View Full Version : convinced both my wife and daughter have cancer.
accidentally deleted the original so apologies for the double post.
my wife has been having nausea and vomiting in the morning for the last few months. she has reflux and IBS and takes PPIs, but i am convinced this is a sign that she has some kind of abdominal cancer. i have been worrying about this for a couple of weeks and then today my 7yo daughter woke up with a headache that she says "hurts more when she lies down". then earlier this afternoon she vomited and has been sluggish since. of course i am CONVINCED this is a brain tumour because the internet keeps telling me morning headache + headaches that are worse when lying down are a danger sign (+ the vomiting). so i've gone all the way down the spiral of vividly imagining having to say goodbye to my wife and daughter, raising her twin sister alone, being heartbroken forever etc.
i just find getting these things out incredibly helpful in this supportive environment, i really appreciate the feedback i've already gotten, would really appreciate and words anyone can offer. my whole body is absolutely consumed with fear.
Sorry you’re so scared, it’s horrible when our loved ones are ill because you can’t control it at all.
Rationally I think you know what they don’t have cancer, but you are in a scary anxiety spiral that has no rational thinking.
I do understand, I’ve been there lots too.
All you can do right now is look after your poorly daughter - likely she has a virus, they are everywhere at the moment. The week before half term the kids in my daughters class were dropping like flies.
With regards to your wife you have to trust that she knows her symptoms and is being treated for them. I had reflux and heartburn for quite a while. I still get a flare up occasionally. Do you know what she’s been told she has? Is it gerd or gastritis?
Now once your daughter is better (let’s hope the other doesn’t catch it too...) how are you going to start to manage your illness - anxiety?
Headache and vomiting sounds like one of the viruses going around our school these days. Strep has been presenting with nausea a lot, too, with no sore throat. Our school nurse was just commenting the other day that no one has the classic sore throat anymore.
Your wife's situation doesn't sound like cancer to me. Is she staying in touch with her doctor about her recent symptoms? She might need a medication adjustment.
@Quinn1, @Sparky16, @scass thanks so much for the kind words folks. my daughter writhed in pain in the night and then spewed and felt much better, and has woken up pretty good and says the headache is barely there, so that's probably a good sign. taking her to the docs today to be on the safe side.
how are you going to start to manage your illness - anxiety?
this is a good point, and nice to think about, cos that is the most likely outcome. funnily enough, the answer is relatively easy - i know from experience that the only way i can be on top of my anxiety is by doing a tonne of exercise. but i broke my foot a couple of months ago and have been really limited in what i can do. it's only come good in the last few weeks so hopefully throwing myself into that will bring an improvement in the near future.
i must say i have started to go through the part of the cycle where i am angry at myself because i feel i should know better by now. i have made a lot of progress in the 4 years of battling this but there are always reliable trigger points - anything on a "seek medical attention if you have any of these symptoms" lists, big lymph nodes on my kids' neck etc.
doctor google's really done a number on me. saw a doctor today but forgot to mention the "worse when lying down" thing and once again tonight she's avoiding lying down cos it hurts her head. and EVERY google search for this says brain tumour. i just cannot shake it. i cannot see how it could be anything else.
Try not to google ok? It doesn’t help and you can’t unsee it.
What did the doctor say?
Have you given her some calpol at all to make her a bit more comfy? Sometimes illnesses are worse at night or when we’re tired.
Sorry about your broken foot.
doctor said she thinks it's just gastro but to come back the following day. she's got another appointment this arv which my wife is taking her to. her sickness seems to be better, she ate late night and kept it down but her head was bothering her again. she slept through the night, which is good. i have, for the second night in a row, barely slept more than an hour. have to go to work and just don't know how i'm going to do it.
just got back from another GP. she has been generally better through the days but still headachey at bedtime + for a bit in the mornings. today is the first time she seems basically normal, and earlier she said her head "didn't hurt at all for the first time this week". doc said headaches could be due to some swollen lymph nodes in her neck. her temp was ever so slightly high and her blood pressure was a bit high. doc said given she's getting better he's happy to watch and wait but he'd like to see her again in a week. he said she wants to take her blood pressure again and if she hasn't continued to improve he'll give her a paediatrician referral, and they can decide if she needs an MRI.
i mentioned that i had been googling brain tumours and he said it "would be a very strange way for a tumour to present" although "you can't rule it out", which was an unfortunate addendum to a comment that momentarily brought me a great deal of relief.
so........ i think it's a net positive overall. i'm cautiously admitting to myself that she may survive. but as is a tendency of mine, i can't bring myself to assume she will be ok in case she isn't? i said to a mate the other day, i am always trying to make peace with the worst case scenario, and a lot of worst case scenarios are too horrible to be reckoned with. so rather than think "oh well she'll probably be fine then" i think "i had best assume she's gravely ill, just in case she is". like a very faulty self-defence system.
anyway. thanks so much for the kind words folks.
fun little snapshot of how my mind works atm:
daughter: i had two left feet yesterday!
my mind: oh god oh no she means she was unusually clumsy because of the brain tumour
daughter: i only had two thongs in the car and i had to wear them and they were both left foot ones!
final update on this:
this is going to shock you, but my daughter sprang back to life during the day wednesday and has been 100% fine since. my wife took it easy for a couple days and her nausea/vomiting went away completely (for those days). doc thinks it's either GERD+stress or the prozac, which she's relatively new to (been taking since about august). knowing how her body reacts to stress, i'm leaning heavily towards the former.
this has probably been my worst period of health anxiety since it started in 2015. i have learnt a few things. the most significant has been about the use of google. i have known for a long time that i shouldn't google. what has been a new experience for me, is having someone in my life exhibit quite specific symptoms of a life-threatening illness (headaches worse in the morning + when lying down + vomiting) and it still not being that illness. i spent so much time this week looking (via google and this forum) for an account of a child having a similar experience and surviving and when i couldn't find one i completely fell apart. because every google of some combination of these concepts (seemed to) point to brain tumours. and in the end, the answer was quite simply the same thing everyone on here says every day: googling can only make things worse. before this, the way i saw it, the danger was assuming that the least likely option in the webmd list was actually highly likely. but what i've seen is, even when the "you are going to die" checklists line up nicely, it's still probably nothing.
next step is to do a bit of a post mortem and try and address exactly what has gone wrong. i have long suspected a growing lexapro tolerance (i have been on and off for ~15 years) + i need to get way back into exercise.
anyway. thanks. thanks for existing and for the replies. i'll get there. "mental health is not a sprint, it's a marathon with no finish line", as i've heard it said.
I’m really pleased everyone is better and that you’re looking at ways forward. Don’t be too hard on yourself because it’s awful when your loved ones are ill, but you’re doing the best thing for all of you.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.