessness as suffocation and see pictures of people suffocating on tv in an overly dramatic way. I tend to focus on something if it doesn’t feel right and it makes me feel uncomfortable and I can’t take my mind off of it. So if my breathing is funny - I’ll be focussed on it, or if my throat hurts, or I have a headache- I will focus on them too. It’s like I want everything to be perfect but it’s can’t be. I wonder why I focus on these things so much. I’d imagine the average person would feel these sensations and not care and get on with life.
Nikita, I agree- it’s hard for someone to understand when outwardly we look fine. Some
people commented that they could see sadness in my eyes or I was looking extra pale (i‘m pasty as it is!!)
but then I would panic that someone has noticed something is wrong and then I worry they will attach the stigma to me - that I am mad, weird etc... I think a lot still needs to change around mental health. Just because someone is depressed or anxious- it does not make them dangerous. I am not an angry person and I have never lost consciousness and acted without knowing (ie been psychotic- just paralytic when I was young!!)
Have a great day all. Thanks for making me feel normal and that I am not alone x
Xxx
Morning Mr M :flowers:
The media definitely has alot to do with feeding our mind with fear. People didn't have that decades ago, they lived in the dark over many issues.
Sometimes it's better not knowing what could happen to you.
Hope your day goes ok today. x
Mrsmitchell1984
08-11-19, 19:49
Morning Mr M :flowers:
The media definitely has alot to do with feeding our mind with fear. People didn't have that decades ago, they lived in the dark over many issues.
Sometimes it's better not knowing what could happen to you.
Hope your day goes ok today. x
exactly - sometimes it is better not to know. How are things with you? X
Mrsmitchell1984
09-11-19, 16:40
exactly - sometimes it is better not to know. How are things with you? X
so the depression has come back with a vengeance today. It’s so annoying as you make progress and then you feel so disheartened xxxx
Me too Mrs M. :hugs:
Arrived yesterday, uninvited!
Those unrealistic Christmas films help and I read today that they are good for your wellbeing. :yesyes:
We're in this together Mrs M, no need to feel alone. x
Mrsmitchell1984
09-11-19, 19:29
Me too Mrs M. :hugs:
Arrived yesterday, uninvited!
Those unrealistic Christmas films help and I read today that they are good for your wellbeing. :yesyes:
We're in this together Mrs M, no need to feel alone. x
Aw Carnation, you always know what to say to make me feel better. We have had some good days though- so we know it’s temporary. It’s the same old rubbish thoughts though - what if it doesn’t go this time? Is this my life now? What if I am the one who has it the worst (when I think about lots of people recovering). It feels unfair too. Like why is? Why do we have to go through this? I envy so much the people who don’t have depression.
I have loads of house work to do and I just can’t even face it ��
im going to try the films like you said and keep doing the affirmations and soon enough - I will brain wash myself into being happy. Xxxx
Mrsmitchell1984
10-11-19, 06:37
So frustrated today. I slept fairly well which is good. Sleep seems to be much better now. But I awoke with heart palpitations. They did die down though. It just shows me that anxiety and depression is back again- after giving me a bit of a break.
I still feel the depression following me around. I feel like I want to run away from it- but when I get it- nothing takes it away - I struggle to do anything as all enjoyment has gone. Other people I speak to with depression say that can always find something they enjoy- but why can’t I? Maybe I won’t allow myself to enjoy something Unless it takes away the depression- which is impossible at this stage.
i keep telling myself that depression doesn’t last forever and try to keep hopeful. It’s just so exhausting.
My aim today is to feel the depression but carry on as normal. My counsellor tells me that it’s just like the weAther-you feelings are like the weather- you can’t control what they will be- but you can learn to cope with them. Xxx
I'm exactly the same Mrs M :hugs:
The last few days I seem to have both demons returned.
I was making good progress and now it feels like I'm also back at square one.
It can be debilitating when you make good progress to find it all washed away in a day.
I do like your therapists description to comparing it to the weather and tbh you can't really fight it otherwise you are putting yourself back in to the 'fight or flight' mode.
Let it ride. I know its numb crushingly disappointing, but I know from previous downfalls that this is all part and parcel of recovery.
Do nothing if that's what's needed. Housework and Christmas can be turned around in a day, what is more important is your wellbeing. Save your energy for your soul and your mind. x:hugs:
Mrsmitchell1984
10-11-19, 08:58
I'm exactly the same Mrs M :hugs:
The last few days I seem to have both demons returned.
I was making good progress and now it feels like I'm also back at square one.
It can be debilitating when you make good progress to find it all washed away in a day.
I do like your therapists description to comparing it to the weather and tbh you can't really fight it otherwise you are putting yourself back in to the 'fight or flight' mode.
Let it ride. I know its numb crushingly disappointing, but I know from previous downfalls that this is all part and parcel of recovery.
Do nothing if that's what's needed. Housework and Christmas can be turned around in a day, what is more important is your wellbeing. Save your energy for your soul and your mind. x:hugs:
Thank you Carnation. You always know the right things to say and give me so much hope. I am sorry to see you are going through it too- maybe it is the weather?
I hope you have a lovely day and I hope it lifts for you today. Sending you big hugs ��
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